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记忆传授人|The Giver

第五章 激情|Chapter 5

属类： 双语小说 【分类】魔幻小说 阅读：[9930]
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通常，早晨的家庭活动一一分享梦境，乔纳思的贡献很有限，因为他很少做梦。就算偶尔记得一些片断，也无法拼凑起来，说出个所以然。

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但是今天早晨与往常很不一样，他前一晚做的梦是那样的鲜明。

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当莉莉像往常一样，绘声绘影地详述漫长的梦境时，乔纳思的心思不晓得飞到哪儿去了。这次莉莉又做了一个噩梦，梦中她违反规定，骑着妈妈的自行车，被警卫逮个正着。

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大家仔细聆听，并和莉莉讨论梦中所透露的警讯。

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“谢谢你提供的梦境。”乔纳思心不在焉地公式化地响应着。他试着集中注意力，听妈妈的梦。妈妈的梦有点零乱，好像是违反了一项她不了解的规定而被人责备。大家认为可能是因为她不愿意对那位再次违法的市民下重罚，才会做这样的梦。

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爸爸说他没有做梦。

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“加波呢？”爸爸低下头，问婴儿篮里的小宝宝。小宝宝刚吃饱，正咯咯笑着，等着回育婴中心度过白天的时光。

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大家全都笑了。述说梦境从三岁开始，出生不久的小宝宝到底会不会做梦，大家都不知道。

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“乔纳思呢？”妈妈问。虽然乔纳思很少有梦境可以分享，但他们还是会问。

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“昨天晚上我做了一个梦。”乔纳思告诉大家。他换了个坐姿，皱皱眉头。

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“很好。”爸爸说，“快点告诉我们吧。”

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“事实上，细节我已经不太记得了。”乔纳思试图把怪梦重温一遍。

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“我好像是在养老院的浴室里。”

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“你昨天是到那儿去过。”爸爸指出。

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乔纳思点点头：“但又不完全像那里，梦中只有一个浴盆，可是养老院的浴室里有一排接一排的浴盆。梦中的房间既潮湿又温暖，我脱下衣服，也没有穿罩衫，全身赤裸。温度太高了，我不断地流汗。费欧娜跟昨天一样，也在那里。”

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“亚瑟也在吗？”妈妈问。

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乔纳思摇摇头：“不在。只有我跟费欧娜单独站在浴盆旁边。她正在笑，不过我没有。我甚至有点儿生她的气，因为她没把我的话当一回事。”

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“什么话？”莉莉问。

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乔纳思盯着自己的盘子，不知道为什么，他觉得有点窘：“我要她进到浴盆里去。”

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他迟疑了一下。他知道自己必须说出整个梦境，不能只挑一部分来说，因此，他强迫自己把不安的那部分也说出来。

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“我要她脱下衣服，进到浴盆里，”他飞快地解释，“我想帮她洗澡。我手里拿着海绵。但是她不愿意，一直笑着说不要。”

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他抬头看着父母：“就是这样。”他说。

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“儿子，你可以描述一下梦中那种强烈的感觉吗？”爸爸问。

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乔纳思想了一下，过程虽然模糊，但感觉非常清晰，仿佛现在还在他脑海里回旋。“那是一种‘想要’的感觉，”他说，“我明知道她不愿意，也知道不应该这样，却渴望这样做，我可以感觉到我全身上下都充满了这种需求。”

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“谢谢你让我们分享了你的梦境。”过了一会儿，妈妈开口说话，她瞥了爸爸一眼。

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“莉莉，”爸爸说，“上学时间到了。你要不要跟我一起走，顺便帮忙看着婴儿篮里的宝宝？他扭来扭去的，我担心会掉出来呢！”

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乔纳思起身去整理课本。他很意外大家竟然没有讨论他的梦境，就跳到最后的谢词。也许他们也跟他一样困惑吧！

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“等一下，乔纳思，”妈妈温和地说，“我会写张致歉字条给你的老师，这样你就不必为了迟到道歉。”

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他纳闷坐回到椅子上，挥手跟提着加波的婴儿篮的爸爸和莉莉再见，然后看着妈妈整理早餐剩余的菜肴，并将托盘放到前门，方便工作人员收取。

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最后，妈妈坐到他身边来：“乔纳思，”她微笑着说，“你所描述的那种强烈的需求感，就是你的第一次‘激情’。爸爸和我一直在期待你产生这样的感觉。这是每个人成长必然会经历的过程，爸爸和我在你这个年纪时都有过。将来有一天莉莉也会有。”

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“而且通常是从梦里开始的。”妈妈补充道。

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激情！他听过这个名词。社区法则中有，只是不记得上头写些什么。广播员也不时提到：“请注意！提醒大家，如果产生激情现象，要往上呈报，以便开处方治疗。”

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以前他并不在意这种宣布，因为他听不懂，也从未想过自己会有这些现象。他忽略这项宣布，就像大多数的居民会忽略广播员的很多命令和提醒一样。

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“我要不要往上呈报？”他问妈妈。

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妈妈笑了：“你已经报告了，就在梦境分享的时间啊。这就够了。”

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“那治疗呢？广播员说要开处方治疗。”乔纳思觉得很沮丧。怎么会在十二岁典礼前的当儿发生这种事？他会被送到远方治疗吗？就因为他做了一个荒谬的梦？

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妈妈再度露出安心、亲切的笑容，“不用，不用。”她说，“只要服用一些药丸就行了。你已经可以服用药丸了，这就是治疗激情的方法。”

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乔纳思顿时开心了起来。他知道药丸是什么，爸爸妈妈每天早上都服用。据他所知，有些朋友也在服用。有一次，他和亚瑟一块儿上学，才刚蹬上自行车，亚瑟的爸爸就在跑道上大叫：“亚瑟，你忘了吃药丸了！”亚瑟温顺地呻吟了一声，调转自行车，骑回屋前。

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生活里面有些事是不能问的，即便是朋友也不能问，因为那样做就会“凸显差异”，令人不安。例如亚瑟每天早上服用一颗药丸，乔纳思没有。所以最好只谈论相同点，以免莽撞。

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他马上吞下妈妈递给他的小药丸。

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“就这样？”他问。

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“就这样。”妈妈回答，把瓶子放回柜子里，“今后可别忘了吃。前几个星期我会提醒你，但以后你得自己记住。如果你忘了吃，激情会再度出现，激情的梦境也会再度出现。

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有时候，还得看情形调整药量。”

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“亚瑟也吃药。”乔纳思透露。

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妈妈点点头，一点也不惊讶：“你的很多男同学可能都在服用了。女生也快了。”

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“我必须服用多久？”

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“直到你进入养老院为止，”她解释，“整个成年生活都要服用。渐渐地这会变成习惯，就像例行公事一样。”

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她瞧了瞧手表：“如果你现在出门，可能还不会迟到。快走吧。”

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“还有，乔纳思，”他走到门口时，她又补充说’“谢谢你让我们分享你的梦境。”

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乔纳思飞快地蹬着自行车往前冲，内心隐隐地觉得骄傲，很高兴自己加入服用药丸的行列。他又回想起那个梦，虽然有些困惑，感觉上却很愉悦。

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他喜欢妈妈说是“激情”的这种感觉。他记得自己刚醒过来时，曾希望这种感觉能再出现。

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当他骑车拐过路口，将家远远地拋在后头时，那个梦境也跟着被拋到脑后了。在那一瞬间，他有点失落，想要把那种感觉抓回来，但是那种感觉消失了，激情不见了。

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Usually, at the morning ritual when the family members told their dreams, Jonas didn’t contribute much. He rarely dreamed. Sometimes he awoke with a feeling of fragments afloat in his sleep, but he couldn’t seem to grasp them and put them together into something worthy of telling at the ritual.

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But this morning was different. He had dreamed very vividly the night before.

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His mind wandered while Lily, as usual, recounted a lengthy dream, this one a frightening one in which she had, against the rules, been riding her mother’s bicycle and been caught by the Security Guards.

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They all listened carefully and discussed with Lily the warning that the dream had given.

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"Thank you for your dream, Lily." Jonas said the standard phrase automatically, and tried to pay better attention while his mother told of a dream fragment, a disquieting scene where she had been chastised for a rule infraction she didn’t understand. Together they agreed that it probably resulted from her feelings when she had reluctantly dealt punishment to the citizen who had broken the major rules a second time.

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Father said that he had had no dreams.

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"Gabe?" Father asked, looking down at the basket where the new child lay gurgling after his feeding, ready to be taken back to the Nurturing Center for the day.

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They all laughed. Dream-telling began with Threes. If new children dreamed, no one knew.

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"Jonas?" Mother asked. They always asked, though they knew how rarely Jonas had a dream to tell.

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"I did dream last night," Jonas told them. He shifted in his chair, frowning.

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"Good," Father said. "Tell us."

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"The details aren’t clear, really," Jonas explained, trying to recreate the odd dream in his mind. "I think I was in the bathing room at the House of the Old."

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"That’s where you were yesterday," Father pointed out.

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Jonas nodded. "But it wasn’t really the same. There was a tub, in the dream. But only one. And the real bathing room has rows and rows of them. But the room in the dream was warm and damp. And I had taken off my tunic , but hadn’t put on the smock, so my chest was bare. I was perspiring , because it was so warm. And Fiona was there, the way she was yesterday."

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"Asher, too?" Mother asked.

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Jonas shook his head. "No. It was only me and Fiona, alone in the room, standing beside the tub. She was laughing. But I wasn’t. I was almost a little angry at her, in the dream, because she wasn’t taking me seriously."

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"Seriously about what?" Lily asked.

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Jonas looked at his plate. For some reason that he didn’t understand, he felt slightly embarrassed. "I think I was trying to convince her that she should get into the tub of water."

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He paused. He knew he had to tell it all, that it was not only all right but necessary to tell all of a dream. So he forced himself to relate the part that made him uneasy.

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"I wanted her to take off her clothes and get into the tub," he explained quickly. "I wanted to bathe her. I had the sponge in my hand. But she wouldn’t. She kept laughing and saying no."

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He looked up at his parents. "That’s all," he said.

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"Can you describe the strongest feeling in your dream, son?" Father asked.

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Jonas thought about it. The details were murky and vague. But the feelings were clear, and flooded him again now as he thought. "The wanting," he said. "I knew that she wouldn’t. And I think I knew that she shouldn’t. But I wanted it so terribly. I could feel the wanting all through me."

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"Thank you for your dream, Jonas," Mother said after a moment. She glanced at Father.

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"Lily," Father said, "it’s time to leave for school. Would you walk beside me this morning and keep an eye on the new child basket? We want to be certain he doesn’t wiggle himself loose."

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Jonas began to rise to collect his schoolbooks. He thought it surprising that they hadn’t talked about his dream at length before the thank you. Perhaps they found it as confusing as he had.

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"Wait, Jonas," Mother said gently. "I’ll write an apology to your instructor so that you won’t have to speak one for being late."

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He sank back down into his chair, puzzled. He waved to Father and Lily as they left the dwelling , carrying Gabe in his basket. He watched while Mother tidied the remains of the morning meal and placed the tray by the front door for the Collection Crew.

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Finally she sat down beside him at the table. "Jonas," she said with a smile, "the feeling you described as the wanting? It was your first Stirrings. Father and I have been expecting it to happen to you. It happens to everyone. It happened to Father when he was your age. And it happened to me. It will happen someday to Lily.

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"And very often," Mother added, "it begins with a dream."

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Stirrings. He had heard the word before. He remembered that there was a reference to the Stirrings in the Book of Rules, though he didn’t remember what it said. And now and then the Speaker mentioned it. ATTENTION. A REMINDER THAT STIRRINGS MUST BE REPORTED IN ORDER FOR TREATMENT TO TAKE PLACE.

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He had always ignored that announcement because he didn’t understand it and it had never seemed to apply to him in any way. He ignored, as most citizens did, many of the commands and reminders read by the Speaker.

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"Do I have to report it?" he asked his mother.

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She laughed. "You did, in the dream-telling. That’s enough."

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"But what about the treatment? The Speaker says that treatment must take place." Jonas felt miserable . Just when the Ceremony was about to happen, his Ceremony of Twelve, would he have to go away someplace for treatment? Just because of a stupid dream?

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But his mother laughed again in a reassuring , affectionate way. "No, no," she said. "It’s just the pills. You’re ready for the pills, that’s all. That’s the treatment for Stirrings."

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Jonas brightened. He knew about the pills. His parents both took them each morning. And some of his friends did, he knew. Once he had been heading off to school with Asher, both of them on their bikes, when Asher’s father had called from their dwelling doorway , "You forgot your pill, Asher!" Asher had groaned good-naturedly, turned his bike, and ridden back while Jonas waited.

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It was the sort of thing one didn’t ask a friend about because it might have fallen into that uncomfortable category of "being different." Asher took a pill each morning; Jonas did not. Always better, less rude, to talk about things that were the same.

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Now he swallowed the small pill that his mother handed him.

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"That’s all?" he asked.

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"That’s all," she replied, returning the bottle to the cupboard. "But you mustn’t forget. I’ll remind you for the first weeks, but then you must do it on your own. If you forget, the Stirrings will come back. The dreams of Stirrings will come back. Sometimes the dosage must be adjusted."

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"Asher takes them," Jonas confided .

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His mother nodded, unsurprised. "Many of your group mates probably do. The males, at least. And they all will, soon. Females too."

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"How long will I have to take them?"

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"Until you enter the House of the Old," she explained.

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"All of your adult life. But it becomes routine; after a while you won’t even pay much attention to it."

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She looked at her watch. "If you leave right now, you won’t even be late for school. Hurry along.

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"And thank you again, Jonas," she added, as he went to the door, "for your dream."

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Pedaling rapidly down the path, Jonas felt oddly proud to have joined those who took the pills. For a moment, though, he remembered the dream again. The dream had felt pleasurable. Though the feelings were confused, he thought that he had liked the feelings that his mother had called Stirrings. He remembered that upon waking, he had wanted to feel the Stirrings again.

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Then, in the same way that his own dwelling slipped away behind him as he rounded a corner on his bicycle, the dream slipped away from his thoughts. Very briefly , a little guiltily, he tried to grasp it back. But the feelings had disappeared. The Stirrings were gone.

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