When I came back to the front we still lived in that town. There were many more guns in the country around and the spring had come. The fields were green and there were small green shoots on the vines, the trees along the road had small leaves and a breeze came from the sea.
I saw the town with the hill and the old castle above it in a cup in the hills with the mountains beyond, brown mountains with a little green on their slopes. In the town there were more guns, there were some new hospitals, you met British men and sometimes women, on the street, and a few more houses had been hit by shell fire.
It was warm and like the spring and I walked down the alleyway of trees, warmed from the sun on the wall, and found we still lived in the same house and that it all looked the same as when I had left it.
The door was open, there was a soldier sitting on a bench outside in the sun, an ambulance was waiting by the side door and inside the door, as I went in, there was the smell of marble floors and hospital. It was all as I had left it except that now it was spring.
I looked in the door of the big room and saw the major sitting at his desk, the window open and the sunlight coming into the room. He did not see me and I did not know whether to go in and report or go upstairs first and clean up. I decided to go on upstairs.
The room I shared with the lieutenant Rinaldi looked out on the courtyard. The window was open, my bed was made up with blankets and my things hung on the wall, the gas mask in an oblong tin can, the steel helmet on the same peg. At the foot of the bed was my flat trunk, and my winter boots, the leather shiny with oil, were on the trunk.
My Austrian sniper’s rifle with its blued octagon barrel and the lovely dark walnut, cheek-fitted, schutzen stock, hung over the two beds. The telescope that fitted it was, I remembered, locked in the trunk. The lieutenant, Rinaldi, lay asleep on the other bed. He woke when he heard me in the room and sat up.
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8
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“你好,”他说。“玩得怎么样啊?”
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8
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"Ciaou!" he said. "What kind of time did you have?"
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9
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“好极了。”
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9
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"Magnificent."
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10
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我们握握手,他抱住我的脖子吻我。
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10
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We shook hands and he put his arm around my neck and kissed me.
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11
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“噢,”我说。
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11
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"Oughf," I said.
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12
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“你身上脏,”他说。“你该洗一洗。你到过什么地方,做了什么事?立刻都告诉我。”
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12
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"You’re dirty," he said. "You ought to wash. Where did you go and what did you do? Tell me everything at once."
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13
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“我什么地方都去过。米兰、佛罗伦萨、罗马、那不勒斯、维拉·圣佐凡尼、墨西拿、塔奥米那——”
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13
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"I went everywhere. Milan, Florence, Rome, Naples, Villa San Giovanni, Messina, Taormina--"
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14
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“你好像在背火车时间表。有没有什么艳遇?”
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14
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"You talk like a time-table. Did you have any beautiful adventures?"
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15
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“哪儿?”
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15
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"Where?"
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16
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“米兰、佛罗伦萨、罗马、那不勒斯——”
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16
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"Milano, Firenze, Roma, Napoli--"
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17
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“够了。只要实实在在把最得意的告诉我。”
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17
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"That’s enough. Tell me really what was the best."
"That was because it was first. Where did you meet her? In the Cova? Where did you go? How did you feel? Tell me everything at once. Did you stay all night?"
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20
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“是的。”
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20
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"Yes."
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21
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“那也没有什么。我们这儿现在有美丽的姐儿。新来的姐儿,从来没上过前线的。”
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21
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"That’s nothing. Here now we have beautiful girls. New girls never been to the front before."
"You don’t believe me? We will go now this afternoon and see. And in the town we have beautiful English girls. I am now in love with Miss Barkley. I will take you to call. I will probably marry Miss Barkley."
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24
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“我得洗刷一下去报到。难道现在谁也不工作吗?”
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24
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"I have to get washed and report. Doesn’t anybody work now?"
"Since you are gone we have nothing but frostbites, chilblains, jaundice, gonorrhea, self-inflicted wounds, pneumonia and hard and soft chancres. Every week some one gets wounded by rock fragments. There are a few real wounded. Next week the war starts again. Perhaps it start again. They say so. Do you think I would do right to marry Miss Barkley--after the war of course?"
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26
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“绝对行,”我说,在脸盆里倒满了水。
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"Absolutely," I said and poured the basin full of water.
I took off my tunic and shirt and washed in the cold water in the basin. While I rubbed myself with a towel I looked around the room and out the window and at Rinaldi lying with his eyes closed on the bed. He was good-looking, was my age, and he came from Amalfi. He loved being a surgeon and we were great friends. While I was looking at him he opened his eyes.
I dried my hands and took out my pocket-book from the inside of my tunic hanging on the wall. Rinaldi took the note, folded it without rising from the bed and slid it in his breeches pocket. He smiled, "I must make on Miss Barkley the impression of a man of sufficient wealth. You are my great and good friend and financial protector."
That night at the mess I sat next to the priest and he was disappointed and suddenly hurt that I had not gone to the Abruzzi. He had written to his father that I was coming and they had made preparations.
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34
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我自己也像他那样不好过,想不出我当时为什么竟没有去。其实我本来打算去的,我就说明给他听,本来打算去,后来一事又是一事,终于拖得没有去成。到末了他也看出我实在是本来打算去的,于是他才无所谓了。我喝了许多酒,过后又喝了咖啡和施特烈嘉酒①,带着酒意说,我们并不做我们想做的事,我们从来不这样做。 ②
① 一种桔子味的甜酒,金黄色。
② 参见《圣经·罗马书》第7 章第15 节:“..我所愿意的,我并不作..”
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I myself felt as badly as he did and could not understand why I had not gone.It was what I had wanted to do and I tried to explain how one thing had led to another and finally he saw it and understood that I had really wanted to go and it was almost all right. I had drunk much wine and afterward coffee and Strega and I explained, winefully, how we did not do the things we wanted to do; we never did such things.
We two were talking while the others argued. I had wanted to go to Abruzzi. I had gone to no place where the roads were frozen and hard as iron, where it was clear cold and dry and the snow was dry and powdery and hare-tracks in the snow and the peasants took off their hats and called you Lord and there was good hunting.
I had gone to no such place but to the smoke of cafe and nights when the room whirled and you needed to look at the wall to make it stop, nights in bed, drunk, when you knew that that was all there was, and the strange excitement of waking and not knowing who it was with you, and the world all unreal in the dark and so exciting that you must resume again unknowing and not caring in the night, sure that this was all and all and all and not caring.
Suddenly to care very much and to sleep to wake with it sometimes morning and all that had been there gone and everything sharp and hard and clear and sometimes a dispute about the cost. Sometimes still pleasant and fond and warm and breakfast and lunch. Sometimes all niceness gone and glad to get out on the street but always another day starting and then another night.
I tried to tell about the night and the difference between the night and the day and how the night was better unless the day was very clean and cold and I could not tell it; as I cannot tell it now. But if you have had it you know. He had not had it but he understood that I had really wanted to go to the Abruzzi but had not gone and we were still friends, with many tastes alike, but with the difference between us.
He had always known what I did not know and what, when I learned it, I was always able to forget. But I did not know that then, although I learned it later. In the meantime we were all at the mess, the meal was finished, and the argument went on. We two stopped talking and the captain shouted, "Priest not happy. Priest not happy without girls."
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40
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“我开心的,”教士说。
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40
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"I am happy," said the priest.
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41
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“教士不开心。教士希望奥地利打胜仗,”上尉说。旁的人在听。教士摇摇头。
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41
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"Priest not happy. Priest wants Austrians to win the war," the captain said. The others listened. The priest shook his head.
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42
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“不对,”他说。
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42
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"No," he said.
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43
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“教士要我们永远不进攻。你不是要我们永远不进攻吗?”
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43
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"Priest wants us never to attack. Don’t you want us never to attack?"
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44
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“不是。既然有战争,我们总得进攻吧。”
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44
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"No. If there is a war I suppose we must attack."
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45
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“总得进攻。要进攻!”
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45
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"Must attack. Shall attack!"
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46
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教士点点头。
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46
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The priest nodded.
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47
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“由他去吧,”少校说。“他这人不错。”
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47
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"Leave him alone," the major said. "He’s all right."
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48
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“他究竟也是没法子想啊,”上尉说。于是大家离桌散席。
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48
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"He can’t do anything about it anyway," the captain said. We all got up and left the table.