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暮光之城2：新月|New Moon

第四章：苏醒|Chapter 4 Walking Uptime Passes

属类： 双语小说 【分类】魔幻小说 -[作者: 斯蒂芬妮-梅耶] 阅读：[13346]
《暮光之城》是美国作家斯蒂芬妮·梅尔 （Stephenie Meyer）写的系列小说，包括《暮色》、《新月》、《月食》、《破晓》以及番外《布里·坦纳第二次短暂生命》、《暮色重生》和《午夜阳光》。《暮光之城》系列以伊莎贝拉·斯旺和爱德华·卡伦一对苦命鸳鸯的情感纠葛为主线，融合了吸血鬼传说、狼人故事、校园生活、恐怖悬念、喜剧冒险等各种元素，而凄美动人的爱情则是全书“最强烈的情绪”。
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EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. EVEN when each tick of the second handaches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, butpass it does. Even for me.

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CHARLIE'S FIST CAME DOWN ON THE TABLE. "THAT'S IT, Bella! I'm sending you home."I looked up from my cereal, which I was pondering rather than eating, and stared at Charlie in shock. Ihadn't been following the conversation—actually, I hadn't been aware that we were having aconversation—and I wasn't sure what he meant.

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"I am home," I mumbled, confused.

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"I'm sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville," he clarified.

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Charlie watched with exasperation as I slowly grasped the meaning of his words.

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"What did I do?" I felt my face crumple. It was so unfair. My behavior had been above reproach for thepast four months. After that first week, which neither of us ever mentioned, I hadn't missed a day ofschool or work. My grades were perfect. I never broke curfew—I never went anywhere from which tobreak curfew in the first place. I only very rarely served leftovers.

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Charlie was scowling.

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"You didn't do anything. That's the problem. You never do anything.""You want me to get into trouble?" I wondered, my eyebrows pulling together in mystification. I made aneffort to pay attention. It wasn't easy. I was so used to tuning everything out, my ears felt stopped up.

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"Trouble would be better than this… this moping around all the time!"That stung a bit. I'd been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness, moping included.

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"I am not moping around." "Wrong word," he grudgingly conceded. "Moping would be better—that would be doing something.

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You're just… lifeless, Bella. I think that's the word I want."This accusation struck home. I sighed and tried to put some animation into my response.

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"I'm sorry, Dad." My apology sounded a little flat, even to me. I'd thought I'd been fooling him. KeepingCharlie from suffering was the whole point of all this effort. How depressing to think that the effort hadbeen wasted.

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"I don't want you to apologize."I sighed. "Then tell me what you do want me to do.""Bella," he hesitated, scrutinizing my reaction to his next words. "Honey, you're not the first person to gothrough this kind of thing, you know.""I know that." My accompanying grimace was limp and unimpressive.

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"Listen, honey. I think that—that maybe you need some help.""Help?"He paused, searching for the words again. "When your mother left," he began, frowning, "and took youwith her." He inhaled deeply. "Well, that was a really bad time for me.""I know, Dad," I mumbled.

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"But I handled it," he pointed out. "Honey, you're not handling it. I waited, I hoped it would get better."He stared at me and I looked down quickly. "I think we both know it's not getting better.""I'mfine."He ignored me. "Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone about it. A professional.""You want me to see a shrink?" My voice was a shade sharper as I realized what he was getting at.

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"Maybe it would help.""And maybe it wouldn't help one little bit."I didn't know much about psychoanalysis, but I was pretty sure that it didn't work unless the subject wasrelatively honest. Sure, I could tell the truth—if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell.

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He examined my obstinate expression, and switched to another line of attack.

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"It's beyond me, Bella. Maybe your mother—""Look," I said in a flat voice. "I'll go out tonight, if you want. I'll call Jess or Angela.""That's not what I want," he argued, frustrated. "I don't think I can live through seeing you try harder.

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I've never seen anyone trying so hard. It hurts to watch."I pretended to be dense, looking down at the table. "I don't understand, Dad. First you're mad becauseI'm not doing anything, and then you say you don't want me to go out.""I want you to be happy—no, not even that much. I just want you not to be miserable. I think you'll have a better chance if you get out of Forks."My eyes flashed up with the first small spark of feeling I'd had in too long to contemplate.

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"I'm not leaving," I said.

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"Why not?" he demanded.

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"I'm in my last semester of school—it would screw everything up.""You're a good student—you'll figure it out.""I don't want to crowd Mom and Phil.""Your mother's been dying to have you back.""Florida is too hot."His fist came down on the table again. "We both know what's really going on here, Bella, and it's notgood for you." He took a deep breath. "It's been months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can't keepwaitingforhim."I glowered at him. The heat almost, but not quite, reached my face. It had been a long time since I'dblushed with any emotion.

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This whole subject was utterly forbidden, as he was well aware.

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"I'm not waiting for anything. I don't expect anything," I said in a low monotone.

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"Bella—," Charlie began, his voice thick.

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"I have to get to school," I interrupted, standing up and yanking my untouched breakfast from the table. Idumped my bowl in the sink without pausing to wash it out. I couldn't deal with any more conversation.

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"I'll make plans with Jessica," I called over my shoulder as I strapped on my school bag, not meeting hiseyes. "Maybe I won't be home for dinner. We'll go to Port Angeles and watch a movie."I was out the front door before he could react.

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In my haste to get away from Charlie, I ended up being one of the first ones to school. The plus side wasthat I got a really good parking spot. The downside was that I had free time on my hands, and I tried toavoid free time at all costs.

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Quickly, before I could start thinking about Charlie's accusations, I pulled out my Calculus book. Iflipped it open to the section we should be starting today, and tried to make sense of it. Reading mathwas even worse than listening to it, but I was getting better at it. In the last several months, I'd spent tentimes the amount of time on Calculus than I'd ever spent on math before. As a result, I was managing tokeep in the range of a low A. I knew Mr. Varner felt my improvement was all due to his superiorteaching methods. And if that made him happy, I wasn't going to burst his bubble.

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I forced myself to keep at it until the parking lot was full, and I ended up rushing to English. We wereworking on Animal Farm, an easy subject matter. I didn't mind communism; it was a welcome changefrom the exhausting romances that made up most of the curriculum. I settled into my seat, pleased by thedistraction of Mr. Berty's lecture.

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Time moved easily while I was in school. The bell rang all too soon. I started repacking my bag.

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"Bella?"I recognized Mike's voice, and I knew what his next words would be before he said them.

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"Are you working tomorrow?"I looked up. He was leaning across the aisle with an anxious expression. Every Friday he asked me thesame question. Never mind that I hadn't taken so much as a sick day. Well, with one exception, monthsago. But he had no reason to look at me with such concern. I was a model employee.

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"Tomorrow is Saturday, isn't it?" I said. Having just had it pointed out to me by Charlie, I realized howlifeless my voice really sounded.

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"Yeah, it is," he agreed. "See you in Spanish." He waved once before turning his back. He didn't botherwalking me to class anymore.

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I trudged off to Calculus with a grim expression. This was the class where I sat next to Jessica.

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It had been weeks, maybe months, since Jess had even greeted me when I passed her in the hall. I knewI had offended her with my antisocial behavior, and she was sulking. It wasn't going to be easy to talk toher now—especially to ask her to do me a favor. I weighed my options carefully as I loitered outside theclassroom, procrastinating.

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I wasn't about to face Charlie again without some kind of social interaction to report. I knew I couldn'tlie, though the thought of driving to Port Angeles and back alone—being sure my odometer reflected thecorrect mileage, just in case he checked—was very tempting. Jessica's mom was the biggest gossip intown, and Charlie was bound to run into Mrs. Stanley sooner rather than later. When he did, he wouldno doubt mention the trip. Lying was out.

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With a sigh, I shoved the door open.

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Mr. Varner gave me a dark look—he'd already started the lecture. I hurried to my seat. Jessica didn'tlook up as I sat next to her. I was glad that I had fifty minutes to mentally prepare myself.

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This class flew by even faster than English. A small part of that speed was due to my goody-goodypreparation this morning in the truck—but mostly it stemmed from the fact that time always sped up whenI was looking forward to something unpleasant.

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I grimaced when Mr. Varner dismissed the class five minutes early. He smiled like he was being nice.

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"Jess?" My nose wrinkled as I cringed, waiting for her to turn on me.

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She twisted in her seat to face me, eyeing me incredulously. "Are you talking to me, Bella?""Of course." I widened my eyes to suggest innocence.

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"What? Do you need help with Calculus?" Her tone was a tad sour.

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"No." I shook my head. "Actually, I wanted to know if you would… go to the movies with me tonight? Ireally need a girls' night out." The words sounded stiff, like badly delivered lines, and she lookedsuspicious.

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"Why are you asking me?" she asked, still unfriendly.

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"You're the first person I think of when I want girl time." I smiled, and I hoped the smile looked genuine.

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It was probably true. She was at least the first person I thought of when I wanted to avoid Charlie. Itamounted to the same thing.

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She seemed a little mollified. "Well, I don't know.""Do you have plans?""No… I guess I can go with you. What do you want to see?""I'm not sure what's playing," I hedged. This was the tricky part. I racked my brain for a clue—hadn't Iheard someone talk about a movie recently? Seen a poster? "How about that one with the femalepresident?"She looked at me oddly. "Bella, that one's been out of the theater forever.""Oh." I frowned. "Is there anything you'd like to see?"Jessica's natural bubbliness started to leak out in spite of herself as she thought out loud. "Well, there'sthat new romantic comedy that's getting great reviews. I want to see that one. And my dad just sawDead End and he really liked it."I grasped at the promising title. "What's that one about?""Zombies or something. He said it was the scariest thing he'd seen in years.""That sounds perfect." I'd rather deal with real zombies than watch a romance.

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"Okay." She seemed surprised by my response. I tried to remember if I liked scary movies, but I wasn'tsure. "Do you want me to pick you up after school?" she offered.

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"Sure."Jessica smiled at me with tentative friendliness before she left. My answering smile was just a little late,but I thought that she saw it.

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The rest of the day passed quickly, my thoughts focused on planning for tonight. I knew from experiencethat once I got Jessica talking, I would be able to get away with a few mumbled responses at theappropriate moments. Only minimal interaction would be required.

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The thick haze that blurred my days now was sometimes confusing. I was surprised when I found myselfin my room, not clearly remembering the drive home from school or even opening the front door. But thatdidn't matter. Losing track of time was the most I asked from life.

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I didn't fight the haze as I turned to my closet. The numbness was more essential in some places than inothers. I barely registered what I was looking at as I slid the door aside to reveal the pile of rubbish onthe left side of my closet, under the clothes I never wore.

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My eyes did not stray toward the black garbage bag that held my present from that last birthday, did notsee the shape of the stereo where it strained against the black plastic; I didn't think of the bloody messmy nails had been when I'd finished clawing it out of the dashboard.

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I yanked the old purse I rarely used off the nail it hung from, and shoved the door shut.

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Just then I heard a horn honking. I swiftly traded my wallet from my schoolbag into the purse. I was in a hurry, as if rushing would somehow make the night pass more quickly.

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I glanced at myself in the hall mirror before I opened the door, arranging my features carefully into a smileand trying to hold them there.

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"Thanks for coming with me tonight," I told Jess as I climbed into the passenger seat, trying to infuse mytone with gratitude. It had been a while since I'd really thought about what I was saying to anyonebesides Charlie. Jess was harder. I wasn't sure which were the right emotions to fake.

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