通译双语文库:故园风雨后第三章我的父亲在家里—

1

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没有目的，也没钱，我就这么放假回家了。为了能撑到期末，我已经把欧米茄屏风以十英镑的价钱卖给了柯林斯，这笔钱现在只剩下四英镑。我最后一张支票已经透支了几先令，因此银行通知我，说得不到我父亲许可，我不能再支钱了。我的零用钱要等到十月才能到手。如此一来，前景堪忧，思前想后的，未免对前几个星期的挥霍无度有些懊悔。

1

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I RETURNED home for the Long Vacation without plans and without money. To cover end-of-term expenses I had sold my Omega screen to Collins for ten pounds, of which I now kept four; my last cheque overdrew my account my a few shillings, and I had been told that, without my father’s authority, I must draw no more. My next allowance was not due until October. I was thus faced with a bleak prospect and, turning the matter over in my mind, I felt something not far off remorse for the prodigality,of the preceding weeks.

2

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学期一开始就付清了膳食杂费，那时候尚有一百多英镑傍身。现在这钱花得精光，商店的赊欠款子一分都还不上。根本没必要的一些花费，也没得着什么乐子，钱都白白打了水漂。塞巴斯蒂安常常取笑我“像个书呆子那样花钱”——可那些钱全花在他身上了，或者是和他一块儿花的。他好像一直很困难。“都是律师给算计的，”他哭丧着脸，“我觉得他们贪下了不少。无论如何，我向来得到的也不多。当然了，只要我要，妈妈都会给。”

2

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I had started the term with my battels paid and over a hundred pounds in hand. All that had gone, and not a penny paid out where I could get credit. There had been no reason for it, no great pleasure unattainable else; it had gone in ducks and drakes. Sebastian used to tease me - ‘You spend money, like a bookie’ - but all of it went on and with him. His own finances were perpetually, vaguely distressed. ‘It’s all done by lawyers,’ he said helplessly, ‘and I suppose they embezzle a lot. Anyway, I never seem to get much. Of course, mummy would give me anything I asked for.’

3

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“那么，你为什么不问她拿零用呢？”

3

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‘Then why don’t you ask her for a proper allowance?’

4

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“啊，妈妈喜欢把东西当成礼物送给人。她人特别好。”他这样的话将我勾画出的她的形象又添了一笔。

4

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‘Oh, mummy likes everything to be a present. She’s so sweet,’ he said, adding one more line to the picture I was forming of her.

5

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现在塞巴斯蒂安隐没到另一种生活里，那种生活是非请勿入的，他不让我和他一起过，被丢下的我十分孤单失落。

5

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Now Sebastian had disappeared into that other life of his where I was not asked to follow, and I was left, instead, forlorn and regretful.

6

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等我们老了，回顾起漫长夏天里的放浪形骸，要是矢口否认那些青葱岁月，就未免显得过于狭隘了。一个人在谈他早年经历时，如果略去不谈怀恋少时的美德，不谈改正错误时怀着的懊恼和决心，略去不谈像轮盘赌里不时出现的数字“0”那样的时运不济……如果省略下这一切，那么这样的经历决计谈不上规整。

6

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How ungenerously in later life we disclaim the virtuous moods of our youth, living in retrospect long, summer days of unreflecting dissipation. There is no candour in a story of early manhood which leaves out of account the home-sickness for nursery morality,the regrets and resolutions of amendment, the black hours which, like zero on the roulette table, turn up with roughly calculable regularity.

7

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就这样，我从一个房间走到另一个房间，隔着玻璃窗轮番看着外面的花园和街道，极度自责着。回家的头一天下午就是这么度过的。

7

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Thus I spent the first afternoon at home, wandering from room to room, looking from the plate-glass windows in turn on the garden and the street, in a mood of vehement self-reproach.

8

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我知道父亲在家，但他的图书室是个不可逾越的所在。到快吃晚饭时他才出来见我。他将近六十，但看上去比实际年龄更为显老是他本身特质所赐，乍一见到会以为他得有七十岁了，再听他说话，更会以为他已到耄耋之年。他颤颤巍巍地踱着他固有的方步向我走来，脸上含羞带怯地微笑着。他在家吃晚饭时——他很少在别处吃晚饭——会穿一件天鹅绒盘扣的吸烟服，那件衣裳好多年前流行过，也许以后还会再流行，可当时他是在刻意复古的。

8

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My father, I knew, was in the house, but his library was inviolable, and it was not until just before dinner that he appeared to greet me. He was then in his late fifties, but it was his idiosyncrasy to seem much older than his years; to see him one might have put him at seventy, to hear him speak at nearly eighty. He came to me now, with the shuffling, mandarin-tread which he affected, and a shy smile of welcome. When he dined at home - and he seldom dined elsewhere - he wore a frogged velvet smoking suit of the kind which had been fashionable many years before and was to be so again, but, at that time, was a deliberate archaism.

9

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“亲爱的儿子，他们没跟我说你回家了。路上累了吧？他们给你茶点了没有？你身体好吗？我刚刚从索纳差因古玩店大胆买了样东西，一件五世纪的陶公牛。正看着呢，都忘了你回来了。车厢里人多吗？你是坐在角落的吗？（他自己不大出门，所以一听到别人旅行就会让他十分关切。）海特给你拿晚报了没有？当然，也没有什么新闻，尽是连篇的废话。”

9

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‘My dear boy, I they never told me you were here.’ Did you have a very exhausting journey? They gave you tea? You are well? I have just made a somewhat audacious I purchase from Sonerscheins - a terra-cotta bull of the fifth century. I was examining it and forgot your arrival. Was the carriage very full? You had a corner seat? (He travelled so rarely himself that to hear of others doing so always excited his solicitude.) ‘Hayter brought you the evening paper? There is no news, of course - such a lot of nonsense.’

10

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仆人通知开晚饭了。我父亲长年会带本书到餐桌上，后来看见我在场，便偷偷把书丢在椅子上了。“想喝点儿什么酒？海特，给查尔斯先生准备了什么酒？”

10

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Dinner was announced. My father from long habit took a book with him to the table and then, remembering my presence, furtively dropped it under his chair. ‘What do you like to drink? Hayter, what have we for Mr Charles to drink?’

11

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“有些威士忌。”

11

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‘There’s some whisky.’

12

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“有威士忌，也许你喜欢喝别的酒吧？我们还有别的吗？”

12

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‘There’s whisky. Perhaps you like something, else? What else have we?’

13

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“先生，家里没有别的酒了。”

13

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‘There isn’t anything else in the house, sir.’

14

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“没有别的酒了。你得告诉海特你喜欢喝什么，他就会给你买回来。我在家里什么酒也不备着了。医生禁止我饮酒，也没有人来看我……你在家里喜欢什么就来什么。会在家里待很久吗？”

14

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‘There’s nothing else. You must tell Hayter what you would like and he will get it in. I never keep any wine now. I am forbidden it and no one comes to see me. But while you are here, you must have what you like. You are here for long.?’

15

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“还不一定，爸爸。”

15

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‘I’m not quite sure, father.’

16

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“这是一个漫长的假期，”他沉吟着，“我年轻时，遇上假期总是上山里去办读书会。为什么？为什么呢？”他有点儿气急败坏的，“难道大家认为山区风景有益读书？”

16

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‘It’s a very long vacation,’ he said wistfully. ‘In my day we used to go on what were called reading parties, always in mountainous areas. Why?. Why,’ he repeated petulantly, ‘should alpine scenery be thought conducive to study?’

17

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“我想花点儿时间去上艺术学校，肖像班。”

17

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‘I thought of putting in some time at an art school - in the life class.’

18

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“亲爱的儿子，你会发现学校都关门了。学生们都去巴比松这类地方写生去了。我年轻时有个‘素描俱乐部’——男的女的混在一起（抽鼻子），骑自行车（抽鼻子），穿椒盐色儿短裤，撑着荷兰伞，还有流行的自由恋爱（抽鼻子），荒唐啊荒唐啊……我觉得这样的俱乐部还是有的。你可以去试试看。”

18

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‘My dear boy, you’ll find them all shut. The students go to Barbizon or such places and paint in the open air. There was an institution in my day called a “sketching club”’ - mixed sexes’ (snuffle), ‘bicycles’ (snuffle), ‘pepper-and-salt knickerbockers, holland umbrellas, and, it was popularly thought, free love’ (snuffle), such a lot of nonsense. I expect they still go on. You might try that.’

19

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“这个假期，钱是一个问题，爸爸。”

19

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‘One of the problems of the vacation is money, father.’

20

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“啊，我在你这个年纪，可不为这样的事发愁。”

20

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‘Oh, I shouldn’t worry about a thing like that at your age.’

21

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“你知道，我缺钱了。”

21

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‘You see, I’ve run rather short.’

22

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“是吗？”我父亲事不关己地问。

22

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‘Yes?’ said my father without any sound of interest.

23

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“事实上，接下来两个月我都不知道怎么挨。”

23

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‘In fact I don’t quite know how I’m going to get through the next two months.’

24

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“嗯，你可真是问对人了，我是最不适合给你出主意的人吧。我从来没有像你这么肝肠寸断地说过‘缺钱缺钱’。能用别的词说吗？比如说手头紧？赤贫？苦恼？景况堪虞？破产了（抽鼻子）？遇难？负债？就说你负债吧，这么说就好了。有一次你爷爷对我说：‘量入为出，你有困难就来找我。别去找犹太人。’废话连篇。你试试看。去找杰尔明街的先生们，跟他们打个白条就能借钱给我。可亲爱的儿子，他们连一个子儿也不会借给你。”

24

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‘Well, I’m the worst person to come to for advice. I’ve never been “short” as you so painfully call it. And yet what else could you say? Hard up? Penurious? Distressed?Embarrassed? Stonybroke?’ (snuffle). ‘On the rocks? In Queer Street? Let us say you are in Queer Street and leave it at that. Your grandfather once said to me, “Live within your means, but if you do get into difficulties, come to me. Don’t go to the Jews.” Such a lot of nonsense. You try. Go to those gentlemen in Jermyn Street who offer advances on note of hand only. My dear boy, they won’t give you a sovereign.’

25

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“那你让我怎么办？”

25

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‘Then what do you suggest my doing?’

26

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“你表哥梅尔基奥投资不得法，负了很多债。他去澳大利亚了。”

26

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‘Your cousin Melchior was imprudent with his investments and got into a very queer street. He went to Australia.’

27

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自从父亲在伦巴底每日祈祷文中发现了两页公元二世纪的古埃及手稿而狂喜过后，我还没见过他这么高兴过。

27

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I had not seen my father so gleeful since he found two pages of second-century papyrus between the leaves of a Lombardic breviary.?

28

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“海特，我的书掉到地上了。”

28

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‘Hayter, I’ve dropped my book.’

29

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仆人把书从父亲脚边捡起来，搁在餐桌中间的花架子上。父亲在晚餐其余时间一直没再说什么，除了偶尔高兴地抽几下鼻子，我想不会是他看的书引起的抽鼻子。

29

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It was recovered for him from under his feet and propped against the épergne. For the rest of dinner he was silent save for an occasional snuffle of merriment which could not, I thought be provoked by the work he read.

30

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我们离开餐桌，坐到花园里。在那儿，他显然顾不得我了。他的思绪已经飘到很久远很久远的年代去了，好像是几世纪以前，人们的容颜模糊消逝，他朋友们的名字都读错了，意思也搞拧了。他以别人会觉得很不舒服的姿势坐着，歪斜地坐在靠背椅上，就着光线高高地斜擎着一本书看。他不时从他的表链那儿取下个金色铅笔盒，在书边缘做个记号。

30

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Presently we left the table and sat in I the garden-room; and there, plainly, he put me out of his mind; his thoughts, I knew, were far away, in those distant ages where he moved at ease, where time passed in centuries and all the figures were defaced and the names of his companions were corrupt readings of words of quite other meaning. He sat in an attitude which to anyone else would have been one of extreme discomfort, askew in his upright armchair, with his book held high and obliquely to the light. Now and then he took a gold pencil-case from his watchchain and made an entry in the margin.

31

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窗户开着，窗外是夏天的傍晚。只听得见钟的嘀嗒声，从贝斯沃特街隐隐传来的车水马龙声，父亲有规律翻动册页的声音。我以前想，一面哭着穷，一面抽着雪茄是极不明智的。现在好了，希望落空，我就回房里取了雪茄来。我父亲头也没抬。刺开雪茄，点燃，信心重回，于是乎我说：“爸爸，你不想我整个假期都跟你在一起吧？”

31

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The windows were open to the summer night; the ticking of the clocks, the distant murmur of traffic on the Bayswater Road, and my-father’s regular turning of the pages were the only sounds. I had thought it impolitic to smoke a cigar while pleading poverty; now in desperation I went to my room and fetched one. My father did not look up. I pierced it, lit it, and with renewed confidence said, ‘Father, you surely don’t want me to spend the whole vacation here with you?’

32

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“嗯？”

32

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‘Eh?’

33

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“让我在家里待这么长时间你不烦吗？”

33

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‘Won’t you find it rather a bore having me at home for so long?’

34

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“我相信即使我烦，也不会表现出来叫你知道。”父亲温和地说完，又看起书来。

34

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‘I trust I should not betray such an emotion even if I felt it, said my father mildly and turned back to his book.

35

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一个晚上就这么过去了。等到最后各式各样的钟都敲响了十一点，父亲合上书，取下老花眼镜。“亲爱的孩子，非常欢迎你回家，”他说，“你想待多久就待多久。”他在门口驻留片刻，然后转过身来说：“你表哥梅尔基奥是‘在桅杆前’去的澳大利亚。那个（抽鼻子），我挺好奇什么叫‘在桅杆前’？”

35

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The evening passed. Eventually all over the room clocks of diverse pattern musically chimed eleven. My, father closed his book and removed his spectacles. ‘You are very welcome, my dear boy,’ he said. ‘Stay as long as you find it convenient.’ At the door he paused and turned back. ‘Your cousin Melchior worked his passage to Australia before the mast.’ (Snuffle.) ‘What, I wonder, is “before the mast”?’

36

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在接下来那闷热的一个礼拜，我和父亲的关系急剧恶化。白天很少看到他，他在图书室里一待就是好几个钟头。他不时地出来，我总是听到他在楼梯栏杆边上喊：“海特，备车。”

36

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During the sultry week that followed, my relations with my father deteriorated sharply. I saw little of him during the day; he spent hours on end in the library; now and then he emerged and I would hear him calling over the banisters: ‘Hayter, get me a cab.’

37

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然后他就出门去了，有时候半小时或者不到半小时就回来了，有时候就一整天都在外面，他从来不说他干什么去了。我看到仆人偶尔把盘子端到楼上他的房间里，上面有少量婴儿室用的食物——小甜饼、几杯牛奶、香蕉之类的。要是我们在楼梯过道碰到了，他就茫然地看我一眼，咿咿啊啊两声，说“天气真暖和”“天气好极了”。可是在晚上，当他穿着天鹅绒盘扣吸烟服来到花园房间时，他就会正式问我好。

37

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Then he would be away, sometimes for half an hour or less, sometimes a whole day; his errands were never explained. Often I saw trays going up to him at odd hours, laden with meagre nursery snacks - rusks, glasses of milk, bananas, and so forth. If we met in a passage or on the stairs he would look at me vacantly and say ‘Ah-ha,’ or ‘Very warm,’ or ‘Splendid, splendid,’ but in the evening, when he came to the garden-room in his velvet smoking suit, he always greeted me formally.

38

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餐桌就是我们的战场。

38

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The dinner table was our battlefield.

39

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第二天晚上，我也拿着书去餐厅。他突然注意到了这本书，原来涣散的眼神立刻全神贯注在我的书上了。我们走过走廊时，他偷偷把自己的那本扔在靠边的一张桌子上。等我们坐好，他满腔哀怨地说：“我真这么想的，查尔斯，你还是跟我说些什么吧。这一天我简直累透了。很想跟你聊聊。”

39

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On the second evening I took my book with me to the dining-room. His mind and wandering eye fastened on it with sudden attention, and as we passed through the hall he surreptitiously left his own on a side table. When we sat down, he said plaintively: ‘I do think, Charles, you might talk to me. I’ve had a very exhausting day. I was looking forward to a little conversation.’

40

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“好的，父亲。我们聊什么呢？”

40

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‘Of course, father. What shall we talk about?’

41

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“聊些让人高兴的事，别让我老跟自己较劲，”他使着性子，“就跟我说说上演的新戏吧。”

41

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‘Cheer me up. Take me out of myself,’ petulantly, ‘tell me about the new plays.’

42

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“可是我什么戏也没有看过啊。”

42

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‘But I haven’t been to any.’

43

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“你该去的，你知道，你真该去看看。年轻人整天待在家里，不正常。”

43

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‘You should, you know you really should. It’s not natural in a young man to spend all his evenings at home.’

44

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“呃，父亲，我跟你说过的啊，我没钱看戏。”

44

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‘Well, father,’ as I told you, I haven’t much money to spare for theatre-going.’

45

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“亲爱的儿子，你不能让金钱把你困住了。嗯，在你这个年纪，你表哥梅尔基奥就和别人合作写了支曲子。这是他的一大快事。戏还是该去看看的，就当受教育了。如果你读过那些杰出人才的生平传记，那么你就会发现，他们中有相当一部分的人是从剧院最高楼座了解戏剧的。据说，像那种地方根本没有乐趣。可也正是在那种地方，你才会发现真正的戏剧评论家和狂热爱好者。这就是所谓的‘和诸神坐在一起’啊。花费不会很多，而且在大街上候场的时候，看‘街头艺人’的表演也会找个乐子的。哪天晚上我们也去和‘诸神’一起坐坐，你觉得阿贝尔太太的烹饪手艺有没有进步？”

45

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‘My dear boy, you must not let money become your master in this way. Why, at your age, your cousin Melchior was part-owner of a musical piece. It was one of his few happy ventures. You should go to the play as part of your education. If you read the lives of eminent men you will find that quite half of them made their first acquaintance with drama from the gallery. I am told there is no pleasure like it. It is there that you find the real critics and devotees. It is called “sitting, with the gods”. The expense is nugatory, and even while you wait for admission in the street you are diverted by “buskers”. We will sit with the gods together one night. How do you find Mrs.Abel’s cooking?’

46

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“老样子。”

46

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‘Unchanged.’

47

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“就这还是受你菲利帕姑妈感召的呢。她给了阿贝尔太太十个菜单，这十个菜单压根儿就没变动过。我一个人吃饭的时候，倒并不在乎饭菜怎么样，可你既然在家，就得变着花样换口味了。你喜欢吃什么？时令菜是什么？喜欢龙虾吗？海特，告诉阿贝尔太太明天晚上吃龙虾。”

47

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‘It was inspired by your Aunt Philippa. She gave Mrs Abel ten menus, and they have never been varied. When I am alone I do not notice what I eat, but now that you are here, we must have a change. What would you like? What is in season? Are you fond of lobsters? Hayter, tell Mrs Abel to give us lobsters tomorrow night.’

48

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是日晚上的菜是一盆寡淡无味的汤，煎得过了头的、浇着红色调味汁的鱼片，羊肉碎加堆成锥形的土豆泥，还有松糕梨冻。

48

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Dinner that. evening consisted of a white, tasteless soup, overfried fillets of sole with a pink sauce, lamb cutlets propped against a cone of mashed potato, stewed pears in jelly standing on a kind of sponge cake.

49

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“我一吃吃这么久，纯属出于对你菲利帕姑妈的尊敬。她坚持说一餐须有三道菜的才算得上中产阶级。‘一旦让仆人随便由着自己的性子来，’她说，‘你就会发现每天晚上啃的都是一块排骨。’其实我最爱吃排骨……事实上，阿贝尔太太外出不在的晚上，我去俱乐部吃的无非也就是块排骨。但你姑妈规定了，我在家吃饭必须保证三菜一汤。哪几天是鱼、肉、开胃的菜式，哪几天是肉、甜食、开胃的菜式——能搭配出好多种花样儿。

49

-

‘It is purely out of respect for your Aunt Philippa that I dine at this length. She laid it down that a three-course dinner was middle-class. “If you once let the servants get their way,” she said, “you will find yourself dining nightly off a single chop.” There is nothing I should like more. In fact, that is exactly what I do when I go to my club on Mrs Abel’s evening out. But your aunt ordained that at home I must have soup and three courses; some nights it is fish, meat, and savoury, on others it is meat, sweet, savoury - there are a number of possible permutations.

50

-

“有些人就是能把自己的意见、建议不着痕迹又体贴地表达出来，还表达得挺好，这实在叫人惊异。你姑妈就有这本事。

50

-

It is remarkable how some people are able to put their opinions in lapidary form; your aunt had that gift.

51

-

“要是以为过去我和她天天一起吃饭——像我和你现在这样，那就太可笑了，孩子。她不遗余力地想把我从自己的那块地方里拽出来。常常跟我讲她读的书。她心里想把这儿当成她的家，你知道的。她认为如果让我自个儿过活的话，我就会变得怪僻愚蠢了。或许我已经有些怪僻了，有没有？可是把这儿当她家——不行。最后我还是把她支到外面去了。”

51

-

‘It is odd to think that she and I once dined together nightly just as you and I do, my boy. Now she made unremitting efforts to take me out of myself. She used to tell me about her reading. It was in her mind to make a home with me, you know. She thought I should get into funny ways if I was left on my own. Perhaps I have got into funny ways. Have I? But it didn’t do. I got her out in the end.’

52

-

他说这话时，语气中带着显而易见的威胁。多半问题是出在我姑妈菲利帕的身上，我现在觉得自己在父亲家里竟然变成了一个陌生人。我母亲过世后，姑妈就过来和我们父子住在一起了，毫无疑问地，诚如父亲所言，她就是想把这儿当成她自己的家。那时晚餐桌上的种种痛苦煎熬我是根本无从知晓的。姑妈成天陪着我，我想也没想地领了她的情。此种情形持续了有一年。

52

-

There was an unmistakable note of menace in his voice as he said this. It was largely by reason of my Aunt Philippa that I now found myself so much a stranger in my father’s house. After my mother’s death she came to live with my father and me, no doubt, as he said, with the idea of making her home with us. I knew nothing, then, of the nightly agonies at the dinner table. My aunt made herself my companion, and I accepted her without question. That was for a year.

53

-

最先开始的变化是她重新启用了萨里那幢原先打算卖掉的房子——我上学时她就住在那儿——她到伦敦来住两天也为的是娱乐和购物。等到了夏天，我们就一起去海滨度假。我在学校最后一年的时候，她离开了英国。“最后我还是把她支到外面去了。”谈起那位好夫人时他的嘲笑和得意扬扬溢于言表，他也知道我听得出他话里有话，有向我挑战的意味。

53

-

The first change was that she reopened her house in Surrey which she had meant to sell, and lived there during my school terms, coming to London only for a few days’ shopping and entertainment. In the summer we went to lodgings together at the seaside. Then in my last year at school she left England. ‘I got her out in the end,’ he said with derision and triumph of that kindly lady, and he knew that I heard in the words a challenge to myself.?

54

-

我们离开餐厅时他问：“海特，你跟阿贝尔太太说了明天要给我订龙虾吗？”

54

-

As we left the dining-room my father said, ‘Hayter, have you yet said anything to Mrs Abel about the lobsters I ordered for tomorrow?’

55

-

“还没有呢，先生。”

55

-

‘No, sir.’

56

-

“那就不用说了。”

56

-

‘Do not do so.’

57

-

“好的，先生。”

57

-

‘Very good, sir.’

58

-

我们在花园房间里一落座，他就说：“我不知道海特是不是真的打算说龙虾的事，我想他并不真打算提。你知道吗，我相信他认为我是在开玩笑。”

58

-

And when we reached our chairs in the garden-room he said: ‘I wonder whether Hayter had any intention of mentioning, lobsters, I rather think not. Do you know, I believe he thought I was joking? ‘

59

-

第二天，一件武器凑巧落在我手里。那天我遇见了一个读书时的老熟人，乔金斯，跟我同年。一直以来我都不大喜欢这一位乔金斯。有一回，那还是菲利帕姑妈在的时候呢，他过来喝茶，姑妈就对这个乔金斯做过定论：他骨子里可能比较不错，但头一打眼的印象可不那么喜人。这一回我热情与之寒暄，并邀请他来吃晚饭。他来了，但是变化乏善可陈。

59

-

Next day by chance, a weapon came to hand. I met an old acquaintance of school-days, a contemporary of mine named Jorkins. I never had much liking for Jorkins. Once, in my Aunt Philippa’s day, he had come to tea, and she had condemned him as being probably charming at heart, but unattractive at first sight. Now I greeted him with enthusiasm and asked him to dinner. He came and showed little alteration.

60

-

父亲事先肯定得到过海特的提醒，说有一位客人要来吃晚餐，所以他没有穿他那身吸烟服，而是换了件燕尾服。这身燕尾服，配上黑色马甲背心，极高的硬领，极窄的白色领带，就算是他的晚礼服了。他穿着这身行头，周身散发着一种忧郁之气，好像穿的是国丧丧服一样。那副神情是打他很年轻的时候起就有的，由于发现这神情大家很是喜闻乐见，便刻意保持了下来。他是向来不穿短上装礼服的。

60

-

My father must have been warned by Hayter that there was a guest, for instead of his velvet suit he wore a tail coat; this, with a black waistcoat, very high collar, and very narrow white tie, was his evening dress; he wore it with an air of melancholy as though it were court mourning, which he had assumed in early youth and, finding the style sympathetic, had retained. He never possessed a dinner jacket.

61

-

“晚上好，晚上好。大老远地辛苦了。”

61

-

‘Good evening, good evening. So nice of you to come all this way.’

62

-

“哦，并不算远。”乔金斯回答说，他住在苏塞克斯广场。

62

-

‘Oh, it wasn’t far, said Jorkins, who lived in Sussex Square.

63

-

“科学消灭距离嘛，”父亲有些窘迫、尴尬地说，“到这儿是出差？”

63

-

‘Science annihilates distance,’ said my father disconcertingly. ‘You are over here on business?’

64

-

“哦，是的，我是做些生意，如果你是指这个的话。”

64

-

‘Well, I’m in business, if that’s what you mean.’

65

-

“我也有个亲戚是做生意的——你不会认识他的，他比你们的年头可早啦。那天晚上我还跟查尔斯谈到他来着。我常常想他。他——”他顿了顿，攒好全副力气去说接下来要说的怪话，“栽大跟头了。”

65

-

‘I had a cousin who was in business - you wouldn’t know him; it was before your time. I was telling Charles about him only the other night. He has been much in my mind. He came,’ my father paused to give full weight to the bizarre word - ‘a cropper.’

66

-

乔金斯神经质地尬笑了两声。父亲眼带责备地盯着他。

66

-

Jorkins giggled nervously. My father fixed him with a look of reproach.?

67

-

“怎么，你觉得他倒了大霉很好笑吗？或者是我用的词不大常见？要是你你一定会说‘破产’了吧。”

67

-

‘You find his misfortune the subject of mirth? Or perhaps the word I used was unfamiliar; you no doubt would say that he “folded up”.’

68

-

父亲掌控了全局。他让自己有个不起眼的异想天开，断定乔金斯是美国人，于是一整晚都跟他玩着一场精妙的客厅猜字游戏。举凡话语间出现的英语专门用语他都要狂解释一番，把英镑折算成美元，还很有教养彬彬有礼地听他讲话，并且嘴里连连应着“当然当然，以你们的标准来说……”“对乔金斯先生来说，这就显出地方主义的狭隘了”“你习惯在广阔空间……”，云云。老见他这么说，我的客人便隐隐觉得自己的身份别是出了什么问题，可又苦于得不到现成的机会去把身份给解释清楚。

68

-

My father was master of the situation. He had made a little fantasy for himself, that Jorkins should I be an American and throughout the evening he played a delicate one-sided parlour-game with him, explaining any peculiarly English terms that occurred in the conversation, translating pounds into dollars and courteously deferring to him with such phrases as ‘Of course, by your standards...’; ‘All this must seem very parochial to Mr Jorkins’; ‘In the vast spaces to which you are accustomed...’ so that my guest was left with the vague sense that there was a misconception somewhere as to his identity, which he never got the chance of explaining.

69

-

所以他一边吃饭，一边不住地留意我父亲的眼神，想从他的眼神里看出他这样子讲话不过是精心安排的玩笑，但他看到的父亲的神色温文尔雅又宽厚仁慈，他就傻了。

69

-

Again and again during dinner he sought my father’s eye, thinking to read there the simple statement that this form of address was an elaborate joke, but met instead a look of such mild benignity that he was left baffled.?

70

-

有一次连我都觉得父亲说得太过分了。当时他说：“你住在伦敦，一定很不开心玩不了你们自己国家的球类了吧？”

70

-

Once I thought my father had gone too far, when he said: ‘I am afraid that, living in London, you must sadly miss your national game.’

71

-

“我们国家的球？”乔金斯迟迟疑疑的，不知道怎么接父亲的话，不过他终于意会到这是表明自己身份的绝佳机会。

71

-

‘My national game?’ asked Jorkins, slow in the uptake, but scenting that here, at last, was the opportunity for clearing the matter up.

72

-

父亲看看他，又看看我，原本宅心仁厚的表情变成了愤懑怨怼，等再朝乔金斯看过去的时候，又回复成温文尔雅、宽厚仁慈了，就像一个赌徒一把全押中在骰子四点上了似的。“说到你们国家的游戏，”他温和地说，“指的就是板球呀，”然后控制不住地抽起了鼻子，全身抖动着，还用手帕擦眼。“可不么，在伦敦城里工作，你肯定发现在板球场上的时间大大减少了吧？”

72

-

My father glanced from him to me and his expression changed from kindness to malice then back to kindness again as he turned once more to Jorkins. It was the look of a gambler who lays down fours against a full house. ‘Your national game,’ he said gently, ‘cricket,’ and he snuffled uncontrollably, shaking all over and wiping his eyes with his napkin. ‘Surely, working in the City, you find your time on the cricket-field, greatly curtailed?’

73

-

他在餐厅门口跟我们道别，“晚安，乔金斯先生，”他说，“希望你下次‘横渡大西洋’时再次光临寒舍。”

73

-

At the door of the dining-room he left us. ‘Good night, Mr Jorkins,’ he said. ‘I hope you will pay us another visit when you next “cross the herring pond”.’

74

-

“欸，令尊到底是什么意思？他大约把我当美国人了。”

74

-

‘I say, what did your governor mean by that?’ He seemed almost to think I was, American.’

75

-

“他有时候就是这么怪里怪气。”

75

-

‘He’s rather odd at times.’

76

-

“我把这番话理解成建议我去参观西敏寺。奇了大怪。”

76

-

‘I mean all that about advising me to visit Westminster Abbey. It seemed rum.’

77

-

“不错，我没法解释他这个。”

77

-

‘Yes. I can’t quite explain.’

78

-

“我老觉得他在拿我寻开心呢。”乔金斯一脸困惑地说。

78

-

‘I almost thought he was pulling my leg,’ said Jorkins in puzzled tones.

79

-

几天以后我父亲做出了反击。他找着我对我说：“乔金斯先生还在吗？”

79

-

My father’s counter-attack was delivered a few days later. He sought me out and said, ‘Mr Jorkins is still here?’

80

-

“不在了，父亲，当然不在了。他只是过来吃个饭。”

80

-

‘No, father, of course not. He only came to dinner.’

81

-

“哦，我还希望他跟我们一起待几天呢，多才多艺的年轻人啊……那你在家吃晚饭吗？”

81

-

‘Oh, I hoped he was staying with us. Such a versatile young man. But you will be dining in?’

82

-

“在家吃。”

82

-

‘Yes.’

83

-

“鉴于你在家里连续过了好几个无聊之夜，我搞了一个小派对以便换换口味。你觉得阿贝尔太太会来吗？不。我们的客人还没有太确定要请谁，不过卡思伯特爵士和奥姆-赫里克太太一定在列，所谓的主流核心人物……打算其后再听点儿音乐，还为你请了几个年轻人。”

83

-

‘I am giving a little dinner party to diversify the rather monotonous series of your evenings at home. You think Mrs Abel is up to it? No. But our guests are not exacting. Sir Cuthbert and Lady Orme-Herrick are what might be called the nucleus. I hope for a little music afterwards. I have included in the invitations some young people for you.’

84

-

父亲的实际行动完胜了我对他的行动计划所怀着的不祥预感。客人们聚集在我父亲不自觉地称之为“画廊”的房间里，这时我才明白，这些客人摆明了个个都是为了找我不痛快而精挑细选出来的。所谓的年轻人则是葛洛丽亚·奥姆-赫里克小姐，学大提琴的；她的未婚夫，在大英博物馆工作，青春年少秃了顶；还有一位只懂得一种语言的慕尼黑出版商。我看到父亲和那些人站在瓷器架后面冲我直抽鼻子。这天晚上，他在扣眼里别上一枝小小的红玫瑰，好像骑士打仗时佩戴的徽章。

84

-

My presentiments of my father’s plan were surpassed by the actuality. As the guests assembled in the room which my father, without self-consciousness, called ‘the Gallery’, it was plain to me that they had been carefully chosen for my discomfort. The ‘young people’ were Miss Gloria Orme-Herrick a student of the cello; her fiancé, a bald young man .from the British Museum; and a monoglot Munich publisher. I saw my father snuffling at me from behind a case of ceramics as he stood with them. That evening he wore, like a chivalric badge of battle, a small red rose in his button-hole.?

85

-

晚餐吃了好久，菜式跟那些客人一样也是精挑细选过来存心嘲弄我的。不是菲利帕姑妈挑选的那几样，而是几个老皇历菜单中七拼八凑来的，那菜单是他还能下楼吃饭的时候就在用的。菜色徒有其表，颜色变化得有模有样，仅在红和白间轮番转换。葡萄酒跟菜式一样寡淡无味。晚餐过后，我父亲把那位德国出版商领到钢琴边，出版商弹起琴了，他就离开客厅，领着卡思伯特·奥姆-赫里克爵士到“画廊”去看那个伊特拉斯坎的陶牛。

85

-

Dinner was long and chosen, like the guests, in a spirit of careful mockery. It was not of Aunt Philippa’s choosing, but had been reconstructed from a much earlier period, long before he was of an age to dine downstairs. The dishes were ornamental in appearance and regularly alternated in colour between red and white. They and the wine were equally tasteless. After dinner my father led the German publisher to the piano and then, while he played, left the drawing-room to show Sir Cuthbert Orme-Herrick the Etruscan bull in the gallery.

86

-

这是个让人无比厌倦的夜晚，终于曲终人散的时候，我惊奇地发现其实也就十一点才过几分钟。父亲自己喝了一大杯大麦茶，说道：“找来的这些朋友闷是真闷！你知道，要不是你在家这个事推动，我永远也不会邀请他们来的。我近来对应酬没有什么兴趣了。既然你要在我这儿住很长时间，我也可以多搞搞这样的派对了。你喜欢葛洛丽亚·奥姆-赫里克小姐吗？”

86

-

It was a gruesome evening, and I was astonished to find, when at last the party broke up, that it was only a few minutes after eleven. My father helped himself to a glass of barley-water and said: ‘What very dull friends I have! You know, without the spur of your presence I should never have roused myself to invite them. I have been very negligent about entertaining lately. Now that you are paying me such a long visit, I will have many such evenings. You liked Miss Gloria Orme-Herrick?’

87

-

“不喜欢。”

87

-

‘No.’

88

-

“不喜欢？是对她的小胡子反感，还是对她的大脚反感呢？你觉得她今晚过得愉快吗？”

88

-

‘No? Was it her little moustache you objected to or her very large feet? Do you think she enjoyed herself.’

89

-

“不愉快。”

89

-

‘No.’

90

-

“我也一样的印象。很怀疑这些客人中谁会认为这是他们最愉快的一个晚上。我认为那个年轻的外国人钢琴弹得糟透了。我是在哪儿遇见他来着？还有康斯塔尼亚·斯梅斯威克小姐——她又是我在哪儿遇见的呢？不过殷勤还是要遵守的待客之道啊。只要你在这儿，你就不会觉得无聊。”

90

-

‘That was my impression also. I doubt if any of our guests will count this as one of their happiest evenings. That young foreigner played atrociously, I thought. Where can I have met him? And Miss Constantia Smethwick - where can I have met her? But the obligations of hospitality must be observed. As long as you are here, you shall not be dull.’

91

-

在以后两个星期的冲突中我们两败俱伤，他是伤敌一千，自损八百，我就败得更惨。因为他有更多储备可资利用，也有更大的转圜余地，而我却被挤到高地和大海之间的桥头堡进退不得。他从不宣示他的作战目标，我到现在仍然不得而知他目标是否纯粹为了惩戒，他的内心深处是不是存着某种地理政治学的主张，像将菲利帕姑妈赶到博迪盖拉，将表哥梅尔基奥赶到达尔文一样，也将我扫地出门，扫出这个国家。还有，看上去也是最有可能的，他这场仗干得漂亮，是不是仅仅出于，他喜欢能让他崭露锋芒的战斗。

91

-

Strife was internecine during the next fortnight, but I suffered the more, for my father had greater reserves to draw on and a wider territory for manoeuvre, while I was pinned to my bridgehead between. the uplands and the sea. He never declared his war aims, and I do not to this day know whether they, were purely punitive - whether he had really at the back of his mind some geopolitical idea of getting me out of the country, as my Aunt Philippa had been driven to Bordighera and cousin Melchior to Darwin, or whether, as seems most likely, he fought for the sheer love of a battle in which indeed he shone.

92

-

有一天我收到塞巴斯蒂安寄来的一封信，这件引人注目的东西是当着我父亲的面被送来的，当时他正在吃午饭。看见他好奇地打量这封信，于是我把信带走私下去读。信是写在维多利亚时期办丧事用的讣告纸上的，信纸信封头上印着黑色花冠，四周镶着黑边。我急切地读起来：

92

-

I received one letter from Sebastian, a conspicuous object which was brought to me in my father’s presence one day when he was lunching at home; I saw him look curiously at it and bore it away to read in solitude. It was written on, and enveloped in, heavy late-Victorian mourning paper, black-coroneted and black-bordered. I read it eagerly:

93

-

布莱兹赫德城堡，威尔特郡我也想知道是几月几日,最亲爱的查尔斯：我在写字台后面发现一盒这种纸，我正哀悼自己失去的纯真，所以非给你写这封信不可。纯真看来不似活物——医生们从一开始就对它不抱希望了。

93

-

Brideshead Castle, Wiltshire I wonder what the date is Dearest Charles, I found a box of this paper at the back of a bureau so I must write to you as I am mourning for my lost innocence. It never looked like living. The doctors despaired of it from the start.

94

-

我马上就要动身去威尼斯，和我父亲一起住在他那个罪恶之宫里。我想你来这儿。我想你在这儿。

94

-

Soon I am off to Venice to stay with my papa in his palace of sin. I wish you were coming. I wish you were here.

95

-

我一直不是一个人——家里的人不断来来回回的，不断整理行李，不断地离开，白色的小红莓已经熟了。出于好心不带阿洛伊修斯去威尼斯了。我不想让它遇到一大堆讨厌的意大利熊而染上什么坏习惯。

95

-

I am never quite alone. Members of my family keep turning up and collecting luggage and going away again but the white raspberries are ripe. I have a good mind not to take Aloysius to Venice. I don’t want him to meet a lot of horrid Italian bears and pick up bad habits.

96

-

爱你的或者随便你想吧S

96

-

Love or what you will.S.

97

-

我很早就熟悉他写的信了，在拉文纳的时候就收到过，我本也不该失望的，可是那天，我把这张硬撅撅的信纸一撕两半，随手就扔进废纸篓里了。愤愤地看着肮脏的花园和贝斯沃特街边高低不平的地面，凝视着那些交错的排污管道、防火楼梯和突出来的小小花房，我心里的眼睛看到安东尼·布兰奇苍白的面孔从纷乱的枝叶中显现出来，就像那天在泰晤士餐馆的烛光中朦胧出现一样，在车水马龙的嘈杂声里，我依然听到他的声音在清楚明白地跟我说：“塞巴斯蒂安有时候寡淡了一点，我们也不能怨他……我听他说话时，就不由自主地浮现出‘吹泡泡’那个让人直犯恶心的画面来。”

97

-

I knew his letters of old; I had had them at Ravenna; I should not have been disappointed; but that day as I tore the stiff sheet across and let it fall into the basket, and gazed resentfully across the grimy gardens and irregular backs of Bayswater, at the jumble of soil-pipes and fire-escapes and protuberant little conservatories, I saw, in my mind’s eye, the pale face of Anthony Blanche, peering through the straggling leaves as it had peered through the candle flames at Thame, and heard, above the murmur of traffic, his clear tones...’You mustn’t blame Sebastian if at times he seems a little insipid...When I hear him talk I am reminded of that in some ways nauseating picture of “Bubbles”.’

98

-

以后好多天，我一直觉得自己在怨恨塞巴斯蒂安。直到星期天下午，他发来了电报，才把这个怨恨阴影驱散了，可这个电报本身却又增加了另一个更深的阴影。

98

-

For days after that I thought I hated Sebastian; then one Sunday afternoon a telegram came from him, which dispelled that shadow, adding a new and darker one of its own.?

99

-

父亲出去了，回来时发现我正焦躁不安地团团乱转。他站在走廊里，头上还戴着巴拿马草帽，面含微笑地对着我。

99

-

My father was out and returned to find me in a condition of feverish anxiety. He stood in the hall with his panama hat still on his head and beamed at me.?

100

-

“你猜不出我这一天是怎么过的。我上动物园去了，真是太愉快了，看来那些动物很喜欢晒太阳。”

100

-

‘You’ll never guess how I have spent the day; I have been to the Zoo. It was most agreeable; the animals seem to enjoy the sunshine so much.’

101

-

“父亲，我现在得马上走了。”

101

-

‘Father, I’ve got to leave at once.’

102

-

“是吗？”

102

-

‘Yes?’

103

-

“我的一个好朋友——出大事情了，我得马上赶到他那儿去。海特现在正给我收拾行李。过半小时有一趟火车。”

103

-

‘A, great friend of mine - he’s had a terrible accident. I must go to him at once.Hayter’s packing for me, now. There’s a train in half an hour.’

104

-

我把电报拿给他看，电报写得很简单：重伤速来，塞巴斯蒂安

104

-

I showed him the telegram, which read simply: ‘Gravely injured come at once Sebastian.’

105

-

“嗯，”父亲说，“我很难过看到你如此慌乱。看电报，很难讲事情真会像你想的那样严重，否则也不可能由受伤者本人签名了。当然了，他也可能神志清醒，只不过眼睛看不见了，脊梁骨摔断而瘫痪了。你究竟有什么必要到那儿去呢？你又不懂医学，你又没有担任什么神职。你是不是巴望得到他的遗物？”

105

-

‘Well,’ said my father. ‘I’m sorry you are upset. Reading this message I should not say that the accident was as serious as you seem to think - otherwise it would hardly be signed by the victim himself. Still, of course, he may well be fully conscious but blind or paralysed with a broken back. Why exactly is your presence so necessary? You have no medical knowledge. You are not in holy orders. Do you hope for a legacy?’

106

-

“我跟你说过了，他是我特别要好的朋友。”

106

-

‘I told you, he is a great friend.’

107

-

“噢，奥姆-赫里克也是我特别要好的朋友，但我就不会在一个暖洋洋的星期天下午手忙脚乱跑到他病床前去。我还得盘算一下奥姆-赫里克太太是不是欢迎我去呢……可我看你倒并没有这样的顾虑。我会惦记你的，亲爱的儿子，不要为我急着回来。”

107

-

‘Well, Orme-Herrick is a great friend of mine, but I should not go tearing off to his deathbed on a warm Sunday afternoon. I should doubt whether Lady Orme-Herrick would welcome me. However, I see you have no such doubts. I shall miss you, my dear boy, but do not hurry back on my account.’

108

-

八月的一个星期天傍晚的帕丁顿火车站。阳光透过屋顶的毛玻璃窗，书摊已经关门了，几个乘客在搬运工人旁边不慌不忙地溜达着走……此情此景大可以让别人少安毋躁，对我可不管用。火车几乎是空的。我把手提箱放到一间三等车厢的角落里，然后在餐车里占了个座位。

108

-

Paddington Station on that August Sunday evening, with the sun streaming through the obscure panes of its roof, the bookstalls shut, and the few passengers strolling unhurried beside their porters, would have soothed a mind less agitated than mine. The train was nearly empty. I had my suitcase put in the corner of a third-class carriage and took a seat in the dining-car.

109

-

“正餐要过了雷丁站才有，先生，大约七点。您现在要来点什么？”

109

-

‘First dinner after Reading, sir; about seven o’clock. Can I get you anything now?’

110

-

我要了杜松子酒和苦艾酒。火车一出站酒就送上来了，刀叉按常规摆放着。艳丽的风景在窗前倏忽而过，可是我对那景致没有一丝兴致。相反地，脑子里的恐怖就像加了酵母一样在不断膨大，大片的泡沫泛起来，呈现出种种灾祸来临的情景。防护栏有人随便举起一支上着膛的枪，马匹或站或立或走动，阴暗的池塘，水下埋着桩子，榆树的枝杈突然在一个宁静的早晨掉下来，一辆汽车抢进了一个死角……种种文明生活里的威胁都从脑子里钻出来，死死缠住我不放。我甚至想象出有个杀人狂魔挥舞着一截铅管子在黑暗的地方做着怪脸。

110

-

I ordered gin and vermouth; it was brought to me as we pulled out of the station. The knives and forks set up their regular jingle; the bright landscape rolled past the windows. But I had no mind for these smooth things; instead, fear worked like yeast in my thoughts, and the fermentation brought to the surface, in great gobs of scum, the images of disaster; a loaded gun held carelessly at a stile, a horse rearing and rolling over, a shaded pool with a submerged, stake, an elm bough falling suddenly on a still morning, a car at a blind corner; all the catalogue of threats to civilized life rose and haunted me; I even pictured a homicidal maniac mouthing in the shadows, swinging a length of lead pipe.

111

-

麦田和大片林地飞速掠过，融合进金色夕照里，车轮滚滚，轰轰地在耳中反复震荡着。“你来晚了，你来晚了。他死了，他死了，他死了。”

111

-

The cornfields and heavy woodland sped past, deep in the golden evening, and the throb of the wheels repeated monotonously in my ears. ‘You’ve come too late. You’ve come too late. He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead.’

112

-

我吃了东西后换乘往那里去的火车，黄昏时抵达目的地梅尔斯特德-卡布里站。

112

-

I dined and changed trains to the local line, and in twilight came to Melstead Carbury, which was my destination.

113

-

“是去布莱兹赫德的吗？先生，是的，茱丽娅小姐正在停车场等您呢。”

113

-

‘Brideshead, sir? Yes, Lady Julia’s in the yard.’

114

-

她坐在一辆敞篷车里。我立刻认出她来。不可能认不出。

114

-

She was sitting at the wheel of an open car. I recognized her at once; I could not have failed to do so.

115

-

“赖德先生？跳进来吧。”她说话的语调和神情跟塞巴斯蒂安一模一样。

115

-

‘You’re Mr Ryder? Jump in.’ Her voice was Sebastian’s and his her, way of speaking.

116

-

“他怎么样了？”

116

-

‘How is he?’

117

-

“塞巴斯蒂安？哦，他好着呢。你吃过饭了吗？唉，我想餐食一定糟透了。家里有吃的……就我和塞巴斯蒂安在，就想着等你来了再一起吃。”

117

-

‘Sebastian? Oh, he’s fine. Have you had dinner? Well, I expect it was beastly. There’s some more at home. Sebastian and I are alone, so we thought we’d wait for you.’

118

-

“他出什么事了？”

118

-

‘What’s happened to him?’

119

-

“他没说吗？我想他是觉得如果你知道是怎么回事就不来了。他踝骨骨折，那骨头太小，小得连个名称都没有。不过昨天已经给他拍了X片，让他休息一个月。他烦得要死，眼见得所有的计划都要搁置了。他又容易大惊小怪的……别人都走了，他就要我留下来跟他一块儿待着。嘿，我想你是知道他能极尽哀求之能事的。

119

-

‘Didn’t he say? I expect he thought you wouldn’t come if you knew. He’s cracked a bone in his ankle so small that it hasn’t a name. But they X-rayed it yesterday, and told him to keep it up for a month. It’s a great bore to him, putting out all his plans; he’s been making the most enormous fuss...Everyone else has gone. He tried to make me stay back with him. Well, I expect you know how maddeningly pathetic he can be.

120

-

我险些就答应他了，可后来我说：‘你肯定能抓来什么人的。’他又说大家不是出去了就是都忙。总而言之，谁也不会过来陪他的。不过他最后愿意试着去找你，我也答应他要是你不来我就陪他——所以你想见得出我有多欢迎你来吧。必须说你一接到电报就大老远赶过来，你人真是太好了。”但是当她说这话的时候，我却听出了，或者我觉得我听出了她口气里含着的一点轻视的意味，好像我竟然真的能这么屁颠屁颠地让他招之即来。

120

-

I almost gave in, and then I said: “Surely there must be someone you can get hold of,” and he said everybody was away or busy and, anyway, no one else would do. But at last he agreed to try you, and I promised I’d stay if you failed him, so you can imagine how popular you are with me. I must say it’s noble of you to come all this way at a moment’s notice.’ But as she said it, I heard, or thought I heard, a tiny note of contempt in her voice that I should be so readily available.

121

-

“他怎么弄的？”

121

-

‘How did he do it?’

122

-

“信不信由你，玩槌球玩的。发脾气，然后被小铁门绊了一跤，这伤疤可不是很光彩。”

122

-

‘Believe it or not, playing croquet. He lost his temper and tripped over a hoop. Not a very honourable scar.’

123

-

她和塞巴斯蒂安太像了，在渐沉的暮色中坐在她身旁，竟被一种既稔熟又生疏的双重幻觉搞得有些蒙了。就像有人用高倍望远镜看到一个人从远处走过来，仔细观察那人的面孔以及衣服上的每一个细节，以为这个人触手可及，可是又很讶异，因为他移动时这个人竟然听不到自己的动静，甚至都没有抬头注意；再后来他用肉眼观察这个人，突然才想起对方对自己来说不过是很远的一个点而已，其实很难说到底是不是一个人。

123

-

She so much resembled Sebastian that, sitting beside her in the gathering dusk, I was confused by the double illusion of familiarity and strangeness. Thus, looking through strong lenses, one may watch a man approaching from afar, study every detail of his face and clothes, believe one has only to put out a hand to touch him marvel that he does not hear one and look up as one moves, and then, seeing him with the naked eye, suddenly remember that one is to him a distant speck, doubtfully human.

124

-

我了解她，可她并不了解我。她那一头乌黑的头发不会比塞巴斯蒂安的长多少，也像塞巴斯蒂安那样，头发从前额梳到后面；她那一双凝视着黑暗公路的眼睛也像他，只是要更大一些；她那涂着口红的嘴唇对这世间倒显得不大友善。她手腕上戴着小珠串手镯，耳朵上是小小的金耳环。

124

-

I knew her and she did not know me. Her dark hair was scarcely longer than Sebastian’s, and it blew back from her forehead as his did; her eyes on the darkling road were his, but larger; her painted mouth was less friendly to the world. She wore a bangle of charms on her wrist and in her ears little gold rings.

125

-

在轻便外套下露出一两英寸花绸裙裾；裙子是流行的短裙。双腿修长，正伸展着驾车，合乎风尚。由于她的女性性别感在生人和熟人之间的明显差异无处不在，将我们两人所处的空间填得满满的，我强烈地感知到她特别女性，那种在别的女人身上从未有过的感知。

125

-

Her light coat revealed an inch or two of flowered silk; skirts were short in those days, and her legs, stretched forward to the controls of the car, were spindly, as was also the fashion. Because her sex was the palpable difference between the familiar and the strange it seemed to fill the space between us, so that I felt her to be especially female, as I had felt of no woman before.?

126

-

“在晚上这种时候开车可真紧张。”她说，“我们家会开车的人都不在。我和塞巴斯蒂安其实也是在这里暂住。你可不要指望会有什么热闹的派对哦。”她向面前的储物箱探过身去拿出一盒香烟。

126

-

‘I’m terrified of driving at this time of the evening,’ she said. ‘There doesn’t seem anyone left at home who can drive a car. Sebastian and I are practically camping out here. I hope you haven’t come expecting a pompous party.’ She leaned forward to the locker for a box of cigarettes.

127

-

“我不吸烟，谢谢。”

127

-

‘No thanks.’

128

-

“帮我点一支好吗？”

128

-

‘Light one for me, will you?’

129

-

我长这么大这还是第一次有人向我提这样的要求。把纸烟卷从嘴上取下塞到她嘴里的时候，我听到蝙蝠交配时才有的吱吱声。别人都听不见。

129

-

It was, the first time in my life that anyone had asked this of me, and as I took the cigarette from my lips and put it in hers, I caught a thin bat’s squeak of sexuality, inaudible to any but me.

130

-

“谢谢。你以前来过这儿，保姆说过这件事。我们都觉得你不留下来喝茶这事儿让人有些诧异。”

130

-

‘Thanks. You’ve been here before. Nanny reported it. We both thought it very odd of you not to stay to tea with me.’

131

-

“那是塞巴斯蒂安的主意。”

131

-

‘That was Sebastian.’

132

-

“你太听他的了。不该这样……对他也不好。”

132

-

‘You seem to let him boss you about a good deal. You shouldn’t. It’s very bad for him.’

133

-

我们在车道上拐了弯，树林和天空暗淡了，房子灰蒙蒙的，只有敞开的大门中透出一片金黄。一个男仆等着搬我的行李。

133

-

We had turned the comer of the drive now; the colour had died in the woods, and sky,.and the house seemed painted in grisaille, save for the central golden square at the open doors. A man was waiting to take my luggage.

134

-

“我们到了。”

134

-

‘Here we are.’

135

-

她领我登上台阶，进入前厅，把外套扔在一个大理石桌上，随后又弓身撸跑过来迎接她的狗。“我想塞巴斯蒂安可能已经吃过饭了。”

135

-

She led me up the steps and into the hall, flung her coat on a marble table, and stooped to fondle a dog which came to greet her. ‘I wouldn’t put it past Sebastian to have started dinner.’

136

-

话音未落，塞巴斯蒂安出现在那边柱子中间了，他摇着轮椅过来，穿着睡衣，一只脚上绑着厚厚的绷带。

136

-

At that moment he appeared between the pillars at the further end, propelling himself in a wheel-chair. He was in pyjamas and dressing-gown, with one foot heavily bandaged.

137

-

“嘿，亲爱的，我把你的好朋友接回来了。”她又一次带着几乎察觉不出的轻蔑说道。

137

-

‘Well, darling, I have collected your chum,’ she said, again with a barely perceptible note of contempt.

138

-

“我还以为你快死了。”我说，话说出口便清楚感觉到，跟刚刚一到时的心情一样，自己之所以这般先入为主地恼火而不是因悲剧避免而轻松释怀，是因为觉得被骗了。

138

-

‘I thought you were dying,’ I said, conscious then, as I had been ever since I arrived, of the predominating emotion of vexation, rather than of relief, that I had been bilked of my expectations of a grand tragedy.

139

-

“我也以为我快死了。疼得受不了啊，疼得要死啊。茱丽娅，你说今儿晚上你让威尔科克斯拿香槟过来，他会给我们吗？”

139

-

‘I thought I was, too. The pain was excruciating. Julia, do you think, if you asked him, Wilcox would give us champagne tonight?’

140

-

“我不喜欢香槟，而且赖德先生已经吃过饭了。”

140

-

‘I hate champagne and Mr Ryder has had dinner.’

141

-

“赖德先生？赖德先生？查尔斯什么时候都喝香槟的。你懂的，一看到我这只包起来的脚，我就不由自主地想到得了痛风，所以就更想喝喝香槟。”

141

-

‘Mister Ryder? Mister Ryder? Charles drinks champagne at all hours. Do you know, seeing this great swaddled foot of mine, I can’t get it out of my mind that I have gout, and that gives me a craving for champagne.’

142

-

我们在一间他们称作“花厅”的房间里用餐。这是间宽大的八边形房间，图案设计比其他房间的要新，四壁装饰着环状雕饰。圆穹顶天花板上是几组规整的、描绘牧羊人的庞贝式风格造像。这些人物画和椴木镀金家具、地毯、墙壁、墙壁上的烛台、天花板上的青铜吊灯……所有这些都是一式的，均出自一个能工巧匠之手。“只有我们两个在的话，我们就常常在这儿吃饭。”塞巴斯蒂安说，“这儿温暖舒适。”他们吃饭，我就吃了个桃子，把我和我父亲的斗争跟他们说了。

142

-

We dined in a room they called ‘the Painted Parlour’. It was a spacious octagon, later in design than the rest of the house its walls, were adorned with wreathed medallions and across its dome prim Pompeian figures stood pastoral groups. They and the satinwood and ormolu furniture, the carpet, the hanging bronze candelabrum, the mirrors and sconces, were all a single composition, the design of one illustrious hand. ‘We usually eat here when we’re alone,’ said Sebastian, ‘it’s so cosy.’ While they dined I ate a peach and told them of the war with my father.

143

-

“听起来他还真是个小宝贝儿啊。”茱丽娅说，“我要走了，男孩子们。”

143

-

‘He sounds a perfect poppet,’ said Julia. ‘And now I’m going to leave you boys.’

144

-

“上哪儿去？”

144

-

‘Where are you off to?’

145

-

“育婴室。我答应保姆跟她玩最后一盘跳棋。”她吻了一下塞巴斯蒂安的头顶。我替她开门。“晚安，赖德先生，再见。我想明天我们就碰不到面了。我一大早就会离开。你把我从病床边解放出来，我不知道有多感激你呢。”

145

-

‘The nursery. I promised nanny a last game of halma.’ She kissed the top of Sebastian’s head. I opened the door for her. ‘Good Night, Mr Ryder, and good-bye. I don’t suppose we’ll meet tomorrow. I’m leaving early. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you for relieving me at the sick-bed.’

146

-

“我妹妹今天晚上怎么这么傲骄。”她一走塞巴斯蒂安就说。

146

-

‘My sister is very pompous tonight,’ said Sebastian, when she was gone.

147

-

“我觉得她不待见我。”我说。

147

-

‘I don’t think she cares for me,’ I said.

148

-

“我觉得谁都入不了她的法眼。可我爱她。她跟我太像了。”

148

-

‘I don’t think she cares for anyone much. I love her. She’s so like me.’

149

-

“你觉得她像你？”

149

-

‘Do you? Is she?’

150

-

“我是说外貌和说话的口气都很像。如果任何人在性格上像我，那我是不会爱他的。”

150

-

‘In looks I mean and the way she talks. I wouldn’t love anyone with a character like mine.’

151

-

喝完酒，我就陪塞巴斯蒂安推着轮椅穿过那间有圆柱的走廊去图书室，这一晚上我们就坐在那间图书室里，在以后的一个月里，我们差不多每天晚上都坐在那儿。图书室在侧面，下面是湖水，窗子敞着，能看见星星，闻得到美好的空气，满窗都是幽蓝银白的山间月色，喷泉的声响。

151

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When we had drunk our port, I walked beside Sebastian’s chair through the pillared hall to the library, where we sat that night and nearly every night of the ensuing month. It lay on the side of the house that overlooked the lakes; the windows were open to the stars and the scented air, to the indigo and silver, moonlit landscape of the valley and the sound of water falling in the fountain.

152

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“咱俩可要好好儿地过一阵子了。”塞巴斯蒂安这样说。可第二天早晨，我刮着脸，从浴室的窗子看见茱丽娅正把车从前院开出去，车后装着行李，消失在小山后面了，都没回头看一眼。我有种如释重负的感觉，就像多年后经过一整夜的不安稳之后听到响起“解除警报”的汽笛声一样。

152

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‘We’ll have a heavenly time alone,’ said Sebastian and when next morning, while I was shaving, I saw from my bathroom window Julia, with luggage at her back, drive from the forecourt and disappear at the hill’s crest, without a backward glance, I felt a sense of liberation and peace such as I was, to know years later when, after a night of unrest, the sirens sounded the ‘All Clear’.

第三章 我的父亲在家里——茱丽娅·弗莱特小姐|Chapter 3