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钟形罩|The Bell Jar

第6章|Six

属类： 双语小说 【分类】世界名著 -[作者: 西尔维娅-普拉斯] 阅读：[23572]
这本小说以作者早年生活经历为蓝本，叙述了19岁的大二女生埃斯特· 格林伍德经历了充当某知名杂志社的客座编辑、参加写作班被拒、自杀未遂、接受心理治疗、重树自信期待返回社会，展开新生活的一系列过程。本文从“榜样缺失”的角度出发，结合当时美国的实际，探讨埃斯特作为女性，在其成长过程中男性社会压抑下所产生的孤独、绝望与挣扎的心灵历程以及反抗的必然性。
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1
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我一直求巴迪带我看看医院里有趣的东西。在一个周五，我翘掉了所有的课，去医学院和他度个长周末，而他让我大饱眼福。

1
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I had kept begging Buddy to show me some really interesting hospital sights, so one Friday I cut all my classes and came down for a long weekend and he gave me the works.

2
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首先，我穿上白大褂，坐在高凳上，看着巴迪和他的朋友解剖四具尸体。这些尸体没有半点人形，所以我一点都不怕。他们全都硬邦邦的，皮肤像皮革，泛着紫黑色，还散发着一股陈年泡菜缸的味道。

2
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I started out by dressing in a white coat and sitting on a tall stool in a room with four cadavers, while Buddy and his friends cut them up. These cadavers were so unhuman-looking they didn’t bother me a bit. They had stiff, leathery, purple-black skin and they smelt like old pickle jars.

3
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之后，巴迪带我去了一个大厅，那里的大玻璃罐里装着还没出生就夭折的胎儿。第一个罐里的胎儿头颅又大又白，低垂在只有青蛙大小的蜷曲的身体上。第二个罐子里的胎儿稍大一些；第三个罐子里的更大；最后一个罐子里的几乎和正常婴儿一般大小，他似乎在看着我，露出一抹贪心的微笑。

3
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After that, Buddy took me out into the hall where they had some big glass bottles full of babies that had died before they were born. The baby in the first bottle had a large white head bent over a tiny curled-up body the size of a frog. The baby in the next bottle was bigger and the baby next to that one was bigger still and the baby in the last bottle was the size of a normal baby and he seemed to be looking at me and smiling a little piggy smile.

4
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我很自豪自己能这么冷静地看着这些令人毛骨悚然的东西。只有一次我吓得跳起来，当时为了看清巴迪解剖一具尸体的肺部，我把胳膊肘靠在这具尸体的肚子上。过了一两分钟，手肘传来烧灼感，我突然想到这具尸体还是温的，不会没死透吧？这个念头吓得我低声惊叫了一下，赶紧跳下凳子。巴迪解释说，烧灼感来自浸泡尸体的药水，我才又坐回凳子上。

4
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I was quite proud of the calm way I stared at all these gruesome things. The only time I jumped was when I leaned my elbow on Buddy’s cadaver’s somach to watch him dissect a lung. After a minute or two I felt this burning sensation in my elbow and it occurred to me the cadaver might just be half alive since it was still warm, so I leapt off my stool with a small exclamation. Then Buddy explained the burning was only from the pickling fluid, and I sat back in my old position.

5
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午饭前一小时，巴迪带我去听了场关于镰状细胞贫血症的讲座，其中还讲到一些让人听了很低落的重疾。几个病人坐着轮椅被推上讲台，被问了几个问题，又被推回去，接着放彩色幻灯片。

5
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In the hour before lunch Buddy took me to a lecture on sickle-cell anemia and some other depressing diseases, where they wheeled sick people out onto the platform and asked them questions and then wheeled them off and showed colored slides.

6
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我记得有张幻灯片上是个笑得很灿烂的美丽女孩，她脸上有颗黑痣。“这颗痣出现二十天后，她就死了。”医生说。现场静默了一分钟，随即下课铃响起，所以我到现在都不知道那颗痣是什么，那女孩又是怎么死的。

6
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One slide I remember showed a beautiful laughing girl with a black mole on her cheek. “Twenty days after that mole appeared the girl was dead,” the doctor said, and everybody went very quiet for a minute and then the bell rang, so I never really found out what the mole was or why the girl died.

7
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下午，我们去看接生婴儿。

7
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In the afternoon we went to see a baby born.

8
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我们先来到医院走廊上一个专门放亚麻用品的橱柜旁，巴迪从里面拿出一个白色口罩给我戴上，还取了些纱布。

8
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First we found a linen closet in the hospital corridor where Buddy took out a white mask for me to wear and some gauze.

9
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一个高高胖胖的医学生，身材壮得像席尼·格林史崔(1)，一直在旁边闲逛，看着巴迪拿纱布一圈一圈缠住我的头，直到我的头发被完全盖住，只有双眼露在白色口罩外面。

(1) 著名默片演员。
9
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A tall fat medical student, big as Sydney Greenstreet, lounged nearby, watching Buddy wind the gauze round and round my head until my hair was completely covered and only my eyes peered out over the white mask.

10
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这个医学生露出惹人嫌的窃笑。“你妈还会爱你。”他说。

10
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The medical student gave an unpleasant little snicker. “At least your mother loves you,” he said.

11
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我没马上反应过来他在侮辱我，因为我满脑子都在想这家伙胖成这样真不幸，尤其还是个年轻人，哪个女人受得了贴着他的大肚腩亲他啊。等我回过神，想对这个自以为是的家伙狠狠回敬一句“只有当妈的才会爱肥仔”时，他已经走了。

11
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I was so busy thinking how very fat he was and how unfortunate it must be for a man and especially a young man to be fat, because what woman could stand leaning over that big stomach to kiss him, that I didn’t immediately realize what this student had said to me was an insult. By the time I figured he must consider himself quite a fine fellow and had thought up a cutting remark about how only a mother loves a fat man, he was gone.

12
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巴迪正在察看墙上的一个奇怪木牌，上面有一排孔洞，洞口大小从一枚银币到餐盘不等。

12
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Buddy was examining a queer wooden plaque on the wall with a row of holes in it, starting from a hole about the size of a silver dollar and ending with one the size of a dinner plate.

13
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“很好，很好。”他对我说，“这会儿正好有人要生了。”

13
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“Fine, fine,” he said to me. “There’s somebody about to have a baby this minute.”

14
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产房门口站了一个清瘦且驼背的医学生，巴迪认识他。

14
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At the door of the delivery room stood a thin, stoop-shouldered medical student Buddy knew.

15
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“嗨，威尔。”巴迪说，“谁负责接生？”

15
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“Hello, Will,” Buddy said. “Who’s on the job?”

16
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“我。”威尔沉郁地答道。我注意到他高耸而苍白的额头上冒出一颗颗小汗珠。“我负责。这是我第一次接生。”

16
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“I am,” Will said gloomily, and I noticed little drops of sweat beading his high pale forehead. “I am, and it’s my first.”

17
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巴迪告诉我，威尔现在三年级了，必须接生八个婴儿才能毕业。

17
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Buddy told me Will was a third-year man and had to deliver eight babies before he could graduate.

18
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接着，他注意到走廊远处一阵忙乱，走来几个穿着柠檬绿的衣袍、戴着手术帽的男医生和几名护士，他们步伐凌乱地推着一辆担架车，上面躺着一个巨大的白色隆起物。

18
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Then he noticed a bustle at the far end of the hall and some men in lime-green coats and skull caps and a few nurses came moving toward us in a ragged procession wheeling a trolley with a big white lump on it.

19
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“其实你不该看的。”威尔在我耳边嘟囔，“看了你就永远不想生孩子了。他们真不该让女人看这个，否则人类会绝种。”

19
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“You oughtn’t to see this,” Will muttered in my ear. “You’ll never want to have a baby if you do. They oughtn’t to let women watch. It’ll be the end of the human race.”

20
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巴迪和我笑了。他们握了握手，我们三人走进产房。

20
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Buddy and I laughed, and then Buddy shook Will’s hand and we all went into the room.

21
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看到产妇被抬上分娩台，我震惊得说不出话来。分娩台就像恐怖的刑台，一头是指向空中的金属镫，另一头是各种我不认识的工具、电线和管子。

21
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I was so struck by the sight of the table where they were lifting the woman I didn’t say a word. It looked like some awful torture table, with these metal stirrups sticking up in mid-air at one end and all sorts of instruments and wires and tubes I couldn’t make out properly at the other.

22
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巴迪带着我站在窗户旁，产妇就在几英尺外，我们看得一清二楚。

22
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Buddy and I stood together by the window, a few feet away from the woman, where we had a perfect view.

23
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产妇的肚子隆起老高，我完全看不见她的脸和上半身。她整个人好像蜘蛛，只剩一个硕大的肚子，以及踏在高耸脚镫上的两条丑陋的小细腿。整个分娩过程，她都在发出野兽似的嘶喊。

23
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The woman’s stomach stuck up so high I couldn’t see her face or the upper part of her body at all. She seemed to have nothing but an enormous spider-fat stomach and two little ugly spindly legs propped in the high stirrups, and all the time the baby was being born she never stopped making this unhuman whooing noise.

24
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稍后巴迪告诉我，产妇用了麻药，不会记得这些痛苦。她处于半昏迷的状态，诅咒呻吟完全是无意识的，她根本不知道自己在做什么。

24
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Later Buddy told me the woman was on a drug that would make her forget she’d had any pain and that when she swore and groaned she really didn’t know what she was doing because she was in a kind of twilight sleep.

25
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我猜，这种药一定是男人发明的。这个女人承受着极度的痛苦，每一丝她都感受得到，否则她怎会哀号得如此凄惨。可是转头一回到家，她又要开始制造下一个宝宝，因为这药让她忘了分娩有多么痛。然而，在她心里的某个秘密角落，那痛苦犹如一道没有出路的漆黑长廊，等着开启的时机，然后将她再次吞噬。

25
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I thought it sounded just like the sort of drug a man would invent. Here was a woman interrible pain, obviously feeling every bit of it or she wouldn’t groan like that, and she would go straight home and start another baby, because the drug would make her forget how bad the pain had been, when all the time, in some secret part of her, that long, blind, doorless and windowless corridor of pain was waiting to open up and shut her in again.

26
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负责指导威尔的主治医生一直对产妇说：“往下用力，杜莫利罗太太，用力啊，好样的，用力。”终于，在她两腿之间，那片刮了毛还被消毒药水染红的缝隙间，一团黑乎乎的东西冒了出来。

26
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The head doctor, who was supervising Will, kept saying to the woman, “Push down, Mrs. Tomolillo, push down, that’s a good girl, push down,” and finally through the split, shaven place between her legs, lurid with disinfectant, I saw a dark fuzzy thing appear.

27
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“那是胎儿的头。”巴迪在产妇的哀吟声中悄声对我说。

27
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“The baby’s head,” Buddy whispered under cover of the woman’s groans.

28
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但是不知为何，胎儿的头被卡住了，主治医生告诉威尔，他必须在产妇下身剪一刀。剪刀在产妇的肌肤上大嘴一合，就像剪布一样简单，鲜血立刻汩汩而下——红得刺目鲜亮。下一瞬间，婴儿忽的一下就落在了威尔的手中，浑身发蓝，冥王星的那种蓝，裹着一层白白的东西，还挂着些血丝。威尔不停地说：“我抓不住他了，我抓不住他了，我抓不住他了。”声音充满惊恐。

28
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But the baby’s head stuck for some reason, and the doctor told Will he’d have to make a cut. I heard the scissors close on the woman’s skin like cloth and the blood began to run down—a fierce, bright red. Then all at once the baby seemed to pop out into Will’s hands, the color of a blue pluto and floured with white stuff and streaked with blood, and Will kept saying, “I’m going to drop it, I’m going to drop it, I’m going to drop it,” in a terrified voice.

29
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“不，你能抓住。”医生说着，从威尔手里接过婴儿，开始按摩，蓝紫色逐渐消退，婴儿开始扯着嗓子哇哇号哭。我看出是个男孩。

29
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“No, you’re not,” the doctor said, and took the baby out of Will’s hands and started massaging it, and the blue color went away and the baby started to cry in a lorn, croaky voice and I could see it was a boy.

30
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婴儿才缓过来，就一泡尿滋在医生的脸上。稍后我问巴迪怎么会这样，他说这类事虽不常见，但还是有可能发生的。

30
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The first thing that baby did was pee in the doctor’s face. I told Buddy later I didn’t see how that was possible, but he said it was quite possible, though unusual, to see something like that happen.

31
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婴儿一出生，产房里的人就分成两组：护士忙着给婴儿的小手腕戴上金属铭牌，用棉花棒给他擦眼睛，再裹好襁褓放进帆布小床里；医生和威尔则开始用针和长线缝合产妇的切口。

31
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As soon as the baby was born the people in the room divided up into two groups, the nurses tying a metal dog tag on the baby’s wrist and swabbing its eyes with cotton on the end of a stick and wrapping it up and putting it in a canvas-sided cot, while the doctor and Will started sewing up the woman’s cut with a needle and a long thread.

32
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我好像听到有人说：“是个男孩，杜莫利罗太太。”但女人没有回应，连头都没抬。

32
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I think somebody said, “It’s a boy, Mrs. Tomolillo,” but the woman didn’t answer or raise her head.

33
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“嗯，感觉如何？”巴迪和我穿过绿意盎然的中庭，一起回他的宿舍路上，他带着满足的表情问我。

33
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“Well, how was it?” Buddy asked with a satisfied expression as we walked across the green quadrangle to his room.

34
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“很棒。”我说，“这种事我天天看也没问题。”

34
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“Wonderful,” I said. “I could see something like that every day.”

35
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我不想开口问他女人还有没有其他的生产方式。我莫名地觉得，最重要的是清醒地看着婴儿从自己的肚子里生出来，确定那是你的宝贝。既然横竖都得受罪，不如清醒着承受。

35
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I didn’t feel up to asking him if there were any other ways to have babies. For some reason the most important thing to me was actually seeing the baby come out of you yourself and making sure it was yours. I thought if you had to have all that pain anyway you might just as well stay awake.

36
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我常在脑海中想象着这样的画面：当一切痛苦都结束后，刚刚饱受分娩的折磨的我在产台上用手肘撑起身子，尽管面色惨白，素颜朝天，但嘴角忍不住笑意，脸上洋溢着幸福的笑容，长发垂到腰际，伸手轻抚我的第一个小宝贝，看他微微蠕动，轻唤他的名字。

36
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I had always imagined myself hitching up on to my elbows on the delivery table after it was all over—dead white, of course, with no makeup and from the awful ordeal, but smiling and radiant, with my hair down to my waist, and reaching out for my first little squirmy child and saying its name, whatever it was.

37
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“婴儿身上为什么糊着一层白乎乎的东西？”我问了个问题好让谈话继续下去。巴迪说那是保护婴儿皮肤的蜡状物。

37
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“Why was it all covered with flour?” I asked then, to keep the conversation going, and Buddy told me about the waxy stuff that guarded the baby’s skin.

38
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巴迪的宿舍让我觉得像是修士的房间，光秃秃的墙，光秃秃的床，光秃秃的地板，桌上堆满了格雷的《解剖学》和其他令人望而生畏的大部头书。回到屋，巴迪点了根蜡烛，开了瓶杜本内红葡萄酒，我们俩并肩斜靠在床上。巴迪啜饮着红酒，我则拿起随身带来的诗集，开始朗诵《我未曾去到的远方》等诗篇。

38
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When we were back in Buddy’s room, which reminded me of nothing so much as a monk’s cell, with its bare walls and bare bed and bare floor and the desk loaded with Gray’s Anatomy and other thick gruesome books, Buddy lit a candle and uncorked a bottle of Dubonnet. Then we lay down side by side on the bed and Buddy sipped his wine while I read aloud “somewhere I have never travelled” and other poems from a book I’d brought.

39
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巴迪说，诗一定有奇妙之处，才会使像我这样的女孩不可自拔。所以，每次见面时我都念几首诗给他听，再说说我对这些诗的感受。这是巴迪的主意。他总是把我们的周末安排得满满当当，这样我们就不会后悔虚掷了光阴。巴迪的父亲是老师，我想巴迪也很适合当老师，因为他常常对我解说事理，让我接触各种新知。

39
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Buddy said he figured there must be something in poetry if a girl like me spent all her days over it, so each time we met I read him some poetry and explained to him what I found in it. It was Buddy’s idea. He always arranged our weekends so we’d never regret wasting our time in any way. Buddy’s father was a teacher, and I think Buddy could have been a teacher as well, he was always trying to explain things to me and introduce me to new knowledge.

40
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我念完一首诗后，他突然开口：“埃斯特，你见过男人吗？”

40
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Suddenly, after I finished a poem, he said, “Esther, have you ever seen a man?”

41
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从他的语气里，我听出他指的不是一般意义上的男人，而是裸体的男人。

41
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The way he said it I knew he didn’t mean a regular man or a man in general, I knew he meant a man naked.

42
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“没有。”我说，“只见过雕像。”

42
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“No,” I said. “Only statues.”

43
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“那，你想不想看看我？”

43
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“Well, don’t you think you would like to see me?”

44
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我不知道该怎么回答。这阵子，我的母亲和外婆开始不停地暗示我，说巴迪·威拉德是多俊朗的好孩子，出身也是清清楚楚的好人家，又说教会里的人都认为他是模范青年，对父母、长辈恭爱有加，而且体格健壮，才貌双全。

44
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I didn’t know what to say. My mother and my grandmother had started hinting around to me a lot lately about what a fine, clean boy Buddy Willard was, coming from such a fine, clean family, and how everybody at church thought he was a model person, so kind to his parents and to older people, as well as so athletic and so handsome and so intelligent.

45
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真的，听来听去都是巴迪多好，多正派，多值得女孩为他守身如玉。所以，我想，巴迪做什么都无害吧。

45
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All I’d heard about, really, was how fine and clean Buddy was and how he was the kind of a person a girl should stay fine and clean for. So I didn’t really see the harm in anything Buddy would think up to do.

46
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“嗯，好吧，我想看。”我说。

46
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“Well, all right, I guess so,” I said.

47
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我看着巴迪拉下斜纹棉布裤的拉链，脱下裤子，放在椅子上，然后脱下了内裤，内裤看着上去是某种尼龙网眼布材质的。

47
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I stared at Buddy while he unzipped his chino pants and took them off and laid them on a chair and then took off his underpants that were made of something like nylon fishnet.

48
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“这种内裤很凉快。”他解释道，“我妈说洗起来也容易。”

48
-

“They’re cool,” he explained, “and my mother says they wash easily.”

49
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然后，他就这么赤条条地站在我面前，我也就这么直愣愣地瞅着。我唯一能想到的竟是火鸡脖子和火鸡胗，真是令人非常沮丧。

49
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Then he just stood there in front of me and I kept on staring at him. The only thing I could think of was turkey neck and turkey gizzards and I felt very depressed.

50
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我的沉默不语似乎伤了巴迪的心。“我想你该习惯这样的我。”他说，“现在，让我看看你吧。”

50
-

Buddy seemed hurt I didn’t say anything. “I think you ought to get used to me like this,” he said. “Now let me see you.”

51
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那一刻，我忽然觉得，在巴迪面前脱光衣服，就像在学校里拍的站姿全身照，你不得不裸体站在相机前，心里很清楚，这些正面或侧面的全裸照片将会出现在学校的体操档案里，按照身体的挺拔程度被评为A、B、C或D。

51
-

But undressing in front of Buddy suddenly appealed to me about as much as having my Posture Picture taken at college, where you have to stand naked in front of a camera, knowing all the time that a picture of you stark naked, both full view and side view, is going into the college gym files to be marked A B C or D depending on how straight you are.

52
-

“那什么，改天吧。”我说。

52
-

“Oh, some other time,” I said.

53
-

“好吧。”巴迪穿上衣服。

53
-

“All right.” Buddy got dressed again.

54
-

我们亲吻和拥抱了一会儿，我感觉好了一些。饮尽剩下的红酒，我盘腿坐在巴迪的床尾，向他要了把梳子，把头发梳向前盖住脸，不让巴迪看。我突然问他：“你和别人好过吗，巴迪？”

54
-

Then we kissed and hugged a while and I felt a little better. I drank the rest of the Dubonnet and sat cross-legged at the end of Buddy’s bed and asked for a comb. I began to comb my hair down over my face so Buddy couldn’t see it. Suddenly I said, “Have you ever had an affair with anyone, Buddy?”

55
-

也不知怎么鬼使神差，反正这话就这么从我嘴里冒了出来。我从没想过巴迪·威拉德会跟别的女孩在一起过，所以我希望他会说：“没有，我一直洁身自好，等着新婚之夜把完整的自己留给像你这样纯洁的女孩。”

55
-

I don’t know what made me say it, the words just popped out of my mouth. I never thought for one minute that Buddy Willard would have an affair with anyone. I expected him to say, “No, I have been saving myself for when I get married to somebody pure and a virgin like you.”

56
-

但是巴迪不发一语，反而红了脸。

56
-

But Buddy didn’t say anything, he just turned pink.

57
-

“喂，到底有没有？”

57
-

“Well, have you?”

58
-

“你所谓的和别人好过是什么意思？”巴迪问我，声音空洞。

58
-

“What do you mean, an affair?” Buddy asked then in a hollow voice.

59
-

“你知道的，就是你和别人上过床吗？”我继续一下一下有节奏地梳着头，盖住靠近巴迪的侧脸，略带静电的发丝拂上我滚烫的双颊，我只想大喊：“别，别说，不要告诉我，什么都别说。”但我忍住了，静静地梳着头。

59
-

“You know, have you ever gone to bed with anyone?” I kept rhythmically combing the hair down over the side of my face nearest to Buddy, and I could feel the little electric filaments clinging to my hot cheeks and I wanted to shout, “Stop, stop, don’t tell me, don’t say anything.” But I didn’t, I just kept still.

60
-

“呃，对，我有过。”巴迪终于回答。

60
-

“Well, yes, I have,” Buddy said finally.

61
-

我差点儿跌下床。从巴迪·威拉德吻我，还说我一定和许多男生约会过的第一夜起，他就让我觉得，我比他更懂得性，比他更有恋爱经验。他对我的一切亲昵举动，如亲吻、拥抱、爱抚，都是因为我让他情难自禁，他完全不知道这到底是怎么回事。

61
-

I almost fell over. From the first night Buddy Willard kissed me and said I must go out with a lot of boys, he made me feel I was much more sexy and experienced than he was and that everything he did like hugging and kissing and petting was simply what I made him feel like doing out of the blue, he couldn’t help it and didn’t know how it came about.

62
-

现在，我看穿了他，他只是在一直假装单纯而已。

62
-

Now I saw he had only been pretending all this time to be so innocent.

63
-

“说说看。”我缓缓地梳着头，感觉每梳一下，梳齿都戳入脸颊。“她是谁？”

63
-

“Tell me about it.” I combed my hair slowly over and over, feeling the teeth of the comb dig into my cheek at every stroke. “Who was it?”

64
-

见我没有生气，巴迪似乎松了一口气，甚至有点如释重负，终于有人可以让他倾诉他是如何被女人引诱失了身。

64
-

Buddy seemed relieved I wasn’t angry. He even seemed relieved to have somebody to tell about how he was seduced.

65
-

当然是别人引诱了巴迪，他既没有挑起这个头，所以也算不得他的错。那个人就是鳕鱼角旅馆的女服务生，去年夏天巴迪在那里兼职当杂工。巴迪发现她看他的眼神怪怪的，还总是趁厨房一片混乱的时候用胸部蹭他。有一天，他终于挑明了，问她有什么问题吗，结果对方直视着他，说：“我想吃了你。”

65
-

Of course, somebody had seduced Buddy, Buddy hadn’t started it and it wasn’t really his fault. It was this waitress at the hotel he worked at as a busboy the last summer at Cape Cod. Buddy had noticed her staring at him queerly and shoving her breasts up against him in the confusion of the kitchen, so finally one day he asked her what the trouble was and she looked him straight in the eye and said, “I want you.”

66
-

“要加点西芹吗？”巴迪笑得天真无邪。

66
-

“Served up with parsley?” Buddy had laughed innocently.

67
-

“不用。”她答道，“找个晚上吧。”

67
-

“No,” she had said. “Some night.”

68
-

就这样，巴迪失去了纯洁，不再是处男了。

68
-

And that’s how Buddy had lost his pureness and his virginity.

69
-

一开始，我以为他和那个女服务生只睡过一次，但为了确定，我还是问了他次数，结果他说他记不清了，反正接下来的那个夏天每周都有两三次。我心里一算，三乘以十，足足三十次。太过分了，说什么都没用了。

69
-

At first I thought he must have slept with the waitress only the once, but when I asked how many times, just to make sure, he said he couldn’t remember but a couple of times a week for the rest of the summer. I multiplied three by ten and got thirty, which seemed beyond all reason.

70
-

从此之后，我心里有个东西冻结了。

70
-

After that something in me just froze up.

71
-

回到学校后，我开始到处问大四学姐，如果正在交往的男生突然告诉她们，他一个夏天就和某个当服务生的荡妇睡了三十次，热恋之中猛然受此打击，她们会怎么做。学姐们却说，多数男人都是这副德行，除非你们的关系已经确定，或者订下婚约，否则你还真没资格指责他们。

71
-

Back at college I started asking a senior here and a senior there what they would do if a boy they knew suddenly told them he’d slept thirty times with some slutty waitress one summer, smack in the middle of knowing them. But these seniors said most boys were like that and you couldn’t honestly accuse them of anything until you were at least pinned or engaged to be married.

72
-

其实，我在意的不是巴迪跟别人上过床。我的意思是，男欢女爱的故事我也读过不少，如果今天这事不是发生在巴迪身上，而是随便哪个男生，我可能只会问问最精彩的细节，然后自己也找个男生上床，平衡一下心理，这事就算过去了。

72
-

Actually, it wasn’t the idea of Buddy sleeping with somebody that bothered me. I mean I’d read about all sorts of people sleeping with each other, and if it had been any other boy I would merely have asked him the most interesting details, and maybe gone out and slept with somebody myself just to even things up, and then thought no more about it.

73
-

我不能忍受的是巴迪的虚伪。他弄得我好像情场老手，自己装出一副清纯的模样，而实际上，他一直都和放荡的女服务生有一腿，这简直像是在当面嘲笑我。

73
-

What I couldn’t stand was Buddy’s pretending I was so sexy and he was so pure, when all the time he’d been having an affair with that tarty waitress and must have felt like laughing in my face.

74
-

“你妈怎么看这个女服务生？”那个周末我问他。

74
-

“What does your mother think about this waitress?” I asked Buddy that weekend.

75
-

巴迪和他妈妈亲得不得了，整天把他妈妈对男女关系的金句挂在嘴边。我知道威拉德太太视贞操如命，不论男女。我第一次上她家吃晚餐时，她用怪异又锐利的探寻目光打量我，我知道她想看出来我是不是个处女。

75
-

Buddy was amazingly close to his mother. He was always quoting what she said about the relationship between a man and a woman, and I knew Mrs.Willard was a real fanatic about virginity for men and women both. When I first went to her house for supper she gave me a queer, shrewd, searching look, and I knew she was trying to tell whether I was a virgin or not.

76
-

不出所料，巴迪被我问得不好意思起来。“妈妈跟我问起过格拉迪斯。”他承认。

76
-

Just as I thought, Buddy was embarrassed. “Mother asked me about Gladys,” he admitted.

77
-

“那你说什么了？”

77
-

“Well, what did you say?”

78
-

“我说格拉迪斯未婚，白人，二十一岁。”

78
-

“I said Gladys was free, white and twenty-one.”

79
-

现在我知道巴迪绝不会为了我对他妈妈说这么粗鲁的话。他总是引述他妈妈的名言：“男人要的是伴儿，女人要的是无限的安全感。”还有，“男人像箭，射向未来，女人是弓，助力男人。”诸如此类，真是烦人。

79
-

Now I knew Buddy would never talk to his mother as rudely as that for my sake. He was always saying how his mother said, “What a man wants is a mate and what a woman wants is infinite security,” and, “What a man is is an arrow into the future and what a woman is is the place the arrow shoots off from,” until it made me tired.

80
-

每次我不服气，巴迪就会说，他妈现在依然能和他爸同享乐趣，对他们这个年纪的人来说实属难得，所以可见她深谙婚姻之道和男女真谛。

80
-

Every time I tried to argue, Buddy would say his mother still got pleasure out of his father and wasn’t that wonderful for people their age, it must mean she really knew what was what.

81
-

好了，我已经下定决心，一劳永逸甩了巴迪·威拉德。不是因为他和女服务生上床，而是他没胆子对所有人承认这件事，也没种面对自己的本性。这时，走廊上的电话响了，有人用一种了然一切的淡然口吻说：“找你的，埃斯特，波士顿的电话。”

81
-

Well, I had just decided to ditch Buddy Willard for once and for all, not because he’d slept with that waitress but because he didn’t have the honest guts to admit it straight off to everybody and face up to it as part of his character, when the phone in the hall rang and somebody said in a little knowing singsong, “It’s for you, Esther, it’s from Boston.”

82
-

我立刻觉得大事不妙，因为整个波士顿我只认得巴迪一人，而他从未给我打过长途，因为这比写信贵多了。有一次，他有急事要告诉我，就跑到医学院门口到处打听有没有人周末开车到我的学校。结果当然不失所望，于是他把信托付给对方，不仅我当天就拿到了信，他连邮票都省了。

82
-

I could tell right away something must be wrong, because Buddy was the only person I knew in Boston, and he never called me long distance because it was so much more expensive than letters. Once, when he had a message he wanted me to get almost immediately, he went all round his entry at medical school asking if anybody was driving up to my college that weekend, and sure enough, somebody was, so he gave them a note for me and I got it the same day. He didn’t even have to pay for a stamp.

83
-

果然是巴迪的电话。他告诉我，每年秋季的胸部X光检查显示他得了肺结核，他即将拿着医学院给肺结核学生的专门补助，去阿迪伦达克的疗养院养病。他接着说，自那次周末过后，我就没给他写过信，他希望我们两人间没出什么问题。他还问我，能不能每周至少写一封信给他，圣诞假期再去疗养院看看他？

83
-

It was Buddy all right. He told me that the annual fall chest X-ray showed he had caught TB and he was going off on a scholarship for medical students who caught TB to a TB place in the Adirondacks. Then he said I hadn’t written since that last weekend and he hoped nothing was the matter between us, and would I please try to write him at least once a week and come to visit him at this TB place in my Christmas vacation?

84
-

我从来没听过巴迪的语气如此不安。他向来自诩身强体壮，还总是说我的鼻塞和呼吸困难是心理压力造成的身体问题。我觉得身为医生，他对疾病的态度有点怪，或许他该改行当心理医生更合适。当然，这话我可没有说出口。

84
-

I had never heard Buddy so upset. He was very proud of his perfect health and was always telling me it was psychosomatic when my sinuses blocked up and I couldn’t breathe. I thought this an odd attitude for a doctor to have and perhaps he should study to be a psychiatrist instead, but of course I never came right out and said so.

85
-

我向巴迪表达了听闻他感染肺结核的遗憾之情，也答应给他写信。可是当我挂上电话，心里可一丝遗憾也没有，只觉得如释重负。

85
-

I told Buddy how sorry I was about the TB and promised to write, but when I hung up I didn’t feel one bit sorry. I only felt a wonderful relief.

86
-

我想，对巴迪这样过着双重人生、觉得自己高人一等的人来说，得肺结核就是他的报应。现在可方便了，我不必在校园里昭告众人我已经和巴迪分手，也不必再接受一轮又一轮无聊的相亲安排了。

86
-

I thought the TB might just be a punishment for living the kind of double life Buddy lived and feeling so superior to people. And I thought how convenient it would be now I didn’t have to announce to everybody at college I had broken off with Buddy and start the boring business of blind dates all over again.

87
-

我只告诉大家巴迪得了肺结核，而我们也算是订婚了。从此，每当我周六晚上留在宿舍用功时，大家都对我特别好，因为她们觉得我很坚强，以刻苦学习来隐藏一颗破碎的心。

87
-

I simply told everyone that Buddy had TB and we were practically engaged, and when I stayed in to study on Saturday nights they were extremely kind to me because they thought I was so brave, working the way I did just to hide a broken heart.

序号 英文/音标 中文解释 更多操作

pickle

[’pɪkl]

n.腌汁;泡菜;淘气鬼;困境

piggy

[’pɪɡi]

n.小猪

anemia

[ə’niːmiːə]

n.贫血;贫血症

mole

[məʊl]

n.痣n.鼹鼠;钱鼠;间谍;凿岩机

gauze

[ɡɔːz]

n.薄纱;纱布;网;薄雾

snicker

[’snɪkə(r)]

vi.窃笑

plaque

[plæk]

n.匾;饰板;名牌;徽章;【医】齿菌斑

bead

[biːd]

n.珠子

trolley

[’trɒli]

n.手推车;电车

stirrup

[’stɪrəp]

n.【机】镫形具;马蹬;【建】(抗剪的)箍筋

unhuman

[’ʌn’hjuːmən]

adj.非人的(野蛮的;残酷的)

twilight

[’twaɪlaɪt]

n.黄昏;微光;含糊不清;衰落时期

windowless

[’wɪndəʊləs]

adj.无窗的

fuzzy

[’fʌzi]

adj.毛茸茸的;模糊的

groan

[ɡrəʊn]

v.呻吟;抱怨;发嘎吱声;受重压

terrify

[’terɪfaɪ]

v.使害怕;使恐怖;威胁

croaky

[’krəʊki]

adj.哇哇叫的;嘎的;低沉而沙哑的

sewing

[’səʊɪŋ]

n.缝纫;缝制物,

quadrangle

[’kwɒdræŋɡl]

n.四边形;方形庭院

squirmy

[’skwɜːmɪ]

adj.蠕动的

waxy

[’wæksi]

adj.像蜡的;蜡色的;苍白的;光滑的;顺从的

traveled

[’trævld]

adj.有旅行经验的;旅客多的,

fishnet

[’fɪʃnet]

n.鱼网;网眼织物

felted

[’feltɪd]

v. 把 ... 制成毡(使 ... 粘结)

stark

[stɑːk]

adj.严酷的;荒凉的;光秃秃的;鲜明的

cross-legged

[ˌkrɒs’leɡd]

adj.盘着腿的;翘着腿的

filament

[’fɪləmənt]

n.细丝

seduce

[sɪ’djuːs]

vt.引诱;怂恿;勾引

Cape

[keɪp]

n.岬;海角

queer

[kwɪə(r)]

a. 古怪的，奇怪的;

parsley

[’pɑːsli]

n.欧芹;荷兰芹

virginity

[və’dʒɪnəti]

n.处女;处女性;童贞

multiply

[’mʌltɪplaɪ]

vt.乘;增加

smack

[smæk]

n. 风味；滋味;

waitress

[’weɪtrəs]

n.女侍者;女服务员

supper

[’sʌpə(r)]

n.晚饭

Gladys

[ˈglædɪs]

n.格拉迪斯(女子名)

twenty-one

[’twentɪˌwʌn]

num.二十一

rude

[ruːd]

adj.粗鲁无礼的;原始的;未加工的;粗糙的;猛烈的

infinite

[’ɪnfɪnət]

adj.无穷的;无限的

singsong

[’sɪŋsɒŋ]

adj.节奏单调的

stamp

[stæmp]

【1】 n.邮票; 图章【2】v.盖邮戳,盖印章

X-ray

[’eksreɪ]

n.X射线;X光

sinus

[’saɪnəs]

n.窦;静脉窦

bore

[bɔː(r)]

【1】 v.使厌烦 【2】 vt. 钻(孔)；镗(孔)；开凿

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