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德伯家的苔丝|Tess of the D‘Urbervilles

第30章|Chapter 29

属类： 双语小说 【分类】世界名著 -[作者: 托马斯-哈代] 阅读：[31881]
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在逐渐减弱的光线中，他们沿着那条穿过草场的平坦的道路走着，那片草场在灰蒙蒙的暮色里延伸出去好几英里，一直延伸到了爱敦荒原上那些幽暗陡峭的山坡尽头。在山坡的顶上，长着一簇簇一片片枞树，树梢有高有低，看上去就像一个个带有雉堞的塔楼，高耸在正面墙壁是黑色的一个个魔堡之上。

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他们坐在一起，沉浸在相互接近的感觉里，所以好久他们都没有说话，在他们的沉默中，只有身后高大铁罐里的牛奶发出的咣噹咣噹的响声。他们走的是一条非常僻静的小路，棒子树结的果实还留在树枝上，等着从果壳里掉出来，黑莓也还一大串一大串的挂在树枝上。每次从树下经过，他都要挥起鞭子缠住一串果实，把它们摘下来，送给他的同伴。

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不久，沉闷的天空开始落下最初的雨点，表示天气真正要下雨了，白天沉闷的空气也变成了一阵阵微风，从他们的面前吹过。河流和湖泊上水银一样的光泽慢慢消失了；它们原先是一面宽大的明镜，现在泛出阵阵涟漪，变成了没有光泽的铅皮。但是这种景象没有影响苔丝，她仍然还在那儿出神。她的脸本来是一种天然的淡红色，现在被秋天的太阳晒成了淡褐色，上面落满了雨点，颜色变得更深了；她的头发由于挤奶时受到奶牛肚子的压迫，现在已经松散开了，乱七八糟地从头上戴的白色帽檐里披散下来，让雨水淋得又粘又湿，后来简直比海草强不了多少。

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“我想我不应该来的，”她看着天空低声说。

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“天下雨了，真是对不起，”他说。“但是有你在这儿，我别提有多高兴了！”

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在雨水密织的雨帘里，远处的爱敦荒原逐渐消失不见了。傍晚越来越暗，道路上的十字路口有一些栅栏门，为了安全起见，他们赶车的速度比走路的速度快不了多少。天气也变得更加凉了。

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“我担心你会受凉的，你的胳膊和肩膀上什么也没有，”他说。“向我靠紧些吧，这样雨水也许就不会淋得太厉害了。要是我没有感到这场雨水也许对我有些好处，我就要感到更难受了。”

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她悄悄地向他靠得近了些，他就把两大块用来为牛奶罐遮太阳的帆布拉过来，把他们遮盖起来。苔丝两手拉住帆布，不让帆布从她和他身上滑下去，因为克莱尔双手空不出来。

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“我们现在都好啦。啊——还是不行！有些雨水流进我的脖子了，流进你脖子里的雨水一定更多了。这样好多了。你的双臂就像被雨水打湿的大理石，苔丝。在帆布上擦擦吧。现在好啦，只要你坐着不动，你就淋不到雨水了。好了，亲爱的——关于我提出的问题——那个长期拖而不决的问题现在怎么样啊？”

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过了一会儿，他听到的唯一回答只是马蹄踏在布满雨水的道路上的叭嗒声，以及他们身后牛奶罐里牛奶的晃荡声，

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“你还记得你说的话吧？”

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“记得，”她回答说。

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“在我们回家前你得回答我，记住啊。”

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“好吧。”

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后来他就不再说什么了。他们继续往前走着，一座查理王时代庄园的残余部分显露在夜色里，他们把车从旁边赶了过去，不久就把它抛在后面了。

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“这座庄园，”为了让她高兴，他说，“是一个很有意味的古迹了——属于古代诺曼家族府邸中的一个，这个家族从前在这个郡很有影响，名字叫德贝维尔。我每次从他们的住宅经过，我就不由得想起他们来。一个显赫的家族灭绝了，即使它是一个显赫的凶狠霸道的封建家族，也是有些叫人伤感的。”

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“是的，”苔丝说。

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他们在苍茫的夜色中慢慢地向一个地点走去，就在那个地点的附近，有一点儿微弱的亮光照明着；白天，那个地方不时在深绿色的背景里冒出一道白色的蒸气，说明那个地方是这个幽僻的世界同现代生活相联系的一个断断续续的联接点。在一天里，现代生活有三四次把它的蒸气触角伸展到这个地方，同本地的生活发生接触，然后又很快缩回它的触角，仿佛它同它接触的生活格格不入似的。

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他们走到了那道微弱光线的地方，原来光线是从一个小火车站里一盏冒烟的油灯中发出来的，和天上的星星比起来，它真是小得可怜，可是它对泰波塞斯的奶牛场和人类来说，虽然同天上的星星相比是那样寒酸，但是它要比天上的星星重要得多。车上的牛奶罐在雨中被卸了下来，苔丝在附近一棵冬青树下找了一个避雨的地方。

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接着传来了火车开来的咝咝声，火车几乎是悄悄地在湿漉漉的铁轨上滑动的，牛奶也被一罐一罐地搬进了火车的车厢里。火车头上的灯光闪了一下，照出了苔丝·德北菲尔德的身影，她正一动也不动地站在一棵大冬青树下。同蒸汽机的曲柄和轮子相比，没有什么比这个不通世故的姑娘更叫人感到异样的了，她光着胳膊，脸和头发湿淋淋的，像一只暂时蹲着不动的老实的豹子一样，身上穿的印花布裙子说不出是什么时代的款式，棉布帽子也耷拉在额头上。

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她上了车，坐在情人的旁边，她热烈的天性有时表现得既沉默又温顺；他们又用车上的帆布把自己的头和耳朵包裹起来，转身在已经变得很深沉的夜色中往回走了。苔丝是一个十分敏感的人，所以她刚才和物质文明的漩涡接触了几分钟，这种接触就留在她的思想里了。

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“明天早晨伦敦人在吃早饭的时候就可以喝这些牛奶了，是不是？”她问。“他们都是我们从来没有见过的陌生人，是不是？”

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“不错——我想他们明天就可以喝这些牛奶了。不过他们喝的和我们送的牛奶有些不同。他们喝的牛奶的含量被降低了，免得他们被喝醉了。”

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“他们都是高贵的绅士、贵妇、外国大使、千夫长①、太太小姐、还有孩子，他们都从来没有看见过一头奶牛，是不是？”

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①千夫长（centurions），古代罗马下级军官的官衔，苔丝的时代没有这种人，表明苔丝对农村以外的知识所知不多。下文克莱尔也提千夫长，是对苔丝的一种调笑。

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“哦，是的；也许是的；尤其是千夫长。”

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“他们对我们是什么人也不知道的啦？也不知道牛奶是从哪儿来的啦？他们也想不到我们走了好远的路，今天夜里冒雨穿过荒野把牛奶送到车站，好让他们明天早晨喝上牛奶，是不是？”

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“我们并不是完全为了这些宝贵的伦敦人送牛奶的；我们送牛奶也有点儿为我们自己——为了那个让人焦虑的问题，我想，亲爱的苔丝，这个问题你会让我放心的。好啦，请允许我这样说，你知道，你已经属于我了；我是说你的心。是不是这样的？”

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“你知道得像我一样清楚的。啊，是的——是的！”

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“既然你的心答应了，为什么你不答应嫁给我呢？”

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“我唯一的理由也是为了你啊——只是为了一个问题，我还有些话同你说——”

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“我能够认为完全是为了我的幸福，也为了我事业的方便吗？”

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“啊，是的；是为了你的幸福和事业上的方便。但是在我来这儿以前——我想——”

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“好啦，我本来就是为了自己的幸福和事业的方便才向你求婚的。假如我在英国或者在殖民地拥有一个大农场，你做我的妻子就有无限的价值了；也比娶一个出身在全国都是最高贵门户的女子好得多。所以请你——请你，亲爱的苔丝，你一定要消除心里的那种想法，以为嫁给我会妨碍了我。”

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“但是我的过去。我要让你知道我的过去——你一定要让我告诉你——你要是知道了，就不会像现在这样喜欢我了。”

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“如果你想说，那你就说吧，最亲爱的。那一定是珍贵的历史。是呀，你要说我于某年某月某日出生，等等——”

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“我生于马洛特村，”她说，借用了他说的几个字，尽管那几个字也是随随便便说出来的。“我在那儿长大。我离开学校的时候，受了六年的标准教育，他们都说我很能干，应该当一个好教员。但是我家里出现了一些麻烦事；我的父亲不太勤劳，又喜欢喝点儿酒。”

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“好啦，好啦。可怜的孩子！这有什么新奇啊。”他把她更紧地搂在自己的怀里。

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“后来——还有一些非常不同寻常的事——是与我有关的。我——我——”

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苔丝的呼吸急促起来。

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“好啦，最亲爱的。这没有关系的。”

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“我——我——不姓德北菲尔德，而是姓德贝维尔——和我们刚才走过去的那座老房子的当年主人是一家。还有——我们都衰败了。”

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“姓德贝维尔！——真的吗？这就是所有的麻烦事吗，亲爱的苔丝？”

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“是的，”她含糊其辞地说。

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“好啦——我知道了这个为什么就要减少对你的爱呢？”

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“我听奶牛场老板说你痛恨老门户啊。”

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他笑了起来。

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“好啦，在某种意义上说，这是真的。我的确痛恨血统高于一切的贵族原则，也的确认为，作为一个理性的人，我们应该尊重的血统只能是那些有理性有道德的人的精神血统，与祖先的血统毫无关系。不过我特别对你说的这件事感兴趣——你想不出我多么地感兴趣呢！难道你对自己这个显赫的家世不感兴趣吗？”

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“不。我倒觉得悲伤——尤其是我来到这儿以后，听人说到这儿许多山林田地过去都是我们家的，我倒觉得悲伤。不过，有些山林田地属于莱蒂家里，有些属于玛丽安家里，因此我也不特别觉得这有什么用处了。”

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“不错——现在是这儿土地的佃户而过去是它们主人的人，多得让人感到吃惊呢，有时候我在想，为什么某一派的政治家不利用这种情形；不过他们好像不知道这种情形……我还想知道，为什么我看不出你的名字同德贝维尔有相同的地方，也查考不出有什么明显衰败的地方。原来这就是你焦虑不安的秘密啊！”

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她没有把她的秘密讲出来。她的勇气在最后一刻消失了，她担心他会埋怨她没有早点告诉他；她自我保护的力量比她想坦白的勇气大得多。

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“当然，”蒙在鼓里的克莱尔继续说，“我的确希望知道，你纯粹是出生在一个长期受苦、默默无闻和在英国档案和世家中没有记载的家庭，而不是出生在一个为了一己之私而牺牲多数人利益使自己得势的少数家庭。但是因为我爱上了你，所以我也学坏了，苔丝（他大笑着说），我也变得自私了。为了你的缘故，我喜欢你的出身。社会的势利是没有办法了，我要按照我的意思让你变成一个博学的女子，然后再做我的妻子就能被人接受了，你的德贝维尔后裔的身分也要变得大不一样了。我的母亲，可怜的人，也会因此而看重你了。苔丝，从今天起，你应该把你的姓改过来，改成德贝维尔。”

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“我宁肯要另外一个姓。”

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“但是你一定要改过来，最亲爱的！天啦，有许多家财百万的暴发户要是拥有了这个姓，都要高兴得跳起来呢！顺便说一句，有一个混账东西就冒用了这个姓——我是在什么地方听说来着？——我想他就住在猎苑的附近。哦，我曾经给你说过，他就是侮辱我父亲的那个家伙。多么奇怪的巧合啊！”

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“安琪尔，我想我还是不要姓那个姓的好！也许，那个姓不吉利。”

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她激动起来。

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“好啦，苔瑞莎·德贝维尔，我娶了你，姓了我的姓，因此你也就不必姓你的姓啦！秘密已经说出来了，你就不能再拒绝我了吧？”

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“如果你肯定娶我做妻子能够让你幸福，你觉得你的确希望娶了我，非常非常——”

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“我当然非常希望，最亲爱的！”

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“我的意思是说，要是你非常想娶了我，而且不娶我就不能活下去，不管我有什么过失都要娶了我，这就使我感到我应该答应你。”

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“你答应了，你已经亲口答应我了，我听见了！你永远永远是我的了。”

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他紧紧地拥抱着她，吻她。

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“是的。”

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她刚把话说完，就突然大哭起来，哭得那样地悲伤，好像肝肠断了一样。苔丝决不是一个歇斯底里的姑娘，他大吃一惊。

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“你为什么要哭呢，最亲爱的？”

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“我也说不清——完全说不清！——我太高兴了，因为我想到——想到我是你的了，能够让你幸福！”

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“但是你哭的样子，不大像是高兴的样子啊，我的苔丝！”

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“我的意思是说——我哭是因为我毁了我的誓言呀！我说过我死也不嫁给你的。”

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“可是，如果你爱我，你愿意我做你的丈夫吗？”

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“愿意，愿意，愿意！不过，啊，有时候我想我还是没有出生的好！”

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“啊，我亲爱的苔丝，要是我不知道你这样激动，不知道你这样地不懂事，我就要说，你说的话不大中听呢。你要是真喜欢我，你怎么会有那种愿望呢？你喜欢我吗？我希望你能用某种方式证明这一点。”

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“我要做的已经做了，还能怎样证明呢？”她大声说，一脸的柔情蜜意。“这样会不会证明得多一些？”

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她说着就紧紧地搂着克莱尔的脖子，克莱尔也是第一次才知道一个像苔丝那样爱他的感情热烈的女人，用她全部的爱情和全部的感情吻他是怎样的滋味。

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“现在——你相信我了吧？”她满脸通红地擦着眼泪问。

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“相信了。我从来就没有真正怀疑过——从来没有！”

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他们就这样在暗夜里走着，在帆布里面紧紧地挤在一块儿。拉车的马自个儿走着，雨继续落在他们身上。她已经答应他了。她也许一开始就答应他了。一切生灵都有“寻求快乐的本性”，人类都要受到这种巨大的力量的支配，就像上下起伏的潮水推动海草一样，这种力量不是研究社会道德的空洞文章控制得了的。

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“我得写信告诉我的母亲，”她说。“你不会反对我写这封信吧？”

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“当然不会，亲爱的孩子。对我来说，你真是一个孩子，苔丝，在这个时候写信给你的母亲是再合适不过的，我要是反对就不对了，你连这个也不知道。你的母亲住在什么地方？”

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“住在同一个地方——马洛特村。在布莱克原野谷的边上。”

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“哦，那么这个夏天前我们是见过面了——”

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“是的；是在草地上跳舞见过面的；不过那次你没有和我跳舞。啊，我真希望对我们那不会是不吉利的兆头！”

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`Now, who mid ye think I’ve heard news o’ this morning?’ said Dairyman Crick, as he sat down to breakfast next day, with a riddling gaze round upon the munching men and maids. `Now, just who mid ye think?’

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One guessed, and another guessed. Mrs Crick did not guess, because she knew already.

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`Well,’ said the dairyman, `’tis that slack-twisted ’hore’s-bird of a feller, Jack Dollop. He’s lately got married to a widow-woman.’

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`Not Jack Dollop? A villain - to think o’ that!’ said a milker.

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The name entered quickly into Tess Durbeyfield’s consciousness, for it was the name of the lover who had wronged his sweetheart, and had afterwards been so roughly used by the young woman’s mother in the butter-churn.

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`And has he married the valiant matron’s daughter, as he promised?’ asked Angel Clare absently, as he turned over the newspaper he was reading at the little table to which he was always banished by Mrs Crick, in her sense of his gentility.

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`Not he, sir. Never meant to,’ replied the dairyman. `As I say, ’tis a widow-woman, and she had money, it seems - fifty poun’ a year or so; and that was all he was after. They were married in a great hurry; and then she told him that by marrying she had lost her fifty poun’ a year. Just fancy the state o’ my gentleman’s mind at that news! Never such a cat-and-dog life as they’ve been leading ever since! Serves him well beright. But onluckily the poor woman gets the worst o’t.’

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`Well, the silly body should have told en sooner that the ghost of her first man would trouble him,’ said Mrs Crick.

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`Ay; ay,’ responded the dairyman indecisively. `Still, you can see exactly how ’twas. She wanted a home, and didn’t like to run the risk of losing him. Don’t ye think that was something like it, maidens?’

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He glanced towards the row of girls.

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`She ought to ha’ told him just before they went to church, when he could hardly have backed out,’ exclaimed Marian.

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`Yes, she ought,’ agreed Izz.

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`She must have seen what he was after, and should ha’ refused him,’ cried Retty spasmodically.

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`And what do you say, my dear?’ asked the dairyman of Tess.

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`I think she ought - to have told him the true state of things - or else refused him - I don’t know,’ replied Tess, the bread-and-butter choking her.

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`Be cust if I’d have done either o’t,’ said Beck Knibbs, a married helper from one of the cottages. `All’s fair in love and war. I’d ha’ married en ’ust as she did, and if he’d said two words to me about not telling him beforehand anything whatsomdever about my first chap that I hadn’t chose to tell, I’d ha’ knocked him down wi’ the rolling-pin - a scram little feller like he! Any woman could do it.’

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The laughter which followed this sally was supplemented only by a sorry smile, for form’s sake, from Tess. What was comedy to them was tragedy to her; and she could hardly bear their mirth. She soon rose from table, and, with an impression that Clare would follow her, went along a little wriggling path, now stepping to one side of the irrigating channels, and now to the other, till she stood by the main stream of the Var. Men had been cutting the water-weeds higher up the river, and masses of them were floating past her - moving islands of green crowfoot, whereon she might almost have ridden; long locks of which weed had lodged against the piles driven to keep the cows from crossing.

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Yes, there was the pain of it. This question of a woman telling her story - the heaviest of crosses to herself - seemed but amusement to others. It was as if people should laugh at martyrdom.

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`Tessy!’ came from behind her, and Clare sprang across the gully, alighting beside her feet. `My wife - soon!’

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`No, no; I cannot. For your sake, O Mr Clare; for your sake, I say no!’

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`Tess!’

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`Still I say no!’ she repeated.

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Not expecting this he had put his arm lightly round her waist the moment after speaking, beneath her hanging tall of hair. (The younger dairymaids, including Tess, breakfasted with their hair loose on Sunday mornings before building it up extra high for attending church, a style they could not adopt when milking with their heads against the cows.) If she had said `Yes’ instead of `No’ he would have kissed her; it had evidently been his intention; but her determined negative deterred his scrupulous heart. Their condition of domiciliary comradeship put her, as the woman, to such disadvantage by its enforced intercourse, that he felt it unfair to her to exercise any pressure of brandishment which he might have honestly employed had she been better able to avoid him. He released her momentarily-imprisoned waist, and withheld the kiss.

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It all turned on that release. What had given her strength to refuse him this time was solely the tale of the widow told by the dairyman; and that would have been overcome in another moment. But Angel said no more; his face was perplexed; he went away.

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Day after day they met - somewhat less constantly than before; and thus two or three weeks went by. The end of September drew near, and she could see in his eye that he might ask her again.

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His plan of procedure was different now - as though he had made up his mind that her negatives were, after all, only coyness and youth startled by the novelty of the proposal. The fitful evasiveness of her manner when the subject was under discussion countenanced the idea. So he played a more coaxing game; and while never going beyond words, or attempting the renewal of caresses, he did his utmost orally.

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In this way Clare persistently wooed her in undertones like that of the purling milk - at the cow’s side, at skimmings, at butter-makings, at cheese-makings, among broody poultry, and among farrowing pigs - as no milkmaid was ever wooed before by such a man.

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Tess knew that she must break down. Neither a religious sense of a certain moral validity in the previous union nor a conscientious wish for candour could hold out against it much longer. She loved him so passionately, and he was so godlike in her eyes; and being, though untrained, instinctively refined, her nature cried for his tutelary guidance. And thus, though Tess kept repeating to herself, `I can never be his wife,’ the words were vain. A proof of her weakness lay in the very utterance of what calm strength would not have taken the trouble to formulate. Every sound of his voice beginning on the old subject stirred her with a terrifying bliss, and she coveted the recantation she feared.

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His manner was - what man’s is not? - so much that of one who would love and cherish and defend her under any conditions, changes, charges, or revelations, that her gloom lessened as she basked in it. The season meanwhile was drawing onward to the equinox, and though it was still fine, the days were much shorter. The dairy had again worked by morning candle-light for a long time; and a fresh renewal of Clare’s pleading occurred one morning between three and four.

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She had run up in her bedgown to his door to call him as usual; then had gone back to dress and call the others; and in ten minutes was walking to the head of the stairs with the candle in her hand. At the same moment he came down his steps from above in his shirt-sleeves and put his arm across the stairway.

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`Now, Miss Flirt, before you go down,’ he said peremptorily. `It is a fortnight since I spoke, and this won’t do any longer. You must tell me what you mean, or I shall have to leave this house. My door was ajar just now, and I saw you. For your own safety I must go. You don’t know. Well? Is it to be yes at last?’

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`I am only just up, Mr Clare, and it is too early to take me to task!’ she pouted. `You need not call me Flirt. ’Tis cruel and untrue. Walt till by and by. Please wait till by and by! I will really think seriously about it between now and then. Let me go downstairs!’

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She looked a little like what he said she was as, holding the candle sideways, she tried to smile away the seriousness of her words.

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`Call me Angel, then, and not Mr Clare.’

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`Angel.’

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`Angel dearest - why not?’

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`’Twould mean that I agree, wouldn’t it?’

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`It would only mean that you love me, even if you cannot marry me; and you were so good as to own that long ago.’

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`Very well, then, "Angel dearest", if I must,’ she murmured, looking at her candle, a roguish curl coming upon her mouth, notwithstanding her suspense.

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Clare had resolved never to kiss her until he had obtained her promise; but somehow, as Tess stood there in her prettily tucked-up milking gown, her hair carelessly heaped upon her head till there should be leisure to arrange it when skimming and milking were done, he broke his resolve, and brought his lips to her cheek for one moment. She passed downstairs very quickly, never looking back at him or saying another word. The other maids were already down, and the subject was not pursued. Except Marian they all looked wistfully and suspiciously at the pair, in the sad yellow rays which the morning candles emitted in contrast with the first cold signals of the dawn without.

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`Why do you think that?’

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`There are very few women’s lives that are not tremulous,’ Tess replied, pausing over the new word as if it impressed her. `There’s more in those three than you think.’

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