通译双语文库:无名的裘德Part 6 第2章

1

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那房子只好算城区里的旧棚户房子，她坐在那儿，瞧着什么也没铺的光地板，然后又从没挂窗帘的窗户，仔细看外边的情景。近在对面的是石棺学院的不出声音、没有窗户的黑糊糊外墙。它们夜晚挡住月光，白天挡住阳光，把积了四百年之久的幽晦阴凄、顽梗偏执和老迈昏馈一古脑儿倾倒在她屋里。

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SUE sat looking at the bare floor of the room, the house being little more than an old intramural cottage, and then she regarded the scene outside the uncurtained window. At some distance opposite, the outer walls of Sarcophagus College-- silent, black, and windowless--threw their four centuries of gloom, bigotry, and decay into the little room she occupied, shutting out the moonlight by night and the sun by day.

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再往前是丹书学院，再远点是另一所学院的塔楼，它们的外形都清晰可辨。她不禁喟然感叹，主宰一个心地单纯的男人的激情会产生多么不可思议的作用，就像裘德那样把她们娘几个放在心窝里爱的人，由于始终未能忘情于昔日的梦想，竟然不惜把他们安置在这么叫人觉得丧气的地方。哪怕到了现在这光景，他还是没听清楚那些沾满学究气味的墙壁对他的愿望发出的回响是何等冷酷无情的否定。

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The outlines of Rubric College also were discernible beyond the other, and the tower of a third farther off still. She thought of the strange operation of a simple-minded man’s ruling passion, that it should have led Jude, who loved her and the children so tenderly, to place them here in this depressing purlieu, because he was still haunted by his dream. Even now he did not distinctly hear the freezing negative that those scholared walls had echoed to his desire.

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找房子一再失败，加上现在的房子也没有父亲容身之处，在大孩子心里留下了深刻的印象——仿佛有一种无影无形。不可名状的恐怖紧紧地扼住了他。屋里的沉寂因为他开口说话而打破了：“妈，明几个咱们可怎么办哪？”

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The failure to find another lodging, and the lack of room in this house for his father, had made a deep impression on the boy-- a brooding undemonstrative horror seemed to have seized him. The silence was broken by his saying: "Mother, WHAT shall we do to-morrow!"

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“我也不知道！”苏懒懒地说。“我担心又要让你爸爸发愁啦。”

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"I don’t know!" said Sue despondently. "I am afraid this will trouble your father."

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“我真盼爸爸棒棒的，有个屋子住哟！那一来就没多大关系啦！”

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"I wish Father was quite well, and there had been room for him! Then it wouldn’t matter so much! Poor Father!"

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“是啊，那就没多大关系啦！”

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"It wouldn’t!"

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“还有事儿叫我干吗？”

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"Can I do anything?"

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“没有！反正咱们万事只有烦心、倒霉、受罪的份儿！”

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"No! All is trouble, adversity, and suffering!"

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“爸爸走是为我们孩子有地方住，对不对？”

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"Father went away to give us children room, didn’t he?"

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“这也有关系。”

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"Partly."

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“呆在这世界上还不如离开好，对不对？”

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"It would be better to be out o’ the world than in it, wouldn’t it?"

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“有这么一点，亲爱的。”

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"It would almost, dear."

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“你们找不到好地方住，就因为有我们这些孩子，对不对？”

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"’Tis because of us children, too, isn’t it, that you can’t get a good lodging?"

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“呃——大人有时候也嫌孩子累赘。”

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"Well--people do object to children sometimes."

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“那，孩子要是惹这么多麻烦，干吗还要生孩子啊？”

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"Then if children make so much trouble, why do people have ’em?"

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“哦——那是个自然法则。”

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"Oh--because it is a law of nature."

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“可我们自个儿没要生，是吧？”

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"But we don’t ask to be born?"

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“对，是这么回事。”

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"No indeed."

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“可我比别的孩子还糟哪，因为你不是我亲妈；你要是不喜欢我，就用不着留我。我就不该上你这儿来——这可一点都不错。我在澳洲麻烦人，上这儿来还麻烦人。但愿我没生下地哟！”

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"And what makes it worse with me is that you are not my real mother, and you needn’t have had me unless you liked. I oughtn’t to have come to ’ee--that’s the real truth! I troubled ’em in Australia, and I trouble folk here. I wish I hadn’t been born!"

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“这你办不到啊，亲爱的！”

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"You couldn’t help it, my dear."

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“我觉着，孩子生下来了，又没人想要，那就趁他魂儿没长起来，干脆把他掐死，不让他往大里长，到处跑！”

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"I think that whenever children be born that are not wanted they should be killed directly, before their souls come to ’em, and not allowed to grow big and walk about!"

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苏没答话。她心里嘀咕着，拿不定主意怎么对待这个异想天开的孩子。

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Sue did not reply. She was doubtfully pondering how to treat this too reflective child.

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后来她总算想定了：凡是像老朋友一样愿意和她分忧的人，只要情况许可，她一定对他实心实意，决不藏藏掖掖。

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She at last concluded that, so far as circumstances permitted, she would be honest and candid with one who entered into her difficulties like an aged friend.

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“咱们家又要添个孩子啦。”她含混不清地说。

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"There is going to be another in our family soon," she hesitatingly remarked.

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“什么？”

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"How?"

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“又要有个小宝宝啦。”

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"There is going to be another baby."

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“怎么？”孩子发了疯似地跳起来。“哦，上帝哟，妈呀，你可千万别再弄一个来哟，你现在够麻烦啦！”

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"What!" The boy jumped up wildly. "Oh God, Mother, you’ve never a-sent for another; and such trouble with what you’ve got!"

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“是啊，是够麻烦啦，我也不好意思说啊，”她嘟囔着，因为忍住泪，眼睛亮晶晶的。

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"Yes, I have, I am sorry to say!" murmured Sue, her eyes glistening with suspended tears.

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孩子一下子哭了。“哦，你没心没肺，你没心没肺！”他喊起来，毫不留情地责怪她。“妈呀，你怎么这么坏，这么狠心，你就不能等家里好点，爸爸身体好了，再这么干吗？你这不是把咱们家搞得更麻烦吗？咱们没家没业的，爸爸只好到外头住，明儿个咱们又让人赶出去啦；可你还要给咱们家再添口人！……你这是存心哪 ——存心哪，存心哪！”他哭着，走来走去的。

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The boy burst out weeping. "Oh you don’t care, you don’t care!" he cried in bitter reproach. "How EVER could you, Mother, be so wicked and cruel as this, when you needn’t have done it till we was better off, and Father well! To bring us all into MORE trouble! No room for us, and Father a-forced to go away, and we turned out to-morrow; and yet you be going to have another of us soon! ... ’Tis done o’ purpose!--’tis--’tis!" He walked up and down sobbing.

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“小裘德哟，你、你可得原谅我呀！”她央告着，她的胸脯这会儿也像孩子的胸脯那样起伏。“我这会儿说不清啊——你长大了，我一定告诉你。现在咱们困难到这个份儿上，真像我是存心要这样哪！我没法说清楚，亲爱的！可是我实在不是存心——我也没办法啊！”

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"Y-you must forgive me, little Jude!" she pleaded, her bosom heaving now as much as the boy’s. "I can’t explain--I will when you are older. It does seem-- as if I had done it on purpose, now we are in these difficulties! I can’t explain, dear! But it--is not quite on purpose--I can’t help it!"

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“你就是存心——准是存心！你要是不答应，不是行吗？因为这样的事，谁也没法在咱们家里插一手！我决不原谅你，永远不原谅！我以后再也不信你心里记挂我，记挂爸爸，家里哪一个你也不记挂着哟！”

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"Yes it is--it must be! For nobody would interfere with us, like that, unless you agreed! I won’t forgive you, ever, ever! I’ll never believe you care for me, or Father, or any of us any more!"

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他站定了，转身走到连着她屋子的套间，那儿地板上临时搭了个铺。她听见他在那儿说：“要是我们孩子都走了，不是没了麻烦吗？”

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He got up, and went away into the closet adjoining her room, in which a bed had been spread on the floor. There she heard him say: "If we children was gone there’d be no trouble at all!"

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“别胡思乱想的，亲爱的。”她大声说，口气很严厉。“好好睡觉吧！”

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"Don’t think that, dear," she cried, rather peremptorily. "But go to sleep!"

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第二大早晨六点过一点，她醒了，决定立刻起床，在早饭前按裘德告诉她的地点，赶到他住的客店，把他走后发生的事情告诉他。她轻手轻脚地起来，免得惊醒孩子，她知道他们昨天一天都挺吃力，一定累得很。

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The following morning she awoke at a little past six, and decided to get up and run across before breakfast to the inn which Jude had informed her to be his quarters, to tell him what had happened before he went out. She arose softly, to avoid disturbing the children, who, as she knew, must be fatigued by their exertions of yesterday.

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她看见裘德正在那个不起眼的小酒馆吃早饭，他是为省下钱好垫上她住处的房租，才选上那么个地方。她把现在又要无可为家的情形跟他说了。他说他整夜都替她着急。好在现在已经到了早上，房东要她离开那个住处，就不像头天晚上那么叫人无可奈何了，就算她后来没找成住的地方，也不像原先那么紧迫。裘德同意她的想法，犯不上为住一个礼拜的权利纠缠下去，他们要立刻采取步骤，搬走了事。

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She found Jude at breakfast in the obscure tavern he had chosen as a counterpoise to the expense of her lodging: and she explained to him her homelessness. He had been so anxious about her all night, he said. Somehow, now it was morning, the request to leave the lodgings did not seem such a depressing incident as it had seemed the night before, nor did even her failure to find another place affect her so deeply as at first. Jude agreed with her that it would not be worth while to insist upon her right to stay a week, but to take immediate steps for removal.

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“你们先得在这个客店待一两天。”裘德说。“这地方杂得很，对孩子们不合适，可是咱们就有时间，东西南北找地方住啦。我从前住在别是巴，郊区一带出租的房子多得很呢。你就在这儿跟我吃早饭，我的小鸟儿。你是不是觉得身子还好？时间充裕得很，他们没醒之前，够你回去做早饭。反正我跟你一块儿走。”

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"You must all come to this inn for a day or two," he said. "It is a rough place, and it will not be so nice for the children, but we shall have more time to look round. There are plenty of lodgings in the suburbs--in my old quarter of Beersheba. Have breakfast with me now you are here, my bird. You are sure you are well? There will be plenty of time to get back and prepare the children’s meal before they wake. In fact, I’ll go with you."

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她跟裘德胡乱吃完饭，一刻钟之后，两人就动身了，决定从苏住的架子老大的那家立刻一走了之。他们一到就上楼，苏发现孩子屋里悄没声的。她怯怯地喊女房东把茶壶和早饭用具送上来。

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She joined Jude in a hasty meal, and in a quarter of an hour they started together, resolving to clear out from Sue’s too respectable lodging immediately. On reaching the place and going upstairs she found that all was quiet in the children’s room, and called to the landlady in timorous tones to please bring up the tea-kettle and something for their breakfast.

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女房东敷衍了事给她办了。苏把自己带来的两个鸡蛋放到水正开着的壶里，喊裘德看着给孩子吃的鸡蛋，她自己去喊他们起来，时间大概是八点半。

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This was perfunctorily done, and producing a couple of eggs which she had brought with her she put them into the boiling kettle, and summoned Jude to watch them for the youngsters, while she went to call them, it being now about half-past eight o’clock.

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裘德弯着腰站在那儿，拿着表，给鸡蛋计时,背对着孩子睡的小套间。

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Jude stood bending over the kettle, with his watch in his hand, timing the eggs, so that his back was turned to the little inner chamber where the children lay.

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突地苏一声尖叫，他不由得转过身来，只见套间门开了。原来她推门时候，觉得门扣得很紧，她一进去，就一下子瘫到地板上了。他赶紧过去把她扶起来，转眼往地上床铺看时，孩子们都不在了。

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A shriek from Sue suddenly caused him to start round. He saw that the door of the room, or rather closet-- which had seemed to go heavily upon its hinges as she pushed it back-- was open, and that Sue had sunk to the floor just within it. Hastening forward to pick her up he turned his eyes to the little bed spread on the boards; no children were there.

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他大惑不解，往屋子四下里找，却见门背后原来挂衣服用的钩子上挂着两个小孩子的身体，脖子上各拴着一根捆箱子的绳子，几码以外的一个钉子上也同样吊着小裘德的身体，旁边有个翻了的椅子，他的玻璃一样的眼珠对着屋里张望，而那个小女孩和还在怀抱的小男孩的眼睛却闭上了。

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这怪异得无以复加的恐怖景象吓得他魂不附体，他只好让苏先躺下来，再拿小刀割断绳子，把三个孩子都扔到了床上；在这短促的动作中间，他摸了摸他们的身体，心里想他们大概都死了。他一把抱起昏厥的苏，把她放到外间屋床上，跟着透不过气地喊女房东上来，然后跑出去找医生。

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他回来时，苏已苏醒；两个手足无措的女人，弯着腰，拼命想叫孩子活过来，这情景加上小尸体三个一排躺在床上的惨象，把他所有自制能力全都摧垮了。离得最近的一位外科医生到了，但正像裘德先已料到的，他在场也无济于事，把孩子救活的时间已经过去了。他们的身体虽然没全凉，但估计那会儿离上吊时间总有一个钟头。

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后来两个做父母的理智恢复了，他们推究惨剧发生的前因后果时，认为大致情况是：大孩子醒了，朝外间看看苏，一瞧见她人不在，他本来就因为头天晚上的见闻心情非常恶劣，那会儿就变本加厉，于是诱发了他的病态心理，才干出那样的事情；他们还在地上找到一个纸条，是孩子的笔迹，他用身上带的铅笔写着：

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The probability held by the parents later on, when they were able to reason on the case, was that the elder boy, on waking, looked into the outer room for Sue, and, finding her absent, was thrown into a fit of aggravated despondency that the events and information of the evening before had induced in his morbid temperament. Moreover a piece of paper was found upon the floor, on which was written, in the boy’s hand, with the bit of lead pencil that he carried:

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我们太多了，算了吧。

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DONE BECAUSE WE ARE TOO MENNY.

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苏看了纸条，再也撑不住了；原来她同孩子的一席谈竟是导致惨剧发生的种因。这个可怕的想法使她浑身痉挛，剧烈的痛苦一刻不停地折磨着她。他们也不管她怎么哀求，硬把她抬到下面一层的屋里，她躺在那儿，张着嘴拼命喘气，纤弱的身子随着一抽一抽的。两眼直勾勾对着天花板，女房东怎么劝慰也没用。

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他们在这间卧室里听得见上面的人走动，她央告大家让她回到楼上；大家一再劝说，如果孩子还有一线希望，她去了反倒坏事，还提醒她，她一定要注意自己的身体，否则会害了还没生的孩子。如此这般，她才没闹下去。她没完没了地问孩子的情况，最后裘德从楼上下来，告诉她已经毫无希望。等她后来能正常说话了，她就把头天跟孩子说了什么一五一十地告诉了裘德，认为自己就是这场祸事的根子。

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“不是那么回事儿，”裘德说，“他这是天性使然，所以才干得出来。大夫讲了，这样的孩子正在咱们这一辈里头冒出来——这样的孩子，上一辈还闻所未闻呢，他们是种种新人生观带来的后果。他们还没长到坚忍不拔到足以抗拒这类思想影响的程度似乎就已经看穿了人生的险恶凶残了。他讲，这种现象表明厌世之想行将在人们中间普遍开始。大夫的思想很前进，不过他也没法去开导——”

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为了她的缘故，裘德一直强抑悲痛，现在他也忍不住了。他的悲痛激发了苏对他的同情，这转而缓和了几分她对自己的严酷的谴责。来人散了之后，裘德答应她去看孩子。

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他们经历的一切拂逆在大孩子脸上分明表现出来。使裘德第一次婚姻陷于不幸的所有恶兆和阴影，他在第二次结合中发生的所有变故、错误、忧惧和过失，通通汇集到这个小小的形体上。他就是他们的过去和现在的缩影，他们的过去和现在的焦点，并且是他们的过去和现在的独一无二的象征。他已经为先前的父母的混账行为而呻吟，为他们的恶劣结合而颤栗，又为现在的父母噩运当头而送了命。

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整个房子静下来了，他们也无事可做，只候着验尸组来验尸，忽然间学院那边一阵宏大低沉的声音，连它后身的厚厚围墙也没挡住，传到了他们的屋里。

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“这是什么？”苏说，她的快慢不匀的呼吸骤然停了一下。

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“是学院礼拜堂的风琴声音。我想是风琴师在练琴吧。他奏的是《诗篇》第七十三章的一段《颂歌》：‘上帝实在恩待以色列那些清心的人’。”

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她又呜咽起来。“呜，呜，我的宝贝儿哟！他们没干过坏事！干吗不把我带走，把他们带走了哟！”

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又是一阵寂静——后来又让外面什么地方两个人说话声打破了。

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“他们议论咱们呢，没错儿！”苏哭着说。“‘我们成了一台戏，给世人和天使都看过了。’”

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裘德听了听——“他们不是议论咱们。”他说。“是两位观点不一致的牧师，正辩论东向位置。天哪——什么东向位置不东向位置，众生都苦苦呻吟着哪！”

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又一阵沉寂，直到她又因悲不自胜而开口。“咱们身外有个东西说，‘你别干啦！’它先说，‘你别学习啦！’接着说，‘你别做工啦！’现在说，‘你别爱啦！’”

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他想宽慰她，就说，“你心里太苦才这样啊，亲亲！”

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他们还是往下等。她又回到自己的屋子。顶小的孩子的连衣裙、鞋和袜子在他死时候都放在椅上，到现在她也不把它们拿开。裘德虽然不想再让她瞧见，可每逢他一动这些东西，她就央告他还是让它们放在那儿。女房东也想把它们拿开，她简直发了疯一样，跟她大哭大闹。

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裘德固然担心她的阵发性抽搐，可是更害怕她把痛苦闷在心里，不言不语地麻木下去。“你干吗不理我，裘德？”沉默一会儿之后，她高声喊出来。“你别对我不管不顾的，你要不在我身边，那么孤单，我可受不了。”

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“你看，亲爱的，我不是在这儿吗？”他说，同时脸挨近她的脸。

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“对啦！……哦，我的同志，咱们这完美的结合——咱们这二合一整体，现在沾上了鲜血啦！”

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“是让死亡的阴影笼罩啦——应该这么看。”

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“啊，可的确是我把他引得那样啊，虽然我当时没想到把他引错了。我跟他说话，就跟同懂事的成年人说话一样。我说这世界就是跟咱们作对，花这样的代价活在这世界上还不如死了好。他把这些话都当真啦。我还跟他说又要生孩子了。他一听就慌了神啦。哦，他把我熊得好厉害哟！”

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“你干吗跟他说这个呢，苏？”

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“我也说不上来。我是想做到诚实无欺。我实在不忍对他隐瞒真相。可是我并没有诚实无欺，因为我当时是转弯抹角跟他说的。我怎么比别的女人都笨，没点心眼哪？简直笨透啦！我干吗不跟他说叫他高兴的一套，假的也行啊，何必用半真半假的一套？这是因为我没自制能力，所以我遮掩不了，也说不明白。”

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“碰到大多数情形，你这个办法或许是个顶用的；只是咱们的情形太特别，碰巧用了一下，就糟糕了。他要是不死的话，早晚还是会明白过来的。”

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“再说我正给小宝贝儿做新连衣裙哪，我可永远看不见他穿着啦，永远没法跟他说话啦……我眼睛胀得很，简直看不出东西啦；可是就在一年前，我还觉得自己幸福呢！咱们未免太卿卿我我喽——两个人净顾自个儿，完全落到了自私自利的地步。咱们说过——你记得吧——咱们要做到真心快乐，叫人羡慕。

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我说过这就是自然的意向、自然的法则和自然之所以为自然，按自然赋予我们的本能，我们要真真得到快乐——文明已经一手把这些本能扼杀了。我说的这些话够多造孽呀！好啦，现在咱们就为蠢得把自然的法则信以为真，命运女神才在咱们背上狠狠捅了一刀！”

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苏沉默下来，陷入深思，过了会儿又说：“也许他们走了是件大好事——是呀，我看是这样，与其以后看着他们令人伤心地枯萎下去，倒不如趁着他们新鲜劲儿采摘下来还好些吧。”

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“是这样啊。”裘德回答说。“有人说总有那么一天，长辈看着孩子在襁褓中死掉，心里会高兴呢。”

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“但是他们实际不理解啊！……哦，我的宝贝儿，宝贝儿啊，你们这会儿活着够多好呀！你可以说大孩子想死，要不然他就不会干那样的事。他这样死不算情理之外，多少跟他治不好的天生悲观有关系，可怜的小东西！但是那两个呢——我自己生的孩子，也是你的孩子，那可不一样啊！”

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苏又望着挂着的连衣裙，望着袜子和鞋，浑身哆嗦得像根弦。“我是个可怜虫啊！”她说。“天不留地不要啦！真把我逼疯啦！该怎么办哪！”她盯着裘德，紧紧握着他的手。

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“没有办法啦。”他回答说。“命中注定，在劫难逃，也只能这样收场了。”

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她停了一下。“不错！这话谁说的？”她难过地问。

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“这话是《阿迦门农》合唱里的一句。打事情一出来，我就一直念叨着这句话。”

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“我的可怜的裘德——你真是妙手空空啊——你比我还苦啊，因为我总算还有你哪！可怜你一无依傍，全靠苦读，学有所成，到头来还是穷愁潦倒，前途无望，真叫人想不通呀！”

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谈话把她的悲苦心情暂时岔开了一会儿，可是她又猛然伤痛起来。

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恰好验尸组如时到了，他们看了尸体，按规定验了尸；随后就到了凄惨的送葬的清晨。经过报上一传，爱看热闹的闲人都给引到了出事现场，他们站着没事，就数窗户上有多少块玻璃、墙上有多少块石头。

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裘德夫妇不明不白的关系更给他们的好奇心添油加醋。苏说过了，她要送两个小的到坟地，但是临走之前，她撑不住了，只好躺下来，趁这时候，他们把棺材悄悄抬出了房子。

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裘德一上运尸车，就把它赶走了。房东于是大大松了口气，眼下他只剩下苏和她的行李要处理掉，他希望到下半天房子就一切恢复原状。他老婆因为不走运，招进来这家子，这礼拜弄得他的房子声名狼藉，这下子完全可以洗清了。

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下午他偷偷跟房子的产权人商量了一番，两人都同意，要是因为房子里发生过惨剧，社会上对它有成见，敬而远之，他们就要想方设法把它的门牌号数换一个。

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裘德看着两个小棺材——一个装小裘德，一个装两个小点的孩子——放到墓穴里，跟着赶快往回奔去看苏，她还在自己屋里躺着，他也就没惊动她。可是他老是放心不下，四点钟光景又回去了。

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房东太太还当她还在屋里，可是看了一下，就下来告诉裘德她不在屋里。她的帽子跟上衣也没了，这说明她出去了。裘德急忙跑到他住的那家客店，她也不在那儿。他琢磨可能发生的情况之后，就顺着大路，直奔公墓，一进门就横插过去，径直到棺材下葬的地方。

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那些因为出了惨剧而跟着来看热闹的人已经散了。一个人拿着铁锹正朝埋三个孩子的坟里填土，但是在填了一半的坑旁边，有个女人抓着他胳臂不放，求他别填。那正是苏。她根本就没想到把她的带颜色的衣服脱下来，换上裘德替她买的丧服，可是即便她跟一般丧失子女的人一样从俗换上丧服，那也不像她穿着现在这样的衣服把她的悲痛表现得如此之深。

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“他要把他们埋了，这不行啊，我还要看我的孩子！”她一看见裘德就疯了似地哭喊着。“我要再看一遍。哦，裘德，开开恩吧，我要看他们。我不知道你趁我睡着了，就叫人把他们抬走啦！你说过，他们的棺材没上钉的时候，我还可以再看一遍，可你说话不算数，你把他们抬走啦！哦，裘德呀，你对我也忍心哪！”

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“她要我把棺材再挖出来，让她撬开棺材。”拿铁锹的人说。“瞧她这样儿，你得把她弄回家才行。可怜的东西，她这简直是胡来嘛。太太，棺材可不能再挖出来。你还是跟你丈夫回家吧，忍着点吧，感谢上帝，你又快有孩子啦，那就别管多伤心也都冲掉啦。”

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但是苏苦苦哀求没个完：“让我看一遍吧——就一遍哟，行不行啊？就那么一丁点工夫，裘德呀？没一会儿就行啦！那我也就安下心啦，裘德！裘德，你要是再让我看，我以后什么都好说好办，什么都听你的。一看了，我就跟没事儿一样回家啦，以后再也不想啦，行不行呀？干吗不行哪！”

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她没完没了地央告，裘德心痛如割，他几乎要那个工人答应再把棺材起出来。但是那样一来，不单毫无好处，还可能叫她的情形更糟下去。他明白他得当机立断，先把她立刻弄回家。于是耐下心，劝她，哄她，温存体贴地跟她悄悄说话，抱着她，好让她有个依靠；后来她也闹不下去了，听他的话，离开了公墓。

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他想找辆轻便马车送她，可是他们的境况如此之窘，她不许他这样。两个人就一路慢慢走回去，裘德一身黑，她一身褐加红。他们要在下午搬到新住处，但是裘德觉得眼下不大行得通，于是他们就不经意地走进了他们现在打心里憎恶的房子。苏立刻躺下来，裘德出去请大夫。

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裘德整晚上都在楼下等着。很晚了，人家才告诉他，胎儿早产，成了死胎，是跟前面三个孩子一样的尸体。

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Part 6 第2章|Part 6 Chapter 2

找房子一再失败，加上现在的房子也没有父亲容身之处，在大孩子心里留下了深刻的印象——仿佛有一种无影无形。不可名状的恐怖紧紧地扼住了他。屋里的沉寂因为他开口说话而打破了：“妈，明几个咱们可怎么办哪？”

The failure to find another lodging, and the lack of room in this house for his father, had made a deep impression on the boy-- a brooding undemonstrative horror seemed to have seized him. The silence was broken by his saying: "Mother, WHAT shall we do to-morrow!"

“我也不知道！”苏懒懒地说。“我担心又要让你爸爸发愁啦。”

"I don’t know!" said Sue despondently. "I am afraid this will trouble your father."

“我真盼爸爸棒棒的，有个屋子住哟！那一来就没多大关系啦！”

"I wish Father was quite well, and there had been room for him! Then it wouldn’t matter so much! Poor Father!"

“是啊，那就没多大关系啦！”

"It wouldn’t!"

“还有事儿叫我干吗？”

"Can I do anything?"

“没有！反正咱们万事只有烦心、倒霉、受罪的份儿！”

"No! All is trouble, adversity, and suffering!"

“爸爸走是为我们孩子有地方住，对不对？”

"Father went away to give us children room, didn’t he?"

“这也有关系。”

"Partly."

“呆在这世界上还不如离开好，对不对？”

"It would be better to be out o’ the world than in it, wouldn’t it?"

“有这么一点，亲爱的。”

"It would almost, dear."

“你们找不到好地方住，就因为有我们这些孩子，对不对？”

"’Tis because of us children, too, isn’t it, that you can’t get a good lodging?"

“呃——大人有时候也嫌孩子累赘。”

"Well--people do object to children sometimes."

“那，孩子要是惹这么多麻烦，干吗还要生孩子啊？”

"Then if children make so much trouble, why do people have ’em?"

“哦——那是个自然法则。”

"Oh--because it is a law of nature."

“可我们自个儿没要生，是吧？”

"But we don’t ask to be born?"

“对，是这么回事。”

"No indeed."

“可我比别的孩子还糟哪，因为你不是我亲妈；你要是不喜欢我，就用不着留我。我就不该上你这儿来——这可一点都不错。我在澳洲麻烦人，上这儿来还麻烦人。但愿我没生下地哟！”

"And what makes it worse with me is that you are not my real mother, and you needn’t have had me unless you liked. I oughtn’t to have come to ’ee--that’s the real truth! I troubled ’em in Australia, and I trouble folk here. I wish I hadn’t been born!"

“这你办不到啊，亲爱的！”

"You couldn’t help it, my dear."

“我觉着，孩子生下来了，又没人想要，那就趁他魂儿没长起来，干脆把他掐死，不让他往大里长，到处跑！”

"I think that whenever children be born that are not wanted they should be killed directly, before their souls come to ’em, and not allowed to grow big and walk about!"

苏没答话。她心里嘀咕着，拿不定主意怎么对待这个异想天开的孩子。

Sue did not reply. She was doubtfully pondering how to treat this too reflective child.

后来她总算想定了：凡是像老朋友一样愿意和她分忧的人，只要情况许可，她一定对他实心实意，决不藏藏掖掖。

She at last concluded that, so far as circumstances permitted, she would be honest and candid with one who entered into her difficulties like an aged friend.

“咱们家又要添个孩子啦。”她含混不清地说。

"There is going to be another in our family soon," she hesitatingly remarked.

“什么？”

"How?"

“又要有个小宝宝啦。”

"There is going to be another baby."

“怎么？”孩子发了疯似地跳起来。“哦，上帝哟，妈呀，你可千万别再弄一个来哟，你现在够麻烦啦！”

"What!" The boy jumped up wildly. "Oh God, Mother, you’ve never a-sent for another; and such trouble with what you’ve got!"

“是啊，是够麻烦啦，我也不好意思说啊，”她嘟囔着，因为忍住泪，眼睛亮晶晶的。

"Yes, I have, I am sorry to say!" murmured Sue, her eyes glistening with suspended tears.

“你就是存心——准是存心！你要是不答应，不是行吗？因为这样的事，谁也没法在咱们家里插一手！我决不原谅你，永远不原谅！我以后再也不信你心里记挂我，记挂爸爸，家里哪一个你也不记挂着哟！”

"Yes it is--it must be! For nobody would interfere with us, like that, unless you agreed! I won’t forgive you, ever, ever! I’ll never believe you care for me, or Father, or any of us any more!"

他站定了，转身走到连着她屋子的套间，那儿地板上临时搭了个铺。她听见他在那儿说：“要是我们孩子都走了，不是没了麻烦吗？”

He got up, and went away into the closet adjoining her room, in which a bed had been spread on the floor. There she heard him say: "If we children was gone there’d be no trouble at all!"

“别胡思乱想的，亲爱的。”她大声说，口气很严厉。“好好睡觉吧！”

"Don’t think that, dear," she cried, rather peremptorily. "But go to sleep!"

第二大早晨六点过一点，她醒了，决定立刻起床，在早饭前按裘德告诉她的地点，赶到他住的客店，把他走后发生的事情告诉他。她轻手轻脚地起来，免得惊醒孩子，她知道他们昨天一天都挺吃力，一定累得很。

她跟裘德胡乱吃完饭，一刻钟之后，两人就动身了，决定从苏住的架子老大的那家立刻一走了之。他们一到就上楼，苏发现孩子屋里悄没声的。她怯怯地喊女房东把茶壶和早饭用具送上来。

女房东敷衍了事给她办了。苏把自己带来的两个鸡蛋放到水正开着的壶里，喊裘德看着给孩子吃的鸡蛋，她自己去喊他们起来，时间大概是八点半。

This was perfunctorily done, and producing a couple of eggs which she had brought with her she put them into the boiling kettle, and summoned Jude to watch them for the youngsters, while she went to call them, it being now about half-past eight o’clock.

裘德弯着腰站在那儿，拿着表，给鸡蛋计时,背对着孩子睡的小套间。

Jude stood bending over the kettle, with his watch in his hand, timing the eggs, so that his back was turned to the little inner chamber where the children lay.

突地苏一声尖叫，他不由得转过身来，只见套间门开了。原来她推门时候，觉得门扣得很紧，她一进去，就一下子瘫到地板上了。他赶紧过去把她扶起来，转眼往地上床铺看时，孩子们都不在了。

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我们太多了，算了吧。

DONE BECAUSE WE ARE TOO MENNY.

为了她的缘故，裘德一直强抑悲痛，现在他也忍不住了。他的悲痛激发了苏对他的同情，这转而缓和了几分她对自己的严酷的谴责。来人散了之后，裘德答应她去看孩子。

整个房子静下来了，他们也无事可做，只候着验尸组来验尸，忽然间学院那边一阵宏大低沉的声音，连它后身的厚厚围墙也没挡住，传到了他们的屋里。

“这是什么？”苏说，她的快慢不匀的呼吸骤然停了一下。

“是学院礼拜堂的风琴声音。我想是风琴师在练琴吧。他奏的是《诗篇》第七十三章的一段《颂歌》：‘上帝实在恩待以色列那些清心的人’。”

她又呜咽起来。“呜，呜，我的宝贝儿哟！他们没干过坏事！干吗不把我带走，把他们带走了哟！”

又是一阵寂静——后来又让外面什么地方两个人说话声打破了。

“他们议论咱们呢，没错儿！”苏哭着说。“‘我们成了一台戏，给世人和天使都看过了。’”

裘德听了听——“他们不是议论咱们。”他说。“是两位观点不一致的牧师，正辩论东向位置。天哪——什么东向位置不东向位置，众生都苦苦呻吟着哪！”

又一阵沉寂，直到她又因悲不自胜而开口。“咱们身外有个东西说，‘你别干啦！’它先说，‘你别学习啦！’接着说，‘你别做工啦！’现在说，‘你别爱啦！’”