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暮光之城4：破晓|Breaking Down

第二部 雅各布 第八章 等待这该死的搏斗|8. Waiting For The Damn ...

属类： 双语小说 【分类】魔幻小说 -[作者: 斯蒂芬妮-梅耶] 阅读：[25015]
《暮光之城》是美国作家斯蒂芬妮·梅尔 （Stephenie Meyer）写的系列小说，包括《暮色》、《新月》、《月食》、《破晓》以及番外《布里·坦纳第二次短暂生命》、《暮色重生》和《午夜阳光》。《暮光之城》系列以伊莎贝拉·斯旺和爱德华·卡伦一对苦命鸳鸯的情感纠葛为主线，融合了吸血鬼传说、狼人故事、校园生活、恐怖悬念、喜剧冒险等各种元素，而凄美动人的爱情则是全书“最强烈的情绪”。
《 字+字- 行+行- 页+页- 字+字- 行+行- 页+页- 》
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雅各布：仍然要说的真相是，因为爱的原因，快乐的人一直相伴至今。

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如莎士比亚《仲夏夜之梦》那诗情画意般的邂逅。

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生活中就像那序言开始，你会慢慢的沉醉。

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啊，我应该很幸运。

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8.等待这该死的搏斗

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“Jeez,Paul，你们就不能抖个自己的家吗？”

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Paul，正躺在我的沙发上，对着我那糟糕的电视机看一些愚蠢的棒球比赛，然后对我露齿而笑――缓缓的――他从膝上的一个包里拿出一个Dorito然后把一部分嵌入嘴里。

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“你最好把那些一起带走”

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他嘎吱作响地咀嚼着。“不。”他嚼着口香糖说。“你姐姐（妹妹）说先走然后干我自己想干的。”

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我试图让我的声音不像是在打击他。“Rachel在这吗？”

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那没有奏效。他听说我要去那然后在后面猛烈地撞包。当他把包塞进坐垫里时，包爆发出了一些细碎的爆裂声。一些碎片嘎吱作响。Paul的手抱成拳头，他的脸看起来系那个一个拳击手。

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“来吧，孩子，我不需要Rachel保护。”

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我深吸了一口气。“是的。就像你不会哭，不像她第一次。”

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他笑着坐进沙发里，把手放下来。“我不会对一个女孩子说闲话，如果你得到了一个幸运的打击，这就只是我们之间的事，反之亦然，不是吗？”

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他给我的邀请很不错。我让我的身子下跌一点就像我放弃了一样。“是的。”

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他的目光重新移到电视上。

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我扑过去。

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当我的拳头碰到他的鼻子时，很满意的发出嘎嘎声。他试着抓住我，但在他抓着之前我就跳开了，我的手上是一包已经遭到毁坏的多力多滋（就是上面的Dorito，终于查到那是什么了，一种零食~~）

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“你弄坏了我的鼻子，白痴。”

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“那是我们之间的事，对吗，保罗？”

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我吧零食碎片拿开。当我转过身，保罗在弯腰坐下之前先确保了他的鼻子安然无恙。

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血已经止住了。它滴滴答答顺着嘴唇流过下巴的时候就好像它是没有源头一样。他咒骂着畏缩地去试着推推鼻子。

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“你是那么痛苦，雅各布，我发誓我宁可和莉娅去闲逛。”

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“哎呦。哇，我敢打赌莉娅会很高兴听见你想花一些时间安静地和她在一起。拿回温暖她起伏的心。“

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“你要忘记我说的了。”

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“当然。我肯定那不会滑出去的。”

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“哎，”他嘀咕了一声，然后再次陷阱沙发里，解决他T恤衫领口上残留的血迹。“你抓稳了，宝贝，我会还你的。”

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我又在那站了一会，然后阔步走进我的房间，抱怨一些国外的绑架事件。

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话说回来，你可以随时指望和保罗干上一场。然后你不必伤到他――稍微侮辱一下就行了。让他失去控制不需要花很多时间的。现在，当然，我真的想要做一个不错的咆哮，撕裂，打破那场树下的比赛，他是那么沉醉。

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另一个成员被烙上烙印还不够糟――因为，真的，现在只是十个当中的四个。它什么时候才能停？那些愚蠢的神话被人认为是罕见的，他们哭喊着救命！这些强制性的爱完全是让人作呕的！

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它一定要是我的姐妹？那一定要是保罗？

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当雷切暑假从华盛顿州回来――提前毕业，这个笨蛋――我最担心的就是那个围绕在她身边的拥有我大量秘密的人。我通常不会在我家用什么东西遮掩着，这样我真的就很同情那些亲爱的人了，像安莉芳或是科林那样的，他们的父母不知道他们是狼人。安莉芳的妈妈认为他还是在经历叛逆期的那个阶段。他已经被长期禁止在晚上偷偷出去，但是，当然，对于这一点他没有做到。她每天晚上检查他的房间，然后每天晚上都在他房里扑个空。在她叫喊着时他就保持沉默。然后在第二天又是这样。我们试着和山姆说给安莉芳一个例外，然后好觉他的妈妈放松点，但安莉芳表示并不介意。这个秘密太重要了。

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所以我一直做好充分准备去保守这个秘密。紧接着，在雷切回来两天后，保罗在海滩上跑向她，吧嗒吧嗒的隆隆声――太可爱了。当你找到你的另一半是没有秘密会被发现，或是所有关于狼人的烙印。

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雷切得到了整个故事。在某天保罗成了我的姐夫。我知道对于那个贝利同样没有太多激动不已。（第三部有提到，全是一些感情纠纷……）但他比我处理得好。当然他这些天逃脱去了清澈的水域。我没见过那里会比这更好。没有保罗，但还有莉娅。

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我想知道――一个子弹穿过我的太阳穴实际上会杀了我还是只是留下一个慌乱来让我处理？我把自己扔在床上。我累了――自从上次侦查开始我就没再睡过了。我的脑子太疯狂了。那些想法在我脑子里乱窜使我迷失了方向。真吵，然后还一直刺着我。那一定是个黄蜂堆，而不是一只小蜜蜂。蜜蜂在蛰过人之后是会死的。同样的想法一次又一次刺痛着我。

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这个等待让我疯狂，那几乎已经四个星期了。我预计，那些消息会通过这种或那种方式传来的。我在夜里坐起来想象着那回事一个怎样的方式。

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查理在电话里哭泣――贝拉和他的丈夫再一次意外里失去了。飞机失事？这是很难伪造的。除非那个吸血鬼并不介意牺牲一群旁观者来验证它，但他们为什么要这样？或许他们使用一个小型飞机代替。那里可能只有一个多余的人。

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或许凶手会独自回家，使她或他们失败？或许没有那么远。也许他在驾驶着回去时像击毁一堆碎片那样击碎她了？因为她的生命没有他的消遣重要……

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这个故事如此悲惨――贝拉在异常可怕的事故中失去了。在抢劫时出了错而成为一个受害者。在晚餐时窒息。一场车祸，就像我妈妈。那么普遍。随时都有可能发生。

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他会带她回家吗？为查理埋葬在这？当然，封闭式的灵柩仪式。我妈妈的灵柩倒是早就钉上关闭了……

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我只希望他能把她送回到这里，送到我这。

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也许再不会有故事了。如果查理从库伦博士那得到什么消息的话他会告诉我爸爸的，那只是停止一天工作而已。被遗弃的房子。库伦在电话里没有任何回答。一些二流新闻神秘地报道，犯罪嫌疑……

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那么这些将是棘手的问题――对我而言。那将很难找到他们，如果他们不想被发现。我永远无法期待。如果你又永远，你可以大海捞针地在世界每一个角落搜寻，一个一个的，看看那是否真的是根针。

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现在，我不会介意大海捞针，这至少也是一件能做的事。我讨厌知道我可能失去我的机会。如果那是他们的计划，那将给吸血鬼机会去逃跑。

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我们今晚就可以走。我们可以杀死任何一个只要我们能找到的。

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我喜欢这个计划因为我知道爱德华足以知道那个，如果我杀了他身边任何一个人，说不定我还能侥幸遇到他。

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但是山姆不会听说那个的。我们不能打破条约，让他们违背。那只是因为我们没有证据库伦一家做错了事。然而，马上就回了，因为我们都知道这是不可避免的。贝拉的归来也是其中之一，也或去不会回来。无论那种可能，一个人的生命已经失去。这意味着游戏开始了。

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在另一间房子里，保罗粗声粗气地像个骡子，也他还会再转变成喜剧成分。也许是电视节目很有趣。无论什么，都刺激着我的神经。

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我很想再次打破他的鼻子。但我并不是为了打击保罗，并非如此。

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我试着去听其它声音，风刮着树。这是不同的，这不是通过人的耳朵。有一百万种声音在风里但是我人的身体却没法听见。（言外之意就是变成狼的时候才可以。）

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那时候耳朵敏感不够。我能听见风吹过树木，吹过马路的声音，以及车的声音在你最后见到的那个蜿蜒的海滩上――岸边狭长的景色，岩石，蔚蓝色海洋延伸到地平线尽头。LaPush群岛（电影里有）接连环绕在那。游客从不在那些路边注意减缓速度的标志。

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我刚刚听见海滩上纪念品店关门的声音。我能听见开门关门时母牛的颈铃叮当的响声。我能听见爱德华的妈妈注册登记，打印出收据的声音。（吓我……）

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我能听见潮汐冲刷着海礁的声音。我能听见孩子们因冰冷的水冲刷的太快而引起的尖叫。我能听见母亲们抱怨那些湿了的衣服。我能听见一个熟悉的声音……

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我努力的听保罗骡子一样意外的破裂声然后半跳下床。

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“滚出我的房子。”我抱怨道。我知道他不会投入任何的注意力，我也坚持我自己的想法。我打开窗户跳出去这样我就可以不用再见到保罗了。那太有诱惑力了，我知道我会再扁他一次，雷切今天发怒的次数已经够多了。她将会看见他T恤衫上的血迹的，然后她不需检验就会指责我。当然，她仍然是对的。

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我一步跨到海滨上。我的拳头放在口袋里。没有人第二次看见我通往那个填满泥土的第一海滩。那是那个夏天不错的经历――没有人去管你除了短裤之外什么都不穿。

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我跟着我所听见的那个熟悉的声音，然后很容易地发现了Quil。他在新月的最南边，避免了大量的旅游人群。他保持了一贯的警戒。

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“出来水面吧，克莱尔。来吧。不，不要，哦，尼斯，亲爱的，认真一点，你想要艾米丽吼叫我吗？我不会再带你来这个海滩如果你不――噢？别阿――呃。你认为那很有趣，是吗？哈！现在是谁在笑，啊？”

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当我到达时他的嬉笑声回荡在脚踝那。她一只手拎着一个水桶，她的牛仔裤脚全湿透了。他则是有一大块湿了的污迹在他的T恤衫下。

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“那女孩身上是五只雄鹿！”我说。

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“嘿，杰克。”

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克莱尔克莱尔尖叫着把她的水桶丢在Quil膝上。“下来，下来！”他小心地把她放下来然后她跑向我。她用她的双臂紧抱着我的腿。

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“最近怎么样，克莱尔？”

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她咯咯地笑着。“Quil现在全湿了。”

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“我能看见。你妈妈呢？”

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“走了，走了，走了，”克莱尔欢唱道。“克莱尔弄得全湿了，克莱尔的妈妈从化妆舞会回来。”

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她放开我的腿，然后跑向Quil。他把她举起来让她坐在他的肩膀上。

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“听起来像有人击打两声可怕的节拍。”

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“三声，实际上。”Quil纠正道。“你错过了这个舞会。关于公爵的主题。她让我带上一个皇冠，然后艾斯米建议他们试着让我实施她的新计划。”

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“哇，我真抱歉我错过了那个。”

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“别担心。艾斯米弄了些照片，我看上去太像女人气的了。”

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“你本来就是。”

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Quil耸耸肩。“克莱尔很开心，这是重点。”

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我翻了下眼皮。这其实很容易就会被忘的。无论他们在什么阶段范围――像山姆一样的一个瘤或是如Quil像个怒骂的母山羊――他们总是流露出的和睦以及必然性都是彻头彻尾的呕吐性的诱导。

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克莱尔在他的肩膀上尖叫着，并指这地面。“真可惜，Qwil！给我，给我！”

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“哪一个，老兄？红色的？”

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“又不是在结婚！”

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“那么蓝的那个？”

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“不，不，不……”小女孩叫道，拉他的头发像在拉匹马。

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……

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“我不知道他是个男孩，”她不情愿的说，这是一个小可爱。“超声波无法看出来。薄膜就像她的皮肤一样严实的将它包围。所以，他是个神秘的小家伙。但是，在我的头脑中他是男孩。”

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“他几乎不是人类,贝拉。”

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“哪我要生下他看看.”她几乎自鸣得意的说。

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“你不能生下他”我咆哮到。

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“你太悲观了，雅各布，还有一个明确的改变就是我要从这离开。”

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我一是语塞了，我缓慢的做了个深呼吸，是图控制住我的狂怒。

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"Jake,"她说，她轻抚我的头发和脸颊，“就这样决定吧。恩”

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“不。你不能这样”，我无法改变我的心意。

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“这对你不公平，贝拉？“我凝视着暗淡的地毯说。我赤裸的脚被笔上的污迹弄脏，然后移开脚。

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“好吧。我认为你所有想法是你想你的吸血鬼超越了一切。现在你只拥有他？那不能舞蹈你的判断力。曾几何时你极力想做妈妈？如果你真的想做妈妈，哪你为社么要和吸血鬼结婚？”

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这些故事将是什么？

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所以他转动着。猜想爱德华和贝拉在上周回家，然后……

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我的胸口缓和了一些。

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至少，她还活着，没有死亡。

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我还没有意识到那对我来说有大的不同。当我以为死时直至现在，我只是一直想着她，我现在只看见那个。我看见了我永远也不会相信的，他把她活着带了回来。那不应该，因为我知道接下来会发生什么。

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是阿，这是个坏消息。查理告诉她，她听起来不大好（电话里）。她告诉他她只是病了。卡莱尔接过电话告诉查理贝拉是得了一些在南美比较罕见的疾病，说她是被隔离了。查理很疯狂，原因是甚至连他也不被允许见她。他说他不在乎会不会被传染，但是卡莱尔不肯屈服。这不是不是参观。卡莱尔说那是非常严重的，但他会尽全力。查理这几天一直焦急不安，但他只能给贝拉打电话。他说她今天听起来更糟。

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当塞斯说完之后保持内心沉默着。我们都理解。

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所以，她会死于这种疾病，在尽可能远离查理知道的地方。他们会让他去认领尸体吗？那个暗淡的，仍旧完美的，却没有呼吸的苍白身体？他们不能让他触摸那个冰凉的皮肤。――他能知道那会有多艰难。

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他们不得不一直等着直到她依旧能够支撑自己，然后继续杀掉查理或者其他送葬者？

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他们会埋葬她吗？然后她将自己挖出来，或是别的的吸血鬼把她挖出来？（前面没翻译，所以我也看不懂雅各布在这里究竟是以为贝拉快死了还是知道她快变吸血鬼了）

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其他人在沉默中听着我的猜测。我把比别人更多的心思都放在这上面了。

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莉娅和我几乎同时进入空地的。但她肯定是她的鼻子先到这的。当我小跑着占到山姆的右手边时，她的腰下降到到她的兄弟边上。

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我想知道为什么只有我一个是用脚走的。我的皮毛搭在肩上，不耐烦地立着。

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好吧，我们还在等什么？我问。

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没有人说话，但我听见了他们犹豫不决的思想。

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哦，过来！条约被破坏了！

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我们没有证据――也许她是病了……

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哦，拜托！

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好吧，所以相关迹象很明显。

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（狼人能互听对方的心思，所以这些对话都没有引号。）

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这该死的条约偏偏没有提到任何关于任何对于受害者的偏袒，山姆！

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她是受害者？你能这样标记她？

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是！

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杰克，赛斯想过了，他们不是我们的敌人。

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闭嘴，孩子！只是因为你和吸血鬼发生过某种病态的英雄崇拜的的经历，那不能改变条律。他们在我们的领地上。我们要把他们逐出去。我不在乎是否你又兴趣像从前那样和爱德华.库伦并肩作战。

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所以当贝拉同他们一起作战时你要做什么，雅各布？赛斯要求。

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她不再是贝拉了。

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你要成为取走她的那个人吗？

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我无法停止我的畏缩。

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不，你不是。所以，怎么办？你要成为我们中的一员做那些事吗？然后不再抱怨无论无论将来是谁？

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我不会……

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相信你不会。你现在还没有为这场斗争做好准备，雅各布。

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本能结束了，我屈身围着这个身材?C长的有着沙色皮毛的狼咆哮。

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雅各布！山姆警告。赛思，再次闭嘴！

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赛思点了点头。

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见鬼，我错过了什么吗？Quil在想。他跑向那个聚会已经在全面经行的地方。听说查理的电话……

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正准备走，我告诉他。为什么你没有被金摇晃然后用你的牙齿拖着杰瑞德出去？我们需要每一个人。

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来这里，Quil。山姆命令道。我们目前还没有决定什么。

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我咆哮着。

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雅各布，我不得不思考什么对我们这个群体最好。我得你选择一条路线以最好地保护你。自从我们的祖先定下这些条约以来，时代已经发生了变化。我……好吧，我没有公正诚实地去相信库伦一家会危及到我们。并且我们知道他们不会在这呆多久了。当然，一旦他们的故事被告知，他们就将消失。我们的生活就可以恢复正常了。

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正常？

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如果我们向他们挑战，雅各布，他们会把自己捍卫的很好。

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你害怕吗？

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你准备好失去一个兄弟了吗？他停顿一下。或是一个姐妹？他添了一点。

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我不怕死。

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我知道，雅各布。那只是我让你判断的一个问题。

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我盯着他乌黑的眼睛。你决定去履行我们的父亲们的条约了吗？

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我履行我的团体。我会为他们做最好的。

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懦夫。他紧绷着喷道，来回摩挲着他的牙齿。

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够了，雅各布。你被否决了。山姆的心里语言变化着，用一个奇怪的我们不能违抗的双重音。

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这个团体在未经骚扰之前不能打扰库伦一家。这个条约仅仅留下的念头。他们没有对人类产生危险，也不是让人们产生分歧的交叉口。是贝拉她自己做出的选择。我们不会因为她的选择而惩罚我们的朋友。

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听，听。赛斯思想热情。

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我想我告诉过你不要理它，赛斯。

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哎呀，抱歉，山姆。

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呃，雅各布，你认为你会去哪？

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我离开圈子这个，向西方走，以便于我能和他谈谈。我要先去和我的父亲告别。显然，长期对我用棍棒并没有什么效果。

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呃，杰克――别再这样了！

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闭嘴，赛斯。一些思想混在一起了。

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我们不想你离开。山姆说，他的思想比以前要温和了。

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所以强迫我流下来，山姆。带走我的意志，把我变成机器。

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你知道我不会那样。

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然后没有多余的话可以说了。

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我离开他们向远处跑去，尽量不去想接下来要怎样。相反的，我集中去想在我长期成为狼的那几个月，让人类的血液从我身体里流出，直到我做动物的时间比做一个男人的时间还要长。此刻的生活，饿了去吃饭，困了去睡觉，渴了去饮水，然后一直跑一直跑。

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当我把我的T恤衫和短裤系上是，我已经跑进房子里了。

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我正在这样做。我隐藏了我的想法，Sam想阻止我但是太迟了。他现在不能听见我的想法。

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Sam做了一个非常明确的裁决。这个团队不会骚扰库伦一家。

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他没有提到一个单独的行动。

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不，这个团队今天没有伤害任何一个人。

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但除了我。（第八章完）

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Paul, lounging across my whole couch, watching some stupid baseball game on my crappy TV, just grinned at me and then - real slow - he lifted one Dorito from the bag in his lap and wedged it into his mouth in one piece.

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"You betterVe brought those with you."

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Crunch. "Nope," he said while chewing. "Your sister said to go ahead and help myself to anything I wanted."

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I tried to make my voice sound like I wasn’t about to punch him. "Is Rachel here now?"

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It didn’t work. He heard where I was going and shoved the bag behind his back. The bag crackled as he smashed it into the cushion. The chips crunched into pieces. Paul’s hands came up in fists, close to his face like a boxer.

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"Bring it, kid. I don’t need Rachel to protect me."

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I snorted. "Right. Like you wouldn’t go crying to her first chance."

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He laughed and relaxed into the sofa, dropping his hands. "I’m not going to go tattle to a girl. If you got in a lucky hit, that would be just between the two of us. And vice versa, right?"

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Nice of him to give me an invitation. I made my body slump like I’d given up. "Right."

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His eyes shifted to the TV.

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I lunged.

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His nose made a very satisfying crunching sound of its own when my fist connected. He tried to grab me, but I danced out of the way before he could find a hold, the ruined bag of Doritos in my left hand.

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"You broke my nose, idiot."

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"Just between us, right, Paul?"

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I went to put the chips away. When I turned around, Paul was repositioning his nose before it could set crooked.

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The blood had already stopped; it looked like it had no source as it trickled down his lips and off his chin. He cussed, wincing as he pulled at the cartilage.

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"You are such a pain, Jacob. I swear, I’d rather hang out with Leah."

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"Ouch. Wow, I bet Leah’s really going to love to hear that you want to spend some quality time with her. It’ll just warm the cockles of her heart."

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"You’re going to forget I said that."

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"Of course. I’m sure it won’t slip out."

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"Ugh," he grunted, and then settled back into the couch, wiping the leftover blood on the collar of his t-shirt. "You’re fast, kid.I’ll give you that." He turned his attention back to the fuzzy game.

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I stood there for a second, and then I stalked off to my room, muttering about alien abductions.

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Back in the day, you could count on Paul for a fight pretty much whenever. You didn’t have to hit him then - any mild insult would do. It didn’t take a lot to flip him out of control. Now, of course, when I really wanted a good snarling, ripping, break-the-trees-down match, he had to be all mellow.

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Wasn’t it bad enough that yet another member of the pack had imprinted - because, really, that made four of ten now! When would it stop? Stupid myth was supposed to be rare, for crying out loud! All this mandatory love-at-first-sight was completely sickening!

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Did it have to be my sister? Did it have to be Paul?

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When Rachel’d come home from Washington State at the end of the summer semester - graduated early, the nerd - my biggest worry’d been that it would be hard keeping the secret around her. I wasn’t used to covering things up in my own home. It made me real sympathetic to kids like Embry and Collin, whose parents didn’t know they were werewolves. Embry’s mom thought he was going through some kind of rebellious stage. He was permanently grounded for constantly sneaking out, but, of course, there wasn’t much he could do about that. She’d check his room every night, and every night it would be empty again. She’d yell and he’d take it in silence, and then go through it all again the next day. We’d tried to talk Sam into giving Embry a break and letting his mom in on the gig, but Embry’d said he didn’t mind. The secret was too important.

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So I’d been all geared up to be keeping that secret. And then, two days after Rachel got home, Paul ran into her on the beach. Bada bing, bada boom - true love! No secrets necessary when you found your other half, and all that imprinting werewolf garbage.

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Rachel got the whole story. And I got Paul as a brother-in-law someday. I knew Billy wasn’t much thrilled about it, either. But he handled it better than I did. ’Course, he did escape to the Clearwaters’ more often than usual these days. I didn’t see where that was so much better. No Paul, but plenty of Leah.

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I wondered - would a bullet through my temple actually kill me or just leave a really big mess for me to clean up?

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I threw myself down on the bed. I was tired - hadn’t slept since my last patrol - but I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. My head was too crazy. The thoughts bounced around inside my skull like a disoriented swarm of bees. Noisy. Now and then they stung. Must be hornets, not bees. Bees died after one sting. And the same thoughts were stinging me again and again.

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This waiting was driving me insane. It had been almost four weeks. I’d expected, one way or another, the news would have come by now. I’d sat up nights imagining what form it would take.

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Charlie sobbing on the phone - Bella and her husband lost in an accident. A plane crash? That would be hard to fake. Unless the leeches didn’t mind killing a bunch of bystanders to authenticate it, and why would they? Maybe a small plane instead. They probably had one of those to spare.

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Or would the murderer come home alone, unsuccessful in his attempt to make her one of them? Or not even getting that far. Maybe he’d smashed her like a bag of chips in his drive to get some? Because her life was less important to him than his own pleasure...

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The story would be so tragic - Bella lost in a horrible accident. Victim of a mugging gone wrong. Choking to death at dinner. A car accident, like my mom. So common. Happened all the time.

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Would he bring her home? Bury her here for Charlie? Closed-casket ceremony, of course. My mom’s coffin had been nailed shut...

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I could only hope that he’d come back here, within my reach.

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Maybe there would be no story at all. Maybe Charlie would call to ask my dad if he’d heard anything from Dr. Cullen, who just didn’t show up to work one day. The house abandoned. No answer on any of the Cullens’ phones. The mystery picked up by some second-rate news program, foul play suspected...

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Maybe the big white house would burn to the ground, everyone trapped inside. Of course, they’d need bodies for that one. Eight humans of roughly the right size. Burned beyond recognition - beyond the help of dental records.

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Either of those would be tricky - for me, that is. It would be hard to find them if they didn’t want to be found. Of course, I had forever to look. If you had forever, you could check out every single piece of straw in the haystack, one by one, to see if it was the needle.

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Right now, I wouldn’t mind dismantling a haystack. At least that would be something to do. I hated knowing that I could be losing my chance. Giving the bloodsuckers the time to escape, if that was their plan.

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We could go tonight. We could kill every one of them that we could find.

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I liked that plan because I knew Edward well enough to know that, if I killed any one of his coven, I would get my chance at him, too. He’d come for revenge. And I’d give it to him - I wouldn’t let my brothers take him down as a pack. It would be just him and me. May the better man win.

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But Sam wouldn’t hear of it. We’re not going to break the treaty. Let them make the breach. Just because we had no proof that the Cullens had done anything wrong. Yet. You had to add the yet, because we all knew it was inevitable. Bella was either coming back one of them, or not coming back. Either way, a human life had been lost. And that meant game on.

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In the other room, Paul brayed like a mule. Maybe he’d switched to a comedy. Maybe the commercial was funny. Whatever. It grated on my nerves.

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I thought about breaking his nose again. But it wasn’t Paul I wanted to fight with. Not really.

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I tried to listen to other sounds, the wind in the trees, it wasn’t the same, not through human ears. There were a million voices in the wind that I couldn’t hear in this body.

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But these ears were sensitive enough. I could hear past the trees, to the road, the sounds of the cars coming around that last bend where you could finally see the beach - the vista of the islands and the rocks and the big blue ocean stretching to the horizon. The La Push cops liked to hang out right around there. Tourists never noticed the reduced speed limit sign on the other side of the road.

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I could hear the voices outside the souvenir shop on the beach. I could hear the cowbell clanging as the door opened and closed. I could hear Embry’s mom at the cash register, printing out a receipt.

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I could hear the tide raking across the beach rocks. I could hear the kids squeal as the icy water rushed in too fast for them to get out of the way. I could hear the moms complain about the wet clothes. And I could hear a familiar voice....

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I was listening so hard that the sudden burst of Paul’s donkey laugh made me jump half off the bed.

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"Get out of my house," I grumbled. Knowing he wouldn’t pay any attention, I followed my own advice. I wrenched open my window and climbed out the back way so that I wouldn’t see Paul again. It would be

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too tempting. I knew I would hit him again, and Rachel was going to be pissed enough already. She’d see the blood on his shirt, and she’d blame me right away without waiting for proof. Of course, she’d be right, but still.

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I paced down to the shore, my fists in my pockets. Nobody looked at me twice when I went through the dirt lot by First Beach. That was one nice thing about summer - no one cared if you wore nothing but shorts.

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I followed the familiar voice I’d heard and found Quil easy enough. He was on the south end of the crescent, avoiding the bigger part of the tourist crowd. He kept up a constant stream of warnings.

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"Keep out of the water, Claire. C’mon. No, don’t. Oh! Nice, kid. Seriously, do you want Emily to yell at me? I’m not bringing you back to the beach again if you don’t - Oh yeah? Don’t - ugh. You think that’s funny, do you? Hah! Who’s laughing now, huh?"

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He had the giggling toddler by the ankle when I reached them. She had a bucket in one hand, and her jeans were drenched. He had a huge wet mark down the front of his t-shirt.

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"Five bucks on the baby girl," I said.

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"Hey, Jake."

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Claire squealed and threw her bucket at Quil’s knees. "Down, down!"

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He set her carefully on her feet and she ran to me. She wrapped her arms around my leg.

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"UncaJay!"

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"How’s it going, Claire?"

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She giggled. "Qwil aaaaawl wet now."

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"I can see that. Where’s your mama?"

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"Gone, gone, gone," Claire sang, "Cwaire pway wid Qwil aaaawl day. Cwaire nebber gowin home." She let go of me and ran to Quil. He scooped her up and slung her onto his shoulders.

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"Sounds like somebody’s hit the terrible twos."

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"Threes actually," Quil corrected. "You missed the party. Princess theme. She made me wear a crown, and then Emily suggested they all try out her new play makeup on me."

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"Wow, I’m really sorry I wasn’t around to see that."

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"Don’t worry, Emily has pictures. Actually, I look pretty hot."

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"You’re such a patsy."

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Quil shrugged. "Claire had a great time. That was the point."

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I rolled my eyes. It was hard being around imprinted people. No matter what stage they were in - about to tie the knot like Sam or just a much-abused nanny like Quil - the peace and certainty they always radiated was downright puke-inducing.

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Claire squealed on his shoulders and pointed at the ground. "Pity wock, Qwil! For me, for me!"

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"Which one, kiddo? The red one?"

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"No wed!"

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Quil dropped to his knees - Claire screamed and pulled his hair like a horse’s reigns.

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"This blue one?"

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"No, no, no...," the little girl sang, thrilled with her new game.

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The weird part was, Quil was having just as much fun as she was. He didn’t have that face on that so many of the tourist dads and moms were wearing - the when-is-nap-time? face. You never saw a real parent so jazzed to play whatever stupid kiddie sport their rugrat could think up. I’d seen Quil play peekaboo for an hour straight without getting bored.

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And I couldn’t even make fun of him for it - I envied him too much.

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Though I did think it sucked that he had a good fourteen years of monkitude ahead of him until Claire was his age - for Quil, at least, it was a good thing werewolves didn’t get older. But even all that time didn’t seem to bother him much.

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"Quil, you ever think about dating?" I asked.

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"Huh?"

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"No, no yewwo!" Claire crowed.

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"You know. A real girl. I mean, just for now, right? On your nights off babysitting duty."

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Quil stared at me, his mouth hanging open.

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"Pity wock! Pity wock!" Claire screamed when he didn’t offer her another choice. She smacked him on the head with her little fist.

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"Sorry, Claire-bear. How about this pretty purple one?"

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"No," she giggled. "No poopoh."

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"Give me a clue. I’m begging, kid."

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Claire thought it over. "Gween," she finally said.

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Quil stared at the rocks, studying them. He picked four rocks in different shades of green, and offered them to her.

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"Did I get it?’7

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"Yay!"

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"Which one?"

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Vlaaaaw/obdem!!"

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She cupped her hands and he poured the small rocks into them. She laughed and immediately clunked him on the head with them. He winced theatrically and then got to his feet and started walking back up toward the parking lot. Probably worried about her getting cold in her wet clothes. He was worse than any paranoid, overprotective mother.

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"Sorry if I was being pushy before, man, about the girl thing," I said.

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"Naw, that’s cool," Quil said. "It kind of took me by surprise is all. I hadn’t thought about it."

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"I bet she’d understand. You know, when she’s grown up. She wouldn’t get mad that you had a life while she was in diapers."

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"No, I know. I’m sure she’d understand that."

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He didn’t say anything else.

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"But you won’t do that, will you?" I guessed.

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"I can’t see it," he said in a low voice. "I can’t imagine. I just don’t... see anyone that way. I don’t notice girls anymore, you know. I don’t see their faces."

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"Put that together with the tiara and makeup, and maybe Claire will have a different kind of competition to worry about."

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Quil laughed and made kissing noises at me. "You available this Friday, Jacob?"

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"You wish," I said, and then I made a face. "Yeah, guess I am, though."
He hesitated a second and then said, "You ever think about dating?"

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I sighed. Guess I’d opened myself up for that one.

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"You know, Jake, maybe you should think about getting a life."

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He didn’t say it like a joke. His voice was sympathetic. That made it worse.

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"I don’t see them, either, Quil. I don’t see their faces."

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Quil sighed, too.

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Far away, too low for anyone but just us two to hear it over the waves, a howl rose out of the forest.

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"Dang, that’s Sam," Quil said. His hands flew up to touch Claire, as if making sure she was still there. "I don’t know where her mom’s at!"

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Til see what it is. If we need you, HI let you know." I raced through the words. They came out all slurred together. "Hey, why don’t you take her up to the Clearwaters’? Sue and Billy can keep an eye on her if they need to. They might know what’s going on, anyway."

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"Okay - get outta here, Jake!"

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I took off running, not for the dirt path through the weedy hedge, but in the shortest line toward the forest. I hurdled the first line of driftwood and then ripped my way through the briars, still running. I felt the little tears as the thorns cut into my skin, but I ignored them. Their sting would be healed before I made the trees.

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I cut behind the store and darted across the highway. Somebody honked at me. Once in the safety of the trees, I ran faster, taking longer strides. People would stare if I was out in the open. Normal people couldn’t run like this. Sometimes I thought it might be fun to enter a race - you know, like the Olympic trials or something. It would be cool to watch the expressions on those star athletes’ faces when I blew by them. Only I was pretty sure the testing they did to make sure you weren’t on steroids would probably turn up some really freaky crap in my blood.

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As soon as I was in the true forest, unbound by roads or houses, I skidded to a stop and kicked my shorts off. With quick, practiced moves, I rolled them up and tied them to the leather cord around my ankle. As I was still pulling the ends tight, I started shifting. The fire trembled down my spine, throwing tight spasms out along my arms and legs. It only took a second. The heat flooded through me, and I felt the silent shimmer that made me something else. I threw my heavy paws against the matted earth and stretched my back in one long, rolling extension.

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Phasing was very easy when I was centered like this. I didn’t have issues with my temper anymore. Except when it got in the way.

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For one half second, I remembered the awful moment at that unspeakable joke of a wedding. I’d been so insane with fury that I couldn’t make my body work right. I’d been trapped, shaking and burning, unable to make the change and kill the monster just a few feet away from me. It had been so confusing. Dying to kill him. Afraid to hurt her. My friends in the way. And then, when I was finally able to take the form I wanted, the order from my leader. The edict from the Alpha. If it had been just Embry and Quil there that night without Sam... would I have been able to kill the murderer, then?

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I hated it when Sam laid down the law like that. I hated the feeling of having no choice. Of having to obey.

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And then I was conscious of an audience. I was not alone in my thoughts.

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So self-absorbed all the time,Leah thought.

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Yeah, no hypocrisy there, Leah,I thought back.

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Can it, guys,Sam told us.

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We fell silent, and I felt Leah’s wince at the word guys. Touchy, like always.

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Sam pretended not to notice. Where’s Quil andJared?

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Quit’s got Claire. He’s taking her to the Clearwaters’.

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Good. Sue will take her.

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Jared was going to Kim’s,Embry thought. Good chance he didn’t hear you.

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There was a low grumble through the pack. I moaned along with them. When Jared finally showed up, no doubt he’d still be thinking about Kim. And nobody wanted a replay of what they were up to right now.

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Sam sat back on his haunches and let another howl rip into the air. It was a signal and an order in one.

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The pack was gathered a few miles east of where I was. I loped through the thick forest toward them. Leah,

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Embry, and Paul all were working in toward them, too. Leah was close - soon I could hear her footfalls not far into the woods. We continued in a parallel line, choosing not to run together.

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Well, we’re not waiting all day for him. He’ll just have to catch up later.

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’Sup, boss?Paul wanted to know.

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We need to talk. Something’s happened.

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I felt Sam’s thoughts flicker to me - and not just Sam’s, but Seth’s and Collin’s and Brady’s as well. Collin and Brady - the new kids - had been running patrol with Sam today, so they would know whatever he knew. I didn’t know why Seth was already out here, and in the know. It wasn’t his turn.

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Seth, tell them what you heard.

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I sped up, wanting to be there. I heard Leah move faster, too. She hated being outrun. Being the fastest was the only edge she claimed.

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Claimthis, moron, she hissed, and then she really kicked it into gear. I dug my nails into the loam and shot myself forward.

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Sam didn’t seem in the mood to put up with our usual crap. Jake, Leah, give it a rest.

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Neither of us slowed.

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Sam growled, but let it go. Seth?

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Charlie called around till he found Billy at my house.

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Yeah, I talked to him,Paul added.

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I felt a jolt go through me as Seth thought Charlie’s name. This was it. The waiting was over. I ran faster, forcing myself to breathe, though my lungs felt kinda stiff all of a sudden.

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Which story would it be?

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So he’s all flipped out. Guess Edward and Bella got home last week, and...

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My chest eased up.

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She was alive. Or she wasn’t dead dead, at least.

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I hadn’t realized how much difference it would make to me. I’d been thinking of her as dead this whole time, and I only saw that now. I saw that I’d never believed that he would bring her back alive. It shouldn’t matter, because I knew what was coming next.

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Yeah, bro, and here’s the bad news. Charlie talked to her, said she sounded bad. She told him she’s sick. Carlisle got on and told Charlie that Bella picked up some rare disease in South America. Said she’s quarantined. Charlie’s going crazy, ’cause even he’s not allowed to see her. He says he doesn’t care if he gets sick, but Carlisle wouldn’t bend. No visitors. Told Charlie it was pretty serious, but that he’s doing everything he can. Charlie’s been stewing about it for days, but he only called Billy now. He said she sounded worse today.

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The mental silence when Seth finished was profound. We all understood.

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So she would die of this disease, as far as Charlie knew. Would they let him view the corpse? The pale, perfectly still, unbreathing white body? They couldn’t let him touch the cold skin - he might notice how hard it was.

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They’d have to wait until she could hold still, could keep from killing Charlie and the other mourners. How long would that take?

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Would they bury her? Would she dig herself out, or would the bloodsuckers come for her?

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The others listened to my speculating in silence. I’d put a lot more thought into this than any of them.

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Leah and I entered the clearing at nearly the same time. She was sure her nose led the way, though. She dropped onto her haunches beside her brother while I trotted forward to stand at Sam’s right hand. Paul circled and made room for me in my place.

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Beatcha again,Leah thought, but I barely heard her.

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I wondered why I was the only one on my feet. My fur stood up on my shoulders, bristling with impatience.

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Well, what are we waiting for?I asked.

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No one said anything, but I heard their feelings of hesitation.

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Oh, come on! The treaty’s broken!

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We have no proof - maybe sheis sick....

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OH, PLEASE!

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Okay, so the circumstantial evidence is pretty strong. Still... Jacob.Sam’s thought came slow, hesitant. Are you sure this is what you want? Is it really the right thing? We all know what she wanted.

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The treaty doesn’t mention anything about victim preferences, Sam!

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Is she really a victim? Would you label her that way?

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Yes!

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Jake,Seth thought, they aren’t our enemies.

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Shut up, kid! Just ’cause you’ve got some kind of sick hero worship thing going on with that bloodsucker, it doesn’t change the law. They are our enemies. They are in our territory. We take them out. I don’t care if you had fun fighting alongside Edward Cullen once upon a time.

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So what are you going to do when Bella fights with them, Jacob? Huh?Seth demanded.

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She’s not Bella anymore.

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You gonna be the one to take her down?

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I couldn’t stop myself from wincing.

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No, you’re not. So, what? You gonna make one of us do it? And then hold a grudge against whoever it is forever?

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I wouldn’t...

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Sure you won’t. You’re not ready for this fight, Jacob.

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Instinct took over and I crouched forward, snarling at the gangly sand-colored wolf across the circle.

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Jacob!Sam cautioned. Seth, shut up for a second.

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Seth nodded his big head.

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Dang, what’d I miss? Quthought. He was running for the gathering place full-out. Heard about Charlie’s call....

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Were getting ready to go,I told him. Why don’t you swing by Kim’s and drag Jared out with your teeth? We’re going to need everyone.

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Come straight here, Quil,Sam ordered. We’ve decided nothing yet.

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I growled.

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Jacob, I have to think about what’s best for this pack. I have to choose the course that protects you all best. Times have changed since our ancestors made that treaty. I... well, I don’t honestly believe that the Cullens are a danger to us. And we know that they will not be here much longer. Surely once they’ve told their story, they will disappear. Our lives can return to normal.

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Normal?

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If we challenge them, Jacob, they will defend themselves well.

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Are you afraid?

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Are you so ready to losea brother? He paused. Or a sister? he tacked on as an afterthought.

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I’m not afraid to die.

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I know that, Jacob. It’s one reason I question your judgment on this.

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I stared into his black eyes. Do you intend to honor our fathers’ treaty or not?

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I honor my pack. I do what’s best for them.

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Coward.

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His muzzle tensed, pulling back over his teeth.

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Enough, Jacob. You’re overruled.Sam’s mental voice changed, took on that strange double timbre that we could not disobey. The voice of the Alpha. He met the gaze of every wolf in the circle.

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The pack is not attacking the Cullens without provocation. The spirit of the treaty remains. They are nota danger to our people, nor are they a danger to the people of Forks. Bella Swan made an informed choice, and we are not going to punish our former allies for her choice.

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Hear, hear,Seth thought enthusiastically.

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thought I told you to shut it, Seth.

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Oops. Sorry, Sam.

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Jacob, where do you think you’re going?

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I left the circle, moving toward the west so that I could turn my back on him. I’m going to tell my father goodbye. Apparently there was no purpose in me sticking around this long.

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Aw, Jake - don’t do that again!

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Shut up, Seth,several voices thought together.

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We don’t want you to leave,Sam told me, his thought softer than before.

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So force me to stay, Sam. Take away my will. Make me a slave.

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You know I won’t do that Then there’s nothing more to say.

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I ran away from them, trying very hard not to think about what was next. Instead, I concentrated on my memories of the long wolf months, of letting the humanity bleed out of me until I was more animal than man. Living in the moment, eating when hungry, sleeping when tired, drinking when thirsty, and running??- running just to run. Simple desires, simple answers to those desires. Pain came in easily managed forms. The pain of hunger. The pain of cold ice under your paws. The pain of cutting claws when dinner got feisty. Each pain had a simple answer, a clear action to end that pain.

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Not like being human.

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Yet, as soon as I was in jogging distance of my house, I shifted back into my human body. I needed to be able to think in privacy.

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I untied my shorts and yanked them on, already running for the house.

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I’d done it. I’d hidden what I was thinking and now it was too late for Sam to stop me. He couldn’t hear me now.

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Sam had made a very clear ruling. The pack would not attack the Cullens. Okay.

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He hadn’t mentioned an individual acting alone.

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Nope, the pack wasn’t attacking anyone today.

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But I was.

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