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暮光之城：午夜阳光|Midnight Sun

Chapter 6 Blood Type|Chapter 5 Invitations

属类： 双语小说 【分类】魔幻小说 -[作者: 斯蒂芬妮-梅耶] 阅读：[42822]
《暮光之城》是美国作家斯蒂芬妮·梅尔 （Stephenie Meyer）写的系列小说，包括《暮色》、《新月》、《月食》、《破晓》以及番外《布里·坦纳第二次短暂生命》、《暮色重生》和《午夜阳光》。《暮光之城》系列以伊莎贝拉·斯旺和爱德华·卡伦一对苦命鸳鸯的情感纠葛为主线，融合了吸血鬼传说、狼人故事、校园生活、恐怖悬念、喜剧冒险等各种元素，而凄美动人的爱情则是全书“最强烈的情绪”。
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High school. Purgatory no longer, it was now purely hell. Torment and fire…yes, I hadboth.

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I was doing everything correctly now. Every “i” dotted, every “t” crossed. Noone could complain that I was shirking my responsibilities.

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To please Esme and protect the others, I stayed in Forks. I returned to my oldschedule. I hunted no more than the rest of them. Everyday, I attended high school andplayed human. Everyday, I listened carefully for anything new about the Cullens—therenever was anything new. The girl did not speak one word of her suspicions. She justrepeated the same story again and again—I’d been standing with her and then pulled herout of the way—till her eager listeners got bored and stopped looking for more details.

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There was no danger. My hasty action had hurt no one.

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No one but myself.

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I was determined to change the future. Not the easiest task to set for oneself, butthere was no other choice that I could live with.

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Alice said that I would not be strong enough to stay away from the girl. I wouldprove her wrong.

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I’d thought the first day would be the hardest. By the end of it, I’d been sure thatwas the case. I’d been wrong, though.

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It had rankled, knowing that I would hurt the girl. I’d comforted myself with thefact that her pain would be nothing more than a pinprick—just a tiny sting of rejection—compared to mine. Bella was human, and she knew that I was something else, somethingwrong, something frightening. She would probably be more relieved than wounded whenI turned my face away from her and pretended that she didn’t exist.

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“Hello, Edward,” she’d greeted me, that first day back in biology. Her voice hadbeen pleasant, friendly, one hundred and eighty degrees from the last time I’d spokenwith her.

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Why? What did the change mean? Had she forgotten? Decided she hadimagined the whole episode? Could she possibly have forgiven me for not followingthrough on my promise?

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The questions had burned like the thirst that attacked me every time I breathed.

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Just one moment to look in her eyes. Just to see if I could read the answersthere…No. I could not allow myself even that. Not if I was going to change the future.

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I’d moved my chin an inch in her direction without looking away from the frontof the room. I’d nodded once, and then turned my face straight forward.

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She did not speak to me again.

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That afternoon, as soon as school was finished, my role played, I ran to Seattle asI had the day before. It seemed that I could handle the aching just slightly better when Iwas flying over the ground, turning everything around me into a green blur.

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This run became my daily habit.

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Did I love her? I did not think so. Not yet. Alice’s glimpses of that future hadstuck with me, though, and I could see how easy it would be to fall into loving Bella. Itwould be exactly like falling: effortless. Not letting myself love her was the opposite offalling—it was pulling myself up a cliff-face, hand over hand, the task as grueling as if Ihad no more than mortal strength.

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More than a month passed, and every day it got harder. That made no sense tome—I kept waiting to get over it, to have it get easier. This must be what Alice hadmeant when she’d predicted that I would not be able to stay away from the girl. She hadseen the escalation of the pain. But I could handle pain.

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I would not destroy Bella’s future. If I was destined to love her, then wasn’tavoiding her the very least I could do?

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Avoiding her was about the limit of what I could bear, though. I could pretend toignore her, and never look her way. I could pretend that she was of no interest to me.

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But that was the extent, just pretense and not reality.

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I still hung on every breath she took, every word she said.

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I lumped my torments into four categories.

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The first two were familiar. Her scent and her silence. Or, rather—to take theresponsibility on myself where it belonged—my thirst and my curiosity.

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The thirst was the most primal of my torments. It was my habit now to simply notbreathe at all in Biology. Of course, there were always the exceptions—when I had toanswer a question or something of the sort, and I would need my breath to speak. Eachtime I tasted the air around the girl, it was the same as the first day—fire and need andbrutal violence desperate to break free. It was hard to cling even slightly to reason orrestraint in those moments. And, just like that first day, the monster in me would roar, soclose to the surface…The curiosity was the most constant of my torments. The question was never outof my mind: What is she thinking now? When I heard her quietly sigh. When shetwisted a lock of hair absently around her finger. When she threw her books down withmore force than usual. When she rushed to class late. When she tapped her footimpatiently against the floor. Each movement caught in my peripheral vision was amaddening mystery. When she spoke to the other human students, I analyzed her everyword and tone. Was she speaking her thoughts, or what she thought she should say? Itoften sounded to me like she was trying to say what her audience expected, and thisreminded me of my family and our daily life of illusion—we were better at it than shewas. Unless I wrong about that, just imagining things. Why would she have to play arole? She was one of them—a human teenager.

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Mike Newton was the most surprising of my torments. Who would have everdreamed that such a generic, boring mortal could be so infuriating? To be fair, I shouldhave felt some gratitude to the annoying boy; more than the others, he kept the girltalking. I learned so much about her through these conversations—I was still compilingmy list—but, contrarily, Mike’s assistance with this project only aggravated me more. Ididn’t want Mike to be the one that unlocked her secrets. I wanted to do that.

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It helped that he never noticed her small revelations, her little slips. He knewnothing about her. He’d created a Bella in his head that didn’t exist—a girl just asgeneric as he was. He hadn’t observed the unselfishness and bravery that set her apartfrom other humans, he didn’t hear the abnormal maturity of her spoken thoughts. Hedidn’t perceive that when she spoke of her mother, she sounded like a parent speaking of  a child rather than the other way around—loving, indulgent, slightly amused, and fiercelyprotective. He didn’t hear the patience in her voice when she feigned interest in hisrambling stories, and didn’t guess at the kindness behind that patience.

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Through her conversations with Mike, I was able to add the most importantquality to my list, the most revealing of them all, as simple as it was rare. Bella wasgood. All the other things added up to that whole—kind and self-effacing and unselfishand loving and brave—she was good through and through.

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These helpful discoveries did not warm me to the boy, however. The possessiveway he viewed Bella—as if she were an acquisition to be made—provoked me almost asmuch as his crude fantasies about her. He was becoming more confident of her, too, asthe time passed, for she seemed to prefer him over those he considered his rivals—TylerCrowley, Eric Yorkie, and even, sporadically, myself. He would routinely sit on her sideof our table before class began, chattering at her, encouraged by her smiles. Just politesmiles, I told myself. All the same, I frequently amused myself by imaginingbackhanding him across the room and into the far wall… It probably wouldn’t injure himfatally…Mike didn’t often think of me as a rival. After the accident, he’d worried thatBella and I would bond from the shared experience, but obviously the opposite hadresulted. Back then, he had still been bothered that I’d singled Bella out over her peersfor attention. But now I ignored her just as thoroughly as the others, and he grewcomplacent.

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What was she thinking now? Did she welcome his attention?

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And, finally, the last of my torments, the most painful: Bella’s indifference. As Iignored her, she ignored me. She never tried to speak to me again. For all I knew, shenever thought about me at all.

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This might have driven me mad—or even broken my resolution to change thefuture—except that she sometimes stared at me like she had before. I didn’t see it formyself, as I could not allow myself to look at her, but Alice always warned us when shewas about to stare; the others were still wary of the girl’s problematic knowledge.

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It eased some of the pain that she gazed at me from across a distance, every nowand then. Of course, she could just be wondering what kind of a freak I was.

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“Bella’s going to stare at Edward in a minute. Look normal,” Alice said oneTuesday in March, and the others were careful to fidget and shift their weight likehumans; absolute stillness was a marker of our kind.

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I paid attention to how often she looked my direction. It pleased me, though itshould not, that the frequency did not decline as the time passed. I didn’t know what itmeant, but it made me feel better.

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Alice sighed. I wish…“Stay out of it, Alice,” I said under my breath. “It’s not going to happen.”

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She pouted. Alice was anxious to form her envisioned friendship with Bella. In astrange way, she missed the girl she didn’t know.

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I’ll admit, you’re better than I thought. You’ve got the future all snarled up andsenseless again. I hope you’re happy.

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“It makes plenty of sense to me.”

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She snorted delicately.

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I tried to shut her out, too impatient for conversation. I wasn’t in a very goodmood—tenser than I let any of them see. Only Jasper was aware of how tightly wound Iwas, feeling the stress emanate out of me with his unique ability to both sense andinfluence the moods of others. He didn’t understand the reasons behind the moods,though, and—since I was constantly in a foul mood these days—he disregarded it.

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Today would be a hard one. Harder than the day before, as was the pattern.

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Mike Newton, the odious boy whom I could not allow myself to rival, was goingto ask Bella on a date.

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A girl’s choice dance was on the near horizon, and he’d been hoping very muchthat Bella would ask him. That she had not done so had rattled his confidence. Now hewas in an uncomfortable bind—I enjoyed his discomfort more than I should—becauseJessica Stanley had just asked him to the dance. He didn’t want to say “yes,” still hopefulthat Bella would choose him (and prove him the victor over his rivals), but he didn’t wantto say “no” and end up missing the dance altogether. Jessica, hurt by his hesitation andguessing the reason behind it, was thinking daggers at Bella. Again, I had the instinct toplace myself between Jessica’s angry thoughts and Bella. I understood the instinct betternow, but that only made it more frustrating when I could not act on it.

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To think it had come to this! I was utterly fixated on the petty high school dramasthat I’d once held so in contempt.

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Mike was working up his nerve as he walked Bella to biology. I listened to hisstruggles as I waited for them to arrive. The boy was weak. He had waited for this dancepurposely, afraid to make his infatuation known before she had shown a markedpreference for him. He didn’t want to make himself vulnerable to rejection, preferringthat she make that leap first.

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Coward.

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He sat down on our table again, comfortable with long familiarity, and I imaginedthe sound it would make if his body hit the opposite wall with enough force to break mostof his bones.

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“So,” he said to the girl, his eyes on the floor. “Jessica asked me to the springdance.”

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“That’s great,” Bella answered immediately and with enthusiasm. It was hard notto smile as her tone sunk in to Mike’s awareness. He’d been hoping for dismay. “You’llhave a lot of fun with Jessica.”

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He scrambled for the right response. “Well…” he hesitated, and almostchickened out. Then he rallied. “I told her I had to think about it.”

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“Why would you do that?” she demanded. Her tone was one of disapproval, butthere was the faintest hint of relief there as well.

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What did that mean? An unexpected, intense fury made my hands clench intofists.

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Mike did not hear the relief. His face was red with blood—fierce as I suddenlyfelt, this seemed like an invitation—and he looked at the floor again as he spoke.

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“I was wondering if…well, if you might be planning to ask me.”

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Bella hesitated.

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In that moment of her hesitation, I saw the future more clearly than Alice everhad.

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The girl might say yes to Mike’s unspoken question now, and she might not, buteither way, someday soon, she would say yes to someone. She was lovely and intriguing,and human males were not oblivious to this fact. Whether she would settle for someone  in this lackluster crowd, or wait until she was free from Forks, the day would come thatshe would say yes.

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I saw her life as I had before—college, career…love, marriage. I saw her on herfather’s arm again, dressed in gauzy white, her face flushed with happiness as she movedto the sound of Wagner’s march.

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