As Martin Eden went down the steps, his hand dropped into his coat pocket. It came out with a brown rice paper and a pinch of Mexican tobacco, which were deftly rolled together into a cigarette. He drew the first whiff of smoke deep into his lungs and expelled it in a long and lingering exhalation. "By God!" he said aloud, in a voice of awe and wonder. "By God!" he repeated. And yet again he murmured, "By God!" Then his hand went to his collar, which he ripped out of the shirt and stuffed into his pocket. A cold drizzle was falling, but he bared his head to it and unbuttoned his vest, swinging along in splendid unconcern. He was only dimly aware that it was raining. He was in an ecstasy, dreaming dreams and reconstructing the scenes just past.
He had met the woman at last - the woman that he had thought little about, not being given to thinking about women, but whom he had expected, in a remote way, he would sometime meet. He had sat next to her at table. He had felt her hand in his, he had looked into her eyes and caught a vision of a beautiful spirit; - but no more beautiful than the eyes through which it shone, nor than the flesh that gave it expression and form. He did not think of her flesh as flesh, - which was new to him; for of the women he had known that was the only way he thought. Her flesh was somehow different. He did not conceive of her body as a body, subject to the ills and frailties of bodies. Her body was more than the garb of her spirit. It was an emanation of her spirit, a pure and gracious crystallization of her divine essence. This feeling of the divine startled him. It shocked him from his dreams to sober thought. No word, no clew, no hint, of the divine had ever reached him before. He had never believed in the divine. He had always been irreligious, scoffing good-naturedly at the sky-pilots and their immortality of the soul. There was no life beyond, he had contended; it was here and now, then darkness everlasting. But what he had seen in her eyes was soul - immortal soul that could never die. No man he had known, nor any woman, had given him the message of immortality. But she had. She had whispered it to him the first moment she looked at him. Her face shimmered before his eyes as he walked along, - pale and serious, sweet and sensitive, smiling with pity and tenderness as only a spirit could smile, and pure as he had never dreamed purity could be. Her purity smote him like a blow. It startled him. He had known good and bad; but purity, as an attribute of existence, had never entered his mind. And now, in her, he conceived purity to be the superlative of goodness and of cleanness, the sum of which constituted eternal life.
And promptly urged his ambition to grasp at eternal life. He was not fit to carry water for her - he knew that; it was a miracle of luck and a fantastic stroke that had enabled him to see her and be with her and talk with her that night. It was accidental. There was no merit in it. He did not deserve such fortune. His mood was essentially religious. He was humble and meek, filled with self- disparagement and abasement. In such frame of mind sinners come to the penitent form. He was convicted of sin. But as the meek and lowly at the penitent form catch splendid glimpses of their future lordly existence, so did he catch similar glimpses of the state he would gain to by possessing her. But this possession of her was dim and nebulous and totally different from possession as he had known it. Ambition soared on mad wings, and he saw himself climbing the heights with her, sharing thoughts with her, pleasuring in beautiful and noble things with her. It was a soul- possession he dreamed, refined beyond any grossness, a free comradeship of spirit that he could not put into definite thought. He did not think it. For that matter, he did not think at all. Sensation usurped reason, and he was quivering and palpitant with emotions he had never known, drifting deliciously on a sea of sensibility where feeling itself was exalted and spiritualized and carried beyond the summits of life.
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4
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他步履蹒跚,活像个醉汉,口里狂热地一个劲低声喊:“上帝保佑!上帝保佑!”
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4
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He staggered along like a drunken man, murmuring fervently aloud: "By God! By God!"
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5
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街拐角有个警察怀疑地打量着他,注意到了他那一摇一晃的水手步态。
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5
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A policeman on a street corner eyed him suspiciously, then noted his sailor roll.
Martin Eden came back to earth. His was a fluid organism, swiftly adjustable, capable of flowing into and filling all sorts of nooks and crannies. With the policeman’s hail he was immediately his ordinary self, grasping the situation clearly.
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8
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“这很奇怪,是吗?”他哈哈笑了声说,“我没留意到自己竟然把这话讲出了声。”
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8
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"It’s a beaut, ain’t it?" he laughed back. "I didn’t know I was talkin’ out loud."
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9
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“你还会喝出声呢。”警察断言道。
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9
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"You’ll be singing next," was the policeman’s diagnosis.
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10
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“不,这倒不会。劳驾,借个火,我要搭辆车回家去。”
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10
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"No, I won’t. Gimme a match an’ I’ll catch the next car home."
He lighted his cigarette, said good night, and went on. "Now wouldn’t that rattle you?" he ejaculated under his breath. "That copper thought I was drunk." He smiled to himself and meditated. "I guess I was," he added; "but I didn’t think a woman’s face’d do it."
He caught a Telegraph Avenue car that was going to Berkeley. It was crowded with youths and young men who were singing songs and ever and again barking out college yells. He studied them curiously. They were university boys. They went to the same university that she did, were in her class socially, could know her, could see her every day if they wanted to. He wondered that they did not want to, that they had been out having a good time instead of being with her that evening, talking with her, sitting around her in a worshipful and adoring circle. His thoughts wandered on. He noticed one with narrow-slitted eyes and a loose- lipped mouth. That fellow was vicious, he decided. On shipboard he would be a sneak, a whiner, a tattler. He, Martin Eden, was a better man than that fellow. The thought cheered him. It seemed to draw him nearer to Her. He began comparing himself with the students. He grew conscious of the muscled mechanism of his body and felt confident that he was physically their master. But their heads were filled with knowledge that enabled them to talk her talk, - the thought depressed him. But what was a brain for? he demanded passionately. What they had done, he could do. They had been studying about life from the books while he had been busy living life. His brain was just as full of knowledge as theirs, though it was a different kind of knowledge. How many of them could tie a lanyard knot, or take a wheel or a lookout? His life spread out before him in a series of pictures of danger and daring, hardship and toil. He remembered his failures and scrapes in the process of learning. He was that much to the good, anyway. Later on they would have to begin living life and going through the mill as he had gone. Very well. While they were busy with that, he could be learning the other side of life from the books.
As the car crossed the zone of scattered dwellings that separated Oakland from Berkeley, he kept a lookout for a familiar, two-story building along the front of which ran the proud sign, HIGGINBOTHAM’S CASH STORE. Martin Eden got off at this corner. He stared up for a moment at the sign. It carried a message to him beyond its mere wording. A personality of smallness and egotism and petty underhandedness seemed to emanate from the letters themselves. Bernard Higginbotham had married his sister, and he knew him well. He let himself in with a latch-key and climbed the stairs to the second floor. Here lived his brother-in-law. The grocery was below. There was a smell of stale vegetables in the air. As he groped his way across the hall he stumbled over a toy- cart, left there by one of his numerous nephews and nieces, and brought up against a door with a resounding bang. "The pincher," was his thought; "too miserly to burn two cents’ worth of gas and save his boarders’ necks."
He fumbled for the knob and entered a lighted room, where sat his sister and Bernard Higginbotham. She was patching a pair of his trousers, while his lean body was distributed over two chairs, his feet dangling in dilapidated carpet-slippers over the edge of the second chair. He glanced across the top of the paper he was reading, showing a pair of dark, insincere, sharp-staring eyes. Martin Eden never looked at him without experiencing a sense of repulsion. What his sister had seen in the man was beyond him. The other affected him as so much vermin, and always aroused in him an impulse to crush him under his foot. "Some day I’ll beat the face off of him," was the way he often consoled himself for enduring the man’s existence. The eyes, weasel-like and cruel, were looking at him complainingly.
Martin had intended to reply, but he was struck by the hopelessness of it. He gazed across the monstroussordidness of soul to a chromo on the wall. It surprised him. He had always liked it, but it seemed that now he was seeing it for the first time. It was cheap, that was what it was, like everything else in this house. His mind went back to the house he had just left, and he saw, first, the paintings, and next, Her, looking at him with melting sweetness as she shook his hand at leaving. He forgot where he was and Bernard Higginbotham’s existence, till that gentleman demanded:-
Martin came back and looked at the beady eyes, sneering, truculent, cowardly, and there leaped into his vision, as on a screen, the same eyes when their owner was making a sale in the store below - subservient eyes, smug, and oily, and flattering.
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20
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“不错,我的确见到了一个鬼,”马丁答道,“再见吧。晚安,葛特露。”
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20
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"Yes," Martin answered. "I seen a ghost. Good night. Good night, Gertrude."
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21
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他挪步朝外走时,被那肮脏的地毯上裂开的一条缝绊了一下。
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21
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He started to leave the room, tripping over a loose seam in the slatternly carpet.
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22
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“别把门关得山响。”希金波森先生警告他说。
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22
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"Don’t bang the door," Mr. Higginbotham cautioned him.
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23
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他觉得血管里的血直朝上冲,但他还是克制住了自己,随手轻轻地带上了门。
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23
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He felt the blood crawl in his veins, but controlled himself and closed the door softly behind him.
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24
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希金波森乐滋滋地瞅了瞅自己的妻子。
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24
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Mr. Higginbotham looked at his wife exultantly.
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25
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“他喝酒了。”他压低嗓门,嘶哑着声音说,“我告诉过你,他会喝醉的。”
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25
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"He’s ben drinkin’," he proclaimed in a hoarse whisper. "I told you he would."
"His eyes was pretty shiny," she confessed; "and he didn’t have no collar, though he went away with one. But mebbe he didn’t have more’n a couple of glasses."
"He couldn’t stand up straight," asserted her husband. "I watched him. He couldn’t walk across the floor without stumblin’. You heard ’m yourself almost fall down in the hall."
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29
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“我想那是让爱丽丝的车子绊了一下,”她说,“黑灯瞎火的,他一时看不清。”
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29
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"I think it was over Alice’s cart," she said. "He couldn’t see it in the dark."
Mr. Higginbotham’s voice and wrath began to rise. All day he effaced himself in the store, reserving for the evening, with his family, the privilege of being himself.
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31
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“告诉你,你那个宝贝弟弟喝醉啦。”
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31
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"I tell you that precious brother of yours was drunk."
His voice was cold, sharp, and final, his lips stamping the enunciation of each word like the die of a machine. His wife sighed and remained silent. She was a large, stout woman, always dressed slatternly and always tired from the burdens of her flesh, her work, and her husband.
She nodded, sighed, and went on stitching. They were agreed that Martin had come home drunk. They did not have it in their souls to know beauty, or they would have known that those shining eyes and that glowing face betokened youth’s first vision of love.
"Settin’ a fine example to the children," Mr. Higginbotham snorted, suddenly, in the silence for which his wife was responsible and which he resented. Sometimes he almost wished she would oppose him more. "If he does it again, he’s got to get out. Understand! I won’t put up with his shinanigan - debotchin’ innocent children with his boozing." Mr. Higginbotham liked the word, which was a new one in his vocabulary, recently gleaned from a newspaper column. "That’s what it is, debotchin’ - there ain’t no other name for it."
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36
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他的妻子又叹了口气,伤心地摇摇头,继续缝补着。希金波森先生又开始埋头看报。
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36
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Still his wife sighed, shook her head sorrowfully, and stitched on. Mr. Higginbotham resumed the newspaper.
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37
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“他把上个星期的食宿费交了没有?”他把报纸略微朝下放放,突然问道。
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37
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"Has he paid last week’s board?" he shot across the top of the newspaper.
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38
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她点了点头,然后说道:“他还有些钱呢。”
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38
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She nodded, then added, "He still has some money."
"When his pay-day’s spent, I guess," she answered. "He was over to San Francisco yesterday looking for a ship. But he’s got money, yet, an’ he’s particular about the kind of ship he signs for."
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41
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“听他说,有一只船要到一个遥远的地方寻找宝藏;如果他的钱能用到那时候,他就随着一块去。”
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41
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"It’s not for a deck-swab like him to put on airs," Mr. Higginbotham snorted. "Particular! Him!"
"He said something about a schooner that’s gettin’ ready to go off to some outlandish place to look for buried treasure, that he’d sail on her if his money held out."
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43
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他妻子露出一副惊愕和狐疑的神情。
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43
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"If he only wanted to steady down, I’d give him a job drivin’ the wagon," her husband said, but with no trace of benevolence in his voice. "Tom’s quit."
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44
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“汤姆今晚就走,为卡鲁塞家干活去。那一家出的工钱比我的高。”
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44
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His wife looked alarm and interrogation.
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45
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“我说过你会失去他的,”她嚷嚷起来,“他的价值不止你给他的那一点点钱。”
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45
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"Quit to-night. Is goin’ to work for Carruthers. They paid ’m more’n I could afford."
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46
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“听着,老婆子,”希金波森恐吓道,“我已经讲过有一千遍了,叫你别多管闲事。下次我可不客气啦。”
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46
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"I told you you’d lose ’m," she cried out. "He was worth more’n you was giving him."
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47
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“我才不怕呢。”她轻蔑地说,“汤姆是个好小伙子。”
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47
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"Now look here, old woman," Higginbotham bullied, "for the thousandth time I’ve told you to keep your nose out of the business. I won’t tell you again."
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48
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她丈夫对她瞪起了眼睛,因为她的话简直是一种反抗。
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48
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"I don’t care," she sniffled. "Tom was a good boy." Her husband glared at her. This was unqualifieddefiance.
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49
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“你的那个弟弟要是真有本事,可以把马车接过来嘛。”他说着哼了哼鼻子。
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49
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"If that brother of yours was worth his salt, he could take the wagon," he snorted.
"He pays his board, just the same," was the retort. "An’ he’s my brother, an’ so long as he don’t owe you money you’ve got no right to be jumping on him all the time. I’ve got some feelings, if I have been married to you for seven years."
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51
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“如果他再在床上看书,就得收他灯油钱,这一点你对他说过吗?”他责问道。
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51
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"Did you tell ’m you’d charge him for gas if he goes on readin’ in bed?" he demanded.
Mrs. Higginbotham made no reply. Her revolt faded away, her spirit wilting down into her tired flesh. Her husband was triumphant. He had her. His eyes snapped vindictively, while his ears joyed in the sniffles she emitted. He extracted great happiness from squelching her, and she squelched easily these days, though it had been different in the first years of their married life, before the brood of children and his incessant nagging had sapped her energy.
"Well, you tell ’m to-morrow, that’s all," he said. "An’ I just want to tell you, before I forget it, that you’d better send for Marian to-morrow to take care of the children. With Tom quit, I’ll have to be out on the wagon, an’ you can make up your mind to it to be down below waitin’ on the counter."
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54
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“可明天是洗衣服的日子呀。”她怯声怯气地抗议说。
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54
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"But to-morrow’s wash day," she objected weakly.
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55
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“那就早点起床,先把衣服洗完。我要到十点钟才出门呢。”
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55
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"Get up early, then, an’ do it first. I won’t start out till ten o’clock."
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56
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他恶狠狠地把报纸揉搓得沙啦沙啦响,接下来又看他的报了。
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56
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He crinkled the paper viciously and resumed his reading.