MICHAELMAS came and passed, and Jude and his wife, who had lived but a short time in her father’s house after their remarriage, were in lodgings on the top floor of a dwelling nearer to the centre of the city.
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婚后两三个月他只于过有限几天活,身体每况愈下,病情险恶。他坐在火边的扶手椅上,咳嗽得很厉害。
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He had done a few days’ work during the two or three months since the event, but his health had been indifferent, and it was now precarious. He was sitting in an arm-chair before the fire, and coughed a good deal.
"I’ve got a bargain for my trouble in marrying thee over again!" Arabella was saying to him. "I shall have to keep ’ee entirely-- that’s what ’twill come to! I shall have to make black-pot and sausages, and hawk ’em about the street, all to support an invalid husband I’d no business to be saddled with at all. Why didn’t you keep your health, deceiving one like this? You were well enough when the wedding was!"
"Ah, yes!" said he, laughing acridly. "I have been thinking of my foolish feeling about the pig you and I killed during our first marriage. I feel now that the greatest mercy that could be vouchsafed to me would be that something should serve me as I served that animal."
This was the sort of discourse that went on between them every day now. The landlord of the lodging, who had heard that they were a queer couple, had doubted if they were married at all, especially as he had seen Arabella kiss Jude one evening when she had taken a little cordial; and he was about to give them notice to quit, till by chance overhearing her one night haranguing Jude in rattling terms, and ultimately flinging a shoe at his head, he recognized the note of genuine wedlock; and concluding that they must be respectable, said no more.
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裘德身体始终不见好。一天他吞吞吐吐地请阿拉贝拉替他办件事。她带搭不理地问什么事。
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Jude did not get any better, and one day he requested Arabella, with considerable hesitation, to execute a commission for him. She asked him indifferently what it was.
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“给苏写封信。”
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"To write to Sue."
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“你凭什么要我替你——给她写信,想干什么?”
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"What in the name--do you want me to write to her for?"
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“问问她近况,能不能来看看我,因为我病了,很想见她——再见一回。”
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"To ask how she is, and if she’ll come to see me, because I’m ill, and should like to see her--once again."
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“你叫我干这宗子事,你这不是侮辱正配夫人嘛!”
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"It is like you to insult a lawful wife by asking such a thing!"
"It is just in order not to insult you that I ask you to do it. You know I love Sue. I don’t wish to mince the matter-- there stands the fact: I love her. I could find a dozen ways of sending a letter to her without your knowledge. But I wish to be quite above-board with you, and with her husband. A message through you asking her to come is at least free from any odour of intrigue. If she retains any of her old nature at all, she’ll come."
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“反正你对婚姻一点不尊重,什么婚姻的权利跟义务一点不在乎。”
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"You’ve no respect for marriage whatever, or its rights and duties!"
"What DOES it matter what my opinions are--a wretch like me! Can it matter to anybody in the world who comes to see me for half an hour--here with one foot in the grave! ... Come, please write, Arabella!" he pleaded. "Repay my candour by a little generosity!"
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“我就是不写!”
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"I should think NOT!"
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“连一回都不写——哦,写吧!”他感到自己衰弱不堪,再顾不上脸面了。
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"Not just once?--Oh do!" He felt that his physical weakness had taken away all his dignity.
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“你让她来看你,究竟什么打算?她才不想来看你呢。她是隔岸观火,与己无关。”
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"What do you want HER to know how you are for? She don’t want to see ’ee. She’s the rat that forsook the sinking ship!"
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“别说啦,别说啦。”
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"Don’t, don’t!"
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“我呢,死粘着你不撒开,就更傻啦!让那个婊子进家门,还得了!”
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"And I stuck to un--the more fool I! Have that strumpet in the house indeed!"
Almost as soon as the words were spoken Jude sprang from the chair, and before Arabella knew where she was he had her on her back upon a little couch which stood there, he kneeling above her.
"Say another word of that sort," he whispered, "and I’ll kill you-- here and now! I’ve everything to gain by it--my own death not being the least part. So don’t think there’s no meaning in what I say!"
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“那你想叫我干什么?”阿拉贝拉气堵着说。
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"What do you want me to do?" gasped Arabella.
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“不许你以后再说她,答应不答应?”
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"Promise never to speak of her."
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“答应,不说啦!”
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"Very well. I do."
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“我信你的。”他一边松开她,一边口气轻蔑地说。“不过你的话算不算数,我还没法说。”
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"I take your word," he said scornfully as he loosened her. "But what it is worth I can’t say."
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“你宰不了猪,倒还想宰我!”
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"You couldn’t kill the pig, but you could kill me!"
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“啊——你这算把我说准啦!是啊——我不会宰了你——就算真急了——也不一定把你宰了。你混骂好啦。”
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"Ah--there you have me! No--I couldn’t kill you--even in a passion. Taunt away!"
He then began coughing very much, and she estimated his life with an appraiser’s eye as he sank back ghastly pale. "I’ll send for her," Arabella murmured, "if you’ll agree to my being in the room with you all the time she’s here."
The softer side of his nature, the desire to see Sue, made him unable to resist the offer even now, provoked as he had been; and he replied breathlessly: "Yes, I agree. Only send for her!"
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晚上他问写了没有。
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In the evening he inquired if she had written.
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“写了,我写了个条子,说你病了,请她明后天来。还没寄出去。”
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"Yes," she said; "I wrote a note telling her you were ill, and asking her to come to-morrow or the day after. I haven’t posted it yet."
The next day Jude wondered if she really did post it, but would not ask her; and foolish Hope, that lives on a drop and a crumb, made him restless with expectation. He knew the times of the possible trains, and listened on each occasion for sounds of her.
She did not come; but Jude would not address Arabella again thereon. He hoped and expected all the next day; but no Sue appeared; neither was there any note of reply. Then Jude decided in the privacy of his mind that Arabella had never posted hers, although she had written it. There was something in her manner which told it.
His physical weakness was such that he shed tears at the disappointment when she was not there to see. His suspicions were, in fact, well founded. Arabella, like some other nurses, thought that your duty towards your invalid was to pacify him by any means short of really acting upon his fancies.
He never said another word to her about his wish or his conjecture. A silent, undiscerned resolve grew up in him, which gave him, if not strength, stability and calm. One midday when, after an absence of two hours, she came into the room, she beheld the chair empty.
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她往床上一靠,又坐起来,细细想了想。“这家伙他妈的上哪儿去了?”
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Down she flopped on the bed, and sitting, meditated. "Now where the devil is my man gone to!" she said.
A driving rain from the north-east had been falling with more or less intermission all the morning, and looking from the window at the dripping spouts it seemed impossible to believe that any sick man would have ventured out to almost certain death. Yet a conviction possessed Arabella that he had gone out, and it became a certainty when she had searched the house. "If he’s such a fool, let him be!" she said. "I can do no more."
Jude was at that moment in a railway train that was drawing near to Alfredston, oddly swathed, pale as a monumental figure in alabaster, and much stared at by other passengers. An hour later his thin form, in the long great-coat and blanket he had come with, but without an umbrella, could have been seen walking along the five-mile road to Marygreen.
On his face showed the determined purpose that alone sustained him, but to which has weakness afforded a sorry foundation. By the up-hill walk he was quite blown, but he pressed on; and at half-past three o’clock stood by the familiar well at Marygreen.
The rain was keeping everybody indoors; Jude crossed the green to the church without observation, and found the building open. Here he stood, looking forth at the school, whence he could hear the usual sing-song tones of the little voices that had not learnt Creation’s groan.
He waited till a small boy came from the school--one evidently allowed out before hours for some reason or other. Jude held up his hand, and the child came.
"Oh--I didn’t think it was you! I didn’t--Oh, Jude!" A hysterical catch in her breath ended in a succession of them. He advanced, but she quickly recovered and went back.
"Don’t go--don’t go!" he implored. "This is my last time! I thought it would be less intrusive than to enter your house. And I shall never come again. Don’t then be unmerciful. Sue, Sue! We are acting by the letter; and ’the letter killeth’!"