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恋爱中的女人|Women in Love

Chapter 12 Carpeting|Chapter 12 Carpeting

属类： 双语小说 【分类】世界名著 -[作者: 劳伦斯] 阅读：[28832]
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他走下堤岸，她不大情愿地跟着他。她既不愿跟随他也不愿离开他。

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“我们相互早就了解了，太了解了。”他说。她并不作答。

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幽黯的大厨房里，那个雇工的老婆正尖声尖气地同赫麦妮和杰拉德站着聊天。杰拉德穿着白衣服，赫麦妮则着浅绿的薄花软绸，他们的穿着在午后幽黯的屋中格外耀眼。墙上笼子里十几只金丝雀在引吭鸣啭。这些鸟笼子围着后窗挂着，阳光透过外面的绿叶从这孔小方窗里洒进屋来，景致很美。塞尔蒙太太提高嗓门说话，想压过鸟儿愈来愈响亮的叫声，这女人不得不一次次提高嗓门，鸟儿们似乎在跟她对着干，叫得更起劲儿了。

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“卢伯特来了！”杰拉德的喊声盖过了屋里噪杂的人声和鸟鸣声。他让这喧闹声吵得烦极了。

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“这群鸟儿，简直不让人说话！”雇工的老婆叫道，她厌恶地说，“我得把笼子都盖上。”

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说完她就东一下西一下，用抹布、围裙、毛巾和桌布把鸟笼子都蒙上。

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“好了，你们别吵了，让别人说说话儿。”可她自己的声音仍然那么大。

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大伙儿看着她很快就把笼子都盖上了，盖上布的鸟笼子很象葬礼中的样子。可鸟儿们挑战般的叫声仍旧从盖布下钻出来。

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“好了，它们不会再叫了。”塞尔蒙太太让大家放心。“它们就要睡了。”

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“是啊。”赫麦妮礼貌地说。

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“会的，”杰拉德说。“它们会自动睡过去的，一盖上布，笼子里就跟夜晚一样了。”

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“它们会那么容易上当吗？”厄秀拉说。

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“会的，”杰拉德回答道，“你不知道法布尔①的故事吗？他小时候把一只母鸡的头藏在鸡翅膀下，那母鸡竟呼呼睡了，这很有道理。”

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“从此他就成为一位博物学家②了？”伯金问。

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“可能吧。”杰拉德说。

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①让·亨利·法布尔（１８２３—１９１５），法国昆虫学家与著作家。

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这时厄秀拉正从盖布下窥视鸟笼子里面的鸟儿。一群金丝雀立在角落里，相互依偎着准备睡了。

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“真可笑！”她叫道，“它们真以为是晚上了！真荒谬！真的，对这种轻易就上当的东西人们怎么会尊敬呢？”

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“对呀，”赫麦妮优哉游哉地说着也走过来观看。她一只手搭在厄秀拉胳膊上嘻笑道：“是呀，这鸟儿多逗人，象个傻老公一样。”

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她的手拉着厄秀拉的胳膊离开鸟笼子，缓慢地问：

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“你怎么来了？我们还碰到戈珍了。”

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“我来水塘看看，”厄秀拉说，“结果发现伯金在这儿。”

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“是吗？这儿真象是布朗温家的地盘儿了，是吗？”

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“我巴不得是呢，”厄秀拉说，“我看到你们在湖上划船，就来这儿躲清闲。”

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“是吗？这么说是我们把你从湖边赶到这儿来的。”

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赫麦妮的眼皮不可思议地朝上翻着，那样子很有趣但不自然。她脸上总有那么一种神奇的表情，既不自然又对别人视而不见。

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“我刚要走，”厄秀拉说，“伯金先生却要我看看这儿的房子。在这儿住该多美呀，真没说的。”

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“是啊，”赫麦妮心不在焉地说，说完就转过身不再理会厄秀拉了。

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“你感觉如何，卢伯特？”她充满感情地问伯金道。

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“很好，”他回答。

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“你感到很舒服吗？”赫麦妮脸上露出不可思议、阴险的神色，她似乎很有点沉醉的样子，胸部都抽动了一下。

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“很舒服，”他回答。

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他们好久没说话，赫麦妮低着眼皮，看了他半天。

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“你是说你在这儿会很幸福吗？”她终于开口问。

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“我相信会的。”

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“我一定会尽力为他做事的，”雇工的老婆说，“我保证我家先生也会这样做。他在这儿会住得很舒服的。”

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赫麦妮转过身缓缓地打量她。

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“太谢谢了，”她说完又不再理她了。她回转身扬起头，只冲他一人问道：

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“你丈量过这间房吗？”

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“没有，”他说，“我刚才在修船。”

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“咱们现在量量好吗？”她不动声色，慢声细语地说。

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“您有卷尺吗，塞尔蒙太太？”

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“有，我会找到的。”那女人应声去篮子里找。“我就这么一卷，能用吗？”

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尽管卷尺是递给伯金的，可赫麦妮却接了过来。

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“很感谢你，”她说，“这尺子很好用。谢谢你。”说完她转向伯金，快活地比划着对他说：“我们现在就量，好吗，卢伯特？”

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“那别人干什么？大家会感到厌倦的。”他很勉强地说。

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“你们介意吗？”赫麦妮转身不经意地问厄秀拉和杰拉德。

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“一点都不介意。”他们回答。

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“那先量哪一间呢？”赫麦妮再次转向伯金快活地问，她要同他一起做点事了。

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“一间一间量下去吧。”他说。

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“你们量着，我去准备茶点好吗？”雇工的老婆说，她也很高兴，因为她也有事做了。

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“是吗？”赫麦妮举止出奇得亲昵，似乎能淹没这女人。她把那女人拉到自己身边，把别人都撇开，说：“我太高兴了。

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我们在哪儿吃茶点呢？”

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“您喜欢在哪儿？在这儿还是在外面的草坪上？”

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“在哪吃茶？”赫麦妮问大家。

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“在水塘边吧。塞尔蒙太太，如果您准备好了茶点，我们这就带上去好了。”伯金说。

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“那好吧。”这女人感到很满意。

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这几个人走下小径来到第一间屋。房间里空荡荡的，但很干净，洒满了阳光。一扇窗户向枝繁叶茂的花园儿敞开着。

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“这是餐厅，”赫麦妮说，“咱们这么量，卢伯特，你到那边去——”

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“我不是可以替你做吗？”杰拉德说着上前来握住卷尺的一端。

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“不必了，谢谢。”赫麦妮叫了起来。她就这样穿着漂亮的绿色印花薄软绸衣服蹲下身去。跟伯金在一起做事对她来说是一大快乐，他对她唯命是从。厄秀拉和杰拉德在一旁看着他们。赫麦妮的一大特色就是一时间与一个人亲密相处而置别人不顾，把别人晒在一旁。因此她总立于不败之地。

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他们量完了房子就在餐厅里商量起来。赫麦妮决定了用什么来铺地面。要是她的建议受到挫折她就会大为光火。伯金在这种时刻总是让她独断专行。

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然后他们穿过正厅，来到另一间较小的前屋。

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“这间是书房，”赫麦妮说，“卢伯特，我有一块地毯，你拿上吧。你要吗？要吧。我想送给你。”

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“什么样的？”他很不礼貌地问。

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“你没见过的。底色是玫瑰红，夹杂着些儿蓝色、金属色、浅蓝和柔和的深蓝色。我觉得你会喜欢它的。你会喜欢它吗？”

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“听起来挺不错的，”他说，“哪儿的？东方的吗？绒的吗？”

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“是的。是波斯地毯呢！是骆驼毛做的，很光滑。我以为它的名字叫波戈摩斯地毯，长十二英尺，宽七英尺，你看可以用吗？”

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“可以的，”他说，“可是您为什么要送我这么昂贵的地毯呢？我自己那块旧牛津土耳其地毯挺不错的，有它就够了。”

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“可是我送给你不好吗？请允许我这样。”

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“它值多少钱？”

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她看看他说：

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“我记不得了。挺便宜的。”

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他看看她，沉下脸说：

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“我不想要，赫麦妮。”他说。

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“让我把地毯送给你铺在这所房子里吧，”她说着走上前来求援般地把手轻轻地搭在他胳膊上。“你若不要，我会失望的。”

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“你知道我不愿意你送我东西。”他无可奈何地重复道。

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“我不想给你什么东西，”她调侃地说，“可这块地毯你要不要？”

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“好吧。”他说，他败了，她胜了。

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他们来到楼上。楼上同楼下一样也有两间卧室，其中一间已稍加装饰，很明显，伯金就睡在这屋里。赫麦妮认真地在屋里巡视一番，眼睛不放过任何一个细节，似乎要从这些没有生命的东西里汲取出伯金的身影。她摸摸床，检查一下床上的铺盖。

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“你真感到舒适吗？”她捏捏枕头问。

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“很舒服。”他冷漠地回答。

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“暖和吗？下面没铺褥子，你需要有条褥子，你不应该盖太多的衣服。”

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“我有一条，”他说，“撤下来了。”

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他们丈量着房子，时时停下来思忖。厄秀拉站在窗边，看到雇工的老婆端着茶点走上水坝到水池边去了。她对赫麦妮的那番空谈大论表示厌恶，她想喝茶了，做什么都行，就是看不下这大惊小怪的场面。

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最后，大家都来到绿草茵茵的堤岸上进野餐。赫麦妮在为大家倒茶，她现在理都不理厄秀拉。厄秀拉刚才心情不太好，现在恢复过来了，她对杰拉德说：

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“那天我可是恨透你了，克里奇先生。”

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“为什么？”杰拉德躲躲闪闪地问。

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“因为你对你的马太坏了。哦，我真恨透你了！”

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“他干什么坏事了？”赫麦妮拖着长声问。

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“那天在铁道口上，一连串可怕的列车驶过时，他却让他那可爱的阿拉伯马跟他一起站在铁道边上。那可怜的马很敏感，简直吓坏了。你可以想象出那是一种多么可怕的场景。”

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“你为什么要这样，杰拉德？”赫麦妮不动声色地问。

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“这马必须学会站立不可，对我来说，一有机车轰响就躲的马有什么用？”

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“可你干吗要折磨它，没必要这样，”厄秀拉说，“为什么让它在铁道口站那么久？你本来可以骑回到大路上去，避免那场虚惊。你用马刺把它的肚子都扎出血来了。太可怕了！”

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杰拉德态度生硬地说：

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“我必须使用它，要让它变得让人放心，它就得学会适应噪音。”

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“为什么？”厄秀拉颇为激动地叫道。“它是一个活生生的生物，你为什么要选择它去承受这承受那？你要对你的生命负责，它同你一样也是自己生命的主人。”

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“我不同意这种说法，”杰拉德说，“这马是为我所用的，并不是因为我买下它了，而是因为它天生如此。对一个人来说，随心所欲地使用他的马比跪在马前求它实现它的天性更合乎情理。”

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厄秀拉刚要开口说话，赫麦妮就抬起头来思忖着说：

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我确实认为，我真地认为我们必须有勇气使用低级生命来为我们服务。我确实觉得，如果我们把任何一种活生生的动物当作自己对待的话那就错了。我确实感到把我们自己的感情投射到任何牲灵上都是虚伪的，这说明我们缺少辨别力，缺乏批评能力。”

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“很对，”伯金尖刻地说。“把人的感情移情于动物、赋于动物以人的意识，没比这更令人厌恶的了。”

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“对，”赫麦妮有气无力地说，“我们必须真正选好一个位置，要么我们使用动物，要么动物使用我们。”

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“是这么回事，”杰拉德说，“一匹马同人一样，严格讲，尽管它没有头脑，却有意志。如果你的意志不去支使它，它就要支使你。对此我毫无办法，我无法不支使它。”

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“如果我们知道怎样使用我们的意志，”赫麦妮说，“我们就可以做任何事情。意志可以拯救一切，让一切都走上正轨，只要恰当，明智地使用我们的意志，我相信这些都能办得到。”

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“你说恰当地使用意志是什么意思？”伯金问。

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“一位了不起的大夫教过我，”她对厄秀拉和杰拉德说，“他对我说，要纠正一个人的坏习惯，你就得在不想做什么的时候强迫自己去做什么。这样，你的坏习惯就没了。”

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“你这怎么讲？”杰拉德问。

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“比方说你爱吃手指头。当你不想吃手指头时，你应该强迫自己去吃，然后你就会发现吃手指头的习惯改了。”

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“是这样吗？”杰拉德问。

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“是的。在很多事情上我都实践过，效果很好。我原本是个好奇心很强又很神经质的女孩子，就是因为我学会使用我的意志，仅仅使用我的意志，我才没出错儿。”

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厄秀拉一直看着赫麦妮，听她用一种缓慢、毫无激情但又紧张得出奇的声调说话，她不由得感到一阵难言的激动。赫麦妮身上有一股奇特、黑暗、抽搐着的力量，既迷人又令人厌恶。

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“这样使用意志是致命的，”伯金严厉地叫道，“令人恶心，这种意志很低下。”

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赫麦妮盯了他好长时间，她目光阴郁、凝重，面庞柔和、苍白、瘦削、下巴尖尖的，脸上泛着一层光芒。

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“我敢说它并不低下，”她终于开口说。似乎在她的感觉与经验、言行与思想之间总有一种奇怪的距离和分歧。她似乎在远离混乱的情绪与反应的漩涡处找到了自己的思路，她的意志从未失灵过，对此伯金极为反感。她的声音总是毫无激情，但很紧张，显得她很有信心。但是她又不时地感到眩晕，打冷战，这种晕船般的感觉总要战胜她的理智。尽管如此，她头脑仍然保持着清醒，意志丝毫不衰。这几乎让伯金发疯。但他从不敢击溃她的意志，不敢让她潜意识的漩涡放松，不敢看到她发疯。可他又总要攻击她。

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“当然了，”伯金对杰拉德说，“马并没有完整的意志，它跟人不一样。一匹马并不只有一个意志，严格说它有两重意志。一种意志让它屈从于人的力量，另一种意志让它要求自由，变得野蛮。这两种意志有时紧密相联——当你骑马跑的时候，它挣脱缰绳，这时你就明白这一点了。”

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“当我骑马时我感觉到它要挣脱缰绳，”杰拉德说，“可我并没有因此而知道它有两个意志。我只知道它害怕了。”

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赫麦妮不听他的话了。当这些话题出现时，她压根儿不去听。

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“为什么一匹马愿意屈从于人的力量呢？”厄秀拉问，“对我来说这真是不可思议。我不相信它会这样。”

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“可这是事实。这是最高级的爱的冲动：屈服于更高级的生命。”伯金说。

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“你这种爱的理论是多么出奇啊。”厄秀拉调笑说。

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“女人就如同马：两种意志在她身上起作用。一种意志驱使她彻底地去屈从，另一种意志让她挣脱羁绊，将骑马人投入地狱。”

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“我就是一匹脱缰的马。”厄秀拉大笑着说。

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“要驯服马是件危险的事，更何况驯服女人呢？”伯金说，“征服的本能会遇到强硬的对手的。”

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“这也是件好事。”厄秀拉说。

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“很好，”杰拉德脸上露出苍白的笑容说，“很有意思。”

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赫麦妮对此无法忍受了，站起身悠哉悠哉地说：

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“这晚景儿太美了！我觉得美好的东西溶满了我的感觉，令我不能自己。”

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厄秀拉见她对自己说话，就也站起身来，同她一起走入沉沉的夜色中。伯金在她眼里变成了一个可恶的自高自大的魔王。她同赫麦妮沿着岸边走着，一边采撷着优雅的郁金香一边聊着，谈论美好、舒心的事儿。

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“你喜欢一件带黄点点的布衣服吗？”厄秀拉问赫麦妮。

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“喜欢，”赫麦妮说着停下来观赏花儿，借此来理清自己的思绪并从中找到慰藉。“那不是很漂亮吗？我会喜欢的。”

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说话间她冲厄秀拉笑笑，显得挺真切。

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但杰拉德仍然同伯金在一起，他想要刨根问底，问清楚他所说的马的双重意志到底是什么意思。杰拉德显得很激动。

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赫麦妮仍旧同厄秀拉在一起，两个人被一种突发的深情连在一起，变得亲密无间。

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“我真不想被迫卷入这种对于生活的批评和分析中去。我其实是真想全面地看待事物，看到它们的美，它们的整体和它们天然的神圣性。你是否感到，你是否感到你无法忍受知识的折磨？”赫麦妮说着在厄秀拉面前停下，双拳紧握着。

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“是的，”厄秀拉说，“我实在对说东道西厌恶透了。”

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“你这样真让我高兴。有时，”赫麦妮再次停住脚步对厄秀拉说，“有时我想，如果我还不软弱，还能抵制，我为什么要屈服呢？我感到我才不会屈服呢。那似乎会毁灭一切，一切的美，还有，还有真正的神圣性都被毁灭了，可是，没有美，没有神圣，我就无法活。”

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“没有它们的生活简直就不是生活，”厄秀拉叫道。“不，让人的头脑去实现一切简直是一种亵渎。真的，有些事是要留给上帝去做的，现在是这样，将来也还是这样。”

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“是的，”赫麦妮象一位消除了疑虑的孩子似地说道，“应该是这样，难道不是吗？那么，卢伯特——”她思忖着仰头望天道，“他就知道把什么都捣毁。他就象个孩子，要把什么都拆毁以便看看那些东西的构造。我无法认为这种做法是对的，象你说的那样，这是一种亵渎。

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“就象撕开花瓣要看个究竟一样。”厄秀拉说。

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“是的，这样一来就把什么都毁了，不是吗？就没有开花的可能性了。”

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“当然不会有，”厄秀拉说，“这纯粹是毁灭。”

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“就是，就是这么回事！”

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赫麦妮久久地盯着厄秀拉，似乎要从她这儿得到肯定的答复。然后两个女人沉默了。每当她们意见相符时，她们就开始互不信任起来。厄秀拉感到自己情不自禁地躲避着赫麦妮，只有这样她才会抑制自己的反感情绪。

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她们俩又回到两个男人身边，似乎刚刚象同谋一样达成了什么协议。伯金抬头看了看她们，厄秀拉真恨他这种冷漠的凝眸。但他没说什么。

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“咱们走吧，”赫麦妮说，“卢伯特，你去肖特兰兹吃晚饭吗？来吧，跟我们一起来吧，好吗？”

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“可我没穿礼服，”伯金说，“你知道，杰拉德是讲礼节的人。”

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“我并不墨守成规，”杰拉德说，“不过，你如果不喜欢随随便便的吵闹，在大家平心静气地用餐时最好不要这样。”

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“好吧。”伯金说。

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“可是我们等你打扮好再走不行吗？”赫麦妮坚持说。

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“行啊。”

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他进屋去了。厄秀拉说她要告别了。

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“不过，”她转身对杰拉德说，“我必须说，尽管人是兽类的主子，但他没有权力侵犯低级动物的感情。我仍然认为，如果那次你骑马躲开隆隆驶过的火车就好了，那说明你更明智，更想得周到。”

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“我明白了，”杰拉德笑道，但他有点感到不快。“我下次注意就是了。”

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“他们都认为我是个爱管闲事的女人。”厄秀拉边走边想。

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但是她有与他们斗争的武器。

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她满腹心事地回到家中。她今天被赫麦妮感动了，她同她有了真正的交往，从而这两个女人之间建立起了某种同盟。可她又无法容忍赫麦妮。“她还是挺不错的人嘛，”她自言自语道，以此打消了那种想法。“她真心要得到正确的东西。”厄秀拉想同赫麦妮一条心，摈弃伯金。她现在很敌视他。这感觉既令她苦恼又保全了她。

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有时，她会激烈地抽搐起来，这抽搐发自她的潜意识。她知道这是因为她向伯金提出了挑战，而伯金有意无意地应战了。这是一场殊死的斗争，或许斗争的结果是获得新生。但谁也说不清他们之间的分歧是什么。

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HE SET OFF down the bank, and she went unwillingly with him. Yet she would not have stayed away, either.

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`We know each other well, you and I, already,’ he said. She did not answer.

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In the large darkish kitchen of the mill, the labourer’s wife was talking shrilly to Hermione and Gerald, who stood, he in white and she in a glistening bluish foulard, strangely luminous in the dusk of the room; whilst from the cages on the walls, a dozen or more canaries sang at the top of their voices. The cages were all placed round a small square window at the back, where the sunshine came in, a beautiful beam, filtering through green leaves of a tree. The voice of Mrs Salmon shrilled against the noise of the birds, which rose ever more wild and triumphant, and the woman’s voice went up and up against them, and the birds replied with wild animation.

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`Here’s Rupert!’ shouted Gerald in the midst of the din. He was suffering badly, being very sensitive in the ear.

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`O-o-h them birds, they won’t let you speak -- !’ shrilled the labourer’s wife in disgust. `I’ll cover them up.’

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And she darted here and there, throwing a duster, an apron, a towel, a table-cloth over the cages of the birds.

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`Now will you stop it, and let a body speak for your row,’ she said, still in a voice that was too high.

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The party watched her. Soon the cages were covered, they had a strange funereal look. But from under the towels odd defiant trills and bubblings still shook out.

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`Oh, they won’t go on,’ said Mrs Salmon reassuringly. `They’ll go to sleep now.’

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`Really,’ said Hermione, politely.

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`They will,’ said Gerald. `They will go to sleep automatically, now the impression of evening is produced.’

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`Are they so easily deceived?’ cried Ursula.

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`Oh, yes,’ replied Gerald. `Don’t you know the story of Fabre, who, when he was a boy, put a hen’s head under her wing, and she straight away went to sleep? It’s quite true.’

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`And did that make him a naturalist?’ asked Birkin.

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`Probably,’ said Gerald.

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Meanwhile Ursula was peeping under one of the cloths. There sat the canary in a corner, bunched and fluffed up for sleep.

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`How ridiculous!’ she cried. `It really thinks the night has come! How absurd! Really, how can one have any respect for a creature that is so easily taken in!’

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`Yes,’ sang Hermione, coming also to look. She put her hand on Ursula’s arm and chuckled a low laugh. `Yes, doesn’t he look comical?’ she chuckled. `Like a stupid husband.’

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Then, with her hand still on Ursula’s arm, she drew her away, saying, in her mild sing-song:

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`How did you come here? We saw Gudrun too.’

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`I came to look at the pond,’ said Ursula, `and I found Mr Birkin there.’

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`Did you? This is quite a Brangwen land, isn’t it!’

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`I’m afraid I hoped so,’ said Ursula. `I ran here for refuge, when I saw you down the lake, just putting off.’

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`Did you! And now we’ve run you to earth.’

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Hermione’s eyelids lifted with an uncanny movement, amused but overwrought. She had always her strange, rapt look, unnatural and irresponsible.

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`I was going on,’ said Ursula. `Mr Birkin wanted me to see the rooms. Isn’t it delightful to live here? It is perfect.’

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`Yes,’ said Hermione, abstractedly. Then she turned right away from Ursula, ceased to know her existence.

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`How do you feel, Rupert?’ she sang in a new, affectionate tone, to Birkin.

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`Very well,’ he replied.

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`Were you quite comfortable?’ The curious, sinister, rapt look was on Hermione’s face, she shrugged her bosom in a convulsed movement, and seemed like one half in a trance.

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`Quite comfortable,’ he replied.

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There was a long pause, whilst Hermione looked at him for a long time, from under her heavy, drugged eyelids.

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`And you think you’ll be happy here?’ she said at last.

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`I’m sure I shall.’

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`I’m sure I shall do anything for him as I can,’ said the labourer’s wife. `And I’m sure our master will; so I hope he’ll find himself comfortable.’

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Hermione turned and looked at her slowly.

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`Thank you so much,’ she said, and then she turned completely away again. She recovered her position, and lifting her face towards him, and addressing him exclusively, she said:

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`Have you measured the rooms?’

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`No,’ he said, `I’ve been mending the punt.’

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`Shall we do it now?’ she said slowly, balanced and dispassionate.

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`Have you got a tape measure, Mrs Salmon?’ he said, turning to the woman.

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`Yes sir, I think I can find one,’ replied the woman, bustling immediately to a basket. `This is the only one I’ve got, if it will do.’

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Hermione took it, though it was offered to him.

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`Thank you so much,’ she said. `It will do very nicely. Thank you so much.’ Then she turned to Birkin, saying with a little gay movement: `Shall we do it now, Rupert?’

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`What about the others, they’ll be bored,’ he said reluctantly.

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`Do you mind?’ said Hermione, turning to Ursula and Gerald vaguely.

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`Not in the least,’ they replied.

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`Which room shall we do first?’ she said, turning again to Birkin, with the same gaiety, now she was going to do something with him.

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`We’ll take them as they come,’ he said.

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`Should I be getting your teas ready, while you do that?’ said the labourer’s wife, also gay because she had something to do.

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`Would you?’ said Hermione, turning to her with the curious motion of intimacy that seemed to envelop the woman, draw her almost to Hermione’s breast, and which left the others standing apart. `I should be so glad. Where shall we have it?’

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`Where would you like it? Shall it be in here, or out on the grass?’

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`Where shall we have tea?’ sang Hermione to the company at large.

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`On the bank by the pond. And we’ll carry the things up, if you’ll just get them ready, Mrs Salmon,’ said Birkin.

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`All right,’ said the pleased woman.

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The party moved down the passage into the front room. It was empty, but clean and sunny. There was a window looking on to the tangled front garden.

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`This is the dining room,’ said Hermione. `We’ll measure it this way, Rupert -- you go down there --’

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`Can’t I do it for you,’ said Gerald, coming to take the end of the tape.

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`No, thank you,’ cried Hermione, stooping to the ground in her bluish, brilliant foulard. It was a great joy to her to do things, and to have the ordering of the job, with Birkin. He obeyed her subduedly. Ursula and Gerald looked on. It was a peculiarity of Hermione’s, that at every moment, she had one intimate, and turned all the rest of those present into onlookers. This raised her into a state of triumph.

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They measured and discussed in the dining-room, and Hermione decided what the floor coverings must be. It sent her into a strange, convulsed anger, to be thwarted. Birkin always let her have her way, for the moment.

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Then they moved across, through the hall, to the other front room, that was a little smaller than the first.

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`This is the study,’ said Hermione. `Rupert, I have a rug that I want you to have for here. Will you let me give it to you? Do -- I want to give it you.’

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`What is it like?’ he asked ungraciously.

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`You haven’t seen it. It is chiefly rose red, then blue, a metallic, midblue, and a very soft dark blue. I think you would like it. Do you think you would?’

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`It sounds very nice,’ he replied. `What is it? Oriental? With a pile?’

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`Yes. Persian! It is made of camel’s hair, silky. I think it is called Bergamos -- twelve feet by seven --. Do you think it will do?’

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`It would do,’ he said. `But why should you give me an expensive rug? I can manage perfectly well with my old Oxford Turkish.’

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`But may I give it to you? Do let me.’

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`How much did it cost?’

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She looked at him, and said:

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`I don’t remember. It was quite cheap.’

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He looked at her, his face set.

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`I don’t want to take it, Hermione,’ he said.

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`Do let me give it to the rooms,’ she said, going up to him and putting her hand on his arm lightly, pleadingly. `I shall be so disappointed.’

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`You know I don’t want you to give me things,’ he repeated helplessly.

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`I don’t want to give you things,’ she said teasingly. `But will you have this?’

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`All right,’ he said, defeated, and she triumphed.

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They went upstairs. There were two bedrooms to correspond with the rooms downstairs. One of them was half furnished, and Birkin had evidently slept there. Hermione went round the room carefully, taking in every detail, as if absorbing the evidence of his presence, in all the inanimate things. She felt the bed and examined the coverings.

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`Are you sure you were quite comfortable?’ she said, pressing the pillow.

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`Perfectly,’ he replied coldly.

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`And were you warm? There is no down quilt. I am sure you need one. You mustn’t have a great pressure of clothes.’

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`I’ve got one,’ he said. `It is coming down.’

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They measured the rooms, and lingered over every consideration. Ursula stood at the window and watched the woman carrying the tea up the bank to the pond. She hated the palaver Hermione made, she wanted to drink tea, she wanted anything but this fuss and business.

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At last they all mounted the grassy bank, to the picnic. Hermione poured out tea. She ignored now Ursula’s presence. And Ursula, recovering from her ill-humour, turned to Gerald saying:

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`Oh, I hated you so much the other day, Mr Crich,’

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`What for?’ said Gerald, wincing slightly away.

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`For treating your horse so badly. Oh, I hated you so much!’

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`What did he do?’ sang Hermione.

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`He made his lovely sensitive Arab horse stand with him at the railwaycrossing whilst a horrible lot of trucks went by; and the poor thing, she was in a perfect frenzy, a perfect agony. It was the most horrible sight you can imagine.’

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`Why did you do it, Gerald?’ asked Hermione, calm and interrogative.

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`She must learn to stand -- what use is she to me in this country, if she shies and goes off every time an engine whistles.’

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`But why inflict unnecessary torture?’ said Ursula. `Why make her stand all that time at the crossing? You might just as well have ridden back up the road, and saved all that horror. Her sides were bleeding where you had spurred her. It was too horrible --!’

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Gerald stiffened.

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`I have to use her,’ he replied. `And if I’m going to be sure of her at all, she’ll have to learn to stand noises.’

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`Why should she?’ cried Ursula in a passion. `She is a living creature, why should she stand anything, just because you choose to make her? She has as much right to her own being, as you have to yours.’

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`There I disagree,’ said Gerald. `I consider that mare is there for my use. Not because I bought her, but because that is the natural order. It is more natural for a man to take a horse and use it as he likes, than for him to go down on his knees to it, begging it to do as it wishes, and to fulfil its own marvellous nature.’

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Ursula was just breaking out, when Hermione lifted her face and began, in her musing sing-song:

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`I do think -- I do really think we must have the courage to use the lower animal life for our needs. I do think there is something wrong, when we look on every living creature as if it were ourselves. I do feel, that it is false to project our own feelings on every animate creature. It is a lack of discrimination, a lack of criticism.’

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`Quite,’ said Birkin sharply. `Nothing is so detestable as the maudlin attributing of human feelings and consciousness to animals.’

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`Yes,’ said Hermione, wearily, `we must really take a position. Either we are going to use the animals, or they will use us.’

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`That’s a fact,’ said Gerald. `A horse has got a will like a man, though it has no mind strictly. And if your will isn’t master, then the horse is master of you. And this is a thing I can’t help. I can’t help being master of the horse.’

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`If only we could learn how to use our will,’ said Hermione, `we could do anything. The will can cure anything, and put anything right. That I am convinced of -- if only we use the will properly, intelligibly.’

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`What do you mean by using the will properly?’ said Birkin.

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`A very great doctor taught me,’ she said, addressing Ursula and Gerald vaguely. `He told me for instance, that to cure oneself of a bad habit, one should force oneself to do it, when one would not do it -- make oneself do it -- and then the habit would disappear.’

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`How do you mean?’ said Gerald.

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`If you bite your nails, for example. Then, when you don’t want to bite your nails, bite them, make yourself bite them. And you would find the habit was broken.’

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`Is that so?’ said Gerald.

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`Yes. And in so many things, I have made myself well. I was a very queer and nervous girl. And by learning to use my will, simply by using my will, I made myself right.’

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Ursula looked all the white at Hermione, as she spoke in her slow, dispassionate, and yet strangely tense voice. A curious thrill went over the younger woman. Some strange, dark, convulsive power was in Hermione, fascinating and repelling.

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`It is fatal to use the will like that,’ cried Birkin harshly, `disgusting. Such a will is an obscenity.’

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Hermione looked at him for a long time, with her shadowed, heavy eyes. Her face was soft and pale and thin, almost phosphorescent, her jaw was lean.

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`I’m sure it isn’t,’ she said at length. There always seemed an interval, a strange split between what she seemed to feel and experience, and what she actually said and thought. She seemed to catch her thoughts at length from off the surface of a maelstrom of chaotic black emotions and reactions, and Birkin was always filled with repulsion, she caught so infallibly, her will never failed her. Her voice was always dispassionate and tense, and perfectly confident. Yet she shuddered with a sense of nausea, a sort of seasickness that always threatened to overwhelm her mind. But her mind remained unbroken, her will was still perfect. It almost sent Birkin mad. But he would never, never dare to break her will, and let loose the maelstrom of her subconsciousness, and see her in her ultimate madness. Yet he was always striking at her.

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`And of course,’ he said to Gerald, `horses haven’t got a complete will, like human beings. A horse has no one will. Every horse, strictly, has two wills. With one will, it wants to put itself in the human power completely -- and with the other, it wants to be free, wild. The two wills sometimes lock -- you know that, if ever you’ve felt a horse bolt, while you’ve been driving it.’

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`I have felt a horse bolt while I was driving it,’ said Gerald, `but it didn’t make me know it had two wills. I only knew it was frightened.’

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Hermione had ceased to listen. She simply became oblivious when these subjects were started.

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`Why should a horse want to put itself in the human power?’ asked Ursula. `That is quite incomprehensible to me. I don’t believe it ever wanted it.’

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`Yes it did. It’s the last, perhaps highest, love-impulse: resign your will to the higher being,’ said Birkin.

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`What curious notions you have of love,’ jeered Ursula.

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`And woman is the same as horses: two wills act in opposition inside her. With one will, she wants to subject herself utterly. With the other she wants to bolt, and pitch her rider to perdition.’

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`Then I’m a bolter,’ said Ursula, with a burst of laughter.

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`It’s a dangerous thing to domesticate even horses, let alone women,’ said Birkin. `The dominant principle has some rare antagonists.’

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`Good thing too,’ said Ursula.

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`Quite,’ said Gerald, with a faint smile. `There’s more fun.’

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Hermione could bear no more. She rose, saying in her easy sing-song:

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`Isn’t the evening beautiful! I get filled sometimes with such a great sense of beauty, that I feel I can hardly bear it.’

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Ursula, to whom she had appealed, rose with her, moved to the last impersonal depths. And Birkin seemed to her almost a monster of hateful arrogance. She went with Hermione along the bank of the pond, talking of beautiful, soothing things, picking the gentle cowslips.

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`Wouldn’t you like a dress,’ said Ursula to Hermione, `of this yellow spotted with orange -- a cotton dress?’

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`Yes,’ said Hermione, stopping and looking at the flower, letting the thought come home to her and soothe her. `Wouldn’t it be pretty? I should love it.’

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And she turned smiling to Ursula, in a feeling of real affection.

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But Gerald remained with Birkin, wanting to probe him to the bottom, to know what he meant by the dual will in horses. A flicker of excitement danced on Gerald’s face.

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Hermione and Ursula strayed on together, united in a sudden bond of deep affection and closeness.

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`I really do not want to be forced into all this criticism and analysis of life. I really do want to see things in their entirety, with their beauty left to them, and their wholeness, their natural holiness. Don’t you feel it, don’t you feel you can’t be tortured into any more knowledge?’ said Hermione, stopping in front of Ursula, and turning to her with clenched fists thrust downwards.

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`Yes,’ said Ursula. `I do. I am sick of all this poking and prying.’

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`I’m so glad you are. Sometimes,’ said Hermione, again stopping arrested in her progress and turning to Ursula, `sometimes I wonder if I ought to submit to all this realisation, if I am not being weak in rejecting it. But I feel I can’t -- I can’t. It seems to destroy everything. All the beauty and the -- and the true holiness is destroyed -- and I feel I can’t live without them.’

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`And it would be simply wrong to live without them,’ cried Ursula. `No, it is so irreverent to think that everything must be realised in the head. Really, something must be left to the Lord, there always is and always will be.’

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`Yes,’ said Hermione, reassured like a child, `it should, shouldn’t it? And Rupert --’ she lifted her face to the sky, in a muse -- `he can only tear things to pieces. He really is like a boy who must pull everything to pieces to see how it is made. And I can’t think it is right -- it does seem so irreverent, as you say.’

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`Like tearing open a bud to see what the flower will be like,’ said Ursula.

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`Yes. And that kills everything, doesn’t it? It doesn’t allow any possibility of flowering.’

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`Of course not,’ said Ursula. `It is purely destructive.’

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`It is, isn’t it!’

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Hermione looked long and slow at Ursula, seeming to accept confirmation from her. Then the two women were silent. As soon as they were in accord, they began mutually to mistrust each other. In spite of herself, Ursula felt herself recoiling from Hermione. It was all she could do to restrain her revulsion.

141

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They returned to the men, like two conspirators who have withdrawn to come to an agreement. Birkin looked up at them. Ursula hated him for his cold watchfulness. But he said nothing.

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`Shall we be going?’ said Hermione. `Rupert, you are coming to Shortlands to dinner? Will you come at once, will you come now, with us?’

143

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`I’m not dressed,’ replied Birkin. `And you know Gerald stickles for convention.’

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`I don’t stickle for it,’ said Gerald. `But if you’d got as sick as I have of rowdy go-as-you-please in the house, you’d prefer it if people were peaceful and conventional, at least at meals.’

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`All right,’ said Birkin.

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`But can’t we wait for you while you dress?’ persisted Hermione.

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`If you like.’

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He rose to go indoors. Ursula said she would take her leave.

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`Only,’ she said, turning to Gerald, `I must say that, however man is lord of the beast and the fowl, I still don’t think he has any right to violate the feelings of the inferior creation. I still think it would have been much more sensible and nice of you if you’d trotted back up the road while the train went by, and been considerate.’

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`I see,’ said Gerald, smiling, but somewhat annoyed. `I must remember another time.’

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`They all think I’m an interfering female,’ thought Ursula to herself, as she went away. But she was in arms against them.

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She ran home plunged in thought. She had been very much moved by Hermione, she had really come into contact with her, so that there was a sort of league between the two women. And yet she could not bear her. But she put the thought away. `She’s really good,’ she said to herself. `She really wants what is right.’ And she tried to feel at one with Hermione, and to shut off from Birkin. She was strictly hostile to him. But she was held to him by some bond, some deep principle. This at once irritated her and saved her.

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Only now and again, violent little shudders would come over her, out of her subconsciousness, and she knew it was the fact that she had stated her challenge to Birkin, and he had, consciously or unconsciously, accepted. It was a fight to the death between them -- or to new life: though in what the conflict lay, no one could say.

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