I was away for two days at the posts. When I got home it was too late and I did not see Miss Barkley until the next evening. She was not in the garden and I had to wait in the office of the hospital until she came down.
There were many marble busts on painted wooden pillars along the walls of the room they used for an office. The hall too, that the office opened on, was lined with them. They had the complete marble quality of all looking alike. Sculpture had always seemed a dull business--still, bronzes looked like something.
But marble busts all looked like a cemetery. There was one fine cemetery though--the one at Pisa. Genoa was the place to see the bad marbles. This had been the villa of a very wealthy German and the busts must have cost him plenty.
I wondered who had done them and how much he got. I tried to make out whether they were members of the family or what; but they were all uniformly classical. You could not tell anything about them.
I sat on a chair and held my cap. We were supposed to wear steel helmets even in Gorizia but they were uncomfortable and too bloody theatrical in a town where the civilian inhabitants had not been evacuated. I wore one when we went up to the posts and carried an English gas mask. We were just beginning to get some of them. They were a real mask.
Also we were required to wear an automatic pistol; even doctors and sanitary officers. I felt it against the back of the chair. You were liable to arrest if you did not have one worn in plain sight. Rinaldi carried a holster stuffed with toilet paper.
I wore a real one and felt like a gunman until I practised firing it. It was an Astra 7.65 caliber with a short barrel and it jumped so sharply when you let it off that there was no question of hitting anything.
I practised with it, holding below the target and trying to master the jerk of the ridiculous short barrel until I could hit within a yard of where I aimed at twenty paces and then the ridiculousness of carrying a pistol at all came over me and I soon forgot it and carried it flopping against the small of my back with no feeling at all except a vague sort of shame when I met English-speaking people.
I sat now in the chair and an orderly of some sort looked at me disapprovingly from behind a desk while I looked at the marble floor, the pillars with the marble busts, and the frescoes on the wall and waited for Miss Barkley. The frescoes were not bad. Any frescoes were good when they started to peel and flake off.
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10
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我看见凯瑟琳·巴克莱走下门廊来,便站起身。她朝我走来的时候并不显得怎么高,不过很可爱。
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10
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I saw Catherine Barkley coming down the hall, and stood up. She did not seem tall walking toward me but she looked very lovely.
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11
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“晚安,亨利先生,”她说。
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11
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"Good-evening, Mr. Henry," she said.
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12
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“您好!”我说。那个勤务在办公桌后边听着。
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12
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"How do you do?" I said. The orderly was listening behind the desk.
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13
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“这儿坐坐呢,还是到花园去?”
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13
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"Shall we sit here or go out in the garden?"
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14
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“还是到外边去溜溜吧。外边阴凉多了。”
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14
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"Let’s go out. It’s much cooler."
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15
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我跟在她后边走进花园,那个勤务在后边望着我们。我们走到铺沙的车道上时,她说,“你去过哪儿?”
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15
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I walked behind her out into the garden, the orderly looking after us. When we were out on the gravel drive she said, "Where have you been?"
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16
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“我到救护站去了。”
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16
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"I’ve been out on post."
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17
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“你难道不能捎张字条儿给我吗?”
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17
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"You couldn’t have sent me a note?"
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18
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“不行,”我说。“不很方便。当时我以为当天就回来的。”
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18
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"No," I said. "Not very well. I thought I was coming back."
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19
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“你总得通知我一声啊,亲爱的。”
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19
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"You ought to have let me know, darling."
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20
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我们走下车路,在树荫里走着。我抓住她的手,停下了步,吻她。
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20
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We were off the driveway, walking under the trees. I took her hands, then stopped and kissed her.
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21
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“有没有我们可以去的地方?”
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21
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"Isn’t there anywhere we can go?"
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22
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“没有,”她说。“我们只好在这儿散步。你去了好久了。”
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22
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"No," she said. "We have to just walk here. You’ve been away a long time."
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23
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“这是第三天。现在我可回来了。”
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23
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"This is the third day. But I’m back now."
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24
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她望着我:“你是爱我的吧?”
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24
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She looked at me, "And you do love me?"
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25
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“是的。”
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25
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"Yes."
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26
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“你说过你爱我的吧?”
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26
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"You did say you loved me, didn’t you?"
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27
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“是的,”我撒谎。“我爱你。”这话我以前没说过。
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27
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"Yes," I lied. "I love you." I had not said it before.
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28
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“你还叫我凯瑟琳吧?”
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28
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"And you call me Catherine?"
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29
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“凯瑟琳。”
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29
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"Catherine."
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30
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我们走了一会,在一棵树底下停住。
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30
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We walked on a way and were stopped under a tree.
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31
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“说,‘我夜晚回来找凯瑟琳。’”
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31
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"Say, ’I’ve come back to Catherine in the night."
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32
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“我夜晚回来找凯瑟琳。”
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32
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"I’ve come back to Catherine in the night."
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33
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“噢,亲爱的,你是回来了吧?”
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33
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"Oh, darling, you have come back, haven’t you?"
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34
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“回来了。”
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34
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"Yes."
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35
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“我是那么的疼你,疼得难受。你不会离开我吧?”
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35
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"I love you so and it’s been awful. You won’t go away?"
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36
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“不会。我总会回来的。”
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36
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"No. I’ll always come back."
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37
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“噢,我是多么疼爱你。请你再把手放在这儿。”
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37
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"Oh, I love you so. Please put your hand there again."
"It’s not been away." I turned her so I could see her face when I kissed her and I saw that her eyes were shut. I kissed both her shut eyes. I thought she was probably a little crazy. It was all right if she was. I did not care what I was getting into.
This was better than going every evening to the house for officers where the girls climbed all over you and put your cap on backward as a sign of affection between their trips upstairs with brother officers.
I knew I did not love Catherine Barkley nor had any idea of loving her. This was a game, like bridge, in which you said things instead of playing cards. Like bridge you had to pretend you were playing for money or playing for some stakes. Nobody had mentioned what the stakes were. It was all right with me.
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41
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“希望有个什么地方我们可以去,”我说。我正在经历男性站着求爱无法坚持长久的困难。
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41
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"I wish there was some place we could go," I said. I was experiencing the masculine difficulty of making love very long standing up.
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42
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“没地方去啊,”她说。她回话前不晓得在想什么心事。
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42
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"There isn’t any place," she said. She came back from wherever she had been.
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43
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“我们就在这儿坐一会儿吧。”
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43
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"We might sit there just for a little while."
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44
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我们坐在扁平的石制条凳上,我握着凯瑟琳的手。但她不让我用胳臂搂她。
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44
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We sat on the flat stone bench and I held Catherine Barkley’s hand. She would not let me put my arm around her.
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45
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“你很疲乏吗?”她问。
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45
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"Are you very tired?" she asked.
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46
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她低头看着地上的草。
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46
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She looked down at the grass.
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47
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“我们演的这场戏坏透了,可不是吗?”
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47
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"This is a rotten game we play, isn’t it?"
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48
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“什么戏?”
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48
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"What game?"
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49
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“别装傻啦。”
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49
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"Don’t be dull."
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50
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“我倒不是故意装的。”
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50
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"I’m not, on purpose."
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51
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“你是个好人,”她说。“你总算尽你的能力在演。不过这场戏坏透了。”
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51
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"You’re a nice boy," she said. "And you play it as well as you know how. But it’s a rotten game."
"Please let’s not lie when we don’t have to. I had a very fine little show and I’m all right now. You see I’m not mad and I’m not gone off. It’s only a little sometimes."
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56
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我紧紧握住她的手:“亲爱的凯瑟琳。”
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56
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I pressed her hand, "Dear Catherine."
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57
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“现在凯瑟琳这个名字听起来好滑稽。你叫这名字的声调并不很一致。不过你的人不错。你是个很好的孩子。”
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57
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"It sounds very funny now--Catherine. You don’t pronounce it very much alike. But you’re very nice. You’re a very good boy."
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58
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“教士也是这么说。”
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58
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"That’s what the priest said."
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59
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“是的,你这人很不错。你再来看我吧?”
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59
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"Yes, you’re very good. And you will come and see me?"
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60
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“当然。”
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60
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"Of course."
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61
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“你也不必说你爱我。这暂且算结束了。”她站起身,伸出手来。“晚安。”
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61
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"And you don’t have to say you love me. That’s all over for a while." She stood up and put out her hand. "Good-night."
We kissed and she broke away suddenly. "No. Good-night, please, darling." We walked to the door and I saw her go in and down the hall. I liked to watch her move. She went on down the hall. I went on home. It was a hot night and there was a good deal going on up in the mountains. I watched the flashes on San Gabriele.
I stopped in front of the Villa Rossa. The shutters were up but it was still going on inside. Somebody was singing. I went on home. Rinaldi came in while I was undressing.
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71
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“啊哈!”他说。“看情形不大妙啊。你这小乖乖,一副为难的脸孔。”
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71
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"Ah, ha!" he said. "It does not go so well. Baby is puzzled."
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72
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“你上哪儿去了?”
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72
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"Where have you been?"
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73
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“玫瑰别墅。很有启发,乖乖。大家都唱了歌。你呢?”
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73
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"At the Villa Rossa. It was very edifying, baby. We all sang. Where have you been?"
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74
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“拜访英国人去了。”
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74
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"Calling on the British."
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75
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“感谢天主,我犯不着跟英国人纠缠在一起了。”
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75
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"Thank God I did not become involved with the British."