It was better because it wasn't raining yet, though the clouds were denseand opaque. It was easier because I knew what to expect of my day. Mikecame to sit by me in English, and walked me to my next class, with ChessClub Eric glaring at him all the while; that was nattering. People didn'tlook at me quite as much as they had yesterday. I sat with a big group atlunch that included Mike, Eric, Jessica, and several other people whosenames and faces I now remembered. I began to feel like I was treadingwater, instead of drowning in it.
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It was worse because I was tired; I still couldn't sleep with the windechoing around the house. It was worse because Mr. Varner called on me inTrig when my hand wasn't raised and I had the wrong answer. It wasmiserable because I had to play volleyball, and the one time I didn'tcringe out of the way of the ball, I hit my teammate in the head with it.
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And it was worse because Edward Cullen wasn't in school at all.
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All morning I was dreading lunch, fearing his bizarre glares. Part of mewanted to confront him and demand to know what his problem was. While Iwas lying sleepless in my bed, I even imagined what I would say. But Iknew myself too well to think I would really have the guts to do it. Imade the Cowardly Lion look like the terminator.
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But when I walked into the cafeteria with Jessica — trying to keep myeyes from sweeping the place for him, and failing entirely — I saw thathis four siblings of sorts were sitting together at the same table, andhe was not with them.
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Mike intercepted us and steered us to his table. Jessica seemed elated bythe attention, and her friends quickly joined us. But as I tried tolisten to their easy chatter, I was terribly uncomfortable, waitingnervously for the moment he would arrive. I hoped that he would simplyignore me when he came, and prove my suspicions false.
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He didn't come, and as time passed I grew more and more tense.
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I walked to Biology with more confidence when, by the end of lunch, hestill hadn't showed. Mike, who was taking on the qualities of a goldenretriever, walked faithfully by my side to class. I held my breath at thedoor, but Edward Cullen wasn't there, either. I exhaled and went to myseat. Mike followed, talking about an upcoming trip to the beach. Helingered by my desk till the bell rang. Then he smiled at me wistfullyand went to sit by a girl with braces and a bad perm. It looked like Iwas going to have to do something about Mike, and it wouldn't be easy. Ina town like this, where everyone lived on top of everyone else, diplomacywas essential. I had never been enormously tactful; I had no practicedealing with overly friendly boys.
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I was relieved that I had the desk to myself, that Edward was absent. Itold myself that repeatedly. But I couldn't get rid of the naggingsuspicion that I was the reason he wasn't there. It was ridiculous, andegotistical, to think that I could affect anyone that strongly. It wasimpossible. And yet I couldn't stop worrying that it was true.
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When the school day was finally done, and the blush was fading out of mycheeks from the volleyball incident, I changed quickly back into my jeansand navy blue sweater. I hurried from the girls' locker room, pleased tofind that I had successfully evaded my retriever friend for the moment. Iwalked swiftly out to the parking lot. It was crowded now with fleeingstudents. I got in my truck and dug through my bag to make sure I hadwhat I needed.
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Last night I'd discovered that Charlie couldn't cook much besides friedeggs and bacon. So I requested that I be assigned kitchen detail for theduration of my stay. He was willing enough to hand over the keys to thebanquet hall. I also found out that he had no food in the house. So I hadmy shopping list and the cash from the jar in the cupboard labeled FOODMONEY, and I was on my way to the Thriftway.
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I gunned my deafening engine to life, ignoring the heads that turned inmy direction, and backed carefully into a place in the line of cars thatwere waiting to exit the parking lot. As I waited, trying to pretend thatthe earsplittingrumble was coming from someone else's car, I saw the twoCullens and the Hale twins getting into their car. It was the shiny newVolvo. Of course. I hadn't noticed their clothes before — I'd been toomesmerized by their faces. Now that I looked, it was obvious that theywere all dressed exceptionally well; simply, but in clothes that subtlyhinted at designer origins. With their remarkable good looks, the stylewith which they carried themselves, they could have worn dishrags andpulled it off. It seemed excessive for them to have both looks and money.
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But as far as I could tell, life worked that way most of the time. Itdidn't look as if it bought them any acceptance here.
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No, I didn't fully believe that. The isolation must be their desire; Icouldn't imagine any door that wouldn't be opened by that degree ofbeauty.
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They looked at my noisy truck as I passed them, just like everyone else.
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I kept my eyes straight forward and was relieved when I finally was freeof the school grounds.
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The Thriftway was not far from the school, just a few streets south, offthe highway. It was nice to be inside the supermarket; it felt normal. Idid the shopping at home, and I fell into the pattern of the familiartask gladly. The store was big enough inside that I couldn't hear thetapping of the rain on the roof to remind me where I was.
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When I got home, I unloaded all the groceries, stuffing them in whereverI could find an open space. I hoped Charlie wouldn't mind. I wrappedpotatoes in foil and stuck them in the oven to bake, covered a steak inmarinade and balanced it on top of a carton of eggs in the fridge.
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When I was finished with that, I took my book bag upstairs. Beforestarting my homework, I changed into a pair of dry sweats, pulled my damphair up into a pony-tail, and checked my e-mail for the first time. I hadthree messages.
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"Bella," my mom wrote…Write me as soon as you get in. Tell me how your flight was. Is itraining? I miss you already. I'm almost finished packing for Florida, butI can't find my pink blouse. Do you know where I put it? Phil says hi.
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Mom.
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I sighed and went to the next. It was sent eight hours after the first.
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"Bella," she wrote…Why haven't you e-mailed me yet? What are you waiting for? Mom.
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The last was from this morning.
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Isabella,If I haven't heard from you by 5:30 p.m. today I'm calling Charlie.
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I checked the clock. I still had an hour, but my mom was well known forjumping the gun.
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Mom,Calm down. I'm writing right now. Don't do anything rash.
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Bella.
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I sent that, and began again.
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Mom,Everything is great. Of course it's raining. I was waiting for somethingto write about. School isn't bad, just a little repetitive. I met somenice kids who sit by me at lunch.
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Your blouse is at the dry cleaners - you were supposed to pick it upFriday.
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Charlie bought me a truck, can you believe it? I love it. It's old, butreally sturdy, which is good, you know, for me.
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I miss you, too. I'll write again soon, but I'm not going to check mye-mail every five minutes. Relax, breathe. I love you.
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Bella.
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I had decided to read Wuthering Heights — the novel we were currentlystudying in English — yet again for the fun of it, and that's what I wasdoing when Charlie came home. I'd lost track of the time, and I hurrieddownstairs to take the potatoes out and put the steak in to broil.
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"Bella?" my father called out when he heard me on the stairs.
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Who else? I thought to myself.
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"Hey, Dad, welcome home.""Thanks." He hung up his gun belt and stepped out of his boots as Ibustled about the kitchen. As far as I was aware, he'd never shot the gunon the job. But he kept it ready. When I came here as a child, he wouldalways remove the bullets as soon as he walked in the door. I guess heconsidered me old enough now not to shoot myself by accident, and notdepressed enough to shoot myself on purpose.
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"What's for dinner?" he asked warily. My mother was an imaginative cook,and her experiments weren't always edible. I was surprised, and sad, thathe seemed to remember that far back.
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"Steak and potatoes," I answered, and he looked relieved.
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He seemed to feel awkward standing in the kitchen doing nothing; helumbered into the living room to watch TV while I worked. We were bothmore comfortable that way. I made a salad while the steaks cooked, andset the table.
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I called him in when dinner was ready, and he sniffed appreciatively ashe walked into the room.
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"Smells good, Bell.""Thanks."We ate in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't uncomfortable. Neither ofus was bothered by the quiet. In some ways, we were well suited forliving together.
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"So, how did you like school? Have you made any friends?" he asked as hewas taking seconds.
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"Well, I have a few classes with a girl named Jessica. I sit with herfriends at lunch. And there's this boy, Mike, who's very friendly.
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Everybody seems pretty nice." With one outstanding exception.
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"That must be Mike Newton. Nice kid — nice family. His dad owns thesporting goods store just outside of town. He makes a good living off allthe backpackers who come through here.""Do you know the Cullen family?" I asked hesitantly.
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"Dr. Cullen's family? Sure. Dr. Cullen's a great man.""They… the kids… are a little different. They don't seem to fit in verywell at school."Charlie surprised me by looking angry.
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"People in this town," he muttered. "Dr. Cullen is a brilliant surgeonwho could probably work in any hospital in the world, make ten times thesalary he gets here," he continued, getting louder. "We're lucky to havehim — lucky that his wife wanted to live in a small town. He's an assetto the community, and all of those kids are well behaved and polite. Ihad my doubts, when they first moved in, with all those adoptedteenagers. I thought we might have some problems with them. But they'reall very mature — I haven't had one speck of trouble from any of them.
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That's more than I can say for the children of some folks who have livedin this town for generations. And they stick together the way a familyshould — camping trips every other weekend… Just because they'renewcomers, people have to talk."It was the longest speech I'd ever heard Charlie make. He must feelstrongly about whatever people were saying.
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I backpedaled. "They seemed nice enough to me. I just noticed they keptto themselves. They're all very attractive," I added, trying to be morecomplimentary.
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"You should see the doctor," Charlie said, laughing. "It's a good thinghe's happily married. A lot of the nurses at the hospital have a hardtime concentrating on their work with him around."We lapsed back into silence as we finished eating. He cleared the tablewhile I started on the dishes. He went back to the TV, and after Ifinished washing the dishes by hand — no dishwasher — I went upstairsunwillingly to work on my math homework. I could feel a tradition in themaking.
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That night it was finally quiet. I fell asleep quickly, exhausted.
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The rest of the week was uneventful. I got used to the routine of myclasses. By Friday I was able to recognize, if not name, almost all thestudents at school. In Gym, the kids on my team learned not to pass methe ball and to step quickly in front of me if the other team tried totake advantage of my weakness. I happily stayed out of their way.
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Edward Cullen didn't come back to school.
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Every day, I watched anxiously until the rest of the Cullens entered thecafeteria without him. Then I could relax and join in the lunchtimeconversation. Mostly it centered around a trip to the La Push Ocean Parkin two weeks that Mike was putting together. I was invited, and I hadagreed to go, more out of politeness than desire. Beaches should be hotand dry.
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By Friday I was perfectly comfortable entering my Biology class, nolonger worried that Edward would be there. For all I knew, he had droppedout of school. I tried not to think about him, but I couldn't totallysuppress the worry that I was responsible for his continued absence,ridiculous as it seemed.
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My first weekend in Forks passed without incident. Charlie, unused tospending time in the usually empty house, worked most of the weekend. Icleaned the house, got ahead on my homework, and wrote my mom morebogusly cheerful e-mail. I did drive to the library Saturday, but it wasso poorly stocked that I didn't bother to get a card; I would have tomake a date to visit Olympia or Seattle soon and find a good bookstore. Iwondered idly what kind of gas mileage the truck got… and shuddered atthe thought.
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The rain stayed soft over the weekend, quiet, so I was able to sleep well.