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暮光之城2：新月|New Moon

第七章：重复|Chapter 7 Repetition

属类： 双语小说 【分类】魔幻小说 -[作者: 斯蒂芬妮-梅耶] 阅读：[13348]
《暮光之城》是美国作家斯蒂芬妮·梅尔 （Stephenie Meyer）写的系列小说，包括《暮色》、《新月》、《月食》、《破晓》以及番外《布里·坦纳第二次短暂生命》、《暮色重生》和《午夜阳光》。《暮光之城》系列以伊莎贝拉·斯旺和爱德华·卡伦一对苦命鸳鸯的情感纠葛为主线，融合了吸血鬼传说、狼人故事、校园生活、恐怖悬念、喜剧冒险等各种元素，而凄美动人的爱情则是全书“最强烈的情绪”。
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I WASN'T SURE WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING HERE Was I trying to push myself back intothe zombie stupor? Had I turned masochistic—developed a taste for torture? I should have gone straightdown to La Push I felt much, much healthier around Jacob This was not a healthy thing to do.

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But I continued to drive slowly down the overgrown lane, twisting through the trees that arched over melike a green, living tunnel My hands were shaking, so I tightened my grip on the steering wheel.

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I knew that part of the reason I did this was the nightmare, now that I was really awake, the nothingnessof the dream gnawed on my nerves, a dog worrying a bone.

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There was something to search for. Unattainable and impossible, uncaring and distracted… but he wasout there, somewhere. I had to believe that.

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The other part was the strange sense of repetition I'd felt at school today, the coincidence of the date.

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The feeling that I was starting over—perhaps the way my first day would have gone if I'd really been themost unusual person in the cafeteria that afternoon.

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The words ran through my head, tonelessly, like I was reading them rather than hearing them spoken:

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It will be as if I'd never existed.

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I was lying to myself by splitting my reason for coming here into just two parts. I didn't want to admit thestrongest motivation. Because it was mentally unsound.

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The truth was that I wanted to hear his voice again, like I had in the strange delusion Friday night. Forthat brief moment, when his voice came from some other part of me than my conscious memory, whenhis voice was perfect and honey smooth rather than the pale echo my memories usually produced, I wasable to remember without pain. It hadn't lasted; the pain had caught up with me, as I was sure it wouldfor this fool's errand. But those precious moments when I could hear him again were an irresistible lure. Ihad to find some way to repeat the experience… or maybe the better word was episode.

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I was hoping that déjà vu was the key. So I was going to his home, a place I hadn't been since myill-fated birthday party, so many months ago.

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The thick, almost jungle-like growth crawled slowly past my windows. The drive wound on and on. Istarted to go faster, getting edgy. How long had I been driving? Shouldn't I have reached the house yet?

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The lane was so overgrown that it did not look familiar.

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What if I couldn't find it? I shivered. What if there was no tangible proof at all?

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Then there was the break in the trees that I was looking for, only it was not so pronounced as before.

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The flora here did not wait long to reclaim any land that was left unguarded. The tall ferns had infiltratedthe meadow around the house, crowding against the trunks of the cedars, even the wide porch. It waslike the lawn had been flooded—waist-high—with green, feathery waves.

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And the house was there, but it was not the same. Though nothing had changed on the outside, theemptiness screamed from the blank windows. It was creepy. For the first time since I'd seen the beautifulhouse, it looked like a fitting haunt for vampires.

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I hit the brakes, looking away. I was afraid to go farther.

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But nothing happened. No voice in my head.

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So I left the engine running and jumped out into the fern sea. Maybe, like Friday night, if I walkedforward…I approached the barren, vacant face slowly, my truck rumbling out a comforting roar behind me. Istopped when I got to the porch stairs, because there was nothing here. No lingering sense of theirpresence… of his presence. The house was solidly here, but it meant little. Its concrete reality would notcounteract the nothingness of the nightmares.

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I didn't go any closer. I didn't want to look in the windows. I wasn't sure which would be harder to see.

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If the rooms were bare, echoing empty from floor to ceiling, that would certainly hurt. Like mygrandmother's funeral, when my mother had insisted that I stay outside during the viewing. She had saidthat I didn't need to see Gran that way, to remember her that way, rather than alive.

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But wouldn't it be worse if there were no change? If the couches sat just as I'd last seen them, thepaintings on the walls—worse still, the piano on its low platform? It would be second only to the housedisappearing all together, to see that there was no physical possession that tied them in anyway. Thateverything remained, untouched and forgotten, behind them.

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Just like me.

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I turned my back on the gaping emptiness and hurried to my truck. I nearly ran. I was anxious to begone, to get back to the human world. I felt hideously empty, and I wanted to see Jacob. Maybe I was developing a new kind of sickness, another addiction, like the numbness before. I didn't care. I pushedmy truck as fast as it would go as I barreled toward my fix.

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Jacob was waiting for me. My chest seemed to relax as soon as I saw him, making it easier to breathe.

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"Hey, Bella," he called.

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I smiled in relief. "Hey, Jacob," I waved at Billy, who was looking out the window.

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"Let's get to work," Jacob said in a low but eager voice.

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I was somehow able to laugh. "You seriously aren't sick of me yet?" I wondered. He must be starting toask himself how desperate I was for company.

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Jacob led the way around the house to his garage.

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"Nope. Not yet.""Please let me know when I start getting on your nerves. I don't want to be a pain.""Okay." He laughed, a throaty sound. "I wouldn't hold your breath for that, though."When I walked into the garage, I was shocked to see the red bike standing up, looking like a motorcyclerather than a pile of jagged metal.

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"Jake, you're amazing," I breathed.

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He laughed again. "I get obsessive when I have a project." He shrugged. "If I had any brains I'd drag itout a little bit.""Why?"He looked down, pausing for so long that I wondered if he hadn't heard my question. Finally, he askedme, "Bella, if I told you that I couldn't fix these bikes, what would you say?"I didn't answer right away, either, and he glanced up to check my expression.

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"I would say… that's too bad, but I'll bet we could figure out something else to do. If we got reallydesperate, we could even do homework."Jacob smiled, and his shoulders relaxed. He sat down next to the bike and picked up a wrench. "So youthink you'll still come over when I'm done, then?""Is that what you meant?" I shook my head. "I guess I am taking advantage of your very underpricedmechanical skills. But as long as you let me come over, I'll be here.""Hoping to see Quil again?" he teased.

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"You caught me."He chuckled. "You really like spending time with me?" he asked, marveling.

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"Very, very much. And I'll prove it. I have to work tomorrow, but Wednesday we'll do somethingnonmechanical.""Like what?" "I have no idea. We can go to my place so you won't be tempted to be obsessive. You could bring yourschoolwork—you have to be getting behind, because I know I am.""Homework might be a good idea." He made a face, and I wondered how much he was leaving undoneto be with me.

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"Yes," I agreed. "We'll have to start being responsible occasionally, or Billy and Charlie aren't going to beso easygoing about this." I made a gesture indicating the two of us as a single entity. He liked that—hebeamed.

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"Homework once a week?" he proposed.

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"Maybe we'd better go with twice," I suggested, thinking of the pile I'd just been assigned today.

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He sighed a heavy sigh. Then he reached over his toolbox to a paper grocery sack. He pulled out twocans of soda, cracking one open and handing it to me. He opened the second, and held it upceremoniously.

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"Here's to responsibility," he toasted. "Twice a week.""And recklessness every day in between," I emphasized.

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He grinned and touched his can to mine.

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I got home later than I'd planned and found Charlie had ordered a pizza rather than wait for me. Hewouldn't let me apologize.

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"I don't mind," he assured me. "You deserve a break from all the cooking, anyway."I knew he was just relieved that I was still acting like a normal person, and he was not about to rock theboat.

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I checked my e-mail before I started on my homework, and there was a long one from Renee. Shegushed over every detail I'd provided her with, so I sent back another exhaustive description of my day.

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Everything but the motorcycles. Even happy-go-lucky Renee was likely to be alarmed by that.

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School Tuesday had its ups and downs. Angela and Mike seemed ready to welcome me back with openarms—to kindly overlook my few months of aberrant behavior. Jess was more resistant. I wondered ifshe needed a formal written apology for the Port Angeles incident.

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Mike was animated and chatty at work. It was like he'd stored up the semester's worth of talk, and itwas all spilling out now. I found that I was able to smile and laugh with him, though it wasn't as effortlessas it was with Jacob. It seemed harmless enough, until quitting time.

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Mike put the closed sign in the window while I folded my vest and shoved it under the counter.

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"This was fun tonight," Mike said happily.

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"Yeah," I agreed, though I'd much rather have spent the afternoon in the garage.

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"It's too bad that you had to leave the movie early last week."I was a little confused by his train of thought. I shrugged. "I'm just a wimp, I guess." "What I mean is, you should go to a better movie, something you'd enjoy," he explained.

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"Oh," I muttered, still confused.

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"Like maybe this Friday. With me. We could go see something that isn't scary at all."I bit my lip.

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I didn't want to screw things up with Mike, not when he was one of the only people ready to forgive mefor being crazy. But this, again, felt far too familiar. Like the last year had never happened. I wished I hadJess as an excuse this time.

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"Like a date?" I asked. Honesty was probably the best policy at this point. Get it over with.

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He processed the tone of my voice "If you want. But it doesn't have to be like that.""I don't date," I said slowly, realizing how true that was. That whole world seemed impossibly distant.

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"Just as friends?" he suggested. His clear blue eyes were not as eager now. I hoped he really meant thatwe could be friends anyway.

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"That would be fun. But I actually have plans already this Friday, so maybe next week?""What are you doing?" he asked, less casually than I think he wanted to sound.

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