We went racing together many more times that year and other years after I had worked in the early mornings, and Hadley enjoyed it and sometimes she loved it. But it was not the climbs in the high mountain meadows above the last forest, nor nights coming home to the chalet, nor was it climbing with Chink, our best friend, over a high pass into new country. It was not really racing either. It was gambling on horses. But we called it racing.
Racing never came between us, only people could do that; but for a long time it stayed close to us like a demanding friend. That was a generous way to think of it. I, the one who was so righteous about people and their destructiveness, tolerated this friend that was the falsest, most beautiful, most exciting, vicious, and demanding because she could be profitable. To make it profitable was more than a full-time job and I had no time for that. But I justified it to myself because I wrote it, even though in the end, when everything I had written was lost, there was only one racing story that survived, because it was out in the mails.
I was going to races alone more now and I was involved in them and getting too mixed up with them. I worked two tracks in their season when I could, Auteuil and Enghien. It took full-time work to try to handicap intelligently and you could make no money that way. That was just how it worked out on paper. You could buy a newspaper that gave you that.
You had to watch a jumping race from the top of the stands at Auteuil and it was a fast climb up to see what each horse did and see the horse that might have won and did not, and see why or maybe how he did not do what he could have done. You watched the prices and all the shifts of odds each time a horse you were following would start, and you had to know how he was working and finally get to know when the stable would try with him. He always might be beaten when he tried; but you should know by then what his chances were. It was hard work but at Auteuil it was beautiful to watch each day they raced when you could be there and see the honest races with the great horses, and you got to know the course as well as any place you had ever known. You knew many people finally, jockeys and trainers and owners and too many horses and too many things.
In principle I only bet when I had a horse to bet on but I sometimes found horses that nobody believed in except the men who trained and rode them that won race after race with me betting on them. I stopped finally because it took too much time, I was getting too involved and I knew too much about what went on at Enghien and at the flat racing tracks too.
When I stopped working on the races I was glad but it left an emptiness. By then I knew that everything good and bad left an emptiness when it stopped. But if it was bad, the emptiness filled up by itself. If it was good you could only fill it by finding something better. I put the racing capital back into the general funds and I felt relaxed and good.
The day I gave up racing I went over to the other side of the river and met my friend Mike Ward at the travel desk in the Guaranty Trust which was then at the corner of the rue des Italiens on the Boulevard des Italiens. I was depositing the racing capital but I did not tell that to anyone. I didn’t put it in the checkbook though I still kept it in my head.
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8
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“想一起去吃顿饭吗?”我问迈克。
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8
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“Want to go to lunch?” I asked Mike.
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9
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“当然想,伙计。没一点问题。你这是怎么啦?不去赌赛马啦?”
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9
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“Sure, kid. Yeah I can do it. What’s the matter? Aren’t you going to the track?”
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10
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“不去啦。”
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10
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“No.”
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11
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我们走到卢瓦广场的一家普通餐馆进餐,那儿的饭菜十分可口,还有美酒佳酿佐饭。广场对面就是国家图书馆。
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11
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We had lunch at the square Louvois at a very good, plain bistro with a wonderful white wine. Across the square was the Bibliothèque Nationale.
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12
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“你去赛马场的次数不多呀,迈克。”我说。
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12
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“You never went to the track much, Mike,” I said.
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13
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“是的。好长时间都没去过了。”
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13
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“No. Not for quite a long time.”
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14
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“那你为什么不去呀?”
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14
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“Why did you lay off it?”
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15
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“我也说不清。”迈克说,“哦,不,其中的原因我是很清楚的。赌赛马纯粹是花钱买刺激,划不来!”
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15
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“I don’t know,” Mike said. “Yes. Sure I do. Anything you have to bet on to get a kick isn’t worth seeing.”
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16
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“你再也不到赛马场去了吗?”
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16
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“Don’t you ever go out?”
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17
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“遇到大型比赛,参赛的是良种骏马,还是要去看看的。”
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“Sometimes to see a big race. One with great horses.”
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18
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我们一边神聊,一边在餐馆自制的可口面包上抹鱼酱,一边喝着白葡萄酒。
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18
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We spread paté on the good bistro bread and drank the white wine.
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19
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“你曾经一度对赛马很着迷,是不是,迈克?”
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19
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“Did you follow them a lot, Mike?”
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20
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“哦,是的。”
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20
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“Oh yes.”
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21
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“你觉得有什么比赛比赛马更值得看呢?”
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21
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“What do you see that’s better?”
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“自行车赛更值得看。”
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22
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“Bicycle racing.”
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23
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“真的吗?”
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23
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“Really?”
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24
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“看自行车赛不用花钱押赌注。你看了就知道了。”
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“You don’t have to bet on it. You’ll see.”
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25
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“赌赛马太耗时间。”
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25
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“That track takes a lot of time.”
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26
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“耗的时间太多,把你所有的时间都占去了。还有,我不喜欢那儿的人。”
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“Too much time. Takes all your time. I don’t like the people.”
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27
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“我过去对赛马十分感兴趣。”
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27
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“I was very interested.”
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28
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“的确如此。现在情况好了吧?”
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28
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“Sure. You make out all right?”
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29
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“现在都好了。”
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29
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“All right.”
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30
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“只要放弃了就好。”迈克说。
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30
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“Good thing to stop,” Mike said.
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31
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“我已经不再去了。”
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31
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“I’ve stopped.”
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32
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“这样做很不容易呦。喂,伙计,哪天咱们去看自行车比赛。”
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32
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“Hard to do. Listen kid, we’ll go to the bike races sometime.”
That was a new and fine thing that I knew little about. But we did not start it right away. That came later. It came to be a big part of our lives later when the first part of Paris was broken up.
But for a long time it was enough just to be back in our part of Paris and away from the track and to bet on our own life and work, and on the painters that you knew and not try to make your living gambling and call it by some other name. I have started many stories about bicycle racing but have never written one that is as good as the races are both on the indoor and outdoor tracks and on the roads. But I will get the Vélodrome d’Hiver with the smoky light of the afternoon and the high-banked wooden track and the whirring sound the tires made on the wood as the riders passed, the effort and the tactics as the riders climbed and plunged, each one a part of his machine; I will get the magic of the demi-fond, the noise of the motors with their rollers set out behind them that the entra?neurs rode, wearing their heavy crash helmets and leaning backward in their ponderous leather suits, to shelter the riders who followed them from the air resistance, the riders in their lighter crash helmets bent low over their handlebars their legs turning the huge gear sprockets and the small front wheels touching the roller behind the machine that gave them shelter to ride in, and the duels that were more exciting than anything, the put-puting of the motorcycles and the riders elbow to elbow and wheel to wheel up and down and around at deadly speed until one man could not hold the pace and broke away and the solid wall of air that he had been sheltered against hit him.
There were so many kinds of racing. The straight sprints raced in heats or in match races where the two riders would balance for long seconds on their machines for the advantage of making the other rider take the lead and then the slow circling and the final plunge into the driving purity of speed. There were the programs of the team races of two hours, with a series of pure sprints in their heats to fill the afternoon, the lonely absolute speed events of one man racing an hour against the clock, the terribly dangerous and beautiful races of one hundred kilometers on the big banked wooden five-hundred-meter bowl of the Stade Buffalo, the outdoor stadium at Montrouge where they raced behind big motorcycles, Linart, the great Belgian champion that they called “the Sioux” for his profile, dropping his head to suck up cherry brandy from a rubber tube that connected with a hot water bottle under his racing shirt when he needed it toward the end as he increased his savage speed, and the championships of France behind big motors of the six-hundred-and-sixty-meter cement track of the Parc du Prince near Auteuil, the wickedest track of all where we saw that great rider Ganay fall and heard his skull crumple under the crash helmet as you crack an hard-boiled egg against a stone to peel it on a picnic. I must write the strange world of the six-day races and the marvels of the road-racing in the mountains. French is the only language it has ever been written in properly and the terms are all French and that is what makes it hard to write. Mike was right about it, there is no need to bet. But that comes at another time in Paris.