ILLNESSES like the one to which Armand had succumbed have at least this much to be said for them: they either kill you at once or let themselves be conquered very quickly.
A fortnight after the events which I have just recounted, Armand was convalescing very satisfactorily, and we were bound by a firm friendship. I had scarcely left his sick room throughout the whole time of his illness.
Spring had dispensed its flowers, leaves, birds, and harmonies in abundance, and my friend’s window cheerfully overlooked his garden which wafted its healthy draughts up to him.
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医生已经允许他起床,从中午十二点到下午两点阳光最暖和的时候,窗子是开着的,我们经常坐在窗边聊天。
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The doctor had allowed him to get up, and we often sat talking by the open window at that hour of the day when the sun is at its warmest, between noon and two o’clock.
I studiously avoided speaking to him of Marguerite, for I was still afraid that the name would reawaken some sad memory which slumbered beneath the sick man’s apparent calm. But Armand, on the contrary, seemed to take pleasure in speaking of her? not as he had done previously, with tears in his eyes, but with a gentle smile which allayed my fears for his state of mind.
I had noticed that, since his last visit to the cemetery and the spectacle which had been responsible for causing his serious breakdown, the measure of his mental anguish seemed to have been taken by his physical illness, and Marguerite’s death had ceased to present itself through the eyes of the past. A kind of solace had come with the certainty he had acquired and, to drive off the somber image which often thrust itself into his mind, he plunged into the happier memories of his affair with Marguerite and appeared willing to recall no others.
His body was too exhausted by his attack of fever, and even by its treatment, to allow his mind to acknowledge any violent emotions, and despite himself the universal joy of spring by which Armand was surrounded directed his thoughts to happier images.
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8
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他一直固执地不肯把病危的情况告诉家里,一直到他脱离险境以后,他父亲还蒙在鼓里。
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All this time, he had stubbornly refused to inform his family of the peril he was in, and when the danger was past, his father still knew nothing of his illness.
One evening, we had remained longer by the window than usual. The weather had been superb and the sun was setting in a brilliant twilight of blue and gold. Although we were in Paris, the greenery around us seemed to cut us off from the world, and only the rare sound of a passing carriage from time to time disturbed our conversation.
’It was about this time of year, and during the evening of a day like today, that I first met Marguerite, ’ said Armand, heeding his own thoughts rather than what I was saying.
’You shall tell it to me some other time, my friend, ’ I told him, ’you are still not well enough.’
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①法国习惯病后调养时以鸡脯肉滋补,与我国习惯相似。
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’The evening is warm, I have eaten my breast of chicken, ’ he said with a smile; ’I am not the least feverish, we have nothing else to do, I shall tell you everything.’
’It’s a very simple tale, ’ he then added, ’and I shall tell it in the order in which it happened. If at some stage you do make something of it, you are perfectly free to tell it another way.’
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下面就是他跟我讲话的内容,这个故事非常生动,我几乎没有作什么改动。
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Here is what he told me, and I have scarcely changed a word of his moving story.
Yes (Armand went on, letting his head fall against the back of his armchair), yes, it was on an evening like this! I had spent the day in the country with one of my friends, Gaston R. We had returned to Paris in the evening and, for want of anything better to do, had gone to the Theatre des Varietes.
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20
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在一次幕间休息时,我们到走廊里休息,看见一个身材颀长的女人走过,我朋友向她打了个招呼。
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During one of the intervals, we left our seats and, in the corridor, we saw a tall woman whom my friend greeted with a bow.
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“您在跟谁打招呼?”我问他。
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’Who was that you just bowed to?’ I asked him.
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“玛格丽特·戈蒂埃。”他对我说。
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’Marguerite Gautier, ’ he replied.
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“她的模样变得好厉害,我几乎认不出她来了。”我激动地说。我为什么激动,等会儿您就明白了。
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’It strikes me she is very much changed, for I didn’t recognize her, ’ I said with a tremor which you will understand in a moment.
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“她生过一场病,看来这个可怜的姑娘是活不长了。”
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’She’s been ill, The poor girl’s not long for this world.’
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这些话,我记忆犹新,就像我昨天听到的一样。
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I recall these words as though they had been said to me yesterday.
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您要知道,我的朋友,两年以来,每当我遇见这个姑娘的时候,就会产生一种说不出来的感觉。
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Now, my friend, I must tell you that for two years past, whenever I met her, the sight of that girl had always made a strange impression on me.
Without knowing why, I paled and my heart beat violently. I have a friend who dabbles in the occult, and he would call what I felt an affinity of fluids; I myself believe quite simply that I was destined to fall in love with Marguerite, and that this was a presentiment.
The fact remains that she made a strong impression on me. Several of my friends had seen how I reacted, and they had hooted with laughter when they realized from what quarter that impression came.
The first time I had seen her was in the Place de la Bourse, outside Susse’s. An open barouche was standing there, and a woman in white had stepped out of it. A murmur of admiration had greeted her as she entered the shop. For my part, I stood rooted to the spot from the time she went in until the moment she came out. Through the windows, I watched her in the shop as she chose what she had come to buy. I could have gone in, but I did not dare. I had no idea what sort of woman she was and was afraid that she would guess my reason for entering the shop and be offended. However I did not believe that I was destined ever to see her again.
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①絮斯商店:当时一家有名的时装商店。
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She was elegantly dressed; she wore a muslin dress with full panels, a square Indian shawl embroidered at the corners with gold thread and silk flowers, a Leghorn straw hat and a single bracelet, one of those thick gold chains which were then just beginning to be fashionable.
One of the shop-assistants remained in the doorway with his eyes following the carriage of his elegant customer. I went up to him and asked him to tell me the woman’s name.
’That’s MademoiselleMarguerite Gautier, ’ he replied.
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34
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“她是玛格丽特·戈蒂埃小姐,”他回答我说。
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I did not dare ask him for her address and I walked away.
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我不敢问她的地址就离开了。
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The memory of this vision ?for, truly, vision it was ?did not fade from my mind like many other visions I had already seen, and I searched everywhere for this woman in white so regal in her beauty.
A few days after this, there was a big production at the Opera-Comique. I went along. The first person I saw, in a stage-box in the balcony, was Marguerite Gautier.
The young man I was with recognized her too, for he said, mentioning her by name:
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我那位年轻的同伴也认识她,因为他叫着她的名字对我说:
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’Take a look at that pretty creature.’
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“您看!这个漂亮的姑娘!”
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Just then, Marguerite turned her opera glasses in our direction, saw my friend, smiled at him and gestured that he was to come and pay his respects.
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正在这时,玛格丽特拿起望远镜朝着我们这边望,她看到了我的朋友,便对他莞尔一笑,做手势要他过去看她。
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’I’ll go along and wish her a pleasant evening, ’ he told me, ’I’ll be back in a moment.’
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“我去跟她问个好,”他对我说,“一会儿我就回来。”
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41
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I could not help myself saying: ’You’re a lucky man!’
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我情不自禁地说:“您真幸福!”
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’In what way?’
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“幸福什么?”
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’Going to see that woman.’
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“因为您能去拜访这个女人。”
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’Are you in love with her?’
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“您是不是爱上她了?”
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’No, ’ I said, reddening, for I really did not know how I stood in the matter, ’but I would like to get to know her.’
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“不。”我涨红了脸说,因为这一下我真有点儿不知所措了,“但是我很想认识她。”
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’Come with me, I’ll introduce you.’
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“跟我来,我替您介绍。”
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47
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’Ask her permission first.’
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48
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“先去征得她同意吧。”
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’Oh, nonsense! There’s no need to be formal with her. Come on.’
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“啊!真是的,跟她是不用拘束的,来吧。”
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These words of his were hurtful to me. I trembled at the thought that I should learn for certain that Marguerite was not worthy of my feelings for her.
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50
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他这句话使我心里很难过,我害怕由此而证实玛格丽特不值得我对她这么动情。
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In a book by Alphonse Karr, entitled Ain Rauchen, there is a man who, one evening, follows a very elegant woman with whom he has fallen in love at first sight, so beautiful is she. Merely to kiss the hand of this woman, he feels he has strength enough for any undertaking, the will to conquer all and the courage to do anything. He scarcely dares glance at the slim ankles which she reveals in her efforts to avoid dirtying her dress as it drags on the ground. As he is dreaming of the things he would do to possess her, she stops him at a street corner and asks if he would like to come upstairs with her.
He turns his head away, crosses the street and returns home sadly.
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①阿尔封斯·卡尔(1808—1890):法国新闻记者兼作家。
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I now remembered this study and I, who would gladly have suffered for her, was afraid that this woman might accept me too quickly and give me too promptly a love which I should have desired to earn through some long delay or great sacrifice. Of such stuff are we men made; and it is fortunate indeed that the imagination indulges the senses with fancies of this kind, and that the desires of the body make such concessions to the dreams of the soul.
So, had someone said to me: ’You shall have this woman tonight and tomorrow you shall be put to death’, I would have accepted. Had I been told: ’Give her ten Louis and she’s yours’, I should have refused and wept like a child who sees the castle which he had glimpsed during the night vanish as he wakes.
However, I wanted to meet her; it was one way, indeed the only way, of knowing how I stood with her.
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55
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①路易:法国从前使用的金币,每枚值二十法郎。
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So I told my friend that I insisted that she should give her permission for him to introduce me, and I loitered in the corridors, reflecting that any moment now she would see me and that I should not know what sort of expression to assume when she looked at me.
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可是,我想认识她;这是要知道她是怎样的一个人的方法,而且还是唯一的方法。
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I tried to string together in advance the words I would speak to her.
’We’re going to buy some sweets. She asked for some.’
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“喂,不是从那儿走的呀,”我对他说。
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68
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We went into a confectioner’s in the galleries of the Passage de l’Opera.
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“我们去买些蜜饯,是玛格丽特刚才向我要的。”
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69
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I would have gladly bought the whole shop, and was casting round for what could be made into a selection, when my friend said:
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70
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我们走进了开设在剧场过道上的一个糖果铺。
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70
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’A pound of sugared raisins.’
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71
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我真想把整个铺子都买下来。正在我观看可以买些什么东西装进袋子的时候,我的朋友开口了:
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71
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’Are you sure she likes them?’
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72
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“糖渍葡萄一斤。”
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72
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’She never eats any other kind of sweets, it’s a well-known fact.’
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73
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“您知道她爱吃这个吗?”
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73
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When we were outside, he went on: ’Now then. Have you any idea what sort of woman I am about to introduce you to? Don’t imagine you’ll be meeting a duchess, she’s just a kept woman ?none more kept, my dear fellow. Don’t be shy, just say whatever comes into your head.’
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74
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“她从来不吃别的蜜饯,这是出了名的。”
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74
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’Er, of course, ’ I stammered, and followed him, telling myself that I was about to be cured of my passion.
When I stepped into her box, Marguerite was laughing uproariously.
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76
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“好吧,好吧,”我嘟嘟囔囔地说。我跟在朋友的后面走着,心里却在想,我的热情看来要冷下去了。
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76
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I would have preferred her to be sad.
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77
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当我走进包厢的时候,玛格丽特放声大笑。
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77
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My friend introduced me. Marguerite inclined her head slightly and said:
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我倒是愿意看到她愁眉苦脸。
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78
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’Where are my sweets?’
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79
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我的朋友把我介绍给她,玛格丽特对我微微点了点头,接着就说:
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79
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’Here you are.’
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80
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“那么我的蜜饯呢?”
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80
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As she took them, she looked straight at me. I lowered my eyes and blushed.
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81
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“在这儿。”
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81
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She leaned across, whispered something into her companion’s ear, and both of them burst out laughing.
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82
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在拿蜜饯的时候,她对我望了望,我垂下眼睛,脸涨得绯红。
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82
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It was only too obvious that I was the cause of their mirth: my embarrassment deepened as a result. At the time, I had as a mistress a little middle-class girl, very loving, very cloying, who made me laugh with her sentimentality and sad billets-doux. I realized how much I must have hurt her by the hurt I now felt and, for the space of five minutes, I loved her as never woman was loved.
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83
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她俯身在她邻座那个女人的耳边轻轻地说了几句话,随后两个人都放声大笑起来。
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83
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Marguerite ate her raisins without paying any further attention to me.
Having introduced me, my friend had no intention of leaving me in this ridiculous position.
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85
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玛格丽特吃着糖渍葡萄不再理我了。
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85
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’Marguerite, ’ he said, ’you shouldn’t be surprised if Monsieur Duval does not speak to you. You have such an effect on him that he cannot think of a thing to say.’
’I rather believe that this gentleman came here with you because you found it tiresome to come alone.’
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87
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“我看您是因为一个人来觉得无聊才请这位先生陪来的。”
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87
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’Were that true, ’ I said in turn, ’I would not have asked Ernest to obtain your leave to introduce me.’
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88
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“如果真是这样的话,”我开口说话了,“那么我就不会请欧内斯特来,要求您同意把我介绍给您了。”
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88
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’Perhaps it was just a way of putting off the fatal moment.’
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89
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“这很可能是一种拖延这个倒霉时刻的办法。”
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89
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Anyone who has spent any time at all in the company of girls of Marguerite’s sort is quite aware of what pleasure they take in making misplaced remarks and teasing men they meet for the first time. It is no doubt a way of levelling the scores for the humiliations which they are often forced to undergo at the hands of the men they see every day.
So, if you wish to give as good as you get, you need to have a certain familiarity with their world, and this I did not have. Moreover, the idea that I had formed of Marguerite made her jesting seem worse to me. Nothing about this woman left me indifferent. And so, getting to my feet, I said to her with a faltering in my voice which I found impossible to conceal completely:
’If that is what you think of me, Madame, all that remains for me is to ask you to forgive my indiscretion and to take my leave, assuring you that it will not happen again.’
I had scarcely closed the door when I heard a third burst of laughter. I would dearly have wished for someone to try to elbow me out of his way at that moment.
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94
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我刚一关上包厢的门,就听到了第三次哄笑声。这时候我真希望有人来撞我一下。
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94
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I returned to my seat in the stalls.
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95
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我回到了我的座位上。
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95
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The three knocks were sounded for the curtain to rise.
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96
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这时候开幕锤敲响了。
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96
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Ernest rejoined me.
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97
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欧内斯特回到了我的身边。
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97
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’What a way to behave!’ he said to me as he took his seat. ’They think you’re mad.’
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98
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“您是怎么搞的!”他一面坐下来一面对我说,“她们以为您疯了。”
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98
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’What did Marguerite say after I left?’
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99
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“我走了以后,玛格丽特说什么来着?”
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99
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’She laughed, and declared she’d never seen anybody funnier than you. But you mustn’t think you’re beaten. Just don’t do women like that the honour of taking them seriously. They have no idea what good taste and manners are; it’s just the same with pet dogs that have perfume poured over them ?they can’t stand the smell, and go off and roll in some gutter.’
’Anyway, what’s it to me?’ ’I said, trying to sound offhand. ’I shan’t ever see that woman again, and even if I liked her before I got to know her, everything is very different now that I have met her.’
’Bah! I wouldn’t be at all surprised one of these days to see you sitting in the back of her box and hear people saying how you’re ruining yourself on her account. Still, you may be right, she has no manners, but she’d make an attractive mistress all the same.’
Fortunately, the curtain went up and my friend said no more. It would be quite impossible for me to tell you what play was performed. All I remember was that, from time to time, I would glance up at the box I had left so abruptly, and that the shapes of new callers kept appearing in quick succession.
However, I was far from having put Marguerite out of my mind. Another thought now took possession of me. I felt that I had both her insulting behaviour and my discomfiture to expunge; I told myself that, even if I had to spend everything I had, I would have that woman and would take by right the place which I had vacated so quickly.
Some time before the final curtain, Marguerite and her companion left their box.
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105
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戏还没有结束,玛格丽特和她的朋友就离开了包厢。
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105
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Despite myself, I rose from my seat.
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106
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我身不由己地也离开了我的座位。
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106
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’You’re not leaving?’ said Ernest.
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107
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“您这就走吗?”欧内斯特问我。
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107
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’Yes.’
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108
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“是的。”
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108
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’Why?’
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109
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“为什么?”
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109
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Just then, he noticed that the box was empty.
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110
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这时候,他发现那个包厢空了。
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110
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’Go on, then, ’ he said, ’and good luck, or rather, better luck!’
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111
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“走吧,走吧,”他说,“祝您好运气,祝您万事顺利。”
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111
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I left.
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112
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我走出了场子。
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112
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On the stairs, I heard the rustle of dresses and the sound of voices. I stepped to one side and, without being observed, saw the two women walk by me together with the two young men who were escorting them.
A few minutes later, as I loitered on the boulevard, I saw Marguerite at the window of one of the restaurant’s large rooms: leaning on the balcony, she was pulling the petals one by one off the camellias in her bouquet.
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116
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两个青年中有一个俯首在她肩后跟她窃窃私语。
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116
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One of the two men was leaning over her shoulder and was whispering to her.
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117
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我走进了附近的金屋咖啡馆,坐在二楼的楼厅里,目不转睛地盯着那个窗口。
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117
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I found a seat in the Maison d’Or, in one of the private rooms on the first floor, and did not take my eyes off the window in question.
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118
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深夜一点钟,玛格丽特跟她三个朋友一起登上了马车。
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118
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At one in the morning, Marguerite got into her carriage with her three friends.
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119
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我也跳上一辆轻便马车尾随着她。
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119
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I took a cab and followed.
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120
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她的车子驶到昂坦街九号门前停了下来。
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120
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The carriage stopped outside 9 rue d’Antin.
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121
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玛格丽特从车上下来,一个人回到家里。
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121
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Marguerite got out and went up to her apartment alone.
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122
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她一个人回家可能是偶然的,但是这个偶然使我觉得非常幸福。
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122
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No doubt this happened by chance, but this chance made me very happy.
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123
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从此以后,我经常在剧院里,在香榭丽舍大街遇见玛格丽特,她一直是那样快活;而我始终是那样激动。
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123
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From that day on, I often encountered Marguerite at the theatre or on the Champs-Elysees. She was unchangingly gay and I was unfailingly quickened by the same emotions.
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124
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然而,一连有两个星期我在哪儿都没有遇到她。在碰见加斯东的时候,我就向他打听她的消息。
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124
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But then a fortnight passed without my seeing her anywhere. I ran into Gaston and asked him about her.
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125
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“可怜的姑娘病得很重,”他回答我说。
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125
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’The poor girl is very ill, ’ he replied.
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126
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“她生的什么病?”
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126
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’What’s the matter with her?’
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127
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“她生的是肺病,再说,她过的那种生活对治好她的病是毫无好处的,她正躺在床上等死呢。”
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127
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’The matter with her is that she’s got consumption and, because she lives the sort of life which is not calculated to make her better, she’s in bed and dying.’
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128
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人心真是不可捉摸;我听到她的病情几乎感到很高兴。
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128
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The heart is a strange thing; I was almost glad she was ill.
Every day, I called to have the latest news of the patient, though without signing the book or leaving my card. It was in this way that I learned of her convalescence and her departure for Bagneres.
Then time went by, and the impression she had made on me, if not the memory, seemed to fade gradually from my mind. I travelled; new intimacies, old habits and work took the place of thoughts of her, and whenever I did think back to that first encounter, I preferred to see the whole thing as one of those passions which one experiences in youth, and laughs at in no time at all.
Besides, there would have been no merit in vanquishing her memory, for I had lost sight of Marguerite since the time of her departure and, as I have explained to you, when she passed close to me in the passageway of the Theatre des Varietes, I did not recognize her.
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132
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固然那时她戴着面纱,但换了在两年以前,尽管她戴着面纱,我都能一眼认出她来,就是猜也把她猜出来了。
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132
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She was wearing a veil, it is true; but two years earlier, however many veils she had been wearing, I would not have needed to see her to recognize her: I would have known her instinctively.
This did not prevent my heart form racing when I realized that it was her. The two years spent without seeing her, together with the effects which this separation seemed to have brought about were sent up in the same smoke by a single touch of her dress.