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暮光之城3：月食|Eclipse

第四章 本能|Chapter 4 Nature

属类： 双语小说 【分类】魔幻小说 -[作者: 斯蒂芬妮-梅耶] 阅读：[87255]
《暮光之城》是美国作家斯蒂芬妮·梅尔 （Stephenie Meyer）写的系列小说，包括《暮色》、《新月》、《月食》、《破晓》以及番外《布里·坦纳第二次短暂生命》、《暮色重生》和《午夜阳光》。《暮光之城》系列以伊莎贝拉·斯旺和爱德华·卡伦一对苦命鸳鸯的情感纠葛为主线，融合了吸血鬼传说、狼人故事、校园生活、恐怖悬念、喜剧冒险等各种元素，而凄美动人的爱情则是全书“最强烈的情绪”。
《 字+字- 行+行- 页+页- 字+字- 行+行- 页+页- 》
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我这个星期都很倒霉。

1
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我知道本质上什么都没改变。好吧，维多利亚没有放弃，不过我何时幻想过她会放弃呢？她再次出现只不过再次确定了我已经知道的事，没有理由再次惊慌失措。

2
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不过那是理论上的，不惊慌失措说起来容易，做起来难。

3
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现在离毕业只有几个星期了，但是我不知道虚弱大方地等待即将来临的灾难，坐以待毙是不是有些愚蠢。当人类似乎太危险了――简直就是引火烧身。像我这样的人不应该是人类，像我这样运气的人应该不会感到那么无助。

4
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但是没有人会听我的。

5
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卡莱尔说过：“我们共有七个人，贝拉，而且爱丽丝和我们在一起，维多利亚不会让我们措手不及的。为了查理，我认为我们必须坚持原计划，这很重要。”

6
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埃斯梅也说过：“我们决不让任何事情发生在你身上，甜心。你知道这点，求你别担心。”接着她吻了吻我的额头。

7
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埃美特也说：“我真的很高兴爱德华没有杀死你，你在我们身边的时候一切都变得更加有趣了。”

8
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罗莎莉则怒火中烧地盯着他。

9
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爱丽丝骨碌碌地转了转眼睛，说道：“你让我感到不舒服。你并不是真的担心此事，对吗？”

10
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“要是这件事情没什么大不了的话，为什么爱德华把我拽到佛罗里达去了？”我追问道。

11
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“爱德华只是有那么一丁点儿反应过激了，难道你还没注意到吗，贝拉？”

12
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贾斯帕悄悄地消除了我体内所有的惶恐和紧张，他那种控制气氛的天赋让人备感好奇。我感到安心了，任凭他们说服我放弃没完没了的争辩。

13
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当然啦，爱德华和我一走出屋子，那种平静就支离破碎了。

14
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结果，达成的共识是我只需要忘记有个疯狂的吸血鬼跟踪着我，企图杀死我，只管做好自己的事情就行了。

15
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我的确试过了，而且令人惊讶的是，除了我目前的状况也在濒临灭绝物种清单上之外，仔细想想，还有其他的事情差不多一样令人紧张不安……

16
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因为爱德华的反应是这些事情当中最令人感到泄气的。

17
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“在你和卡莱尔之间，”他说，“当然，你知道在你我之间任何时候只要你愿意，我都愿意做那件事，你知道我的条件。”然后他就像天使般地笑了起来。

18
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啊。我确实知道他的条件。爱德华答应过我无论何时我想要的话他都会改变我……只要我先答应嫁给他。

19
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有时候我怀疑他是不是假装没法读懂我的心思的。不然的话，他怎么会正好开出我难以接受的条件呢？这是会令我放慢作决定的速度的一个条件。

20
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总而言之，这个星期非常不走运，而今天又是这个星期里最倒霉的一天。

21
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爱德华不在已经够糟糕的了，爱丽丝预见到这个星期不会有什么不同寻常的事情发生，因此我坚持让他趁机和兄弟们一起去狩猎。我知道让他在附近轻而易举地狩猎令他感到厌倦。

22
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“去玩一玩，”我告诉他，“替我打包几头美洲狮回来。”

23
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我决不会告诉他，他不在的时候我有多么难过――这会重新勾起被我抛弃的梦魇。要是他知道此事的话会感到非常难过，而且会过于担心而不会离开我的，哪怕是由于迫不得已的原因，他也会这么想的。就好像刚开始一样，那时他刚从意大利回来。他的金色眼睛变黑了，他所遭受的饥渴已经超越了他必须承受的程度。所以我故作坚强，只要看到埃美特和贾斯帕要去狩猎我都会把他踢出门。

24
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不过，我想他看穿了我的心思，有那么一点儿。今天早上我枕边有一张便条，上面写着：

25
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我会在你还来不及想我的时候就回来的，

26
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看好我的心――我把它留在你身边了。

27
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就这样，除了星期六早上我要在牛顿奥林匹克运动用品商店值早班，借此转移我的注意力之外，现在我感到无所事事，百无聊赖。当然啦，哦，还有爱丽丝告诉我的如此令人欣慰的约定。

28
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“我会在家附近狩猎，要是你需要我的话，我十五分钟内就能赶到，我会密切注视周遭的一切动静的。”

29
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此话可理解为：不要因为爱德华不在就尝试有趣的事情。

30
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爱丽丝当然和爱德华一样能干，她会破坏我的卡车。

31
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我努力积极地看待问题。下班后，我和安吉拉约好帮她写毕业典礼通知书，这也会分散我的注意力。查理因为爱德华不在心情好极了，那么我不妨享受一下这段时光。要是我悲惨到要爱丽丝陪我过夜的话，她也会陪我的。到了第二天，爱德华就回家，我就获救了。

32
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由于不想过早地去上班，我悠闲地吃着早餐，一次一个保健麦圈①。接着，洗好碗之后，我把冰箱上的冰箱贴都整理成了一条直线。或许，我得了强迫症。

33
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最后两个冰箱贴――圆圆的，黑色的，很实用，这两个是我最喜欢的，因为它们轻而易举地就能将十页厚的纸固定在冰箱上――它们现在不愿意跟我合作，不愿意被固定在上面。它们两极对立，每次当我要把最后一个摆成一条线的时候，另外一个就会脱位。

34
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由于某种原因――或许是即将来临的狂热――这可真的令我很恼火。为什么它们就不能表现好一些呢？我愚蠢而顽固，一直要把它们拼在一起，就好像我期待着它们突然会放弃不合作一样。我本来可以抽掉其中一个，但是那样感觉就像被打败了一样。最后，与其说是被冰箱贴激怒了，还不如说是被我自己激怒了，我把它们从冰箱上一把拉了下来，捏在两只手里。这需要些力气――它们强得足以承受殴打――但是我硬是把它们两个拼凑到了一起。

35
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“瞧，”我大声叫了出来――对这两个没有生命的物体说道――这可不是什么好兆头――“这没什么可怕的，难道不是吗？”

36
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我像白痴一样杵在那里，不愿承认我根本无法继续对抗科学规律。接着，我叹了叹气，将两块冰箱贴重新贴在了冰箱上，两个之间隔了足足有一英尺。

37
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“没必要如此顽固。”我咕哝道。

38
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时间仍然很早，但是我决定最好在这两个没生命的东西对我说话之前走出家门。

39
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我到牛顿商店的时候，迈克有模有样地用干拖布打扫走道，他妈妈则在整理收银台。我到的时候他俩正在争论，根本不知道我来了。

40
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“但是这是泰勒能去的唯一的时间，”迈克抱怨道，“你说过毕业后……”

41
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“你还得等一等，”牛顿夫人打断他说道，“你和泰勒可以想想做点儿别的，直到警察制止了西雅图那里正在发生的事情之后，你们才可以去。我知道贝斯?克劳雷和泰勒说了同样的话，所以别让人觉得我是坏蛋――噢，早上好，贝拉，”她一看到我就跟我打了个招呼，声音立即变得温和起来，“你来得很早。”

42
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卡伦?牛顿是我在户外运动装备商店里最不愿意求助的人。她那十分突出的金发总是一丝不乱，在脑后梳成一个发髻，她的指甲是由专业人士修剪的，就和她的脚指甲一样――它们露在襻带高跟鞋外面，这双鞋与牛顿商店里面一长溜低矮的徒步旅行靴格格不入。

43
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“路况很好。”我开玩笑地说道，一只手一把从柜台下面拉出那件可怕的橘红色荧光马甲。牛顿太太和查理一样对西雅图的事情很关注，这一点令我很惊讶，我还以为查理过激了呢。

44
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“噢，呃……”牛顿太太犹豫了一会儿，不安地整理着收银台边上的一堆广告传单。

45
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我停了下来，一只胳膊还在马甲里，我明白那种脸色代表什么。

46
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当我让牛顿一家知道这个暑假我不会在此工作的时候――实际上是在他们最忙的季节里抛弃他们――他们开始训练凯蒂?马歇尔来代替我。他们无法同时负担起我们两个人的工资，那么看起来今天会很漫长……

47
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“我本打算打电话……”牛顿太太继续说道，“我想今天我们的生意不会那么多，迈克和我恐怕应付得过来，我很抱歉你这么早起床，还开车出来……”

48
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若是在平时，我会为这突如其来的转变雀跃不已，但是今天……并不是如此。

49
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“好吧。”我叹气道。我的肩膀耷拉下来，那么现在我要做什么呢？

50
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“那不公平，妈妈，”迈克说道，“如果贝拉想上班……”

51
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“不，没关系，牛顿太太。真的，迈克。我需要温习功课，准备期末，还有其他事情……”我不想在他们争吵的时候成为家庭不和的根源。

52
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“谢谢，贝拉。迈克，你第四个走道还没打扫呢。嗯，贝拉，你介意出去的时候帮我把这些广告传单扔在垃圾箱里吗？我告诉过那个把这些东西留在这里的女孩我会把它们放在柜台上的，但是我真的没有地方。”

53
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“当然不介意，没问题。”我收好马甲，接着把广告传单塞在腋下，朝���飨赣曛凶呷ァ�

54
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垃圾箱就在牛顿商店这一侧，靠近我们员工停车的地方。我慢腾腾地走着，一路上气急败坏地踢着小石头。我正准备把这堆鲜黄色的传单扔进垃圾桶的时候，最上端粗体印刷的标题正好映入我的眼帘，特别是其中的一个字引起了我的注意。

55
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我用双手紧紧抓住这些纸张，盯着标题下的图片，喉咙里一阵哽咽：

56
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救救奥林匹克狼

57
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就在这些大字下面，有一幅图片详细地勾勒出一匹狼，它站在一棵冷杉前面，头部朝后，正对着月亮嗥叫。这是一幅令人不安的图画，与狼哀伤的姿势相关的某种东西使他看起来孤独无助，就好像他被遗弃后在痛苦地哀嚎一样。

58
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接着我就朝我的卡车奔去，传单仍紧紧地握在我的手中。

59
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十五分钟――这是我拥有的全部时间，但是这应该足够长了。到拉普西只要十五分钟，当然我会在赶到小镇之前就穿过那条边界线的。

60
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我毫不费力地就把卡车发动起来了。

61
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爱丽丝不可能看见我做这些，因为我根本没有事先计划。完全是突然的决定，这才是关键！只要我开得足够快，我应该能利用这一点。

62
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匆忙中我把湿漉漉的传单扔在一边，鲜艳的纸张散落在乘客座，乱作一团――一百个粗体印刷的标题，一百头黑色的狼在黑色的背景中哀嚎。

63
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我高速行驶在湿淋淋的高速公路上，将风雨刷拉高，完全没有注意到老旧的发动机在****。五十五码是我能“诱骗”我的卡车达到的最高车速，我祈祷这就够了。

64
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我不知道边界线在哪里，但是当我穿过拉普西之外第一排房子的时候，我就开始感到安全一些了，这一定已经超过了爱丽丝被允许跟过来的界线。

65
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今天下午我到安吉拉家之后我会打电话给她，我推断这样她就会知道我很好。她没有道理紧张起来，她也没有必要生我的气――爱德华两点钟回来的时候一定会非常生气。

66
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我的卡车吱的一声停在那座熟悉的褪了色的红房子前面，彻底地开始扑哧扑哧地喘息起来。盯着这个曾经是我的避难所的小地方，我的喉咙又哽咽了起来，我已经很久很久没来这里了。

67
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我还没来得及熄火，雅各布就满脸惊讶地站在门边了。

68
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在卡车的咆哮声停止之后的突如其来的沉默中，我听见他喘着粗气叫道：“贝拉？”

69
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“嗨，杰克！”

70
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“贝拉！”他大声叫喊着，我一直在翘首以待的微笑像挣破乌云的太阳一样在他的嘴角舒展开来，牙齿在他那赤褐色的皮肤下显得格外亮洁，“简直不敢相信！”

71
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他朝卡车跑了过来，把我从打开的门里半拖了出来，接着我们孩子般地又蹦又跳。

72
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“你怎么来这儿了？”

73
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“我偷偷摸摸地跑出来的！”

74
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“了不起！”

75
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“嗨，贝拉！”比利已经摇着轮椅朝门口走过来，想看看这番喧闹究竟是怎么回事。

76
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“嗨，比……”

77
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就在那时我送出来的空气被阻塞了――雅各布一把抓住我，给了我一个大熊般的拥抱，他紧紧地抱着我令我难以呼吸，还拽着我转起了圈。

78
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“哇，在这儿看见你真是太好了！”

79
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“没法……呼吸。”我大口喘着气说道。

80
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他大笑着把我放了下来。

81
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“欢迎回来，贝拉。”他咧开嘴巴笑着说道，而他说这些话的方式使其听起来像是“欢迎回家”一样。

82
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我们开始走动起来，因为过于兴奋了，完全没办法待在家里一动不动。雅各布活动的时候其实是在跳，而我好几次都不得不提醒他我的腿可没他的那么长。

83
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我们散步的时候，我感到自己好像变成了另外一个自己，那个与雅各布在一起的自己。年纪要小一些，责任心没有那么强，那种偶尔可能会毫无缘由地做些愚蠢事情的人。

84
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我们一开始就热火朝天地一个话题接一个话题地聊了起来，比如：我们过得怎么样，我们在做些什么，我这样过了多久，为什么我会来这里。当我吞吞吐吐地告诉他那幅画着狼的广告传单时，他大笑起来的声音在树林里回荡。

85
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但是，当我们徐步经过商店后面，穿过围在第一海滩边际的茂密的灌木丛时，谈话陷入了困境。一切来得太快了，我们不得不谈论我们长久分别的原因，我注视着我的朋友的脸变得僵硬起来，流露出我再熟悉不过的悲伤表情。

86
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“不管怎么讲，这到底是怎么回事？”雅各布问我，用力过猛地踢开一片挡在他面前的浮木，它划过沙砾，叮当一声撞在石头上，“我的意思是，自从上次我们……呃，之前，你知道……”他有些语无伦次，深深吸了一口气之后，他又努力说道，“我在问的问题是……一切都变回到他离开之前的样子了？你原谅了他所做的一切？”

87
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我深吸了一口气说道：“没有什么需要原谅的。”

88
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我想要跳过背叛、指责这部分内容，但是我知道在我们讨论其他事情之前不得不谈明白这一点。

89
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雅各布的脸皱了起来，就好像他刚刚舔了一下柠檬一样：“我希望山姆去年九月找到你的时候拍过照片，那会成为A级展览品。”

90
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“没有人需要接受审讯。”

91
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“或许有人应该要。”

92
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“要是你知道他为什么会那么做的话，连你都不会责备他离开过了。”

93
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他愤怒地盯着我看了几秒钟，说道：“好吧，”然后酸溜溜地争辩道，“真是令我惊讶不已啊！”

94
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他的敌意令我烦躁不安――刺痛了我的伤处；令他生我的气使我很受伤。这使我想起了那个凄凉的下午，很久以前，那时――在山姆的命令下――他告诉我，我们不能再做朋友了。过了好一会儿我才恢复平静。

95
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“爱德华去年秋天离开我是因为他认为我不应该和吸血鬼交往，他认为他离开对我会更好。”

96
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雅各布吸了两口气，不得不花一点儿时间搜肠刮肚。不管他打算说什么，很显然都不适用了。我很高兴他不知道爱德华的决定的诱因，我只能想象如果他知道贾斯帕企图杀死我的话他会怎么想。

97
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“不过，他回来了，是不是？”雅各布低声说道，“真糟糕他不能坚持那个决定。”

98
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“要是你还记得的话，是我去找他的。”

99
-

雅各布盯着我看了好一会儿，接着后退了几步。他脸色缓和，说话的时候声音平静了一些：“那是事实，那么我就没弄明白过咯，发生了什么事？”

100
-

我咬住嘴唇，有些迟疑。

101
-

“这是秘密吗？”他的声音夹杂着谩骂，“有人不允许你告诉我吗？”

102
-

“不是的，”我打断道，“只不过真的说来话长。”

103
-

雅各布笑了起来，态度有些傲慢，然后转身朝海滩走去，希望我也跟着他。

104
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如果他打算这么做的话，和雅各布在一起就没什么意思了。我机械地跟在他后面，不确定自己是否应该转身离去。毕竟回到家后，我还要面对爱丽丝……我想我没必要着急。

105
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雅各布朝一块巨大的熟悉的浮木走去――那是一整棵树，还有根等等，被海水冲刷得雪白，深深地陷在沙子里；从某种意义上而言，那是我们俩的树。

106
-

雅各布在这张天然的凳子上坐了下来，拍了拍他身边的位置。

107
-

“我不介意长故事，有没有惊险动作？”

108
-

“真恐怖！”我嘲笑道，“你会听，或者你会打断我评论我的朋友们吗？”

109
-

他假装紧闭嘴巴，接着侧身抛出一个看不见的答案。我努力不要笑，但没做到。

110
-

“我得从你知道的那部分讲起。”我决定告诉他，在开始之前我在脑海中理了理讲这些故事的思路。

111
-

雅各布举起手。

112
-

“说吧。”

113
-

“很好，”他说道，“我不明白那时候发生了什么事。”

114
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“是的，好，事情有些复杂，你要注意。你知道爱丽丝怎么预见事情的吗？”

115
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他立即板起了脸――不管那些有关吸血鬼拥有超自然的天赋的传说是真是假，狼人都不会害怕的――我得到了肯定的答案后，继续讲述我如何赶到意大利去救爱德华的经过了。

116
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我尽可能地简洁明了――去掉一些不重要的细节。我试图读懂雅各布的反应，但是当我解释爱丽丝看见爱德华听说我死了以后，如何计划要杀死自己的时候，雅各布的表情变得高深莫测了。有时候，他似乎陷入深思，我不确定他是否在听，而且他只打断了我一次。

117
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“那个算命的吸血鬼看不见我们？”他应和道，脸上流露出既凶猛又愉快的表情，“真的吗？那简直棒极了！”

118
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我咬紧牙齿，坐在那里沉默不语，他满脸期待地等我继续讲下去。我愤怒地盯着他，直到他意识到自己的错误。

119
-

“哎哟，”他说道，“对不起。”然后又闭上嘴巴。

120
-

当我讲到沃尔图里时，他的反应更容易理解了。他牙关紧咬，胳膊上鸡皮疙瘩都竖了起来，鼻孔气得冒烟。我没有讲得很详细，只是告诉他爱德华通过谈判使我们免于麻烦，没有透露我们不得不做的承诺，或者说我们正在期待的来访，雅各布没必要分担我的梦魇。

121
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“那么你知道了全部，”我结束了自己的故事，“现在轮到你说了。这个周末我和我妈妈在一起的时候发生了什么事？”我知道雅各布透露的信息会比爱德华透露给我的多。他才不害怕吓到我。

122
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雅各布倾身向前，突然变得活跃起来：“星期六晚上，我、安布里和吉尔在巡逻，都是些常规动作，不知道在哪儿，突然――砰的一声！”他伸出双臂，摆出爆发的样子，“就那样――我们发现一个新的踪迹，不到十五分钟。山姆警告我们等他，但是我不知道你去哪儿了，而且我也不知道你的吸血鬼们是否在保护你。接着我们就全速追踪她，但是在我们赶上她之前她就越过了边界线。我们沿着这条线分散开，希望她会再跨过来。真让人挫败，让我告诉你吧。”他摆了摆头，他的头发――现在比他刚加入这个团体之时留的平头要长一些了――它们现在落在他的眼睛里了，“结果我们跑到最南边去了。卡伦一家正好把她追赶到北边离我们只有几英里远的地方，要是我们知道在哪里等待的话，这会是个绝妙的伏击！”

123
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他摇了摇头，做了个鬼脸，说道：“就在那时情况变得危急了，山姆和其他人在我们赶到之前就追上了她，但是她只是沿着这条界线跑来跑去，而卡伦那伙人只能在边界线的另一侧追赶他，那个大个子，他叫什么来着……”

124
-

“埃美特。”

125
-

“是的，是他。他朝她冲了过去，但是那个红头发的身手敏捷！他正好跳在她身后，几乎撞倒保罗。结果，保罗……呃，你知道保罗的。”

126
-

“是的。”

127
-

“失去了他的目标。不能说我责备他――那个大个子吸血鬼正好压在他身上。他一跃而起――嘿，别那样看着我。吸血鬼在我们的地盘上。”

128
-

我努力摆出平静的表情，这样他才好继续。尽管我知道故事的结果不坏，但随着故事越来越紧张，我捏紧了拳头，指甲戳进了掌心。

129
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“不管怎么样，保罗错过了目标，接着那个大个子退回到他们那边。但是就在那时，呃，那，哦，那个金发……”雅各布努力想出描绘爱德华的妹妹的时候，流露出喜剧般的表情，里面夹杂着厌恶与不情愿的欣赏。

130
-

“罗莎莉。”

131
-

“管他是什么。她坚守着地盘，所以山姆和我就跳到保罗的两侧，接着那个领袖和另一个金色头发的男的……”

132
-

“卡莱尔和贾斯帕。”

133
-

他怒气冲冲地看了我一眼，说道：“你知道我根本不在乎这些。算了，卡莱尔跟山姆说，试图让事端平静下来，接着很奇怪，因为每个人真的很快就平静下来了，就是你告诉我的那个家伙糊弄了我们的头脑。不过，即使我们知道他在做什么，我们也不能不平静下来。”

134
-

“是的，我知道那感觉。”

135
-

“真的很烦人，就是那种感觉，而且你要过好一阵子才能消除它。”他生气地摇了摇头，“接着山姆和那个吸血鬼的头头同意维多利亚才是我们优先考虑的目标，于是我们分头去追她。卡莱尔给我们提供了线索，这样我们可以正确地跟踪她的气味，但是那时候她已经朝马卡村北部的悬崖逃跑了，就在边界线与海滨交界的几英里的地方。那个大个子和那个让人冷静的家伙想获准越界追赶她，不过，我们当然会说不啦。”

136
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“很好。我的意思是，你们很愚蠢，但是我很高兴。埃美特从来都不是那么小心谨慎，他本来可能受伤的。”

137
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雅各布不屑一顾地说：“那么，你的吸血鬼有没有告诉你我们毫无理由地就进攻了，攻击他那些完全无辜的同伙？”

138
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“没有，”我打断道，“爱德华告诉我的和你讲的一样，，只不过没讲这么多细节。”

139
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“哈。”雅各布低声说道，他弯下腰从我们脚下成千上万个鹅卵石中拾起一块小石头，然后随意地一抛，把它扔到几百米开外的海湾里去了，“好，她还会回来的，我猜，我们会抓住她的。”

140
-

我颤抖起来，她当然会回来。下回爱德华真的会告诉我吗？我不确定。我得盯紧爱丽丝，找到那些显示会重复出现的状况的迹象来……

141
-

雅各布似乎没有注意到我的反应，他嘟着大大的嘴巴若有所思地凝望着海浪。

142
-

“你在想什么？”就这样沉默着过了很久，我才开口问道。

143
-

“我在想你告诉我的事情。关于当那个会预言的吸血鬼看见你从悬崖上跳下去的时候，想到你是在自杀的时候，这些事情是怎么失控的……你意识到如果你按照你应该做的那样等我的话，那么那个吸……爱丽丝就不会看见你跳下去？什么都不会改变，而我们现在很可能就在我的车库里，就像其他的星期六一样。福克斯也不会有吸血鬼，而你和我……”他的声音逐渐减弱了，陷入了沉思。

144
-

他说这些的方式令人不安，就好像福克斯没有吸血鬼会是件好事一样。一想到他所描绘的这幅图景，我的心就怦怦怦地跳个不停。

145
-

“爱德华不管怎样还是会回来的。”

146
-

“你对此确信无疑吗？”他问道，我一说到爱德华的名字他又激动起来。

147
-

“分开……对我们两个人都不那么起作用。”

148
-

他准备说什么，从他的表情可以判断是些很气愤的话，但是他停了下来，深吸了一口气，开始说道：“你知道山姆很生你的气吗？”

149
-

“我？”我有些惊讶，“噢，我明白了。他认为如果我不在这里的话，他们就会远离这里吧。”

150
-

“不是，不是那样的。”

151
-

“那么究竟是怎么回事？”

152
-

雅各布弯下腰去找另一块石头。他在手指间把玩着石头，低声开口说话的时候，他的眼睛一直紧紧地盯着一块黑色的石头：“当山姆看见……刚开始你那个样子的时候，当比利告诉他们因为你一直没有好转，查理是多么担心的时候，接着你又开始悬崖跳水……”

153
-

我扮了个鬼脸，没人打算让我忘记那件事。

154
-

雅各布的目光突然转到我身上，露出愤怒的眼神：“他以为你是这个世界上和他一样有理由憎恨卡伦家族的人。你让他们回到你的生活中，就好像他们从来不曾伤害过你一样，这让山姆感到有些……背叛。”

155
-

起初我不相信山姆是唯一一个这么认为的人，而我现在说话的口吻中的尖刻意味是针对他们俩的：“你可以告诉山姆直接去……”

156
-

“看那里――”雅各布打断我，指着一只从难以置信的高度向大海俯冲下来的鹰。最后一刻它控制住自己，只有它的爪子划过海平面，就一瞬间的事情。接着它就拍打着翅膀飞走了，它的翅膀拉得笔直以承受它刚刚从海里捕起来的那条大鱼。

157
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“你在哪里都能看见它，”雅各布说，他的声音突然变得很遥远，“自然有其自身的轨迹――猎人和猎物，还有无尽的生死轮回。”

158
-

我不明白这番关于自然的演讲目的何在，我猜他只是想换个话题。不过就在那时他低头看着我，眼中充满黑色幽默。

159
-

“然而，你没看见那条鱼去亲吻那只鹰，你永远都看不到那一幕。”他装出笑容大笑着说。

160
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我紧张地冲他笑了笑，尽管口中还有挖苦的意味：“或许那条鱼也在尝试呢，”我暗示道，“很难说清楚鱼在想什么。雄鹰看起来很漂亮，你知道。”

161
-

“归根到底是为什么呢？”他的声音突然变得更加尖刻起来，“好看的外表？”

162
-

“别傻了，雅各布。”

163
-

“那么是为钱��？”他紧追不舍。

164
-

“你真是会说，”我从树上站了起来，低声咕哝说道，“你对我评价如此之高，你真是抬举我了。”我转身背对着他，快速地跑开了。

165
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“啊，别生气。”他立即跟在我身后喊道，他抓住我的手腕，使我转过身来，“我是认真的！我努力想弄明白这是怎么回事，我完全想不通。”

166
-

他的眉毛生气地紧蹙在一起，两眼在深深的黑眼圈下变得更加黝黑。

167
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“我爱他，不是因为他很好看，也不是因为他很有钱！”我对着雅各布吼道，“我宁愿他两样都没有。这样才会让我们俩之间的差距小一些，哪怕只有一点点――因为即便如此，他也是我所遇见的最可爱、最慷慨、最聪明、最正派的人。我当然爱他，这有那么难以理解吗？”

168
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“这根本就不可能让人理解。”

169
-

“那么，雅各布，就请你点明难在哪里了。”我让语气中的讽刺意味更加浓厚了一些，“既然我显然做得不对，那么一个人爱上另一个人需要什么样的理由才算合理呢？”

170
-

“我想开始一段恋情最好应该是在你自己的族类中寻找，通常那样才可以。”

171
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“好吧，那样只会更糟糕！”我打断他，“如果我说得没错的话，毕竟我还是被迈克?牛顿追求过。”

172
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雅各布后退一步，咬住嘴唇。我能看见我的话伤害了他，但是我太生气了根本顾不上这些。他放开我的手腕，双臂环抱在胸口，转身背对着我，愤怒地望着海洋。

173
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“我是人。”他低声说道，声音小得几乎听不见。

174
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“你不是像迈克那样的人类，”我无情地继续说，“你仍然认为那是最重要的考量吗？”

175
-

“这不是一回事，”雅各布的眼神没有从灰色的海浪上移开，“这不是我自己选择的。”

176
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我立刻难以置信地大笑起来：“你认为爱德华是自己选择的？他根本不知道发生在自己身上的事情，就和你一样，他实际上并不是自己要加入的。”

177
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雅各布来回地摇着头，幅度虽小，速度却很快。

178
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“你知道，雅各布，你觉得自己很正直，你简直太自以为是了――认为自己是狼人就了不起了。”

179
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“这不一样。”雅各布愤怒地盯着我，重复说道。

180
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“我不明白为什么不一样，你可以稍微了解一下卡伦一家。你根本不知道他们真的很善良――彻头彻尾的，雅各布。”

181
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他的眉头皱得更紧了：“他们不应该存在，他们的存在违背了自然法则。”

182
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我挑起眉毛盯着他看了很久，简直不敢相信他所说的话，过了好久他才注意到。

183
-

“什么？”

184
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“谈到不符合自然……”我暗示道。

185
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“贝拉，”他说道，说话的声音很慢，也不一样，有些苍老，我意识到他的声音听起来突然比我老了起来――就好像家长或老师一样，“我之所以成为我是与生俱来的，部分取决于我自己，部分取决于我的家族，部分取决于我的部落――这就是为什么我们还在这里的原因。”

186
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“除此之外，”他俯首看着我，黝黑的眼睛变得深不可测，“我仍然是人。”

187
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他拉起我的手，把它按在他那像高烧般滚烫的胸脯上，透过他的T恤衫，我能感觉到那颗心在我的掌心下不紧不慢地跳动着。

188
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“正常的人类不能像你那样乱扔摩托车。”

189
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他做了个似笑非笑的表情：“贝拉，正常的人类见到恶魔会跑得远远的，而且我从来没有声称我很正常。只是人类而已。”

190
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一直生雅各布的气是很费劲儿的事，我把手从他的胸脯上抽回来的时候就开始笑了起来。“你对我而言似乎太像人类了，”我承认道，“就眼下而言。”

191
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“我感觉起来就是人类。”他的眼神穿过我凝视着远方，神情飘忽到遥远的地方。他的下嘴唇颤抖了，他用力地咬着它。

192
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“噢，杰克。”我轻声低语道，伸手去拉他的手。

193
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这就是我为什么在这里的原因，这就是我回去后会接受任何待遇的原因。因为，在所有的愤怒与讽刺背后，雅各布很受伤。现在，这一切都清楚地呈现在他的眼中。我不知道如何帮助他，但是我知道我得试一试。这不仅仅是因为我欠他的，还因为他的痛苦也令我很受伤。雅各布已经成为我的生命的一部分，即使是现在这一点也没有改变。

194
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I WAS HAVING A BAD WEEK.

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I knew that essentially nothing had changed. Okay, so Victoria had not given up, but had I ever dreamedfor one moment that she had? Her reappearance had only confirmed what I’d already known. No reason forfresh panic.

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In theory. Not panicking was easier said than done.

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Graduation was only a few weeks away, but I wondered if it wasn’t a little foolish to sit around, weak andtasty, waiting for the next disaster. It seemed too dangerous to be human — just begging for trouble. Someonelike me shouldn’t be human. Someone with my luck ought to be a little less helpless.

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But no one would listen to me.

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Carlisle had said, “There are seven of us, Bella. And with Alice on our side, I don’t think Victoria’s goingto catch us off guard. I think it’s important, for Charlie’s sake, that we stick with the original plan.”

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Esme had said, “We’d never allow anything to happen to you, sweetheart. You know that. Please don’tbe anxious.” And then she’d kissed my forehead.

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Emmett had said, “I’m really glad Edward didn’t kill you. Everything’s so much more fun with youaround.”

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Rosalie had glared at him.

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Alice had rolled her eyes and said, “I’m offended. You’re not honestly worried about this, are you?”

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“If it’s no big deal, then why did Edward drag me to Florida?” I’d demanded.

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“Haven’t you noticed yet, Bella, that Edward is just the teeniest bit prone to overreaction?”

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Jasper had silently erased all the panic and tension in my body with his curious talent of controllingemotional atmospheres. I’d felt reassured, and let them talk me out of my desperate pleading.

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Of course, that calm had worn off as soon as Edward and I had walked out of the room.

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So the consensus was that I was just supposed to forget that a deranged vampire was stalking me, intenton my death. Go about my business.

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I did try. And surprisingly, there were other things almost as stressful to dwell on besides my status on theendangered species list. . . .

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Because Edward’s response had been the most frustrating of them all.

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“That’s between you and Carlisle,” he’d said. “Of course, you know that I’m willing to make it betweenyou and me at any time that you wish. You know my condition.” And he had smiled angelically.

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Ugh. I did know his condition. Edward had promised that he would change me himself whenever I wanted. . . just as long as I was married to him first.

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Sometimes I wondered if he was only pretending that he couldn’t read my mind. How else had he struckupon the one condition that I would have trouble accepting? The one condition that would slow me down.

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All in all, a very bad week. And today was the worst day in it.

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It was always a bad day when Edward was away. Alice had foreseen nothing out of the ordinary thisweekend, and so I’d insisted that he take the opportunity to go hunting with his brothers. I knew how it boredhim to hunt the easy, nearby prey.

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“Go have fun,” I’d told him. “Bag a few mountain lions for me.”

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I would never admit to him how hard it was for me when he was gone — how it brought back theabandonment nightmares. If he knew that, it would make him feel horrible and he would be afraid to everleave me, even for the most necessary reasons. It had been like that in the beginning, when he’d first returnedfrom Italy. His golden eyes had turned black and he’d suffered from his thirst more than it was alreadynecessary that he suffer. So I put on a brave face and all but kicked him out the door whenever Emmett andJasper wanted to go.

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I think he saw through me, though. A little. This morning there had been a note left on my pillow:

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I’ll be back so soon you won’t have time to miss me. Look after my heart — I’ve left it with you.

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So now I had a big empty Saturday with nothing but my morning shift at Newton’s Olympic Outfitters todistract me. And, of course, the oh-so-comforting promise from Alice.

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“I’m staying close to home to hunt. I’ll only be fifteen minutes away if you need me. I’ll keep an eye outfor trouble.”

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Translation: don’t try anything funny just because Edward is gone.

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Alice was certainly just as capable of crippling my truck as Edward was.

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I tried to look on the bright side. After work, I had plans to help Angela with her announcements, so thatwould be a distraction. And Charlie was in an excellent mood due to Edward’s absence, so I might as wellenjoy that while it lasted. Alice would spend the night with me if I was pathetic enough to ask her to. And thentomorrow, Edward would be home. I would survive.

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Not wanting to be ridiculously early for work, I ate my breakfast slowly, one Cheerio at a time. Then,when I’d washed the dishes, I arranged the magnets on the fridge into a perfect line. Maybe I was developingobsessive-compulsive disorder.

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The last two magnets — round black utilitarian pieces that were my favorites because they could hold tensheets of paper to the fridge without breaking a sweat — did not want to cooperate with my fixation. Theirpolarities were reversed; every time I tried to line the last one up, the other jumped out of place.

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For some reason — impending mania, perhaps — this really irritated me. Why couldn’t they just playnice? Stupid with stubbornness, I kept shoving them together as if I was expecting them to suddenly give up. Icould have flipped one over, but that felt like losing. Finally, exasperated at myself more than the magnets, Ipulled them from the fridge and held them together with two hands. It took a little effort — they were strongenough to put up a fight — but I forced them to coexist side-by-side.

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“See,” I said out loud — talking to inanimate objects, never a good sign — “That’s not so horrible, is it?”

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I stood there like an idiot for a second, not quite able to admit that I wasn’t having any lasting effectagainst scientific principles. Then, with a sigh, I put the magnets back on the fridge, a foot apart.

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“There’s no need to be so inflexible,” I muttered.

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It was still too early, but I decided I’d better get out of the house before the inanimate objects startedtalking back.

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When I got to Newton’s, Mike was methodically dry mopping the aisles while his mom arranged a newcounter display. I caught them in the middle of an argument, unaware that I had arrived.

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“But it’s the only time that Tyler can go,” Mike complained. “You said after graduation —”

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“You’re just going to have to wait,” Mrs. Newton snapped. “You and Tyler can think of something else todo. You are not going to Seattle until the police stop whatever it is that is going on there. I know BethCrowley has told Tyler the same thing, so don’t act like I’m the bad guy — oh, good morning, Bella,” she saidwhen she caught sight of me, brightening her tone quickly. “You’re early.”

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Karen Newton was the last person I’d think to ask for help in an outdoor sports equipment store. Herperfectly highlighted blond hair was always smoothed into an elegant twist on the back of her neck, herfingernails were polished by professionals, as were her toenails — visible through the strappy high heels thatdidn’t resemble anything Newton’s offered on the long row of hiking boots.

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“Light traffic,” I joked as I grabbed my hideous fluorescent orange vest out from under the counter. I wassurprised that Mrs. Newton was as worked up about this Seattle thing as Charlie. I’d thought he was going toextremes.

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“Well, er . . .” Mrs. Newton hesitated for a moment, playing uncomfortably with a stack of flyers she wasarranging by the register.

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I stopped with one arm in my vest. I knew that look.

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When I’d let the Newtons know that I wouldn’t be working here this summer — abandoning them in theirbusiest season, in effect — they’d started training Katie Marshall to take my place. They couldn’t really affordboth of us on the payroll at the same time, so when it looked like a slow day . . .

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“I was going to call,” Mrs. Newton continued. “I don’t think we’re expecting a ton of business today.

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Mike and I can probably handle things. I’m sorry you got up and drove out. . . .”

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On a normal day, I would be ecstatic with this turn of events. Today . . . not so much.

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“Okay,” I sighed. My shoulders slumped. What was I going to do now?

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“That’s not fair, Mom,” Mike said. “If Bella wants to work —”

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“No, it’s okay, Mrs. Newton. Really, Mike. I’ve got finals to study for and stuff. . . .” I didn’t want to bea source of familial discord when they were already arguing.

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“Thanks, Bella. Mike, you missed aisle four. Um, Bella, do you mind throwing these flyers in a Dumpsteron the way out? I told the girl who left them here that I’d put them on the counter, but I really don’t have theroom.”

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“Sure, no problem.” I put my vest away, and then tucked the flyers under my arm and headed out into themisty rain.

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The Dumpster was around the side of Newton’s, next to where we employees were supposed to park. Ishuffled along, kicking pebbles petulantly on my way. I was about to fling the stack of bright yellow papersinto the trash when the heading printed in bold across the top caught my eye. One word in particular seized myattention.

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I clutched the papers in both hands as I stared at the picture beneath the caption. A lump rose in mythroat.

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SAVE THE OLYMPIC WOLFUnder the words, there was a detailed drawing of a wolf in front of a fir tree, its head thrown back in theact of baying at the moon. It was a disconcerting picture; something about the wolf’s plaintive posture madehim look forlorn. Like he was howling in grief.

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And then I was running to my truck, the flyers still locked in my grip.

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Fifteen minutes — that’s all I had. But it should be long enough. It was only fifteen minutes to La Push,and surely I would cross the boundary line a few minutes before I hit the town.

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My truck roared to life without any difficulty.

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Alice couldn’t have seen me doing this, because I hadn’t been planning it. A snap decision, that was thekey! And as long as I moved fast enough, I should be able to capitalize on it.

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I’d thrown the damp flyers in my haste and they were scattered in a bright mess across the passenger seat— a hundred bolded captions, a hundred dark howling wolves outlined against the yellow background.

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I barreled down the wet highway, turning the windshield wipers on high and ignoring the groan of theancient engine. Fifty-five was the most I could coax out of my truck, and I prayed it would be enough.

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I had no clue where the boundary line was, but I began to feel safer as I passed the first houses outside LaPush. This must be beyond where Alice was allowed to follow.

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I’d call her when I got to Angela’s this afternoon, I reasoned, so that she’d know I was fine. There was noreason for her to get worked up. She didn’t need to be mad at me — Edward would be angry enough for twowhen he got back.

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My truck was positively wheezing by the time it grated to a stop in front of the familiar faded red house.

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The lump came back to my throat as I stared at the little place that had once been my refuge. It had been solong since I’d been here.

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Before I could cut the engine, Jacob was standing in the door, his face blank with shock.

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In the sudden silence when the truck-roar died, I heard him gasp.

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“Bella?”

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“Hey, Jake!”

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“Bella!” he yelled back, and the smile I’d been waiting for stretched across his face like the sun breakingfree of the clouds. His teeth gleamed bright against his russet skin. “I can’t believe it!”

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He ran to the truck and half-yanked me through the open door, and then we were both jumping up anddown like kids.

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“How did you get here?”

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“I snuck out!”

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“Awesome!”

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“Hey, Bella!” Billy had rolled himself into the doorway to see what all the commotion was about.

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“Hey, Bil —!”

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Just then my air choked off — Jacob grabbed me up in a bear hug too tight to breathe and swung mearound in a circle.

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“Wow, it’s good to see you here!”

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“Can’t . . . breathe,” I gasped.

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He laughed and put me down.

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“Welcome back, Bella,” he said, grinning. And the way he said the words made it sound like welcomehome.

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We started walking, too keyed up to sit still in the house. Jacob was practically bouncing as he moved, and Ihad to remind him a few times that my legs weren’t ten feet long.

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As we walked, I felt myself settling into another version of myself, the self I had been with Jacob. A littleyounger, a little less responsible. Someone who might, on occasion, do something really stupid for no goodreason.

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Our exuberance lasted through the first few topics of conversation: how we were doing, what we were upto, how long I had, and what had brought me here. When I hesitantly told him about the wolf flyer, hisbellowing laugh echoed back from the trees.

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But then, as we ambled past the back of the store and shoved through the thick scrub that ringed the faredge of First Beach, we got to the hard parts. All too soon we had to talk about the reasons behind our longseparation, and I watched as the face of my friend hardened into the bitter mask that was already too familiar.

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“So what’s the story, anyway?” Jacob asked me, kicking a piece of driftwood out of his way with toomuch force. It sailed over the sand and then clattered against the rocks. “I mean, since the last time we . . .

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well, before, you know . . .” He struggled for the words. He took a deep breath and tried again. “What I’masking is . . . everything is just back to the way it was before he left? You forgave him for all of that?”

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I took a deep breath. “There was nothing to forgive.”

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I wanted to skip past this part, the betrayals, the accusations, but I knew that we had to talk it throughbefore we’d be able to move on to anything else.

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Jacob’s face puckered up like he’d just licked a lemon. “I wish Sam had taken a picture when he foundyou that night last September. It would be exhibit A.”

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“Nobody’s on trial.”

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“Maybe somebody should be.”

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“Not even you would blame him for leaving, if you knew the reason why.”

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He glared at me for a few seconds. “Okay,” he challenged acidly. “Amaze me.”

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His hostility was wearing on me — chafing against the raw; it hurt to have him angry with me. It remindedme of the bleak afternoon, long ago, when — under orders from Sam — he’d told me we couldn’t be friends.

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I took a second to compose myself.

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“Edward left me last fall because he didn’t think I should be hanging out with vampires. He thought itwould be healthier for me if he left.”

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Jacob did a double take. He had to scramble for a minute. Whatever he’d been planning to say, it clearlyno longer applied. I was glad he didn’t know the catalyst behind Edward’s decision. I could only imagine whathe’d think if he knew Jasper had tried to kill me.

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“He came back, though, didn’t he?” Jacob muttered. “Too bad he can’t stick to a decision.”

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“If you remember, I went and got him.”

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Jacob stared at me for a moment, and then he backed off. His face relaxed, and his voice was calmerwhen he spoke.

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“That’s true. So I never did get the story. What happened?”

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I hesitated, biting my lip.

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“Is it a secret?” His voice took on a taunting edge. “Are you not allowed to tell me?”

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“No,” I snapped. “It’s just a really long story.”

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Jacob smiled, arrogant, and turned to walk up the beach, expecting me to follow.

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It was no fun being with Jacob if he was going to act like this. I trailed behind him automatically, not sure ifI shouldn’t turn around and leave. I was going to have to face Alice, though, when I got home. . . . I supposedI wasn’t in any rush.

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Jacob walked to a huge, familiar piece of driftwood — an entire tree, roots and all, bleached white andbeached deep in the sand; it was our tree, in a way.

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Jacob sat down on the natural bench, and patted the space next to him.

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“I don’t mind long stories. Is there any action?”

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I rolled my eyes as I sat next to him. “There’s some action,” I allowed.

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“It wouldn’t be real horror without action.”

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“Horror!” I scoffed. “Can you listen, or will you be interrupting me with rude comments about my friends?

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He pretended to lock his lips and then threw the invisible key over his shoulder. I tried not to smile, andfailed.

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“I’ll have to start with the stuff you were already there for,” I decided, working to organize the stories inmy head before I began.

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Jacob raised his hand.

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“Go ahead.”

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“That’s good,” he said. “I didn’t understand much that was going on at the time.”

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“Yeah, well, it gets complicated, so pay attention. You know how Alice sees things?”

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I took his scowl — the wolves weren’t thrilled that the legends of vampires possessing supernatural giftswere true — for a yes, and proceeded with the account of my race through Italy to rescue Edward.

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I kept it as succinct as possible — leaving out anything that wasn’t essential. I tried to read Jacob’sreactions, but his face was enigmatic as I explained how Alice had seen Edward plan to kill himself when he’dheard that I was dead. Sometimes Jacob seemed so deep in thought, I wasn’t sure if he was listening. He onlyinterrupted one time.

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“The fortune-telling bloodsucker can’t see us?” he echoed, his face both fierce and gleeful. “Seriously?

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That’s excellent!”

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I clenched my teeth together, and we sat in silence, his face expectant as he waited for me to continue. Iglared at him until he realized his mistake.

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“Oops!” he said. “Sorry.” He locked his lips again.

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His response was easier to read when I got to the part about the Volturi. His teeth clenched together,goose bumps rose on his arms, and his nostrils flared. I didn’t go into specifics, I just told him that Edward hadtalked us out of trouble, without revealing the promise we’d had to make, or the visit we were anticipating.

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Jacob didn’t need to have my nightmares.

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“Now you know the whole story,” I concluded. “So it’s your turn to talk. What happened while I waswith my mom this weekend?” I knew Jacob would give me more details than Edward had. He wasn’t afraid ofscaring me.

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Jacob leaned forward, instantly animated. “So Embry and Quil and I were running patrol on Saturdaynight, just routine stuff, when out of nowhere — bam!” He threw his arms out, impersonating an explosion.

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“There it is — a fresh trail, not fifteen minutes old. Sam wanted us to wait for him, but I didn’t know you weregone, and I didn’t know if your bloodsuckers were keeping an eye on you or not. So we took off after her atfull speed, but she’d crossed the treaty line before we caught up. We spread out along the line, hoping she’dcross back over. It was frustrating, let me tell you.” He wagged his head and his hair — growing out from theshort crop he’d adopted when he’d joined the pack — flopped into his eyes. “We ended up too far south.

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The Cullens chased her back to our side just a few miles north of us. Would have been the perfect ambush ifwe’d known where to wait.”

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He shook his head, grimacing now. “That’s when it got dicey. Sam and the others caught up to her beforewe did, but she was dancing right along the line, and the whole coven was right there on the other side. Thebig one, what’s-his-name —”

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“Emmett.”

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“Yeah, him. He made a lunge for her, but that redhead is fast! He flew right behind her and almostrammed into Paul. So, Paul . . . well, you know Paul.”

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“Yeah.”

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“Lost his focus. Can’t say that I blame him — the big bloodsucker was right on top of him. He sprang —hey, don’t give me that look. The vampire was on our land.”

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I tried to compose my face so that he would go on. My nails were digging into my palms with the stress ofthe story, even though I knew it had turned out fine.

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“Anyway, Paul missed, and the big one got back on his side. But by then the, er, well the, uh, blonde . . .”

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Jacob’s expression was a comical mix of disgust and unwilling admiration as he tried to come up with a wordto describe Edward’s sister.

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“Rosalie.”

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“Whatever. She got real territorial, so Sam and I fell back to get Paul’s flanks. Then their leader and theother blond male —”

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“Carlisle and Jasper.”

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He gave me an exasperated look. “You know I don’t really care. Anyway, so Carlisle spoke to Sam,trying to calm things down. Then it was weird, because everyone got really calm really fast. It was that otherone you told me about, messing with our heads. But even though we knew what he was doing, we couldn’tnot be calm.”

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“Yeah, I know how it feels.”

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“Really annoying, that’s how it feels. Only you can’t be annoyed until afterwards.” He shook his headangrily. “So Sam and the head vamp agreed that Victoria was the priority, and we started after her again.

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Carlisle gave us the line, so that we could follow the scent properly, but then she hit the cliffs just north ofMakah country, right where the line hugs the coast for a few miles. She took off into the water again. The bigone and the calm one wanted permission to cross the line to go after her, but of course we said no.”

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“Good. I mean, you were being stupid, but I’m glad. Emmett’s never cautious enough. He could havegotten hurt.”

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Jacob snorted. “So did your vampire tell you we attacked for no reason and his totally innocent coven —”

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“No,” I interrupted. “Edward told me the same story, just without quite as many details.”

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“Huh,” Jacob said under his breath, and he bent over to pick up a rock from among the millions ofpebbles at our feet. With a casual flick, he sent it flying a good hundred meters out into the bay. “Well, she’llbe back, I guess. We’ll get another shot at her.”

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I shuddered; of course she would be back. Would Edward really tell me next time? I wasn’t sure. I’dhave to keep an eye on Alice, to look for the signs that the pattern was about to repeat. . . .

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Jacob didn’t seem to notice my reaction. He was staring across the waves with a thoughtful expression onhis face, his broad lips pursed.

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“What are you thinking about?” I asked after a long, quiet time.

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“I’m thinking about what you told me. About when the fortune-teller saw you cliff jumping and thoughtyou’d committed suicide, and how it all got out of control. . . . Do you realize that if you had just waited forme like you were supposed to, then the bl — Alice wouldn’t have been able to see you jump? Nothing wouldhave changed. We’d probably be in my garage right now, like any other Saturday. There wouldn’t be anyvampires in Forks, and you and me . . .” He trailed off, deep in thought.

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It was disconcerting the way he said this, like it would be a good thing to have no vampires in Forks. Myheart thumped unevenly at the emptiness of the picture he painted.

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“Edward would have come back anyway.”

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“Are you sure about that?” he asked, belligerent again as soon as I spoke Edward’s name.

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“Being apart . . . It didn’t work out so well for either of us.”

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He started to say something, something angry from his expression, but he stopped himself, took a breath,and began again.

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“Did you know Sam is mad at you?”

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“Me?” It took me a second. “Oh. I see. He thinks they would have stayed away if I wasn’t here.”

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“No. That’s not it.”

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“What’s his problem then?”

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Jacob leaned down to scoop up another rock. He turned it over and over in his fingers; his eyes wereriveted on the black stone while he spoke in a low voice.

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“When Sam saw . . . how you were in the beginning, when Billy told them how Charlie worried when youdidn’t get better, and then when you started jumping off cliffs . . .”

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I made a face. No one was ever going to let me forget that.

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Jacob’s eyes flashed up to mine. “He thought you were the one person in the world with as much reasonto hate the Cullens as he does. Sam feels sort of . . . betrayed that you would just let them back into your lifelike they never hurt you.”

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I didn’t believe for a second that Sam was the only one who felt that way. And the acid in my voice nowwas for both of them.

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“You can tell Sam to go right to —”

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“Look at that,” Jacob interrupted me, pointing to an eagle in the act of plummeting down toward the oceanfrom an incredible height. It checked itself at the last minute, only its talons breaking the surface of the waves,just for an instant. Then it flapped away, its wings straining against the load of the huge fish it had snagged.

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“You see it everywhere,” Jacob said, his voice suddenly distant. “Nature taking its course — hunter andprey, the endless cycle of life and death.”

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I didn’t understand the point of the nature lecture; I guessed that he was just trying to change the subject.

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But then he looked down at me with dark humor in his eyes.

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“And yet, you don’t see the fish trying to plant a kiss on the eagle. You never see that.” He grinned amocking grin.

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I grinned back tightly, though the acid taste was still in my mouth. “Maybe the fish was trying,” Isuggested. “It’s hard to tell what a fish is thinking. Eagles are good-looking birds, you know.”

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“Is that what it comes down to?” His voice was abruptly sharper. “Good looks?”

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“Don’t be stupid, Jacob.”

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“Is it the money, then?” he persisted.

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“That’s nice,” I muttered, getting up from the tree. “I’m flattered that you think so much of me.” I turnedmy back on him and paced away.

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“Aw, don’t get mad.” He was right behind me; he caught my wrist and spun me around. “I’m serious! I’mtrying to understand here, and I’m coming up blank.”

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His eyebrows pushed together angrily, and his eyes were black in their deep shadow.

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“I love him. Not because he’s beautiful or because he’s rich!” I spat the word at Jacob. “I’d much ratherhe weren’t either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit — because he’d still be the mostloving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I’ve ever met. Of course I love him. How hard is that tounderstand?”

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“It’s impossible to understand.”

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“Please enlighten me, then, Jacob.” I let the sarcasm flow thick. “What is a valid reason for someone tolove someone else? Since apparently I’m doing it wrong.”

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“I think the best place to start would be to look within your own species. That usually works.”

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“Well, that just sucks!” I snapped. “I guess I’m stuck with Mike Newton after all.”

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Jacob flinched back and bit his lip. I could see that my words had hurt him, but I was too mad to feel badabout that yet. He dropped my wrist and folded his arms across his chest, turning from me to glare toward theocean.

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“I’m human,” he muttered, his voice almost inaudible.

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“You’re not as human as Mike,” I continued ruthlessly. “Do you still think that’s the most importantconsideration?”

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“It’s not the same thing.” Jacob didn’t look away from the gray waves. “I didn’t choose this.”

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I laughed once in disbelief. “Do you think Edward did? He didn’t know what was happening to him anymore than you did. He didn’t exactly sign up for this.”

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Jacob was shaking his head back and forth with a small, quick movement.

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“You know, Jacob, you’re awfully self-righteous — considering that you’re a werewolf and all.”

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“It’s not the same,” Jacob repeated, glowering at me.

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“I don’t see why not. You could be a bit more understanding about the Cullens. You have no idea howtruly good they are — to the core, Jacob.”

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He frowned more deeply. “They shouldn’t exist. Their existence goes against nature.”

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I stared at him for a long moment with one eyebrow raised incredulously. It was a while before he noticed.

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“What?”

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“Speaking of unnatural . . . ,” I hinted.

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“Bella,” he said, his voice slow and different. Aged. I realized that he sounded suddenly older than me —like a parent or a teacher. “What I am was born in me. It’s a part of who I am, who my family is, who we allare as a tribe — it’s the reason why we’re still here.

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“Besides that” — he looked down at me, his black eyes unreadable — “I am stillhuman.”

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He picked up my hand and pressed it to his fever-warm chest. Through his t-shirt, I could feel the steadybeating of his heart under my palm.

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“Normal humans can’t throw motorcycles around the way you can.”

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He smiled a faint, half-smile. “Normal humans run away from monsters, Bella. And I never claimed to benormal. Just human.”

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Staying angry with Jacob was too much work. I started to smile as I pulled my hand away from his chest.

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“You look plenty human to me,” I allowed. “At the moment.”

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“I feel human.” He stared past me, his face far away. His lower lip trembled, and he bit down on it hard.

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“Oh, Jake,” I whispered, reaching for his hand.

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This was why I was here. This was why I would take whatever reception waited for me when I got back.

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Because, underneath all the anger and the sarcasm, Jacob was in pain. Right now, it was very clear in his eyes.

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I didn’t know how to help him, but I knew I had to try. It was more than that I owed him. It was because hispain hurt me, too. Jacob had become a part of me, and there was no changing that now.

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