通译双语文库:故园风雨后第八章马尔卡斯特和我保卫祖国——塞巴斯蒂安在国外—

1

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我是在一九二六年春天因当时的总罢工回到伦敦的。这次总罢工是巴黎的主题。法国人对老朋友的困境总是喜闻乐见的，而且把海峡对面我们的那些含混不清的概念都想办法变成了他们自己精准的术语，预言英国会发生革命和内战。

1

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I RETURNED to London in the spring of 1926 for the General Strike. It was the topic of Paris. The French, exultant as always at the discomfiture of their former friends, and transposing into their own precise terms our mistier notions from across the Channel, foretold revolution and civil war.

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每晚报刊亭都要展示这场厄运的文字消息，并且老熟人在咖啡馆遇见还会半带嘲讽地打着招呼：“哈，我的朋友，你在这儿总比在家里强多了，是吧？”……直到我和几个处境相同的朋友真的相信我们的祖国正处在危难之中，并且我们应该报效国家为止。

2

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Every evening the kiosks displayed texts of doom, and, in the cafés, acquaintances greeted one half-derisively with: ‘Ha, my friend, you are better off here than at home, are you not?’ until I and several friends in circumstances like my own came seriously to believe that our country was in danger and that our duty lay there.

3

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我们中间还加入了一个比利时未来党人，平时他用的是个假名——我认为是假的，让·德·布里萨克·拉·莫特，他声称在任何地方、任何战争中，都有权拿起武器镇压下层阶级。

3

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We were joined by a Belgian Futurist, who lived under the, I think, assumed name of Jean de Brissac la Motte, and claimed the right to bear arms in any battle anywhere against the lower classes.?

4

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我们走到一起了，精神亢奋，纯男性的圈子，大家盼望着到了多佛尔，在我们面前展现出近些年来在欧洲各地反复出现且雷同的历史场景。我脑海里勾画出的一幅虽然是拼凑出的，但却清晰的“革命”画面——邮政局上红旗招展，有轨电车被推翻了，到处是喝得醉醺醺的士兵，监狱门大开，跑出来的犯人成群结伙在街头游荡，从首都开出的火车永远到不了目的地。

4

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We crossed together, in a high-spirited, male party, expecting to find unfolding before us at Dover the history so often repeated of late, with so few variations, from all parts of Europe, that I, at any rate, had formed in my mind a clear, composite picture of ‘Revolution’ - the red flag on the post office, the overturned tram, the drunken N.C.O.s, the gaol open and gangs of released criminals prowling the streets, the train from the capital that did not arrive.

5

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这样的情形人们在报纸上读到过，在电影里看到过，还在咖啡馆的桌子旁反复听了有六七年……直到它现在成了一个人的亲身经历，虽然是二手的，就像佛兰德的泥浆和美索不达米亚的苍蝇那样。

5

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One had read it in the papers, seen it in the films, heard it at café tables again and again for six or seven years now, till it had become part of one’s experience, at second hand, like the mud of Flanders and the flies of Mesopotamia.?

6

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后来我们停船上岸，经历的是海关的那套例行手续，准点到达的邮船联运列车，在维多利亚站月台上排成一排、聚在头等车厢边上的搬运工，以及一长队的出租车。

6

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Then we landed and met the old routine of the customs-shed, the punctual boat-train, the porters lining the platform at Victoria and converging on the first-class carriages; the long line of waiting taxis.

7

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“先分头行动，”我们说，“摸摸情况。晚饭时再碰头，交换消息。”不过我们心下已经知道什么事也没发生，至少，没发生需要我们报效的事。

7

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‘We’ll separate,’ we said, and see what’s happening. We’ll meet and compare notes at dinner,’ but we knew already in our hearts that nothing was happening; nothing, at any rate, which needed our presence.

8

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“噢，亲爱的，”我父亲说道，他正好在楼梯口碰见我，“这么快又见到你可真叫人高兴啊。（我去国外十五个月了。）你回来赶上这么尴尬的时候，知道吧。过两天他们还要再来一次大罢工——通通瞎胡扯——我就不知道你什么时候才能离开了。”

8

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‘Oh dear, ‘ said my father, meeting me by chance on the stairs, ‘how delightful to see you again so soon.’ (I had been abroad fifteen months.) ‘You’ve come at a very awkward time, you know. They’re having another of those strikes in two days - such a lot of nonsense - and I don’t know when you’ll be able to get away.’

9

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我想起我放弃了塞纳河畔路亮灯时的晚会和本应在那里的同伴们——当时我正想着两位解放了的美国姑娘，她们合住在奥特伊尔区的单身宿舍里——这一想，我真希望自己没回来。

9

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I thought of the evening I was forgoing, with the lights coming out along the banks of the Seine, and the company I should have had there - for I was at the time concerned with two emancipated American girls who shared a gar?onnière in Auteuil - and wished I had not come.

10

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这天晚上我们在皇家咖啡馆吃的饭。那天的气氛倒是有少许战争的意味，咖啡馆里挤满了到伦敦服义务兵役的大学生。从剑桥来的一伙人整个下午都在签名当运输部的送信的，而他们桌子后面的另一伙学生则被录用为特种警察了。这一派或那一派不时地会掉过头来向对方挑衅，只不过这种背对背的挑衅不会造成什么大不了的冲突，他们互敬了高杯的淡啤酒后事态才得以平息。

10

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We dined that night at the Café Royal. There things were a little more warlike, for the Café was full of undergraduates who had come down for ‘National Service’. One group, from Cambridge, had that afternoon signed on to run messages for Trans-port House, and their table backed on another group’s, who were enrolled as special constables. Now and then one or other party would shout provocatively over the shoulder, but it is hard to come into serious conflict back to back, and the affair ended with their giving each other tall glasses of lager beer.

11

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“你们应该在霍尔希开进布达佩斯的时候到达那儿才对，”吉恩说，“那才是政治。”

11

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‘You should have been in Budapest when Horthy marched in’ said Jean. ‘That was politics.’

12

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这天晚上瑞金特公园里有一个为才刚抵埠的“黑鸟”乐队举行的派对。我们中有一位受邀前往，于是大家都跟着去了。

12

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A party was being given that night in Regent’s Park for the ‘Black Birds’ who had newly arrived in England. One of us had been asked and thither we all went.

13

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对于我们这些经常出入布洛梅大道的“砖顶”咖啡馆和黑人舞厅的人来说，那里并不算有什么特色。一进公园，我就听到了一个绝对不会听岔的声音，恍惚间像从遥远的过去传来的回声。

13

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To us, who frequented Bricktop’s and the Bal Nègre in the Rue Blomet, there was nothing particularly remarkable in the spectacle; I was scarcely inside the door when I heard an unmistakable voice, an echo from what now seemed a distant past.?

14

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“不，”那声音说道，“他们不是动物园里让人瞪着眼瞧的动物，马尔卡斯特。他们是艺术家，亲爱的，非常伟大的艺术家，理应被尊重。”

14

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‘No,’ it said, ‘they are not animals in a zoo, Mulcaster, to be goggled at. They are artists, my dear, very great artists, to be revered.’

15

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安东尼·布兰奇和博伊·马尔卡斯特这时正坐在桌边，桌上摆着葡萄酒。

15

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Anthony Blanche and Boy Mulcaster were at the table where the wine stood.

16

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“感谢上帝啊，我在这儿还有认识的人。”马尔卡斯特说，我跟他们坐到一起。“是个姑娘带我来的，可现在不知道她跑哪儿去了。”

16

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‘Thank God here’s someone I know,’ said Mulcaster, as I joined them. ‘Girl brought me. Can’t see her anywhere.’

17

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“溜了呗，亲爱的，你知道为什么吗？因为你看上去不可理喻地不适合这个地方，马尔卡斯特。这里压根儿就不是你这种人来的地方，你不该在这儿的，知道吗，应该去老一百号，再不就去贝尔格雷夫街参加那种悲催的跳舞会。”

17

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‘She’s given you the slip, my dear, and do you know why? Because you look ridiculously out of place, Mulcaster. It isn’t your kind of party at all; you ought not to be here; you ought to go away, you know, to the Old Hundredth or some lugubrious dance in Belgrave Square.’

18

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“我就是从舞会来的，”马尔卡斯特说，“去老一百号现在还太早。我还得在这儿再待待。保不齐会热闹起来。”

18

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‘Just come from one, ‘ said Mulcaster. ‘Too early for the Old Hundredth. I’ll stay on a bit. Things may cheer up.’

19

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“真不想搭理你，”安东尼说，“查尔斯，还是咱俩说说话吧。”

19

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‘I spit on you,’ said Anthony. ‘Let me talk to you, Charles.’

20

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我们拿上酒和杯子到另一间屋里找了个角落。我们的脚边有五个“黑鸟”乐队的人蹲着玩掷骰子。

20

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We took a bottle and our glasses and found a comer in another room. At our feet five members of the ‘Black Birds’ orchestra squatted on their heels and threw dice.?

21

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“那边那个，”安东尼说，“就是小脸惨白的那个，亲爱的，有天早晨他照着阿诺德·弗里克海姆太太的脑袋上哐地来了一下，亲爱的，牛奶瓶。”

21

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‘That one, ‘ said Anthony, ‘the rather pale one, my dear, conked Mrs Arnold Frickheimer the other morning on the nut, my dear, with a bottle of milk.’

22

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不可避免地，我们几乎立刻就说起了塞巴斯蒂安。

22

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Almost immediately, inevitably, we began to talk of Sebastian.?

23

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“亲爱的，他已然成了酒鬼了。去年你把他甩了以后他就跟我一起住在马赛，真够我受的。整天像个有钱的老女人一样喝喝喝，还遮遮掩掩的。我老丢些小东西，亲爱的，都是我很喜欢的。那天早晨，我不见了两套衣服，后来到了莱斯利和罗伯茨那里。当然啦，我还不知道就是塞巴斯蒂安干的——因为我那套小公寓进进出出的都是些阴阳怪气的家伙，我亲爱的。我偏爱这一口儿你再清楚不过了。嘿，末了，我们发现了塞巴斯蒂安当当当掉我东西的当铺，只是后来他手里没当票了……当票也有市场，在酒馆里就可以作价卖掉。

23

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‘My dear, he’s such a sot. He came to live with me in Marseille last year when you threw him over, and really it was as much as I could stand. Sip, sip, sip like a dowager all day long. And so sly. I was always missing little things, my dear, things I rather liked; once I lost two suits that had arrived from Lesley and Roberts that morning. Of course, I didn’t know it was Sebastian - there were some rather queer fish, my dear, in and out of my little apartment. Who knows better than you my taste for queer fish?? Well, eventually, my dear, we found the pawnshop where Sebastian was p-p-popping them and then he hadn’t got the tickets; there was a market for them, too, at the bistro.

24

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“我看得出来你眼里那种清教徒式的、不以为然的光，亲爱的查尔斯，你别以为是我教唆的那孩子吧。这就是塞巴斯蒂安不招人喜欢的一点了，他给人的感觉就好像是老有人在教教教唆他——好像马戏团的小马驹要被牵着跑似的。可是我敢保证，什么事情我都做尽了。我一再跟他说：‘为什么老喝酒？如果你想陶醉一下的话，开心事大把大把的啊。’

24

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‘I can see that puritanical, disapproving look in your eye, dear Charles, as though you thought I had led the boy on. It’s one of Sebastian’s less lovable qualities that he always gives the impression of being l-1-led on - like a little horse at a circus. But I assure you I did everything. I said to him again and again, “Why drink? If you want to be intoxicated there are so many much more delicious things.”

25

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我带他去找了那个最棒的哥们儿，对了，你跟我一样很了解那个人，纳达·阿罗波夫、让·勒克斯莫尔，所有我们认识的人，都和他认得好几年——他总是去里贾纳酒吧——可是后来我们都因为这个惹了麻烦，因为塞巴斯蒂安给他一张空头支票——一张假假假的，我亲爱的——一大帮凶神恶煞的家伙闯到我们公寓来了——敢打砸抢的人哪，亲爱的——当时塞巴斯蒂安还不知道发生什么了呢，真是扫兴透顶。”

25

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I took him to quite the best man; well, you know him as well as I do, Nada Alopov and Jean Luxmore and everyone we know has been to him for years - he’s always in the Regina Bar - and then we had trouble over that because Sebastian gave him a bad cheque - a s-s-stumer, my dear - and a whole lot of very menacing men came round to the flat thugs, my dear - and Sebastian was making no sense at the time and it was all most unpleasant.’

26

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这时博伊·马尔卡斯特凑过来坐下，也不用我说，一屁股坐到我旁边。

26

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Boy Mulcaster wandered towards us and sat down, without encouragement, by my side.

27

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“那边的酒快喝光了。”他说着，兀自拿起我们的酒瓶倒酒，倒空。“这个地方没一个打眼的——都是些黑家伙。”

27

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‘Drink running short in there,’ he said, helping himself from our bottle and emptying it. ‘Not a soul in the place I ever set eyes on before - all black fellows.’

28

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安东尼没理会他，继续说道：“这以后我们就离开了马赛，又去了丹吉尔，在那里，亲爱的，塞巴斯蒂安和他新认识的又打得火热。怎么形容他好呢？他很像《警示的阴影》里演的那个男仆——德国人的大块头，在外籍军团干过。因为大脚指头掉了才离开的军团。到现在伤口还没好利索。

28

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Anthony ignored him and continued: ‘So then we left Marseille and went to Tangier, and there, my dear, Sebastian took up with his new friend. How can I describe him? He is like the footman in Warning Shadows - a great clod of a German who’d been in the Foreign Legion. He got out by shooting off his great toe. It hadn’t healed yet.

29

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塞巴斯蒂安见着他时，他正在卡斯巴街当推销员，总饿肚子。样子吓人得很。塞巴斯蒂安把他带来跟我们住在一起。太可怕了。所以我就回来了，亲爱的，回到友善、悠久的英格兰——友善、悠久的英格兰。”他重复了一遍，还把手一挥，把在我们脚边赌博的黑人也揽进去了。马尔卡斯特呆呆地目视前方，我们身穿睡袍的女主人正向我们介绍着自己。

29

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Sebastian found him, starving as tout to one of the houses in the Kasbah, and brought him to stay with us. It was too macabre. So back I came, my dear, to good old England - Good old England,’ he repeated, embracing with a flourish of his hand the Negroes gambling at our feet, Mulcaster staring blankly before him, and our hostess who, in pyjamas, now introduced herself to us.

30

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“从来没见过你们，”她说，“也从来没请过你们。话说回来了，这些白废物都是什么人？我八成走错门了。”

30

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‘Never seen you before,’ she said. ‘Never asked you. Who are all this white trash, anyway? Seems to me I must be in the wrong house.’

31

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“国家危急时刻，”马尔卡斯特说，“凡事都有可能发生。”

31

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‘A time of national emergency,’ said Mulcaster. ‘Anything may happen.’

32

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“派对挺好？”她急切地，“你们觉得今晚弗罗伦斯·米尔斯会唱歌吗？我们以前见过。”她又对安东尼补充说道。

32

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‘Is the party going well?’ she asked anxiously. ‘D’you think Florence Mills would sing? We’ve met before,’ she added to Anthony.

33

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“常见，我亲爱的，可是今儿晚上你没请我啊。”

33

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‘Often, my dear, but you never asked me tonight.’

34

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“哦，亲爱的，也许因为我不喜欢你吧。我还以为我谁都喜欢呢。”

34

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‘Oh dear, perhaps I don’t like you. I thought I liked everyone.’

35

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“你们觉得怎么样，”女主人走后马尔卡斯特问道，“报个火警会不会很有趣？”

35

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‘Do you think,’ asked Mulcaster, when our hostess had left us, ‘that it might be witty to give the fire alarm?’

36

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“不错，博伊，赶紧跑，打电话去。”

36

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‘Yes, Boy, run away and ring it.’

37

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“我的意思是，这样也许会热闹起来。”

37

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‘Might cheer things up, I mean.’

38

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“错不了。”

38

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‘Exactly.’

39

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马尔卡斯特走开找电话去了。

39

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So Mulcaster left us in search of the telephone.

40

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“我猜塞巴斯蒂安和他那位瘸腿的朋友去了法属摩洛哥了，”安东尼继续说道，“我走的时候，丹吉尔的警察正在找他们的麻烦呢。自打回来伦敦，这侯爵夫人又来讨人厌了，她想让我跟他们联系上。这个可怜的女人过的是什么日子哦！这只能说明人生自有正义在的。”过了一会儿米尔斯小姐开始唱歌了，除了那几位掷骰子赌博的人之外，大家都拥到隔壁房间去了。

40

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‘I think Sebastian and his lame chum went to French Morocco,’ continued Anthony. ‘They were in trouble with the Tangier police when I left them. The Marchioness has been a positive pest ever since I came to London, trying to make me get into touch with them. What a time that poor woman’s having! It only shows there’s some justice in life.’ Presently Miss Mills began to sing and everyone, except the crap players, crowded to the next room.

41

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“那位就是我的姑娘，”马尔卡斯特说，“和那个黑人在一起的那个……就是她把我带过来的。”

41

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‘That’s my girl,’ said Mulcaster. ‘Over there, with that black fellow. That’s the girl who brought me.’

42

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“她好像已经把你给忘了。”

42

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‘She seems to have forgotten you now.’

43

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“是忘了。真还不如不来呢。咱们去别的地方吧。”

43

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‘Yes. I wish I hadn’t come. Let’s go somewhere.’

44

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我们离开时，开来了两辆救火车，一大群戴着防护面具的人将楼上拥得水泄不通。

44

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Two fire engines drove up as we left and a host of helmeted figures joined the throng upstairs.?

45

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“那个家伙，布兰奇，”马尔卡斯特说，“不是个好东西。有一次我把他丢进池子里去了。”

45

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‘That chap, Blanche,’ said Mulcaster, ‘not a good fellow. I put him in Mercury once.’

46

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我们又去了几家夜总会。在两年的时间里马尔卡斯特看来已经实现了他的那个简单的抱负，他在这种地方出了名，受到欢迎。在最后一家，我和他被狂热的爱国主义感召得都激动开了。

46

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We went to a number of night clubs. In two years Mulcaster seemed to have attained his simple ambition of being known and liked in such places. At the last of them he and I were kindled by a great flame of patriotism.

47

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“你和我，”他说道，“我们还太年轻，不能参战打仗去。别的小伙子去战斗了，阵亡了几百万。不是我们。我们要让他们看看，我们要向那些死去的人证明，我们也能打仗。”

47

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‘You and I ‘ he said, ‘were too young to fight in the war. Other chaps fought, millions of them dead. Not us. We’ll show them. We’ll show the dead chaps we can fight, too.’

48

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“我就是为这个回来的，”我说道，“从海外归来，祖国什么时候需要我就什么时候在。”

48

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‘That’s why I’m here,’ I said. ‘Come from overseas, rallying to old country in hour of need.’

49

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“像澳大利亚人一样。”

49

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‘Like Australians.’

50

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“像那些可怜的、死掉了的澳大利亚人。”

50

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‘Like the poor dead Australians.’

51

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“你在哪个部门？”

51

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‘What you in?’

52

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“不知道。还在备战。”

52

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‘Nothing yet. War not ready.’

53

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“要去就去一个地方——比尔·梅多斯战队，防卫团。全是棒小伙子。正在布拉特俱乐部那里招人呢。”

53

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‘Only one thing to join - Bill Meadows’ show Defence Corps. All good chaps. Being fixed in Bratt’s.’

54

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“我要参加。”

54

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‘I’ll join.’

55

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“你还记得布拉特俱乐部吗？”

55

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‘You remember Bratt’s?’

56

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“不记得，那我也参加。”

56

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‘No. I’ll join that, too.’

57

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“那好。所有的好小伙子都会像那些战死的小伙子一样。”

57

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‘That’s right. All good chaps like the dead chaps.’

58

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我就这样参加了比尔·梅多斯战队，这是一个飞行小队，负责保卫伦敦防备最薄弱的地区的食品运输。起先我被编入防卫团，宣誓效忠，还发给了我一个头盔和一根警棍。随后我又被提名为布拉特俱乐部的会员，并且和其他应召者一起在为因应这种形势特别召开的代表大会上当选了。我们一个星期一直待在布拉特俱乐部里整装待命，有时一天出动三次，坐在卡车上给要护送的运牛奶车开路。我们被人嘲笑，有时还被恶言相向，但我们仅只实施了一次行动。

58

-

So I joined Bill Meadows’ show, which was a flying squad, protecting food deliveries in the poorest parts of London. First I was enrolled in the Defence Corps, took an oath of loyalty, and was given a helmet and truncheon; then I was put up for Bratt’s Club and, with a number of other recruits, elected at a committee meeting specially called for the occasion. For a week we sat under orders in Bratt’s and thrice a day we drove out in a lorry at the head of a convoy of milk vans. We were jeered at and sometimes pelted with muck but only once did we go into action.

59

-

那天吃完了午饭，大家围坐在一起，比尔·梅多斯打完电话神气活现地回来。

59

-

We were sitting round after luncheon that day when Bill Meadows came back from the telephone in high spirits.

60

-

“注意，”他说道，“商业路上有场恶战。”

60

-

‘Come on,’ he said. ‘There’s a perfectly good battle in the Commercial Road.’

61

-

我们飞速开车前往，到了那儿只见两根灯柱间拉起了一根钢丝绳，一辆卡车被推翻在地，人行道上只剩下了一个警察，五六个年轻人正拳打脚踢。离打作一团的人不远的地方，聚着两股敌对人马。跳下车，近处又有个警察坐在人行道上，两眼发呆，两手抱着头，鲜血顺着指缝流出。两个同情者正紧紧盯着他。钢丝绳那边是一小撮充满敌意的码头工人。

61

-

We drove at great speed and arrived to find a steel hawser stretched between lamp posts, an overturned truck and a policeman, alone on the pavement, being kicked by half a dozen youths. On either side of this centre of disturbance, and at a little distance from it, two opposing parties had formed. Near us, as we disembarked, a second policeman was sitting on the pavement, dazed, with his head in his hands and blood running through his fingers; two or three sympathizers were standing over him; on the other side of the hawser was a hostile knot of young dockers.

62

-

我们兴高采烈地冲进去，先解救了警察，才刚冲进敌人堆里，却和从另一条路同时赶到的、想来劝阻游说的当地教士和城市议会议员们起了冲突。他们刚赶到时，不知是谁喊了一声：“小心，警察来了。”这时一辆满载警察的卡车在我们后面停下，于是这伙教士和议员就成了我们硕果仅存的战利品。

62

-

We charged in cheerfully, relieved the policeman, and were just falling upon the main body of the enemy when we came into collision with a party of local clergy and town councillors who arrived simultaneously by another route to try persuasion. They were our only victims, for just as they went down there was a cry of ‘Look out. The coppers,’ and a lorry-load of police drew up in our rear.

63

-

人群一哄而散，消失得无影无踪。我们把这些调解人逮了起来（只有一个伤势严重），又去了几条偏僻街道巡逻，想看看还有没有别的骚乱，由于真的没有发现异常，最后就都回了布拉特俱乐部。第二天总罢工宣布取消，除了煤矿，全国所有地方都恢复了正常。就好像一直传说有只残暴的野兽要出来吃人，可是它出来了一个小时就嗅出了危险，然后悄无声息地又溜回了它的老巢。我离开巴黎真不值。

63

-

The crowd broke and disappeared. We picked up the peace-makers (only one of whom was seriously hurt), patrolled some of the side streets looking for trouble and finding none, and at length returned to Bratt’s. Next day the General Strike was called off and the country everywhere, except in the coal fields, returned to normal. It was as though a beast long fabled for its ferocity had emerged for an hour, scented danger, and slunk back to its lair. It had not been worth leaving Paris.

64

-

让，他参加的是另一个连队，因为在坎登城被一个老寡妇拿种着羊齿苋的花盆扣到脑袋上，不幸在医院里待了一个星期。

64

-

Jean, who joined another company, had a pot of ferns dropped on his head by an elderly widow in Camden Town and was in hospital for a week.

65

-

通过我是比尔·梅多斯战队的成员这一点，茱丽娅知道我回到了英国。她打电话来说她母亲迫切地想见我。

65

-

It was through my membership of Bill Meadows’ squad that Julia learned I was in England. She telephoned to say her mother was anxious to see me.

66

-

“你会看到她病得很重了。”她说。

66

-

‘You’ll find her terribly ill,’ she said.

67

-

和平宁静后的第一天早上，我就去了马奇梅因公馆。我到的时候，亚德里安·波森爵士正从大厅往外走，他正要离开。他用一方大花手帕捂住脸，盲目地摸索他的帽子和手杖，他在流泪。

67

-

I went to Marchmain House on the first morning of peace. Sir Adrian Porson passed me in the hall, leaving, as I arrived; he held a bandanna handkerchief to his face and felt blindly for his hat and stick; he was in tears.

68

-

我被带进图书室，不到一分钟，茱丽娅就来到我面前。她斯文优雅又鬼魂一样轻飘飘地跟我握了握手。

68

-

I was shown into the library and in less than a minute Julia joined me. She shook hands with a gentleness and gravity of a ghost.

69

-

“你能来可真好，妈妈一直问起你，可是我却不知道她现在能不能见你。她刚刚跟亚德里安·波森说了‘再见’，这就累着她了。”

69

-

‘It’s sweet of you to come. Mummy has kept asking for you, but I don’t know if she’ll be able to see you now, after all. She’s just said “good-bye” to Adrian Porson and it’s tired her.’

70

-

“再见？”

70

-

‘Good-bye?’

71

-

“嗯，她快死了。可能再有一两个星期吧，也可能随时。她太衰弱了。我去问问护士。”

71

-

‘Yes. She’s dying. She may live a week or two or she may go at any minute. She’s so weak. I’ll go and ask nurse.’

72

-

死亡的沉寂似乎已经笼罩着这栋房子。马奇梅因公馆里已经没人来图书室里坐着了。图书室在他家的两处住宅里，都是阴黢黢的所在。维多利亚时期的橡木书架上摆着多卷英国议会会议记录，还有从来没有打开过的已经过气的百科全书。光秃秃的桃花心木桌子摆在那儿，似乎是为全体委员开会准备的。这地方的气氛，混合了门庭若市和人迹罕至。图书室外是院子、围栏，还有一条静寂的绝路。

72

-

The stillness of death seemed in the house already. No one ever sat in the library at Marchmain House. It was the one ugly room in either of their houses. The bookcases of Victorian oak held volumes of Hansard and obsolete encyclopedias that were never opened; the bare mahogany table seemed set for the meeting of a committee; the place had the air of being both public and unfrequented; outside lay the forecourt, the railings, the quiet cul-de-sac.

73

-

茱丽娅回来了。

73

-

Presently Julia returned.

74

-

“不行了，恐怕你见不上她了。她睡着了，她会像这样一连睡上好几小时。我跟你说她想要什么。咱们上别处说去。我讨厌这间屋子。”

74

-

‘No, I’m afraid you can’t see her. She’s asleep. She may lie like that for hours; I can tell you what she wanted. Let’s go somewhere else. I hate this room.’

75

-

我们穿过大厅去了常在一起吃午饭的小客厅，分坐在壁炉两侧。茱丽娅的脸映着墙壁猩红金黄的光，较之以往，她少了些热情。

75

-

We went across the hall to the small drawing-room where luncheon parties used to assemble, and sat on either side of the fireplace. Julia seemed to reflect the crimson and gold of the walls and lose some of her warmness.

76

-

“首先，我知道妈妈要说她对你有多抱歉，最后一次见面时对你太粗暴了。她经常提起这个来。现在她知道错怪了你。我很相信你能谅解，并且很快就把这件事置之脑后，可是，为这个，妈妈永远都不会原谅她自己——这对她来说实属难得。”

76

-

‘First, I know, mummy wanted to say how sorry she is she was so beastly to you last time you met. She’s spoken of it often. She knows now she was wrong about you. I’m quite sure you understood and put it out of your mind immediately, but it’s the kind of thing mummy can never forgive herself - it’s the kind of thing she so seldom did.’

77

-

“请务必告诉她我完全理解。”

77

-

‘Do tell her I understood completely.’

78

-

“另外还有一件事，想必你也猜到了——关于塞巴斯蒂安的。她想他。我也不知道有没有可能，可能吗？”

78

-

‘The other thing, of course, you have guessed - Sebastian. She wants him. I don’t know if that’s possible. Is it?’

79

-

“我听说他的情况很糟。”

79

-

‘I hear he’s in a very bad way.’

80

-

“我们也听说了。我们拍了电报到仅有的最后一个地址，可是没有答复。也许还有点儿时间让他来得及见见她。一听说你就在英国，我就想到你是绝无仅有的希望了。你能不能设法把他找来？我知道这种要求太难以启齿了，可是我想要是塞巴斯蒂安了解情况的话，他也会想见她的。”

80

-

‘We heard that, too. We cabled to the last address we had, but there was no answer. There still may be time for him to see her. I thought of you as the only hope, as soon, as I heard you were in England. Will you try and get him? It’s an awful lot to ask, but I think Sebastian would want it, too, if he realized.’

81

-

“我去试试。”

81

-

‘I’ll try.’

82

-

“我们没有别人可求了。雷克斯忙得不可开交的。”

82

-

‘There’s no one else we can ask. Rex is so busy.’

83

-

“知道，我从报道中听说了他正忙着安排煤气工程。”

83

-

‘Yes. I heard reports of all he’s been doing organizing the gas works.’

84

-

“哦，是啊，”茱丽娅的话里透着旧时那种干巴巴的腔调，“他从罢工那里捞着了太多奖赏。”

84

-

‘Oh yes,’ Julia said with a touch of her old dryness. ‘He’s made a lot of kudos out of the strike.’

85

-

接着我们又闲谈了几分钟布拉特俱乐部的事。她告诉我说布莱兹赫德拒绝担任任何公职，因为他对那事业不富正义感而不满。科迪莉娅就在伦敦，现在正在睡觉，她守了她妈妈一整夜。我跟她说我从事建筑绘画了，还说很喜欢干这个。说出来的话全都微不足道，因为该说的我们在头一两分钟里已经说完了。我留下来喝茶，然后告辞离开。

85

-

Then we talked for a few minutes about the Bratt’s squad. She told me Brideshead had refused to take any public service because he was not satisfied with the justice of the cause; Cordelia was in London, in bed now, as she had been watching by her mother all night. I told her I had taken up architectural painting and that I enjoyed it. All this talk was nothing; we had said all we had to say in the first two minutes; I stayed for tea and then left her.

86

-

法国航空公司有飞卡萨布兰卡的航班，到了卡萨布兰卡再搭公共汽车去菲斯，黎明时分就动身了，傍晚才到这座新城市。在旅馆给英国领事打了电话，当天晚上在他那栋挨着旧城墙的宅邸与他共进晚餐。领事人很好，严肃认真的男人。

86

-

Air France ran a service of a kind to Casablanca; there I took the bus to Fez, starting at dawn and arriving in the new town at evening. I telephoned from the hotel to the British Consul and dined with him that evening, in his charming house by the walls of the old town. He was a kind, serious man.

87

-

“我很高兴终于有人来照看年轻的弗莱特了，”他说，“他在这儿真让我们伤透了脑筋。这里不是靠着国内汇款能待住的地方。法国人一点儿不理解他。他们认为不做买卖的就一定是间谍。他过得也不像英国绅士。这儿的日子不好过啊。你可能料不到吧，离这栋房子不到三十英里的地方就有战争。上个星期我们这儿来了几个骑自行车的小傻瓜，他们是志愿参加阿卜杜勒·克里姆的军队的。

87

-

‘I’m delighted someone has come to took after young Flyte at last,’ he said. ‘He’s been something of a thorn in our sides here. This is no place for a remittance man. The French don’t understand him at all. They think everyone who’s not engaged in trade is a spy. It’s not as though he lived like a Milord. Things aren’t easy here. There’s war going on not thirty miles from this house, though you might not think it. We had some young fools on bicycles only last week who’d come to volunteer for Abdul Krim’s army.

88

-

“那么，摩尔人十分狡猾。他们不控制饮酒，但我们这位年轻的朋友，你可能也知道的，几乎一整天都要泡在酒里。他到这里干什么来呢？他在拉巴特和丹吉尔有的是地方住，那里的人喜欢投旅游者所好。他在当地的城里租了间房子，你知道。我想阻止他来着，可是他从一个在艺术品部门工作的法国人手上租到了那房子。我不是说他在那儿有什么不好，但是他委实让人担心。还有一个吸在他身上活着的坏蛋——一个从外籍军团出来的德国佬。人人都给他扣个坏蛋的帽子，必定会惹出事来的。

88

-

‘Then the Moors are a tricky lot; they don’t hold with drink and our young friend, as you may know, spends most of his day drinking. What does he want to come here for? There’s plenty of room for him at Rabat or Tangier, where they cater for tourists. He’s taken a house in the native town, you know. I tried to stop him, but he got it from a Frenchman in the Department of Arts. I don’t say there’s any harm in him, but he’s an anxiety. There’s an awful fellow sponging on him - a German out of the Foreign Legion. A thoroughly bad hat by all accounts. There’s bound to be trouble.

89

-

“提醒你一下，我是很喜欢弗莱特的。虽然我们见得不多。过去他常到这儿来泡澡，直到在他的房子里安顿后才不来了。他总是非常非常迷人，我妻子特别喜欢他。他需要的是份工作。”

89

-

‘Mind you, I like Flyte. I don’t see much of him. He used to come here for baths until he got fixed up at his house. He was always perfectly charming, and my wife took a great fancy to him. What he needs is occupation.’

90

-

我解释了这次前来的使命。

90

-

I explained my errand.

91

-

“你这会儿有可能在他家里找到他。老天知道到了晚上，旧城里就没有地方可去了。如果你想去，我可以叫我的门房带你过去。”

91

-

‘You’ll probably find him at home now. Goodness knows there’s nowhere to go in the evenings in the old town. If you like I’ll send the porter to show you the way.’

92

-

我吃过晚饭就出发了，领事门房手里提着灯笼走在前头。对我来说摩洛哥是一个新鲜又陌生的国家。

92

-

So I set out after dinner, with the consular porter going ahead lantern in hand.? Morocco was a new and strange country to me.

93

-

白天赶了一天路，在平坦的战时公路上颠簸行驶了一天，跑了许多的里程，经过了葡萄园和哨所，新建的白色住宅，早收庄稼挺立的开阔地，还有贴着法国商品广告的广告牌子——有杜邦涅商店、米什兰商店和卢浮宫商店——我原以为这地方是现代化的近郊区，可在星光下，这座城市四面城墙，灰尘满布的平缓街道，两侧都是没有窗子的高墙，头顶上有时候一片漆黑，有时候又能看见星星。光滑的碎石路上积满了灰，人影静寂无声地从身旁掠过，一身白袍，穿软底或硬底的拖鞋，或赤足走过。空气中弥漫着混合了丁香花、焚香、炊烟的气味——现在我知道是什么把塞巴斯蒂安拽到这里来，又让他待了这么久了。

93

-

Driving that day, mile after mile, up the smooth, strategic road, past the vineyards and military posts and the new, white settlements and the early crops already standing high in the vast, open fields, and the hoardings advertising the staples of France - Dubonnet, Michelin, Magasin du Louvre - I had thought it all very suburban and up-to-date; now, under the stars, in the walled city, whose streets were gentle, dusty stairways, and whose walls rose windowless on either side, closed overhead, then opened again to the stars; where the dust lay thick among the smooth paving stones and figures passed silently, robed in white, on soft slippers or hard, bare soles; where the air was scented with cloves and incense and wood smoke - now I knew what had drawn- Sebastian here and held him so long.?

94

-

领事门房提着晃悠来晃悠去的灯，在前面趾高气扬地走着，手杖笃笃敲着地。开着的门口时而现出人们围着一只火钵，在金黄的灯下安坐。

94

-

The consular porter strode arrogantly ahead with his light swinging and his tall cane banging; sometimes an open doorway revealed a silent group seated in golden lamplight round a brazier.

95

-

“腌臜的民族，”门房扭着肩膀藐视地说，“没有教养。法国人就让他们这么脏着，哪儿像大不列颠人，咱们的人啊，”他说道：“走到哪儿都很大不列颠。”

95

-

‘Very dirty peoples,’ the porter said scornfully, over his shoulder. ‘No education. French leave them dirty. Not like British peoples. My peoples,’ he said, ‘always very British peoples.’

96

-

他是苏丹警察出身，看待他古老的文化中心大不列颠八成就像新西兰人看待古罗马一样。

96

-

For he was from the Sudan Police, and regarded this ancient centre of his culture as a New Zealander might regard Rome.

97

-

经过了许多饰有门钉的大门后，我们总算来到最后一扇门前，门房用他的手杖敲门。

97

-

At length we came to the last of many studded doors, and the porter beat on it with his stick.

98

-

“英国勋爵的公馆。”他说。

98

-

‘British Lord’s house,’ he said.

99

-

门栏里现出了灯光和一张黑乎乎的脸膛。这位领事门房态度专横地说着话。门闩被撤掉了，我们走进一个小院落，院子当中有一口井，头顶的架上爬着葡萄藤。

99

-

Lamplight and a dark face appeared at the grating. The consular porter spoke peremptorily; bolts were withdrawn and we entered a small courtyard with a well in its centre and a vine trained overhead.

100

-

“我等在这儿，”门房说，“你跟这位同胞去吧。”进了房，下一台阶进了起居室，看见一架唱机、一个煤油炉，两者之间有个年轻人，后来在打量四周时才注意到还有更惬意的东西呢——地上铺着一块块小毯子，墙上挂着刺绣锦缎，浮雕彩绘的天花板，一根链子下坠着重重地带着网罩的吊灯，房间里投下灯罩柔和的影子。

100

-

‘I wait here,’ said the porter. ‘You go with this native fellow.’ I entered the house, down a step and into the living-room I found a gramophone, an oil-stove and, between them, a young man. Later, when I looked about me, I noticed other, more agreeable things - the rugs on the floor, the embroidered silk on the walls, the carved and painted beams of the ceiling, the heavy, pierced lamp that hung from a chain and cast soft shadows of its own tracery about the room.

101

-

不过一进来就映入眼帘的三样东西，唱机正播着法国爵士乐唱片；气味刺鼻的油炉；还有那个面目狰狞的年轻人，这三样让我神经紧绷。他懒洋洋地歪在一张柳条椅里，一只裹着绷带的脚伸到一个箱子上。他穿着一件瘦小的、中欧式的仿花格呢衣服，露出一件小企领的网球衣。那只没有受伤的脚穿着一只棕色帆布鞋。

101

-

But on first entering these three things, the gramophone for its noise - it was playing a French record of jazz band - the stove for its smell, and the young man for his wolfish look, struck my senses. He was lolling in a basket chair, with a bandaged foot stuck forward on a box; he was dressed in a kind of thin, mid-European imitation tweed with a tennis shirt open at the neck; the unwounded foot wore a brown canvas shoe.

102

-

他身边有一个木腿的铜托盘，上面摆着两只啤酒瓶子，一只脏盘子，和一个放满了烟蒂的碟子。手里端着杯啤酒，下嘴唇上粘着一支香烟——他一说话，烟卷就粘在那里。长长的金发向后梳，没分发缝。一个如此年轻的面庞上却如此不自然地皱纹横生。他已经缺失了一颗门牙，发“S”音有时候要咬到舌头，有时候又不期然发出口哨声，一这样他就咯咯笑着掩饰过去了。他嘴里有的牙也都被烟熏得黑黄，齿缝又大。

102

-

There was a brass tray by his side on wooden legs, and on it were two beer bottles, a dirty plate, and a saucer full of cigarette ends; he held a glass of beer in his hand and a cigarette lay on his lower lip and stuck there when he spoke. He had long fair hair combed back without a parting and a face that was unnaturally lined for a man of his obvious youth; one of his front teeth was missing, so that his sibilants came sometimes with a lisp, sometimes with a disconcerting whistle, which he covered with a giggle; the teeth he had were stained with tobacco and set far apart.

103

-

这显然就是那位英国领事描述的那个“道地的坏蛋”，照片里的安东尼的脚夫了。

103

-

This was plainly the ‘thoroughly bad hat’ of the consul’s description, the film footman of Anthony’s.

104

-

“我要找塞巴斯蒂安·弗莱特。这是他的地方，是不是？”我抬高嗓门想盖过舞曲音乐的音量让他听到，可是他却用英语很温柔地回答，相当流利的英语，表明他已经习惯说英语了。

104

-

‘I’m looking for Sebastian Flyte. This is his house, is it not?’ I spoke loudly to make myself heard above the dance music, but he answered softly in English fluent enough to suggest that it was now habitual to him.

105

-

“是的。但他这会儿不在。只有我，没别人。”

105

-

‘Yeth. But he isn’t here. There’s no one but me.’

106

-

“我是从英国来的，有要紧的事找他。能不能告诉我在什么地方可以找到他？”

106

-

‘I’ve come from England to see him on important business. Can you tell me where I can find him?’

107

-

那张唱片这时已经放完。德国人把唱片翻了面，上紧了发条，唱机又唱起来了，这才回答我的话。

107

-

The record came to its end. The German turned it over, wound up the machine and started it playing again before answering.

108

-

“塞巴斯蒂安病了，修士们带他上医院了。他们也许会让你看他，也许不。我很快哪天也得去医院把我的脚包扎一下。回头我也得问问。等到塞巴斯蒂安好一些了，他们会让你看看他的，也许。”

108

-

‘Sebastian’s sick. The brothers took him away to the Infirmary. Maybe they’ll let you thee him, maybe not. I got to go there myself one day thoon to have my foot dressed. I’ll ask them then. When he’s better they’ll let you thee him, maybe.’

109

-

还有一把椅子，我坐上去了。看到我打算留下来，那个德国人递给我一杯啤酒。

109

-

There was another chair and I sat down on it. Seeing that I meant to stay, the German offered me some beer.

110

-

“你不是塞巴斯蒂安的哥哥吧？”他说，“也许是表哥？也许你和他妹妹结婚了？”

110

-

‘You’re not Thebastian’s brother?’ he said. ‘Cousin maybe? Maybe you married hith thister?’

111

-

“我只是他的朋友，一起念大学的。”

111

-

‘I’m only a friend. We were at the university together.’

112

-

“我过去在大学也有个朋友。我们是学历史的。我朋友比我聪明，身体弱——我一生起气来，就老爱抓着他使劲晃——就是太聪明了。后来有一天我们说：‘这岂不是活见鬼呢吗？在德国没什么可干的了，德国完蛋了。’于是我们就去跟教授们告别，他们说：‘不错，德国是完蛋了。现在学生在这儿也没什么可学的了。’我们就走了，走啊走，最后就走到这儿了。

112

-

‘I had a friend at the university. We studied History. My friend was cleverer than me; a little weak fellow - I used to pick him up and shake him when I was angry - but tho clever. Then one day we said: “What the hell? There is no work in Germany. Germany is down the drain,” so we said good-bye to our professors, and they said: “Yes, Germany is down the drain. There is nothing for a student to do here now,” and we went away and walked and walked and at last we came here.

113

-

后来我们说：‘德国现在没有军队了，我们要去当兵。’就又加入了外籍军团。我朋友去年得痢疾病死了，当时他正在阿特拉斯山打仗。他死以后，我说：‘这岂不是活见鬼呢吗？’于是我就朝我的脚来了一枪。这只脚现在全是脓，都一年了。”

113

-

Then we said, “There is no army in Germany now, but we must be tholdiers,” so we joined the Legion. My friend died of dysentery last year, campaigning in the Atlas. When he was dead, I said, “What the hell?” so I shot my foot. It is now full of pus, though I have done it one year.’

114

-

“是吗，”我说，“真有意思。可是我眼下关心的是塞巴斯蒂安。或许你能跟我说说他。”

114

-

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘That’s very interesting. But my immediate concern is with Sebastian.Perhaps you would tell me about him.’

115

-

“他人很好，塞巴斯蒂安。在我看来他哪里都很好。丹吉尔那地方臭不可闻糟透了。他就把我带到这儿来了——房子、吃的、仆人都不错——在我看来哪里都很好，我是这么觉得的。很好，我很喜欢。”

115

-

‘He is a very good fellow, Sebastian. He is all right for me. Tangier was a stinking place. He brought me here - nice house, nice food, nice servant - everything is all right for me here, I reckon. I like it all right.’

116

-

“他母亲病得很重，”我说，“我是来告诉他的。”

116

-

‘His mother is very ill,’ I said. ‘I have come to tell him.’

117

-

“她有钱吗？”

117

-

‘She rich?’

118

-

“是，有钱。”

118

-

‘Yes.’

119

-

“那为什么她不多给他点钱呢？那样我们就可以住在卡萨布兰卡了呀，也许还能住到不错的公寓里呢。你跟她很熟吗？你能不能让她多给他点钱？”

119

-

‘Why don’t she give him more money? Then we could live at Casablanca, maybe, in a nice flat. You know her well.? You could make her give him more money?’

120

-

“他怎么了？”

120

-

‘What’s the matter with him?’

121

-

“我不知道。我估计也许他喝得太多了吧。修士们会照顾他的。那里的人对他很好，修士们人都很好，那儿也很便宜。”

121

-

‘I don’t know. I reckon maybe he drink too much. The brothers will look after him.It’s all right for him there. The brothers are good fellows. Very cheap there.’

122

-

他双手击掌，吩咐再拿些啤酒来。

122

-

He clapped his hands and ordered more beer.

123

-

“你看到没？有很好的仆人照顾我呢。这很好。”我得到那间医院的名字后就走了。

123

-

‘You thee? A nice thervant to look after me. It is all right.’ When I had got the name of the hospital I left.

124

-

“告诉塞巴斯蒂安我还在这儿，一切很好。我估计他在为我担心呢，也许。”

124

-

‘Tell Thebastian I am still here and all right. I reckon he’s worrying about me, maybe.’

125

-

我第二天早上去的那家医院，是在旧城和新城间的一片平房。医院是方济各会办的。穿过一群摩尔病人，来到医生诊室。他是一介凡夫俗子，脸刮得干干净净，穿着浆洗过的白大褂。我们讲的是法语，他告诉我塞巴斯蒂安无甚大碍，只不过很不适于旅行。他患了流感，肺部一边还有轻度感染，身体虚弱，抵抗力也很差。还能指望什么呢？他酗酒过度了。

125

-

The hospital, where I went next morning, was a collection of bungalows, between the old and the new towns. It was kept by Franciscans. I made my way through a crowd of diseased Moors to the doctor’s room. He was a layman, clean shaven, dressed in white, starched overalls. We spoke in French, and he told me Sebastian was in no danger, but quite unfit to travel. He had had the grippe, with one lung slightly affected; he was very weak; he lacked resistance; what could one expect? He was an alcoholic.

126

-

医生没有感情色彩，可以说是冷酷地说着，带着科学家的品位，说话点到即止，把他的工作删繁就简到一颗菌斑上。他把我交给一位留着大胡子打着赤脚的修士，这个修士不会说医院术语，他只是病房里干脏活的人。他跟我说的可就是另外一个故事了。

126

-

The doctor spoke dispassionately, almost brutally, with the relish men of science sometimes have for limiting themselves to inessentials, for pruning back their work to the point of sterility; but the bearded, barefooted brother in whose charge he put me, the man of no scientific pretensions who did the dirty jobs of the ward, had a different story.?

127

-

“他如此有耐心，一点儿也不像个年轻人。他躺在那儿从不抱怨——这里有很多可抱怨的。我们这儿没有设备。政府给的都是从军队淘汰下来的东西。他人又和气。还有个可怜的德国小家伙，一只脚没有治好，还有二期梅毒，也上这儿来治的。弗莱特勋爵在丹吉尔发现他挨饿了，就带他回来，让他有住的有吃的。一个真正的撒马利亚人[1]。”

[1]指好心人。

127

-

‘He’s so patient. Not like a young man at all. He ties there and never complains - and there is much to complain of. We have no facilities. The Government give us what they can spare from kind. There is a poor German boy with the soldiers. And he is so kind.? There is a poor German boy with a foot that will not heal and secondary syphilis, who comes here for treatment. Lord Flyte found him starving in Tangier and took him in and gave him a home. A real Samaritan.’

128

-

“可怜又浅薄的修道士，”我想，“可怜的傻瓜。”上帝宽恕我！塞巴斯蒂安住在专为欧洲人保留的侧房里，病床被低矮的隔板拦成隔断，多少有些保留隐私的感觉。他正躺着，双手放在被子上，凝视着墙壁，墙上唯一的装饰品是一张印刷的宗教版画。

128

-

‘Poor simple monk,’ I thought, ‘poor booby.’ God forgive me! Sebastian was in the wing kept for Europeans, where the beds were divided by low partitions into cubicles with some air of privacy. He was lying with his hands on the quilt staring at the wall, where the only ornament was a religious oleograph.

129

-

“你的朋友来了。”修士说道。

129

-

‘Your friend,’ said the brother.

130

-

他慢慢回过头。

130

-

He looked round slowly.

131

-

“噢，我还以为他说的是库尔特呢。查尔斯，你来这儿干吗？”

131

-

‘Oh, I thought he meant Kurt. What are you doing here, Charles?’

132

-

他比以前更瘦了，饮酒让人肥胖，红光满面的，可是却把他摧残得枯萎干瘪。修士走开了，我在他床边坐下，谈起他的病情。

132

-

He was more than ever emaciated; drink, which made others fat and red, seemed to wither Sebastian. The brother left us, and I sat by his bed and talked about his illness.?

133

-

“我魂不附体了一两天吧，”他说道，“我一直觉得回牛津了。你去过我的住处了吗？喜欢那地方吗？库尔特还在那儿吗？我不想问你喜欢不喜欢库尔特，没人喜欢他。说来可笑——没他我就活不下去了，你知道。”

133

-

‘I was out of my mind for a day or two,’ he said. ‘I kept thinking I was back in Oxford.? You went to my house? Did you like it? Is Kurt still there? I won’t ask you if you liked Kurt; no one does. It’s funny - I couldn’t get on without him, you know.’

134

-

然后我讲了他母亲的情况。他有一刻什么话也没说，只是躺在那儿盯着那张七悲圣母[2]的石版画，后来说道：

[2]圣母玛利亚有七悲七喜。

134

-

Then I told him about his mother. He said nothing for some time, but lay gazing at the oleograph of the Seven Dolours. Then:

135

-

“可怜的妈妈。她真是一个不幸的女人[3]，不是吗？轻轻一碰就要了她的命了。”

[3]原文为法文。

135

-

‘Poor mummy. She really was a femme fatale, wasn’t she? She killed at a touch.’

136

-

我给茱丽娅拍了电报，说塞巴斯蒂安不能旅行，随后我又在菲斯待了一个星期，每天都到医院去，直到后来他恢复到能走动走动了。第一个迹象表示他在复原中的，是看望他的第二天他要喝白兰地。第二天，他也不知道用什么招儿弄到了一些，他把酒藏在被单底下。

136

-

I telegraphed to Julia that Sebastian was unable to travel and stayed a week at Fez, visiting the hospital daily until he was well enough to move. His first sign of returning strength, on the second day of my visit, was to ask for brandy. By next day he had got some, some how, and kept it under the bedclothes.

137

-

医生说：“你那个朋友又喝上了。这里是禁酒的。可我又有什么办法呢？又不是少年管教所，也不能在病房里安置警察呀。我是来给人看病的，不是来防止他们染上恶习，或者教他们自控的。白兰地现在对他还没有太大害处。可再有一次就会让他更衰弱，以后总有一天一点小病小灾就会要他的命的。医院不是酒鬼之家。这周末他必须得出院。”

137

-

The doctor said: ‘Your friend is drinking again. It is forbidden here. What can I do? This is not a reformatory school. I cannot police the wards. I am here to cure people, not to protect them from vicious habits, or teach them self-control. Cognac will not hurt him now. It will make him weaker for the next time he is ill, and then one day some little trouble will carry him off, pouff. This is not a home for inebriates. He must go at the end of the week.’

138

-

干脏活的修士说：“你的朋友今天尤其高兴，好像变了个人似的。”

138

-

The lay-brother said: ‘Your friend is so much happier today, it is like one transfigured.’

139

-

“可怜又浅薄的修士，”我想着，“可怜的傻瓜。”可是他又说：“你知道为什么吗？他把一瓶白兰地藏在他床上。我发现这已经是第二次了。才拿走这一瓶，他马上又弄到一瓶。真淘气。是那几个阿拉伯小孩给他带进来的。可是看到他又高兴起来了也挺好的，他一直这么不开心的。”

139

-

‘Poor simple monk,’ I thought, ‘poor booby’; but he added, ‘You know why? He has a bottle of cognac in bed with him. It is the second I have found. No sooner do I take one away than he gets another. He is so naughty. It is the Arab boys who fetch it for him. But it is good to see him happy again when he has been so sad.’

140

-

在最后一个下午，我对他说：“塞巴斯蒂安，你母亲去世了。”——这个消息是当天上午传来的——“你想回英国去吗？”

140

-

On my last afternoon I said, ‘Sebastian, now your mother’s dead’ - for the news had reached us that morning - ‘do you think of going back to England?’

141

-

“从某些层面看，回去很好，”他说，“可是你觉得库尔特会喜欢吗？”

141

-

‘It would be lovely, in some ways,’ he said, ‘but do you think Kurt would like it?’

142

-

“看在上帝的份上，”我说，“你不打算和库尔特过一辈子吧，对吧？”

142

-

‘For God’s sake,’ I said, ‘you don’t mean to spend your life with Kurt, do you?’

143

-

“我不知道。好像他打算跟我过一辈子。‘这也许对他很好，也许。’”他模仿着库尔特的口音说，以后他又说了些话，如果我当时对他的话多加注意的话，我就会明白我一直不解的关键在哪里了。那些话我听了，也记住了，可是却没注意。“你知道，查尔斯，”他说，“当你的一生都有某些人来照顾你，现在有一个人需要你去照顾，这种变化是多么让人愉快。当然，非得是一个需要我去照顾的、濒于绝望的人。”

143

-

‘I don’t know. He seems to mean to spend it with me. “It’th all right for him, I reckon, maybe,”’ he said, mimicking Kurt’s accent, and then he added what, if I had paid more attention, should have given me the key I lacked; at the time I heard and remembered it, without taking notice. ‘You know, Charles,’ he said, ‘it’s rather a pleasant change when all your life you’ve had people looking after you, to have someone to look after yourself.? Only of course it has to be someone pretty hopeless to need looking after by me.’

144

-

离开前，我还能捋顺他的金钱事务。他过到这会儿，已是十分困难了，就靠给律师拍电报让寄一些小钱来。我见了支行经理，替他把事情安排好，如果将来从伦敦汇了钱来，他就收下塞巴斯蒂安每个季度的生活费，以后每星期给付他一笔津贴，再留下一部分钱作为他随时可以提取的应急款项。这笔钱只能付给塞巴斯蒂安本人，且在只有认为是正当用途时才给付。塞巴斯蒂安飞快地同意了。

144

-

I was able to straighten his money affairs before I left. He had lived till then by getting into difficulties and then telegraphing for odd sums to his lawyers. I saw the branch manager of the bank and arranged for him, if funds were forthcoming from London, to receive Sebastian’s quarterly allowance and pay him a weekly sum of pocket money with a reserve to be drawn in emergencies. This sum was only to be given to Sebastian personally, and only when the manager was satisfied that he had a proper use for it. Sebastian agreed readily to all this.

145

-

“不然呢，”他说，“我要喝醉了，库尔特就会叫我在所有支票上都签上名，然后跑掉，那可就招来各式各样的麻烦了。”

145

-

‘Otherwise,’ he said, ‘Kurt will get me to sign a cheque for the whole lot when I’m tight and then he’ll go off and get into all kinds of trouble.’

146

-

我看见塞巴斯蒂安从医院回到家来。他坐在柳条椅里似乎比躺在床上还虚弱。这两个病恹恹的男人分坐两边，他和库尔特，中间隔着一个唱机。

146

-

I saw Sebastian home from the hospital. He seemed weaker in his basket chair than he had been in bed. The two sick men, he and Kurt, sat opposite one another with the gramophone between them.

147

-

“你也该回来了，”库尔特说，“我需要你。”

147

-

‘It was time you came back, ‘ said Kurt. ‘I need you.’

148

-

“是吗，库尔特？”

148

-

‘Do you, Kurt?’

149

-

“我觉得是。你生病住院去了，一个人的滋味可真不好受。那孩子是懒骨头——我需要他时，他总是溜出去。有一回在外面待了整整一夜，我睡醒了竟然没人给我煮咖啡。脚里全是脓的滋味可真不好受。睡得也很不好。说不定什么时候我也要溜出去，到有人能够照顾我的地方去。”他双手击掌，可是没有仆人来。“你看见了？”他说。

149

-

‘I reckon so. It’s not so good being alone when you’re sick. That boy’s a lazy fellow - always slipping off when I want him. Once he stayed out all night and there was no one to make my coffee when I woke up. It’s no good having a foot full of pus. Times I can’t sleep good. Maybe another time I shall slip off, too, and go where I can be looked after.’ He clapped his hands but no servant came. ‘You see?’ he said.

150

-

“你想要什么？”

150

-

‘What d’you want?’

151

-

“香烟，我床底下那只袋子里还有一些。”

151

-

‘Cigarettes. I got some in the bag under my bed.’

152

-

塞巴斯蒂安痛苦地从椅子中站起来。

152

-

Sebastian began painfully to rise from his chair.

153

-

“我去拿吧，”我说，“床在哪儿？”

153

-

‘I’ll get them,’ I said. ‘Where’s his bed?’

154

-

“不用，这是我的事。”塞巴斯蒂安说。

154

-

‘No, that’s my job,’ said Sebastian.

155

-

“是的，”库尔特说，“我觉得这是塞巴斯蒂安的事。”

155

-

‘Yeth, ‘ said Kurt, ‘I reckon that’s Sebastian’s job.’

156

-

于是我就把他和他朋友留在这条胡同尽头的一间封闭小屋里了。对塞巴斯蒂安，我再也无能为力了。

156

-

So I left him with his friend in the little enclosed house at the end of the alley. There was nothing more I could do for Sebastian.

157

-

本来我打算直接回巴黎去，可是塞巴斯蒂安生活费的这桩公案，却意味着我必须得回伦敦见布莱兹赫德。我是走海路回去的，在丹吉尔搭上了半岛和东方航运公司的客轮，六月初到的家里。

157

-

I had meant to return direct to Paris, but this business of Sebastian’s allowance meant that I must go to London and see Brideshead. I travelled by sea, taking the P. & 0. from Tangier, and was home in early June.

158

-

“依你看，”布莱兹赫德问道，“我弟弟和这个德国人之间有没有不道德的地方？”

158

-

‘Do you consider,’ asked Brideshead, ‘that there is anything vicious in my brother’s connection with this German?’

159

-

“没有。肯定没有。只不过就是两个无家可归的碰上了而已。”

159

-

‘No. I’m sure not. It’s simply a case of two waifs coming together.’

160

-

“你是说他是个犯人吗？”

160

-

‘You say he is a criminal?’

161

-

“我说的是犯人那类的人。他原来蹲过军事监狱，后来挺不光彩地被放出来了。”

161

-

‘I said “a criminal type”. He’s been in the military prison and was dishonourably discharged.’

162

-

“医生说塞巴斯蒂安是在用酒精来自杀吗？”

162

-

‘And the doctor says Sebastian is killing himself with drink?’

163

-

“说的是让他的身体越来越衰弱。他既没有患震颤性酒狂，也没有肝硬化。”

163

-

‘Weakening himself. He hasn’t D.T.s or cirrhosis.’

164

-

“他没神经错乱吧？”

164

-

‘He’s not insane?’

165

-

“当然没有。他就是找到了一个凑巧他很喜欢的同伴，又找到了一个凑巧他喜欢的地方。”

165

-

‘Certainly not. He’s found a companion he happens to like and a place where he happens to like living.’

166

-

“那就照你的意思办吧，他必定可以得到他的生活费。事情已经很清楚了。”

166

-

‘Then he must have his allowance as you suggest. The thing is quite clear.’

167

-

从某些方面来说，布莱兹赫德是个非常容易打交道的人。他对一切事物均抱有某种疯狂的确定感，这种确定感让他做起决定来果断、轻易。

167

-

In some ways Brideshead was an easy man to deal with. He had a kind of mad certainty about everything which made his decisions swift and easy.?

168

-

“你愿意画画这房子吗？”他突然问道，“一张画前面，一张画后面的公园，一张画楼梯，一张画大客厅，行吗？四幅小油画。这是我父亲一直想留下做纪念的，以后就保存在布莱兹赫德。而我不认识什么画家。茱丽娅说过你专攻建筑绘画。”

168

-

‘Would you like to paint this house?’ he asked suddenly. ‘A picture of the front, another of the back on the park, another of the staircase, another of the big drawing-room? Four small oils; that is what my father wants done for a record, to keep at Brideshead. I don’t know any painters. Julia said you specialized in architecture.’

169

-

“好吧，”我说，“我很愿意画。”

169

-

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I should like to very much.’

170

-

“你知道这里将要推倒重建吗？我父亲要把它卖掉。他们想在这里建公寓。他们还要保留这个名字——我们显然阻止不了了。”

170

-

‘You know it’s being pulled down? My father’s selling it. They are going to put up a block of flats here. They’re keeping the name - we can’t stop them apparently.’

171

-

“太难过了。”

171

-

‘What a sad thing.’

172

-

“嗯，我自然也很难过。不过，你觉得这个建筑很不错吗？”

172

-

‘Well, I’m sorry of course. But you think it good architecturally?’

173

-

“这是我见过的最漂亮的房子了。”

173

-

‘One of the most beautiful houses I know.’

174

-

“我看不出来。我一直觉得它丑。也许你的画会让我看到它的不同。”

174

-

‘Can’t see it. I’ve always thought it rather ugly. Perhaps your pictures will make me see it differently.’

175

-

这是我受到的第一次委托。我必须抢时完工，因为开发商只等最后一签字就要动手拆楼了。尽管如此，或许也正是因为如此——我有一种在一块画布上拖得好长时间的坏毛病，从不草率行事——这四幅油画成了我的得意之作，也正是它们的成功，在我本人和别人看来，使我坚定了继续我未来事业的决心。

175

-

This was my first commission; I had to work against time, for the contractors were only waiting for the final signature to start their work of destruction. In spite, or perhaps, because, of that for it is my vice to spend too long on a canvas, never content to leave well alone - those four paintings are particular favourites of mine, and it was their success, both with myself and others, that confirmed me in what has since been my career.

176

-

我最先画的是长客厅，由于他们急于搬走里面的家具，这些家具自从这客厅建好以后就一直摆在那儿。这是一间狭长、精美、对称的亚当房型，有两扇朝着格林公园开的悬窗。我下午在客厅里开始画的时候，阳光从西边的窗子倾泻进来，外面是小树的新枝绿芽鲜亮的绿色。

176

-

I began in the long drawing-room, for they were anxious to shift the furniture, which had stood there since it was built. It was a long, elaborate, symmetrical Adam room, with two bays of windows opening into Green Park. The light, streaming in from the west on the afternoon when I began to paint there, was fresh green from the young trees outside.

177

-

先用铅笔确定好比例，再把各部细节仔细安排，观察好了再画，就像一个跳水运动员在水边一样，一跳下去我就发现自己已经浮了起来，着实欢喜。一般说来我是一个提笔又慢，又审慎小心的画家。所以这个下午、第二天一整天，再加上第三天，我都在快速忙着，而且一点错也不能出。

177

-

I had the perspective set out in pencil and the detail carefully placed. I held back from painting, like a diver on the water’s edge; once in I found myself buoyed and exhilarated. I was normally a slow and deliberate painter; that afternoon and all next day, and the day after, I worked fast. I could do nothing wrong.

178

-

每当告一段落时，我就停一停，心情紧张得很，不敢开始画下一段，就像一个赌徒，生怕手气会变坏，大堆筹码全都成了泡影。一点一点，一分钟一分钟，渐渐成形了。没有什么难点，错综复杂的光线和色彩融为一体，调色板上调出的色彩恰恰就是我想要的色彩。每完成的一笔，都像一直就在那里似的。

178

-

At the end of each passage I paused, tense, afraid to start the next, fearing, like a gambler, that luck must turn and the pile be lost. Bit by bit, minute by minute, the thing came into being. There were no difficulties; the intricate multiplicity of light and colour became a whole; the right colour was where I wanted it, on the palette; each brush stroke, as soon as it was complete, seemed to have been there always.

179

-

最后一个下午，一个声音在我背后说：“我能待在这儿看吗？”

179

-

Presently on the last afternoon I heard a voice behind me say: ‘May I stay here and watch?’

180

-

我回头一看，是科迪莉娅。

180

-

I turned and found Cordelia.

181

-

“可以啊，”我说，“你不说话就行。”兀自画着，进入到物我两忘的状态，一直画到太阳下山光线不对了，才不得不放下画笔。

181

-

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘if you don’t talk,’ and I worked on, oblivious of her, until the failing sun made me put up my brushes.

182

-

“会画画一定很有意思。”

182

-

‘It must be lovely to be able to do that.’

183

-

我已经忘了她在这儿。

183

-

I had forgotten she was there.

184

-

“确实是。”

184

-

‘It is.’

185

-

甚至这时候我也无法离开我的画，尽管夕阳西下，房间变得灰暗。我把画从画架上取下来，举到窗前，然后又放回去，把阴影部分调亮了一些。就是一瞬间的工夫，我的头、眼睛、肩背一下疲倦得不行，天色已晚我便放弃了。转向科迪莉娅。

185

-

I could not even now leave my picture, although the sun was down and the room fading to monochrome. I took it from the easel and held it up to the windows, put it back and lightened a shadow. Then, suddenly weary in head and eyes and back and arm, I gave it up for the evening and turned to Cordelia.

186

-

她现在十五岁了，也长高了。一年半的时间她的个儿头差不多已经长满了。她没有茱丽娅那种十五世纪[4]的美好，但她的长鼻梁和高颧骨却已经有了布莱兹赫德家的特色。她一身黑衣，正为她母亲服着丧。

[4]指意大利文艺复兴时期。

186

-

She was now fifteen and had grown tall, nearly to her full height, in the last eighteen months. She had not the promise of Julia’s full quattrocento loveliness; there was a touch of Brideshead already in her length of nose and high cheekbone; she was in black, mourning for her mother.

187

-

“我累了。”我说。

187

-

‘I’m tired,’ I said.

188

-

“就赌你一定是累了。画完了吗？”

188

-

‘I bet you are. Is it finished?’

189

-

“差不多了。明天得再过一遍。”

189

-

‘Practically. I must go over it again tomorrow.’

190

-

“你知不知道晚饭时间早就过了？现在这里没人做饭了。我今天才到，没想到这里竟然衰落到这个地步。你不想带我出去吃吗，想吗，你？”

190

-

‘D’you know it’s long past dinner time? There’s no one here to cook anything now. I only came up today, and didn’t realize how far the decay had gone. You wouldn’t like to take me out to dinner, would, you?’

191

-

我们从花园那个门出去，走公园，在暮色中走到丽兹·格里尔餐厅。

191

-

We left by the garden door, into the park, and walked in the twilight to the Ritz Grill.

192

-

“你见到塞巴斯蒂安没？他不想回家吧，现在也不想吗？”

192

-

‘You’ve seen Sebastian? He won’t come home, even now?’

193

-

此时我才意识到她已经这么懂事了。我说是这样。

193

-

I did not realize till then that she had understood so much. I said so.

194

-

“哦，我爱他胜过爱任何人，”她说道，“一说到马奇家就难过，是吧？你知道，他们在这里要盖一座公寓，而雷克斯想住进最顶上他称作‘楼顶房屋’的那种房子。这倒挺像他这个人的，是吧？可怜的茱丽娅。对她来说这未免太过分了。他根本就不明白，他以为她舍不得这个老房子呢。很快就要完事大吉了，是不是？显然爸爸已经负债累累很久了。卖掉马奇公馆，他还了债，也不知道一年的利息是多少。但是把房子拆了重建好像是件很丢脸的事。茱丽娅说宁肯让别人住进来也不愿意把它毁了。”

194

-

‘Well, I love him more than anyone,’ she said. ‘It’s sad about Marchers, isn’t it? Do you know they’re going to build a block of flats, and that Rex wanted to take I what he called a “penthouse” at the top. Isn’t it like him? Poor Julia. That was too much for her.? He couldn’t understand at all; he thought she would like to keep up with her old home.? Things have all come to an end very quickly, haven’t they? Apparently papa has been terribly in debt for a long time. Selling Marchers has put him straight again and saved I don’t know how much a year in rates. But it seems a shame to pull it down. Julia says she’d sooner that than to have someone else live there.’

195

-

“对你有什么影响吗？”

195

-

‘What’s going to happen to you?’

196

-

“是啊，有什么影响呢？有各式各样的建议。范妮·罗斯康芒舅妈想叫我跟她一块儿住。后来雷克斯和茱丽娅谈到要把布莱兹赫德拿过来一半产权，就住在那儿。爸爸不会回来的。我们原以为他会回来，可是他不。

196

-

‘What, indeed? There are all kinds of suggestions. Aunt Fanny Rosscommon wants me to live with her. Then Rex and Julia talk of taking over half Brideshead and living there. Papa won’t come back. We thought he might, but no.

197

-

“他们关了布莱兹赫德的小教堂，是布赖德和主教一起关的。就是在那个小教堂里给妈妈念的最后一次安灵弥撒。妈妈安葬了以后，神父就走进小教堂来——当时只有我在，我猜他没看到我——他拿出那块祭石放到他的袋子里去了，又把圣油浇在羊毛卷上点燃了，此后把灰烬扔到外面。倒空了圣水钵，吹熄了祭坛上的灯，然后让神龛敞着，里面空荡荡的，好像从这时起就永远是耶稣受难日了，我想你完全不懂其中的含义，查尔斯，你这个可怜的不可知论者啊。我一直待到他离开。然后瞬间那里就不存在什么小教堂了，只剩下一个装饰得古怪的房间。我没办法跟你说清楚那是一种什么感觉。我想，你从来没去过熄灯礼拜[5]吧？”

[5]纪念耶稣受难的赞美诗和晨祷，于复活节前一周的最后三天举行，弥撒时将蜡烛渐次熄灭。

197

-

‘They’ve closed the chapel at Brideshead, Bridey and the Bishop; mummy’s Requiem was the last mass said there. After she was buried the priest came in - I was there alone.? I don’t think he saw me - and took out the altar stone and put it in his bag; then he burned the wads of wool with the holy oil on them and threw the ash outside; he emptied the holy-water stoop and blew out the lamp in the sanctuary, and left the tabernacle open, and empty, as though from now on it was always to be Good Friday. I suppose none of this makes any sense to you, Charles, poor agnostic. I stayed there till he was gone, and then, suddenly, there wasn’t any chapel there any more, just an oddly decorated room. I can’t tell you what it felt like. You’ve.never been to Tenebrae, I suppose?’

198

-

“从来没有。”

198

-

‘Never.’

199

-

“嗯，要是你去过，你就会明白犹太人对他们的圣殿是什么感觉了。Quomodo sedet sola civitas[6]……这是一首很美的圣歌。你应该去一次，听听它。”

[6]拉丁文，经考证这句话是天主教《耶律米哀歌》的圣歌歌词，对应《圣经》里耶路撒冷的沦亡。

199

-

‘Well, if you had you’d know what the Jews felt about their temple. Quomodo sedet sola civitas...it’s a beautiful chant. You ought to go once, just to hear it.’

200

-

“还在试着让我改变信仰啊，科迪莉娅？”

200

-

‘Still trying to convert me, Cordelia?’

201

-

“啊，不不不。也都过去了。你知道爸爸信天主教的时候是怎么说的吗？妈妈曾经告诉过我的。他对她说：‘你已经使我的家庭回复祖先的信仰了。’你知道有多华而不实了吧。它使人们走上不一样的道路。无论怎么说，家庭向来不是一成不变的，对不对？他走了，塞巴斯蒂安走了，茱丽娅也走了。可是你知道，上帝不会让他们走太久的。我不知道你是否还记得妈妈在塞巴斯蒂安第一次喝醉的晚上读的故事——我指的是过得很糟的那个晚上。‘布朗神父’好像说的是‘我逮住了他’（指小偷），‘用一只看不见的钩，和一条看不见的线，虽然那线长得可以任他去到世界尽头，但只消一扯这线，就能把他扯回来。’”

201

-

‘Oh, no. That’s all over, too. D’you know what papa said when he became a Catholic? Mummy told me once. He said to her: “You have brought back my family to the faith of their ancestors.” Pompous, you know. It takes people different ways. Anyhow, the family haven’t been very constant, have they? There’s him gone and Sebastian gone and Julia gone. But God won’t let them go for long, you know. I wonder if you remember the story mummy read us the evening Sebastian first got drunk I mean the bad evening. “Father Brown” said something like “I caught him” (the thief) “with an unseen hook and an invisible line which is long enough to let him wander to the ends of the world and still to bring him back with a twitch upon the thread.”’

202

-

我们很少提到她母亲。晚餐时我们一直说着话，她一直不停嘴地吃。有一次她说：“你看过亚德里安·波森爵士在《泰晤士报》上发表的那首诗吗？那诗很可笑的：他晓得她一枝独秀——他一生都用来爱她，你看——但是又看不出跟她有什么关系。

202

-

We scarcely mentioned her mother. All the time we talked, she ate voraciously. Once she said:‘Did you see Sir Adrian Porson’s poem in The Times? It’s funny: he knew her best of anyone - he loved her all his life, you know - and yet it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with her at all.

203

-

“我们家里的人，就数我跟她相处得最好了，但是我觉得我没有真正爱过她。既不是她希望的那样，也不是她应得的那样。奇怪吧，我不爱她，因为全是亲情。”

203

-

‘I got on best with her of any of us, but I don’t believe I ever really loved her. Not as she wanted or deserved. It’s odd I didn’t, because I’m full of natural affections.’

204

-

“我从未真正地了解你母亲。”我说。

204

-

‘I never really knew your Mother,’ I said.

205

-

“你不喜欢她。我有时觉得，人们要恨上帝的时候，就恨妈妈。”

205

-

‘You didn’t like her. I sometimes think when people wanted to hate God they hated mummy.’

206

-

“你这话是什么意思，科迪莉娅？”

206

-

‘What do you mean by that, Cordelia?’

207

-

“嗯，你看，她圣洁但不是圣徒。谁也不能真的恨一个圣徒，能吗？也不能真的恨上帝。当他们想要恨上帝和他的圣徒的时候，他们就不得不寻找跟他相似的，假装这就是上帝然后再恨。你可能觉得这是胡说八道吧。”

207

-

‘Well, you see, she was saintly but she wasn’t a saint. No one could really hate a saint, could they? They can’t really hate God either. When they want to hate him and his saints, they have to find something like themselves and pretend it’s God and hate that. I suppose you think that’s all bosh.’

208

-

“以前我也听到过几乎和这一模一样的话——是个非常与众不同的人说的。”

208

-

‘I heard almost the same thing once before - from someone very different.’

209

-

“噢，我是认真的。关于这个我想了很多。这话好像可以拿来解释我可怜的妈妈。”

209

-

‘Oh, I’m quite serious. I’ve thought about it a lot. It seems to explain poor mummy.’

210

-

然后这个奇怪的孩子又对着新一道美味埋头大吃起来。“这是我第一次单独被带进饭馆里吃饭。”她说。

210

-

Then this odd child tucked into her dinner with renewed relish. ‘First time I’ve ever been taken out to dinner alone at a restaurant,’ she said.?

211

-

后来她说：“茱丽娅一听说他们要卖掉马奇公馆，她就说：‘可怜的科迪莉娅。她到底还是不能在那儿举行她的第一次社交舞会了。’这是我们过去常常谈起的事情——就像常常谈起我做她的女傧相一样……伴娘也没当成。茱丽娅举行舞会时，允许我下楼和范妮舅妈在角落里坐了一个小时，她说：‘再过六年，你也会拥有这一切。’我希望我得到个天职。”

211

-

Later: ‘When Julia heard they were selling Marchers she said: “Poor Cordelia. She won’t have her coming-out ball there after all.” It’s a thing we used to talk about - like my being her bridesmaid. That didn’t come off either. When Julia had her ball I was allowed down for an hour, to sit in the corner with Aunt Fanny, and she said, “In six years’ time you’ll have all this.”...I hope I’ve got a vocation.’

212

-

“我不懂这是什么意思。”

212

-

‘I don’t know what that means.’

213

-

“意思是说你可以做一个修女。但要是没有天职，你再想也做不了；可有了天职，你就怎么也摆脱不了了，不管你有多憎恶它。布赖德以为他得到天职了，但是没有。我过去常常觉得塞巴斯蒂安得到天职了，他又恨它——不过现在我不知道了。事情这么快就一下子全变了。”

213

-

‘It means you can be a nun. If you haven’t a vocation it’s no good however much you want to be; and if you have a vocation, you can’t get away from it, however much you hate it. Bridey thinks he has a vocation and hasn’t. I used to think Sebastian had and hated it - but I don’t know now. Everything has changed so much suddenly.’

214

-

但是我没有耐心谈什么女修道院。我老觉得那天下午画笔在我手里有了生命，我的手指创造了一个巨大而又鲜美多汁的派。那天晚上我是一个文艺复兴时期的人——白朗宁的文艺复兴。我，穿着热那亚丝绒独步走在罗马街头的我，可以用伽利略的望远镜看满天繁星，但是唾弃那些手里捧着蒙尘的大部头、睁着嫉妒凹陷的眼睛的修道士，还有他们乖戾琐碎的讲演。

214

-

But I had no patience with this convent chatter. I had felt the brush take life in my hand that afternoon; I had had my finger in the great, succulent pie of creation. I was a man of the Renaissance that evening - of Browning’s renaissance. I, who had walked the streets of Rome in Genoa velvet and had seen the stars through Galileo’s tube, spurned the friars, with their dusty tomes and their sunken, jealous eyes and their crabbed hairsplitting speech.

215

-

“你会堕入情网的。”我说。

215

-

‘You’ll fall in love,’ I said.

216

-

“噢，千万别。我说，你看我还能再来一块美味的蛋酥饼吗？”

216

-

第八章 马尔卡斯特和我保卫祖国——塞巴斯蒂安在国外——我告别马奇梅因公馆|Chapter 8