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暮光之城2：新月|New Moon

第七章：重复|Chapter 7 Repetition

属类： 双语小说 【分类】魔幻小说 -[作者: 斯蒂芬妮-梅耶] 阅读：[8621]
《暮光之城》是美国作家斯蒂芬妮·梅尔 （Stephenie Meyer）写的系列小说，包括《暮色》、《新月》、《月食》、《破晓》以及番外《布里·坦纳第二次短暂生命》、《暮色重生》和《午夜阳光》。《暮光之城》系列以伊莎贝拉·斯旺和爱德华·卡伦一对苦命鸳鸯的情感纠葛为主线，融合了吸血鬼传说、狼人故事、校园生活、恐怖悬念、喜剧冒险等各种元素，而凄美动人的爱情则是全书“最强烈的情绪”。
《 字+字- 行+行- 页+页- 字+字- 行+行- 页+页- 》
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我不确定我究竟在这里做什么？难道我正试图把自己推回到那种麻木恍惚的状态中去吗？难道我变成了自虐狂――养成了自我折磨的嗜好？我应该直接去拉普西。我在雅各布身边感到越来越健康。这么做却并不正常。

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但是我继续缓慢的行驶在杂草丛生的车道上，这条车道弯弯曲曲的穿过树林，树木在我头上弯成拱形，就像一个绿色的、逼真的隧道。我的双手在颤抖，所以我更用力的握住方向盘。

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我明白我这么做的部分原因是因为那个噩梦，即使我真的醒过来，梦里的那种空虚感仍然折磨着我的神经，就像狗在啃着骨头。

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总是有要搜寻的东西。不可企及的，无法置信的，不予关注的，并且让人心慌意乱的……但是他就在那里，在某一个地方。我不得不这么相信。

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另一部分的原因是我今天在学校感受到的奇怪的重复感，日期上的巧合。感觉上我好像重新来过了――如果那天下午在餐厅里我真的是最不寻常的人，或许这就是我第一天消逝的方式。

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这些单词无声的穿过我的脑海，就像我是在读而不是在听它们被讲出来：

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“就行我从来不曾存在过一样。”

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我把我来这里的原因分成两部分，这么做是在自欺欺人。我不想承认那个最强烈的动机。因为它从精神上来说的不健康的。

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事实就是我想再次听到他的声音，就像星期五晚上我听到的那个奇怪的错觉。在那短暂的一刻，当他的声音从我身体的其他部分而不是我有意识的记忆中传来时，当他的声音听起来是那么完美和如蜂蜜般柔滑而不是我记忆中产生的那种苍白的回音时，我就能毫无痛苦的记起他。那是没法持久的，痛苦已经抓住了我，就如同我确信它是徒劳无益的一样。但是当我能再次听见他声音的这些珍贵的时刻是个无法抗拒的诱惑。我必须找到什么方法来重复这种经历――或者更适合的词是片段。

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我希望那种似曾相识的感觉是关键。所以我要去他家，那个自从我倒霉的生日以后我就再也没有去过的地方，那已经是好几个月以前的事情了。

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那些茂盛的、几乎像丛林一样的生长物慢慢的爬过我的车窗。我好像在不停的开着车。于是我开始加速，变得不安起来。我已经开了有多久了。难道我不应该已经到达那栋房子了吗？车道上杂草丛生，使它看起来很陌生。

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如果我找不到它怎么办？我颤抖起来。要是根本没有确凿的证据又怎么办？

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然后树林里出现了我寻找的缺口，只是它没有以前那么明显了。这里的植物迫不及待的收回了它余下的尚未守护的地方。高高的羊齿植物蔓延到了屋子周围的草坪上，簇拥在雪松树干的四周，甚至是宽敞的门廊上。草坪好像被绿色的、羽毛状的波浪淹没了――它们有齐腰深了。房子仍然在那里，但是已经不同了。虽然外面看来没有任何的改变，从空洞洞窗户那传来空虚的呐喊。让人毛骨悚然。从我看到这栋美丽的房子至今，我第一次有了这样的感觉，这好像真是一个适合吸血鬼居住的地方。

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我踩下刹车，看向别处。我害怕会想得更多。

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但是什么也没发生。我脑海中什么声音也没有。

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我没有关掉引擎就跳下卡车进入那片羊齿植物里。也许，就像星期五晚上一样，如果我往前走的话……

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我慢慢的靠近那栋空荡荡的房子，卡车的引擎在我身后发出令人安慰的咆哮声。当我到达门廊的台阶时，我停了下来，因为那里什么都没用。没有留下任何他们存在过的痕迹……以及他存在的痕迹。房子还是稳固的立在那，但是它已经毫无意义。它是现在存在的实物，但是这仍然没法消除我噩梦里的空虚感。

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我没有再走进一些。我不想往窗户里看。我不确定看到什么会让我更难受。如果房间里是空的，空洞的回音在地板和天花板间回荡，这一定会让我难过。就像在我外婆的葬礼上，我妈妈坚持让我在遗体告别时待在外面。她说宁愿记住外婆在世的模样，我没必要看到外婆的这个样子，没必要用这种方式记住她。

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但是如果没有任何改变难道不会更糟吗？如果沙发还放在我上次看到它们的地方，墙上还挂着油画――更糟的是，钢琴还放在低平台上？这仅次于房子全部消失了，看不见任何于他们相关的有形物体。一切都还留在这里，却在他们走后变得无人触及被人遗忘。

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就像我一样。

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我转过身背对着这种空洞感，快步向卡车走去。我几乎是跑过去的。我急切的想离开这里，回到人类的世界里去。我感到令人害怕的空虚，并且我想见到雅各布。也许我正感染上一种新的病，上了另一个瘾，就像以前的那种麻木感一样。我不在乎。我飞快的开着卡车向我预定的方向驶去。

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雅各布正在等着我。看到他的那一刻我放松下来，这样我的呼吸也没那么困难了。

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“嗨，贝拉，”他叫到。

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我如释重负的笑起来。“嗨，雅各布，”我朝比利招了招手，他正望向窗外。

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“我们开工吧，”雅各布急切的小声说道。

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我不知怎么就笑出声来。“难道你真的还没厌烦我吗？”我问道。他心里一定开始疑惑我是如此迫切的需要人来陪伴了。

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雅各布带着我绕过房子来到车库里。

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“不，还没有。”

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“如果我开始让你厌烦了请你一定要让我知道。我不想成为别人的痛苦。”

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“好的。”他笑起来，发出沙哑的声音。“不过，我不会让你等太久哦。”当我们走进车库时，我惊奇的看到一辆红色的车站在那，看起来是辆摩托车而不是一堆破铜烂铁。

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“杰克，你真让人惊讶，”我叹息到。

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他又笑起来。“一旦我有活干时我就变得执着。”他耸耸肩。“如果我聪明一点的话我就应该把速度放慢一点。”

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“为什么？”

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他低下头，好半天不说话，我怀疑他是否没有听到我的问题。结果，他问我，“贝拉，如果我告诉你我没法修理这些摩托车，你会说什么？”

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我同样也没有马上回答她，于是他抬起头来审视我的表情。

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“我会说……那太糟糕了，但是我打赌我们一定能想出其他的事来做的。如果我们真的没事可做的话，我们还可以做作业呀。”

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雅各布笑起来，他的肩膀放松下来。他在摩托车旁坐下来然后拿起一直扳手。“那么，你认为我完工以后你还是会过来咯？”

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“你的意思是这个吗？”我摇摇头。“我想我沾了你那被低估的机械能力的光了。但是只要你让我过来，我就会在这。”

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“你是希望再见到奎尔吗？”他开玩笑的说道。

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“你猜对了。”

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他轻声笑起来。“你真的喜欢和我在一起吗？”他惊奇的问道。

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“非常喜欢。我可以证明的。我明天要打工，但是星期三我们可以做些与机械无关的事。”

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“例如什么？”

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“我不知道。我可以去我那，那么你就不会受到诱惑，执着于修车了。你可以把你的作业带过来――你成绩一定退步了，因为我知道我就是如此。”

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“做功课也许是个好主意。”他做了个鬼脸，我想他和我在一起到底落下了多少作业没做。

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“是的，”我赞同着。“我们现在要开始偶尔有点责任心了，要不比利和查理不会轻易放过我们的。”我作了一个手势表明我们俩是一个整体。他喜欢那样――他容光焕发起来。

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“一个礼拜做一次作业？”他提议到。

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“也许我们最好一个礼拜两次，”我建议，我想起了今天老师指定的一大堆作业。

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他深深的叹了口气。接着他伸手去拿工具箱里的一个食品纸袋。他拿出了两罐汽水，打开一罐然后递给我。他又打开了第二罐，把它隆重的拿起来。

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“为了责任干杯”，他说。“一星期两次。”

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“其它时间我们就毫无顾忌，”我强调。

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他笑起来，用他的汽水罐碰了下我的。

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我比计划的时间晚了点才到家，发现查理没有等我已经订了披萨。他没有等我道歉。

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“我不介意，”他确定的对我说。“不管怎么说，不用整天给我做饭，你应该休息一下。”

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我知道他只是因为我的行为仍然像一个正常人一样感到宽慰而已，并且他也不打算破坏现状。做功课以前我检查了下我的邮箱，有一封蕾丝发过来的长信。她滔滔不绝的谈论到我提供给她的每一个细节，所以我又给她回了一封信，全面透彻的描述了我的生活。我告诉了她我生活中的每一件事除了摩托车。即使蕾丝是个乐天派，她也很可能会担心。

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星期二在学校的生活有喜有悲。安吉拉和迈克看起来已经乐意热情的欢迎我的回来了――他们友善的原谅了我那几个月的异常行为。比起他们，杰西仍然还在抗拒我。我想她是不是需要我为天使港发生的事给她写封正式的道歉信。

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打工的时候迈克很活跃、健谈。好像他储存了一个学期的要讲的话，现在全都说出来了。我发现我可以微笑了并且和他一起大笑，虽然这不如和雅各布在一起时那么容易。但是能这样已经足够了，我们就这样一直到下班时间。

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迈克把打烊的招牌挂在玻璃上，而我则把工作服折起来并且把它塞到柜台下面。

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“今晚真有趣，”迈克高兴的说道。

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“是的，”我赞同着，虽然我更愿意今天下午是待在车库里。

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“上个星期看电影时你提早离场真是太可惜了。”

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他一连串的念头让我有点困惑。我耸耸肩。“我想我只是个胆小鬼。”

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“我的意思是，你应该去看场更棒的电影，看部你会喜欢的，”他解释到。

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“噢，”我咕噜到，仍然很困惑。

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“也许就像这个星期五。和我一起。我们可以去看一部一点也不恐怖的电影。”

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我咬了咬嘴唇。

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我不希望搞砸我和迈克的关系，并不是因为他是当我做出疯狂举动时还乐意原谅我的少有的人之一。但是这种状况，又一次，让我感觉过于熟悉。就像去年什么事都没有发生一样。我想这次也把杰西作为借口。

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“就像约会吗？”我问道。坦诚也许是此刻最好的对策。把这种事彻底解决了。

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他掂量着我的语气。“如果你喜欢的话。但是也不一定要这样。”

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“我不想约会，”我慢慢的说道，意识到这话真的不假。整个世界好像离我不可思议的遥远。

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“只是作为朋友而已？”他建议到。他清澈的蓝眼睛现在看起来没那么迫切了。不管怎么样，我希望他真的只是想和我做朋友。

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“那一定很有趣。但是事实上这个星期我已经有安排了，所以也许下个星期可以？”

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“你要做什么？”他问道，我想他一定希望表现的更随意一些。

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“做功课。我和……一个朋友一起计划了学习的时间。”

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“哦。好的。也许下个星期吧。”

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他陪我一起走到卡车那里，没开始那么兴高采烈了。这让我如此清晰的想起我待在福克斯第一个月的情况。我绕了整整一个圈，现在所有的事都像是在重复着――一个空洞的重复，缺少了过去常有的兴趣。

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第二天晚上，当查理看到我和雅各布趴在客厅的地板上做功课时，地板上到处都是我们的书，他看起来一点也不惊讶，所以我想他和比利一定在背后谈论过我们。

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“嗨，孩子们，”他说，他的眼睛盯着厨房那边。我花了一个下午做出的宽面条发出的香味――雅各布在旁别看着我做偶尔也会品尝一下――飘到了大厅了，我表现的很听话，努力补偿他订的那些披萨。

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雅各布留下了吃了晚餐，并且带了一盘回去给比利。因为我的好厨艺他不情愿的给我那还在商酌的年龄又加了一岁。

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星期五是待在车库，星期六，我从牛顿家的商店打工回来后，又要做功课。查理对我是神志正常的状态很放心所以他和哈里一起钓鱼去了。当他回来的时候，我们的功课都做完了――我们对此感到非常明智也很慎重――正在看探索频道的《怪物车库》节目。

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“我也许应该回家了。”雅各布叹了口气。“比我想的要晚了。”

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“好的，”我咕哝着。“我送你回家。”

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他因为我不情愿的表情而笑起来――这看起来让他很开心。

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“明天，重新开始工作了，”我们一上卡车就安全了，我马上说道。“你希望我明天几点过去？”

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他对我的笑起来，笑容里有着一种我不太理解的兴奋。“我先给你打电话，好吗？”

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“好的。”我皱了下眉头，好奇他在搞什么鬼呢。他笑得更欢了。

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第二天早上我把房子打扫了一边――等着雅各布打电话过来并试图摆脱昨晚的噩梦。梦里的景象改变了。昨晚我迷失在一片羊齿植物丛中，里面还点缀着巨大的铁杉树。那里什么都没有，我迷路了，漫无目的、孤零零的徘徊着，不知道在寻找着什么。我真该为上个星期的那次愚蠢的实地考察而好好责备一下自己。我把那个梦挤出我的脑海，希望把它锁到什么地方不要让它逃出来。

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查理正在外面清洗巡逻车，所以电话一响，我就丢掉马桶刷跑下楼接电话。

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“喂？”我屏住呼吸的说道。

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“贝拉，”雅各布说，他的声音有些奇怪，还带着正式的语气。

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“嗨，杰克。”

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我相信……我们有个约会哦“他说，他的语气饱含暗示。

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我过了一会才明白他的意思。“它们已经完成啦？我简直不敢相信”多么完美的时刻呀。我需要些东西把我的注意力从那个噩梦和虚无缥缈的感觉中转移开。“是的，它们可以跑了而且一切良好。”

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“雅各布，毫无疑问，你绝对是我认识的最有才能和最棒的人。因为这个你可以加上十岁了。”

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“太酷了！那我现在已经是中年人了。”

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我笑起来。“我现在就过去！”

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我把打扫的工具扔到浴室的柜子下面并且拿上我的外套。

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“你要去杰克那吗，”当我从查理身边跑过去时他问。其实他已经知道答案了。

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“是的，”我一边跳上卡车一边回答到。

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“我一会要去局里，”查理在身后叫我。

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“好的，”我朝他喊道，然后转动了钥匙。

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查理还说了些什么，但是由于引擎的咆哮声我没有听清楚。听起来好像是，“火炉在哪儿？”

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我把卡车停在布莱克房子一侧的下面，靠近树林，这样方便我们把摩托车偷偷的弄出来。当我下车时，色彩的斑点吸引了我的眼球――两辆闪亮的摩托车，一辆红色的，一辆黑色的，它们被藏在一颗云杉树下，从房子那边是看不见的。雅各布已经准备好了。

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每一个把手上都系着一根蓝色丝带绑成的蝴蝶结。当雅各布从房子里跑出来时我正看着那些哈哈大笑。

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“准备好了吗？”他小声的问道，他的眼睛闪闪发亮。

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我透过他的肩膀看过去，没有看到比利的踪迹。

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“是的，”我说，但是我感到没有先前的那么兴奋，我努力想象自己骑在摩托车上的景象。

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雅各布轻松的把摩托车放到我卡车的平台上，他小心的把它们往一边平放着这样它们就不会露出来了。

108
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“我们出发把，”他说，他的声音因为兴奋要比平常大一些。“我知道一个很棒的地方――在那没人会看到我们。”

109
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我们往南驶出小镇。泥泞的公路在森林里忽隐忽现――有时周围除了树什么都没有，然后突然太平洋就映入眼帘，它一直延伸到地平线，在云层下呈现出灰黑色，非常壮观，让人惊心动魄。我们在海岸线的上方，在与这里的海滩交接的悬崖顶端，我们的视野看起来可以延伸到天边。

110
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我开得很慢，那么只要公路靠近海边的悬崖时，我就可以安全的不时遥望过海洋。雅各布一直在谈论着修好摩托车的事，但是他的描述越来越技术化，所以我没有太过留心他的话。

111
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就在这时我注意到四个人正站在岩石的暗礁上，他们离断崖非常的近。因为距离太远我看不出来他们有多大，但是我确信他们是男人。尽管今天的空气非常寒冷，他们看起来只穿了短袖。

112
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当我看着他们时，最高的一个人朝悬崖边缘又迈进了几步。我不自觉的慢下来，我的脚在刹车板上犹豫着。

113
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接着他就从边缘跳了下去。

114
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“不！”我叫道，重重的踩上刹车。

115
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“怎么啦？”雅各布也警觉的喊道。

116
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“那个人――他刚刚从悬崖上跳下去了！他们为什么不阻止他？我们得叫救护车！”我猛地打开门准备下车，这显然毫无意义。打电话最快的方式是回到比利家。但是我没法相信我刚刚所看到的。也许，潜意识里，我希望在没有挡风玻璃阻挡视线的情况下看到一些不一样的情况。

117
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雅各布笑起来，我转过身睁大眼睛盯着他。他怎么能这么冷漠，这么冷血呢？

118
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“他们只是在悬崖跳水而已，贝拉。这只是一种娱乐。拉普西没有娱乐场，你知道的。”他在取笑我，但是他的声音里暗含着一种奇怪的恼怒的语气。

119
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“悬崖跳水？”我重复着，有些茫然。我不可置信的看着第二个人走向悬崖的边缘，停顿了一下，然后非常优雅的纵身跃向空中。他下落的过程与我看来就像是永恒一样，最后他平稳的落入了下面灰黑色的波浪里。

120
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“哇。太高了。”我回到我的座位上，继续瞪大眼睛盯着剩下的两个跳水者。“那一定有一百英尺吧。”

121
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“噢，是的，我们大多数人会从较低的地方跳下去，就是悬崖的半山腰上突出的那块岩石上。”他从窗户里向外指到。他指出的那个地方看起来要合情合理多了。“那些家伙太疯狂了。也许是为了炫耀他们有多么强壮吧。我是意思是，真的，今天实在是太冷了。海水一定不会让人感到舒服。”他的脸上露出不满的情绪，好像那个绝技是针对他的，并冒犯了他。这让我有点惊讶。我一直认为雅各布几乎是不可能有不开心的时候。

122
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“你也从悬崖上跳下来过？”我没有忽略“我们”这个词。

123
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“当然，当时。”他耸耸肩并笑起来。“那很有趣。有点可怕，有种刺激的感觉。”

124
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我又看向悬崖，第三个人正往悬崖边缘走去。在我一生中我还从未见到过这么鲁莽的行为。我的眼睛睁大了，微笑着说。“杰克，你一定要带我去悬崖跳水。”

125
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他对我皱起眉头，他的脸上露出不赞同的神情。“贝拉，你刚刚还准备给山姆叫救护车，”他提醒我。我很惊讶这么远的距离他竟然能认出是谁。

126
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“我想试试，”我坚持到，又准备下车了。

127
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雅各布抓住我的手腕。“今天不要了，好吗？我们能不能至少等到天气暖和一点再说？”

128
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“好的，”我同意了。开着车门，冰冷的风吹着我的手臂上直起鸡皮疙瘩。“但是我想尽快试试。”

129
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“尽快。”他转了转眼睛。“有时候你有点奇怪，贝拉。你知道吗？”

130
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我叹了口气。“是的。”

131
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“我们不要从顶端跳下去。”

132
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我看着崖顶，被吸引住了，第三个男孩跑着起步了然后猛地把自己抛到比前两个男孩更远的空中。在下落的过程中他旋转着并翻着跟头，就像他正在跳伞一样。他看起来完全无拘无束――无需思考并且完全不受约束

133
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“好的，”我同意了。“至少第一次不会。”

134
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现在轮到雅各布叹气了。

135
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“我们现在还要不要去试用摩托车呀？”他要求到。

136
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“好的，好的，”我说，勉强把自己的眼睛从最后一个正在悬崖边等待的男孩身上移开。我重新系上安全带然后关上门。引擎仍然在运转，它空转着发出咆哮声。我们又重新上路了。

137
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“那么，那些人是谁――那些疯狂的家伙？”我好奇的问道。

138
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他压低喉咙发出一种厌恶的声音。“拉普西帮。”

139
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“你们这还有帮派？”我问道。我意识到我的声音听起来很讶异。

140
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看到我的反应他马上笑起来。“并不是那样的。我认为，他们就像变质的纠察队员。他们不会挑起斗争，而是维护和平。”他不屑的说道。“有个从马卡保留地来的家伙，他的个头也很高，看起来很吓人。听说他把甲安菲他明卖给孩子们，所以山姆.乌利和他的门徒就把他赶出了我们的领地。他们遍布在我们的土地上，成为种族的骄傲……这事变得有些荒谬。最糟的是地方议会很重视他们。恩布里说实际上地方议会已经和山姆见过面了。”他摇了摇头，脸上充满了愤恨的神情。“恩布里也从利亚.克里尔沃特那听说他们把他们自己成为‘保护者’或者类似的东西。

141
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雅各布紧握拳头，好像他想揍什么人似的。我还从没见过他的这一面。

142
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听到山姆.乌利的名字我很惊讶。我不想回忆起我噩梦中的情景，所以我很快做了个评论来分散我的注意力。“你不是太喜欢他们吧。”

143
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“这么明显吗？”他讽刺的问道。

144
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“噢……这么听起来他们也没做什么坏事。”我试着安慰他，使他重新开心起来。“只不过是一些讨厌的自命清高的帮派分子罢了。”

145
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“是的。讨厌的个很恰当的形容词。他们老是喜欢炫耀――就像悬崖跳水。他们的行为看起来像―……像，我不知道。就像一群蛮横的家伙。有一次我和恩布里、奎尔一起在商店那儿玩，那是上个学期的事了，山姆和他的手下杰莱德、保罗一起过来了。奎尔说了句什么，你知道他很多嘴的，这惹恼了保罗。他的眼睛全变黑了，他的那种笑容――不，他只是露出了牙齿并没有笑――他不停的发抖或者类似的怎么样看起来就像疯了一样。但是山姆把手放在他的胸口上并摇了摇头。保尔看了他一会儿然后就平静下来。老实说，看起来好像是山姆阻止了他――就像是如果山姆没有阻止他，保罗就会把我们撕成碎片。”他抱怨着。“就像一个西部流氓。你知道，山姆的个头非常大，他二十岁。但是保罗也只有十六岁，他比我矮而且也没奎尔强壮。我想我们中的任何一个都可以把他搞定。”

146
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“难缠的家伙，”我表示认同。当他描述时我在脑海中能很清楚的看到这些画面，这让我想起了一些事……三个又高又黑的男人在我爸爸的客厅里一动不动的紧紧站在一起。这个画面是斜向一边的，因为当时我的头正靠在沙发上而杰蓝迪医生和查理正弯下身子看着我……那三个人就是山姆帮吗？

147
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我又急忙开口说话，这样可以把我注意力从那个阴郁的回忆中转移出来。“对山姆来说他做这种事不是年纪大了一点吗？”

148
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“是的。他本来应该去读大学的，但是他留下来了。而且也没人会抱怨他。但是当我姐姐拒绝部分奖学金而去结婚时整个地方议会都跑来劝说她。但是，哦不，山姆.乌利不可能犯错。”

149
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他的脸上露出不常见的愤怒的表情――愤怒还是别的什么情绪，我一开始还没法弄清楚。

150
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“所以的事看起来都很令人烦恼……和怪异。但是我不明白你为什么要这么主观的看待这件事呢。”我偷偷的看了一下他的脸，希望我没有冒犯他。他突然平静下来，从一边的窗户往外看着。

151
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“你刚刚错过了拐弯，”他平静的说道。

152
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我转了一个非常大的U型弯，拐弯的时候卡车的一边滑出了马路差点撞上了一棵树。

153
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“谢谢你的提醒，”我咕噜到，一边在路边重新启动着卡车。

154
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“对不起，我没有集中注意力。”

155
-

有一阵我们都没讲话。

156
-

“在这条路的任何地方你都可以停车了，”他轻声说道。

157
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我靠向路边然后关掉引擎。我的耳朵因为突然安静下来而嗡嗡作响。我们一起下车，雅各布绕向车后面拿摩托车。我尝试着弄懂他的表情。更多的东西正困扰着他。我触及到了敏感的话题。

158
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当他把那辆红色的摩托车推到我旁别时心不在焉对我笑了笑。“迟到的生日快乐。你准备好了吗？”

159
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“我想是的。”当我意识到我马上要跨上它的时候，这摩托车突然看起来很有威慑力，很可怕。

160
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“我们慢慢来，”他保证。当他去拿他自己的那辆时，我小心的把摩托车靠在我卡车的挡泥板上。

161
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“杰克……”当他绕着卡车过来时我犹豫的开口说道。

162
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“怎么啦？”

163
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“到底有什么事让你烦恼？我的意思是，关于山姆的事？还要别的什么吗？”我看着他的脸。他的表情有些扭曲，但是看起来他没有生气。他看着地面然后一遍又一遍的用鞋子踢着他那辆摩托车的前轮，就好像在合着拍子。

164
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他叹了口气。“只是……他们对待我的方式。那让我直起鸡皮疙瘩。”现在他的话匣子好像一下子被打开了。“你知道，地方议会应该是以平等为原则组成的，但是如果它有领导人的话，那应该是我爸爸。我一直不明白人们为什么会以那样的方式对待他。为什么他的意见最重要。也许与他的父亲和祖父有关。我的曾祖父，伊弗列姆.布莱克，是我们的最后一个酋长，他们一直还听从比利，可能是那个原因。

165
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“但是我和其他人一样。没人会特别的对待我……直到现在。”

166
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这让我有些意外。“山姆对你很特别？”

167
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“是的，”他承认，不安的抬头看着我。“他看着我的感觉好像是他正在等待着什么……就像我有一天也会加入他那个愚蠢的帮派一样。他对我比对其他家伙更关注。我讨厌这样。”

168
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“你不会加入任何组织。”我的声音很生气。这件事真的让雅各布很烦恼，这一点激怒了我。这些“保护者”认为他们是谁呀？“是的。”他的脚继续有节奏的踢着轮胎。

169
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“怎么啦？”我感觉到还有更多的事。

170
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他皱着眉，眉毛紧蹙的样子看起来既难过又烦恼，而不是愤怒。“是因为恩布里。他最近老是躲着我。”

171
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这些想法看起来没什么关联，但是我想是不是因为我造成了他和他朋友之间的问题。“你最近老是和我在一起，”我提醒他，觉得自己有些自私。我已经独占了他太多时间了。

172
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“不，不是因为那个。不仅仅是我――还有奎尔，其他人也是。恩布里一个星期没去学校了，但是当我们去探望他的时候，他也不在家。而且他回来以后，看起来……非常的焦躁不安就像要崩溃了一样。好像被吓坏了。奎尔和我试图让他告诉我们发生了什么事，但是他不和我们任何一个讲话。”

173
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我看着雅各布，不安的咬着我的嘴唇――他真的受到了惊吓。但是他没有看我。他只是盯着自己正在踢橡胶的脚，好像那双脚不是属于他的。他踢橡胶的节奏变得更快了。

174
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“然后这个星期，无论去哪，恩布里都和山姆他们待在一块。他今天也在悬崖的上面。”他的声音很低沉很紧张。

175
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他最终看着我说道。“贝拉，他们去招惹他比来烦扰我更让人受不了。他不想和他们有任何关系的。现在恩布里跟在山姆身边就像他加入了一个邪教组织。”“其实保罗也是类型的情形。几乎是一模一样的。他以前跟山姆一点关系也没有。接着他几个星期没去学校，当他回来的时候，突然就成为山姆的部下了。我不知道这意味着什么。我弄不明白，但是我觉得我必须搞清楚，因为恩布里是我的朋友而且……山姆看我的样子也很奇怪……”他的声音开始变小。

176
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“你和比利谈过这件事吗？”我问道。他的恐惧传染给我。我脖子后面感觉冷飕飕的。

177
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现在他的脸上浮现出愤怒的表情。“是的，”他不屑的说。“还真有帮助。”

178
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“他说什么？”

179
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雅各布的表情充满了讽刺，当他说话的时候，他模仿着他父亲深沉的声音。“现在你不需要担心任何事，雅各布。过几年，如果你没有……好吧，，我以后会跟你解释的。”然后他回到自己的声音。“我应该从他的话中了解到什么呢？他是试图告诉我一些关于愚蠢的青春期，还是成长过程中的事？这次并不是这样。有些不对劲。”

180
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他咬着他的下嘴唇并且握紧了拳头。他看起来好像要哭了一样。

181
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我下意识的伸出手臂抱着他，搂着他的腰把我的脸放在他的胸口上。他太高了，我感觉就像是个孩子正抱着一个成年人。

182
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“噢，杰克，一切都会好起来的！”我保证。“如果事情变得更糟你可以过来跟我和查理住在一起。别害怕，我们会想出办法的！”

183
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他呆住了一下，然后他长长的手臂犹豫的抱住了我。“谢谢你，贝拉。”他的声音比平时更沙哑。

184
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我们就这样站了一会，这不会让我难受，事实上，这样的拥抱让我觉得好舒服。这和最后一次某人这样抱我的感觉不一样。这是友情的拥抱。而且雅各布很温暖。

185
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这对我来说很陌生，如此的亲近――与其说是身体上感情上更是如此，虽然身体上也同样的陌生，――和另一个人。这不是我平常的作风。严格上来说，我平常并不容易和其他人扯上关系。

186
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我并不是指人类。

187
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“如果你会这样反应的话，我会更常崩溃的。”雅各布的声音很轻柔，恢复了正常，他的笑声在我的耳朵里嗡嗡作响。他的手指试探性的、温柔的抚摸着我的头发。

188
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好吧，这对我而言只是友谊。

189
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我迅速的挣脱开，和他一起大笑起来，但是我决定立刻把事情恢复到以前正常的状态。

190
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“很难相信我比你大两岁，”我说，强调着“大”这个词。“你让我感觉像个小矮人。”和他站得这么近，我真的不得不伸长脖子来看他的脸。

191
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“当然，你忘记了我已经四十多岁了。”

192
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“噢，你说对了。”

193
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他拍拍我的头。“你看起来像个娃娃，”他打趣到。“一个陶瓷娃娃。”

194
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我转了转眼睛，又往后退了一步。“我们不要再说关于白化病的俏皮话了。”

195
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“真的，贝拉，你确定你不是吗？”他伸出他黄褐色的手臂放在我旁别。这种不同并不让人愉快。“我还从没见过比你更苍白的人呢……噢，除了――”他没再说下去，我也看向一边，试图不去理会他准备要说的话。

196
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“那么我们是准备骑摩托车或者做其他事？”

197
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“我们骑车吧，”我同意，比我半分钟前可能会有的反应更热情了。他那句没说完的话提醒了我来这里的原因。

198
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I WASN’T SURE WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING HERE Was I trying to push myself back intothe zombie stupor? Had I turned masochistic—developed a taste for torture? I should have gone straightdown to La Push I felt much, much healthier around Jacob This was not a healthy thing to do.

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But I continued to drive slowly down the overgrown lane, twisting through the trees that arched over melike a green, living tunnel My hands were shaking, so I tightened my grip on the steering wheel.

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I knew that part of the reason I did this was the nightmare, now that I was really awake, the nothingnessof the dream gnawed on my nerves, a dog worrying a bone.

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There was something to search for. Unattainable and impossible, uncaring and distracted… but he wasout there, somewhere. I had to believe that.

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The other part was the strange sense of repetition I’d felt at school today, the coincidence of the date.

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The feeling that I was starting over—perhaps the way my first day would have gone if I’d really been themost unusual person in the cafeteria that afternoon.

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The words ran through my head, tonelessly, like I was reading them rather than hearing them spoken:

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It will be as if I’d never existed.

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I was lying to myself by splitting my reason for coming here into just two parts. I didn’t want to admit thestrongest motivation. Because it was mentally unsound.

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The truth was that I wanted to hear his voice again, like I had in the strange delusion Friday night. Forthat brief moment, when his voice came from some other part of me than my conscious memory, whenhis voice was perfect and honey smooth rather than the pale echo my memories usually produced, I wasable to remember without pain. It hadn’t lasted; the pain had caught up with me, as I was sure it wouldfor this fool’s errand. But those precious moments when I could hear him again were an irresistible lure. Ihad to find some way to repeat the experience… or maybe the better word was episode.

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I was hoping that déjà vu was the key. So I was going to his home, a place I hadn’t been since myill-fated birthday party, so many months ago.

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The thick, almost jungle-like growth crawled slowly past my windows. The drive wound on and on. Istarted to go faster, getting edgy. How long had I been driving? Shouldn’t I have reached the house yet?

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The lane was so overgrown that it did not look familiar.

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What if I couldn’t find it? I shivered. What if there was no tangible proof at all?

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Then there was the break in the trees that I was looking for, only it was not so pronounced as before.

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The flora here did not wait long to reclaim any land that was left unguarded. The tall ferns had infiltratedthe meadow around the house, crowding against the trunks of the cedars, even the wide porch. It waslike the lawn had been flooded—waist-high—with green, feathery waves.

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And the house was there, but it was not the same. Though nothing had changed on the outside, theemptiness screamed from the blank windows. It was creepy. For the first time since I’d seen the beautifulhouse, it looked like a fitting haunt for vampires.

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I hit the brakes, looking away. I was afraid to go farther.

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But nothing happened. No voice in my head.

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So I left the engine running and jumped out into the fern sea. Maybe, like Friday night, if I walkedforward…I approached the barren, vacant face slowly, my truck rumbling out a comforting roar behind me. Istopped when I got to the porch stairs, because there was nothing here. No lingering sense of theirpresence… of his presence. The house was solidly here, but it meant little. Its concrete reality would notcounteract the nothingness of the nightmares.

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I didn’t go any closer. I didn’t want to look in the windows. I wasn’t sure which would be harder to see.

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If the rooms were bare, echoing empty from floor to ceiling, that would certainly hurt. Like mygrandmother’s funeral, when my mother had insisted that I stay outside during the viewing. She had saidthat I didn’t need to see Gran that way, to remember her that way, rather than alive.

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But wouldn’t it be worse if there were no change? If the couches sat just as I’d last seen them, thepaintings on the walls—worse still, the piano on its low platform? It would be second only to the housedisappearing all together, to see that there was no physical possession that tied them in anyway. Thateverything remained, untouched and forgotten, behind them.

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Just like me.

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I turned my back on the gaping emptiness and hurried to my truck. I nearly ran. I was anxious to begone, to get back to the human world. I felt hideously empty, and I wanted to see Jacob. Maybe I was developing a new kind of sickness, another addiction, like the numbness before. I didn’t care. I pushedmy truck as fast as it would go as I barreled toward my fix.

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Jacob was waiting for me. My chest seemed to relax as soon as I saw him, making it easier to breathe.

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"Hey, Bella," he called.

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I smiled in relief. "Hey, Jacob," I waved at Billy, who was looking out the window.

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"Let’s get to work," Jacob said in a low but eager voice.

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I was somehow able to laugh. "You seriously aren’t sick of me yet?" I wondered. He must be starting toask himself how desperate I was for company.

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Jacob led the way around the house to his garage.

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"Nope. Not yet.""Please let me know when I start getting on your nerves. I don’t want to be a pain.""Okay." He laughed, a throaty sound. "I wouldn’t hold your breath for that, though."When I walked into the garage, I was shocked to see the red bike standing up, looking like a motorcyclerather than a pile of jagged metal.

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"Jake, you’re amazing," I breathed.

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He laughed again. "I get obsessive when I have a project." He shrugged. "If I had any brains I’d drag itout a little bit.""Why?"He looked down, pausing for so long that I wondered if he hadn’t heard my question. Finally, he askedme, "Bella, if I told you that I couldn’t fix these bikes, what would you say?"I didn’t answer right away, either, and he glanced up to check my expression.

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"I would say… that’s too bad, but I’ll bet we could figure out something else to do. If we got reallydesperate, we could even do homework."Jacob smiled, and his shoulders relaxed. He sat down next to the bike and picked up a wrench. "So youthink you’ll still come over when I’m done, then?""Is that what you meant?" I shook my head. "I guess I am taking advantage of your very underpricedmechanical skills. But as long as you let me come over, I’ll be here.""Hoping to see Quil again?" he teased.

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"You caught me."He chuckled. "You really like spending time with me?" he asked, marveling.

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"Very, very much. And I’ll prove it. I have to work tomorrow, but Wednesday we’ll do somethingnonmechanical.""Like what?" "I have no idea. We can go to my place so you won’t be tempted to be obsessive. You could bring yourschoolwork—you have to be getting behind, because I know I am.""Homework might be a good idea." He made a face, and I wondered how much he was leaving undoneto be with me.

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"Yes," I agreed. "We’ll have to start being responsible occasionally, or Billy and Charlie aren’t going to beso easygoing about this." I made a gesture indicating the two of us as a single entity. He liked that—hebeamed.

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"Homework once a week?" he proposed.

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"Maybe we’d better go with twice," I suggested, thinking of the pile I’d just been assigned today.

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He sighed a heavy sigh. Then he reached over his toolbox to a paper grocery sack. He pulled out twocans of soda, cracking one open and handing it to me. He opened the second, and held it upceremoniously.

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"Here’s to responsibility," he toasted. "Twice a week.""And recklessness every day in between," I emphasized.

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He grinned and touched his can to mine.

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I got home later than I’d planned and found Charlie had ordered a pizza rather than wait for me. Hewouldn’t let me apologize.

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"I don’t mind," he assured me. "You deserve a break from all the cooking, anyway."I knew he was just relieved that I was still acting like a normal person, and he was not about to rock theboat.

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I checked my e-mail before I started on my homework, and there was a long one from Renee. Shegushed over every detail I’d provided her with, so I sent back another exhaustive description of my day.

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Everything but the motorcycles. Even happy-go-lucky Renee was likely to be alarmed by that.

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School Tuesday had its ups and downs. Angela and Mike seemed ready to welcome me back with openarms—to kindly overlook my few months of aberrant behavior. Jess was more resistant. I wondered ifshe needed a formal written apology for the Port Angeles incident.

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Mike was animated and chatty at work. It was like he’d stored up the semester’s worth of talk, and itwas all spilling out now. I found that I was able to smile and laugh with him, though it wasn’t as effortlessas it was with Jacob. It seemed harmless enough, until quitting time.

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Mike put the closed sign in the window while I folded my vest and shoved it under the counter.

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"This was fun tonight," Mike said happily.

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"Yeah," I agreed, though I’d much rather have spent the afternoon in the garage.

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"It’s too bad that you had to leave the movie early last week."I was a little confused by his train of thought. I shrugged. "I’m just a wimp, I guess." "What I mean is, you should go to a better movie, something you’d enjoy," he explained.

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"Oh," I muttered, still confused.

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"Like maybe this Friday. With me. We could go see something that isn’t scary at all."I bit my lip.

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I didn’t want to screw things up with Mike, not when he was one of the only people ready to forgive mefor being crazy. But this, again, felt far too familiar. Like the last year had never happened. I wished I hadJess as an excuse this time.

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"Like a date?" I asked. Honesty was probably the best policy at this point. Get it over with.

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He processed the tone of my voice "If you want. But it doesn’t have to be like that.""I don’t date," I said slowly, realizing how true that was. That whole world seemed impossibly distant.

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"Just as friends?" he suggested. His clear blue eyes were not as eager now. I hoped he really meant thatwe could be friends anyway.

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"That would be fun. But I actually have plans already this Friday, so maybe next week?""What are you doing?" he asked, less casually than I think he wanted to sound.

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"Homework. I have a… study session planned with a friend.""Oh. Okay. Maybe next week."He walked me to my car, less exuberant than before. It reminded me so clearly of my first months inForks. I’d come full circle, and now everything felt like an echo—an empty echo, devoid of the interest itused to have.

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The next night, Charlie didn’t seem the smallest bit surprised to find Jacob and me sprawled across theliving room floor with our books scattered around us, so I guessed that he and Billy were talking behindour backs.

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"Hey, kids," he said, his eyes straying to the kitchen. The smell of the lasagna I’d spent the afternoonmaking—while Jacob watched and occasionally sampled—wafted down the hall; I was being good,trying to atone for all the pizza.

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Jacob stayed for dinner, and took a plate home for Billy. He grudgingly added another year to mynegotiable age for being a good cook.

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Friday was the garage, and Saturday, after my shift at Newton’s, was homework again. Charlie feltsecure enough in my sanity to spend the day fishing with Harry. When he got back, we were alldone—feeling very sensible and mature about it, too—and watching Monster Garage on the DiscoveryChannel.

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"I probably ought to go." Jacob sighed. "It’s later than I thought.""Okay, fine," I grumbled. "I’ll take you home."He laughed at my unwilling expression—it seemed to please him.

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"Tomorrow, back to work," I said as soon as we were safe in the truck. "What time do you want me tocome up?"There was an unexplained excitement in his answering smile. "I’ll call you first, okay?""Sure." I frowned to myself, wondering what was up. His smile widened.

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I cleaned the house the next morning—waiting for Jacob to call and trying to shake off the Litestnightmare. The scenery had changed. Last night I’d wandered in a wide sea of ferns interspersed withhuge hemlock trees. There was nothing else there, and I was lost, wandering aimless and alone, searchingfor nothing. I wanted to kick myself for the stupid field trip last week. I shoved the dream out of myconscious mind, hoping it would stay locked up somewhere and not escape again.

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Charlie was outside washing the cruiser, so when the phone rang, I dropped the toilet brush and randownstairs to answer it.

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"Hello?" I asked breathlessly.

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"Bella," Jacob said, a strange, formal tone to his voice.

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"Hey, Jake.""I believe that… we have a date" he said, his tone thick with implications.

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It took me a second before I got it. "They’re done? I can’t believe it!" What perfect timing. I neededsomething to distract me from nightmares and nothingness.

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"Yeah, they run and everything.""Jacob, you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know. You get tenyears for this one.""Cool! I’m middle-aged now."I laughed. "I’m on my way up!"I threw the cleaning supplies under the bathroom counter and grabbed my jacket.

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"Headed to see Jake," Charlie said when I ran past him. It wasn’t really a question.

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"Yep," I replied as I jumped in my truck.

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"I’ll be at the station later," Charlie called after me.

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"Okay," I yelled back, turning the key.

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Charlie said something else, but I couldn’t hear him clearly over the roar of the engine. It sounded sort oflike, "Where’s the fire?"I parked my truck off to the side of the Blacks’ house, close to the trees, to make it easier for us to sneakthe bikes out. When I got out, a splash of color caught my eye—two shiny motorcycles, one red, oneblack, were hidden under a spruce, invisible from the house. Jacob was prepared.

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There was a piece of blue ribbon tied in a small bow around each of the handlebars. I was laughing atthat when Jacob ran out of the house.

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"Ready?" he asked in a low voice, his eyes sparkling.

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I glanced over his shoulder, and there was no sign of Billy.

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"Yeah," I said, but I didn’t feel quite as excited as before; I was trying to imagine myself actually on themotorcycle.

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Jacob loaded the bikes into the bed of the truck with ease, laying them carefully on their sides so theydidn’t show.

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"Let’s go," he said, his voice higher than usual with excitement. "I know the perfect spot—no one willcatch us there."We drove south out of town. The dirt road wove in and out of the forest—sometimes there was nothingbut trees, and then there would suddenly be a breathtaking glimpse of the Pacific Ocean, reaching to thehorizon, dark gray under the clouds. We were above the shore, on top of the cliffs that bordered thebeach here and the view seemed to stretch on forever.

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I was driving slowly, so that I could safely stare out across the ocean now and then, as the road woundcloser to the sea cliffs. Jacob was talking about finishing the bikes, but his descriptions were gettingtechnical, so I wasn’t paying close attention.

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That was when I noticed four figures standing on a rocky ledge, much too close to the precipice. Icouldn’t tell from the distance how old they were, but I assumed they were men. Despite the chill in theair today, they seemed to be wearing only shorts.

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As I watched, the tallest person stepped closer to the brink. I slowed automatically, my foot hesitatingover the brake pedal.

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And then he threw himself off the edge.

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"No!" I shouted, stomping down on the brake.

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"What’s wrong?" Jacob shouted back, alarmed.

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"That guy—he just jumped off the cliff! Why didn’t they stop him? We’ve got to call an ambulance!" Ithrew open my door and started to get out, which made no sense at all. The fastest way to a phone wasto drive back to Billy’s. But I couldn’t believe what I’d just seen. Maybe, subconsciously, I hoped Iwould see something different without the glass of the windshield in the way.

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Jacob laughed, and I spun to stare at him wildly. How could he be so calloused, so cold-blooded?

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"They’re just cliff diving, Bella. Recreation. La Push doesn’t have a mall, you know." He was teasing, butthere was a strange note of irritation in his voice.

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"Cliff diving?" I repeated, dazed. I stared in disbelief as a second figure stepped to the edge, paused, andthen very gracefully leaped into space. He fell for what seemed like an eternity to me, finally cuttingsmoothly into the dark gray waves below.

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"Wow. It’s so high." I slid back into my seat, still staring wide-eyed at the two remaining divers. "It mustbe a hundred feet.""Well, yeah, most of us jump from lower down, that rock that juts out from the cliff about halfway." Hepointed out his window. The place he indicated did seem much more reasonable. "Those guys are insane.

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Probably showing off how tough they are. I mean, really, it’s freezing today. That water can’t feel good."He made a disgruntled face, as if the stunt personally offended him. It surprised me a little. I would havethought Jacob was nearly impossible to upset.

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"You jump off the cliff?" I hadn’t missed the "us.""Sure, sure." He shrugged and grinned. "It’s fun. A little scary, kind of a rush."I looked back at the cliffs, where the third figure was pacing the edge. I’d never witnessed anything soreckless in all my life. My eyes widened, and I smiled. "Jake, you have to take me cliff diving."He frowned back at me, his face disapproving. "Bella, you just wanted to call an ambulance for Sam," hereminded me. I was surprised that he could tell who it was from this distance.

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"I want to try," I insisted, start ing to get out of the car again.

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Jacob grabbed my wrist. "Not today, all right? Can we at least wait for a warmer day?""Okay, fine," I agreed. With the door open, the glacial breeze was raising goose bumps on my arm. "ButI want to go soon.""Soon." He rolled his eyes. "Sometimes you’re a little strange, Bella. Do you know that?"I sighed. "Yes.""And we’re not jumping off the top."I watched, fascinated, as the third boy made a running start and flung himself farther into the empty airthan the other two. He twisted and cartwheeled through space as he fell, like he was skydiving. Helooked absolutely free—unthinking and utterly irresponsible.

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"Fine," I agreed. "Not the first time, anyway."Now Jacob sighed.

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"Are we going to try out the bikes or not?" he demanded.

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"Okay, okay," I said, tearing my eyes away from the last person waiting on the cliff. I put my seat beltback on and closed the door. The engine was still running, roaring as it idled. We started down the roadagain.

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"So who were those guys—the crazy ones?" I wondered.

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He made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. "The La Push gang.""You have a gang?" I asked. I realized that I sounded impressed.

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He laughed once at my reaction. "Not like that. I swear, they’re like hall monitors gone bad. They don’tstart fights, they keep the peace." He snorted. "There was this guy from up somewhere by the Makahrez, big guy too, scary-looking. Well, word got around that he was selling meth to kids, and Sam Uleyand his disciples ran him off our land. They’re all about our land, and tribe pride… it’s gettingridiculous. The worst part is that the council takes them seriously. Embry said that the council actuallymeets with Sam." He shook his head, face full of resentment. "Embry also heard from Leah Clearwaterthat they call themselves ’protectors’ or something like that." Jacob’s hands were clenched into fists, as if he’d like to hit something. I’d never seen this side of him.

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I was surprised to hear Sam Uley’s name. I didn’t want it to bring back the images from my nightmare, soI made a quick observation to distract myself. "You don’t like them very much.""Does it show?" he asked sarcastically.

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"Well… It doesn’t sound like they’re doing anything bad." I tried to soothe him, to make him cheerfulagain. "Just sort of annoyingly goody-two-shoes for a gang.""Yeah. Annoying is a good word. They’re always showing off—like the cliff thing. They act like… like, Idon’t know. Like tough guys. I was hanging out at the store with Embry and Quil once, last semester, andSam came by with his followers, Jared and Paul. Quil said something, you know how he’s got a bigmouth, and it pissed Paul off. His eyes got all dark, and he sort of smiled—no, he showed his teeth buthe didn’t smile—and it was like he was so mad he was shaking or something. But Sam put his handagainst Paul’s chest and shook his head. Paul looked at him for a minute and calmed down. Honestly, itwas like Sam was holding him back—like Paul was going to tear us up if Sam didn’t stop him." Hegroaned. "Like a bad western. You know, Sam’s a pretty big guy, he’s twenty. But Paul’s just sixteen,too, shorter than me and not as beefy as Quil. I think any one of us could take him.""Tough guys," I agreed. I could see it in my head as he described it, and it reminded me of something… atrio of tall, dark men standing very still and close together in my father’s living room. The picture wassideways, because my head was lying against the couch while Dr. Gerandy and Charlie leaned overme… Had that been Sam’s gang?

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I spoke quickly again to divert myself from the bleak memories. "Isn’t Sam a little too old for this kind ofthing?""Yeah. He was supposed to go to college, but he stayed. And no one gave him any crap about it, either.

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The whole council pitched a fit when my sister turned down a partial scholarship and got married. But, ohno, Sam Uley can do no wrong."His face was set in unfamiliar lines of outrage—outrage and something else I didn’t recognize at first.

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"It all sounds really annoying and… strange. But I don’t get why you’re taking it so personally." I peekedover at his face, hoping I hadn’t offended him. He was suddenly calm, staring out the side window.

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"You just missed the turn," he said in an even voice.

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I executed a very wide U-turn, nearly hitting a tree as my circle ran the truck halfway off the road.

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"Thanks for the heads-up," I muttered as I started up the side road.

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"Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention."It was quiet for a brief minute.

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"You can stop anywhere along here," he said softly.

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I pulled over and cut the engine. My ears rang in the silence that followed. We both got out, and Jacobheaded around to the back to get the bikes. I tried to read his expression. Something more was botheringhim. I’d hit a nerve.

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He smiled halfheartedly as he pushed the red bike to my side. "Happy late birthday. Are you ready for this?""I think so." The bike suddenly looked intimidating, frightening, as I realized I would soon be astride it.

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"We’ll take it slow," he promised. I gingerly leaned the motorcycle against the truck’s fender while hewent to get his.

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"Jake…"I hesitated as he came back around the truck.

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"Yeah?""What’s really bothering you? About the Sam thing, I mean? Is there something else?" I watched his face.

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He grimaced, but he didn’t seem angry. He looked at the dirt and kicked his shoe against the front tire ofhis bike again and again, like he was keeping time.

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He sighed. "It’s just… the way they treat me. It creeps me out." The words started to rush out now. "Youknow, the council is supposed to be made up of equals, but if there was a leader, it would be my dad.

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I’ve never been able to figure out why people treat him the way they do. Why his opinion counts themost. It’s got something to do with his father and his father’s father. My great-grandpa, Ephraim Black,was sort of the last chief we had, and they still listen to Billy, maybe because of that.

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"But I’m just like everyone else. Nobody treats me special… until now."That caught me off guard. "Sam treats you special?""Yeah," he agreed, looking up at me with troubled eyes. "He looks at me like he’s waiting forsomething… like I’m going to join his stupid gang someday. He pays more attention to me than any of theother guys. I hate it.""You don’t have to join anything." My voice was angry. This was really upsetting Jacob, and thatinfuriated me. Who did these "protectors" think they were?

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"Yeah." His foot kept up its rhythm against the tire.

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"What?" I could tell there was more.

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He frowned, his eyebrows pulling up in a way that looked sad and worried rather than angry. "It’sEmbry. He’s been avoiding me lately."The thoughts didn’t seem connected, but I wondered if I was to blame for the problems with his friend.

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"You’ve been hanging out with me a lot," I reminded him, feeling selfish. I’d been monopolizing him.

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"No, that’s not it. It’s not just me—it’s Quil, too, and everyone. Embry missed a week of school, but hewas never home when we tried to see him. And when he came back, he looked… he looked freakedout. Terrified. Quil and I both tried to get him to tell us what was wrong, but he wouldn’t talk to eitherone of us."I stared at Jacob, biting my lip anxiously—he was really frightened. But he didn’t look at me. He watchedhis own foot kicking the rubber as if it belonged to someone else. The tempo increased.

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"Then this week, out of nowhere, Embry’s hanging out with Sam and the rest of them. He was out on thecliffs today." His voice was low and tense.

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He finally looked at me. "Bella, they bugged him even more than they bother me. He didn’t want anythingto do with them. And now Embry’s following Sam around like he’s joined a cult.

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"And that’s the way it was with Paul. Just exactly the same. He wasn’t friends with Sam at all. Then hestopped coming to school for a few weeks, and, when he came back, suddenly Sam owned him. I don’tknow what it means. I can’t figure it out, and I feel like I have to, because Embry’s my friend and…Sam’s looking at me funny . . and…" He trailed off.

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"Have you talked to Billy about this?" I asked. His horror was spreading to me. I had chills running on theback of my neck.

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Now there was anger on his face. "Yes," he snorted. "That was helpful.""What did he say?"Jacob’s expression was sarcastic, and when he spoke, his voice mocked the deep tones of his father’svoice. "It’s nothing you need to worry about now, Jacob. In a few years, if you don’t… well, I’ll explainlater." And then his voice was his own. "What am I supposed to get from that? Is he trying to say it’ssome stupid puberty, coming-of-age thing? This is something else. Something wrong."He was biting his lower lip and clenching his hands. He looked like he was about to cry.

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I threw my arms around him instinctively, wrapping them around his waist and pressing my face againsthis chest. He was so big, I felt like I was a child hugging a grown-up.

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"Oh, Jake, it’ll be okay!" I promised. "If it gets worse you can come live with me and Charlie. Don’t bescared, we’ll think of something!"He was frozen for a second, and then his long arms wrapped hesitantly around me. "Thanks, Bella." Hisvoice was huskier than usual.

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We stood like that for a moment, and it didn’t upset me; in fact, I felt comforted by the contact. Thisdidn’t feel anything like the last time someone had embraced me this way. This was friendship. And Jacobwas very warm.

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It was strange for me, being this close—emotionally rather than physically, though the physical wasstrange for me, too—to another human being. It wasn’t my usual style. I didn’t normally relate to peopleso easily, on such a basic level.

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Not human beings.

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"If this is how you’re going to react, I’ll freak out more often." Jacob’s voice was light, normal again, andhis laughter rumbled against my ear. His fingers touched my hair, soft and tentative.

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Well, it was friendship for me.

142

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I pulled away quickly, laughing with him, but determined to put things back in perspective at once.

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"It’s hard to believe I’m two years older than you," I said, emphasizing the word older. "You make mefeel like a dwarf." Standing this close to him, I really had to crane my neck to see his face.

144

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"You’re forgetting I’m in my forties, of course.""Oh, that’s right."He patted my head. "You’re like a little doll," he teased. "A porcelain doll."I rolled my eyes, taking another step away. "Let’s not start with the albino cracks." "Seriously, Bella, are you sure you’re not?" He stretched his russet arm out next to mine. The differencewasn’t flattering. "I’ve never seen anyone paler than you… well, except for—" He broke off, and Ilooked away, trying to not understand what he had been about to say.

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"So are we going to ride or what?""Let’s do it," I agreed, more enthusiastic than I would have been half a minute ago. His unfinishedsentence reminded me of why I was here.

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