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记忆传授人|The Giver

第十六章 爱的传导|Chapter 16

属类: 双语小说 【分类】魔幻小说 阅读:[9944]
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乔纳思不想回到过去,他不要这些记忆,他不要这样的荣耀,他不要这样的智能,不要这些痛楚。他想要回到他的童年,那会擦伤的膝盖和充满球赛的童年。他独自一人坐在家里,从窗户看出去,看见孩子在玩游戏,市民忙完一天的工作,正骑着自行车回家。他们的生活是这样平静、没有丝毫痛苦,因为他们的沉痛记忆,都由他和过去的记忆传授人承担了。

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但他别无选择,每天依然到安尼斯报到。

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在分担了残忍的战争记忆过后,接下来好几天,传授人显得特别仁慈温和。

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“有很多记忆是美好的。”传授人提醒乔纳思。这倒是真的,乔纳思体验了无数快乐、甜美的时光,那是他以前不曾体悟过的。

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他参加过一次为一个小孩举办的庆生会。乔纳思这才了解身为独立、特殊、单一个体的喜悦和骄傲。

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他参观了博物馆,欣赏色彩缤纷的画作,现在他已经知道所有色彩的名称了。

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有一次,他骑着一匹浅棕色的骏马,漫步在洋溢着湿润草香的原野上。他在一条小溪流边下马,和马儿共饮冷冽清澈的溪水。现在他对动物有了更深一层的认识。当马儿离开溪边,亲昵地用头轻推他的肩膀时,他很惊讶动物和人之间可以建立如此亲密的关系。

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他曾经穿越森林坐在营火边一整夜。虽然他经历过迷失和孤寂的痛苦,但现在,他体会到孤独的喜悦。

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“您最喜欢哪段回忆?”有一次他问传授人,“您不必现在就传送给我,”他赶紧补充:“只要告诉我那个情景就行了,好让我心生期待,毕竟等到您的工作结束,我还是一样接收得到。”

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传授人微微一笑:“躺下来,”他说,“我很乐意现在就转移给你。”

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记忆一激活,乔纳思马上感受到欢乐的气氛。以前,他往往必须花点时间才能找到跟记忆的关连性,了解自己的所在。但是这一回,他立刻融入情境,感受到弥漫在回忆中的幸福与快乐。

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屋子里到处都是人,壁炉里燃烧着熊熊火焰,暖烘烘的。窗外,夜幕低垂,大雪纷飞。最奇怪的是,室内布置了一棵树,树上挂满红、绿、黄和各式各样的彩灯。桌上闪亮的金烛台,插满了蜡烛,摇曳着柔和、闪烁的烛光。空气中菜香四溢,欢笑声此起彼落。一只金色卷毛小狗趴在地板上睡着了。

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大树下堆满一盒盒用明亮的彩色纸、闪亮的蝴蝶结包扎得漂漂亮亮的东西。一个小孩拿起这一盒盒的东西,递给房间里的其他小孩子和像是父母亲的一对大人,还有安静地坐在沙发上笑吟吟的一对老公公和老婆婆。

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乔纳思看着他们拆开包装盒上的蝴蝶结,打开鲜亮的包装纸,掀开盒子,从里头拿出玩具、衣服和书。大家开心地叫着、笑着互相拥抱。

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最小的孩子跑过去坐在老婆婆的膝盖上,她轻轻摇晃着他,用脸颊轻磨他的脸蛋。

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乔纳思睁开眼睛,心满意足地躺在床上,整个人还沉浸在温暖甜蜜的记忆中。他真想把这些永远珍藏起来。

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“你体会到什么?”传授人问他。

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“温暖,”乔纳思回答,“还有幸福,还有……让我想一想。家庭,这好像是在庆祝某种假日。还有一些别的东西——我一时也说不上来。”

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“你一定可以感受到的。”

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“那两位老人是谁?为什么他们会在那里?”房里有老人,让他十分困惑。社区里的老人从没离开过特别为他们设计的养老院,他们在那儿受到最完善的照顾和礼遇。

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“他们叫做祖父母。”

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“祖父母?”

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“对,那是很久以前的称呼,就是父母的父母。”

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“以前,以前,再以前?”乔纳思笑了起来,“所以事实上,还会有父母的父母的父母的父母?”

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传授人也笑了:“没错,就好像你如果拿着镜子看镜子,就会看见自己正在照镜子,镜中镜又可看见自己在照镜子。”

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乔纳思皱起眉头:“我的父母一定也有他们自己的父母!我以前怎么没想到这一点。我的父母的父母是谁?他们现在在哪里?”

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“在档案管理中心查得到名字,但是,你不如先想一想,如果你申请孩子,他们的父母的父母会是谁?”

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“当然是我的爸爸和妈妈。”

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“那他们会在哪里呢?”

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乔纳思想了一下,慢慢地说:“当训练结束,变成真正的大人后,我就会有自己的房子。几年后,等莉莉长大,她也会有自己的房子,也许还会有配偶;如果她提出申请,可能还会有孩子,那时候爸爸和妈妈……”

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“没错。”

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“如果他们还在工作,对社区有贡献,就会去跟其他没有孩子的成人一起住,不再出现在我们的生活中。然后,时间到了,他们就住进养老院。”乔纳思把自己的想法大声说出来,“接受最完善的照顾和礼遇,最后是一场解放庆祝仪式。”

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“你不可能参加那场仪式的。”传授人强调。

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“当然不会,我可能连什么时候举行都不清楚。那时,我和莉莉都忙着自己的生活,如果我们有孩子,他们也一样不知道自己的父母的父母是谁。”

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“这个模式似乎不错,不是吗?我们的社区一直奉为法宝。”乔纳思问:“如果我不接收以前的记忆,我根本不知道还有其他的生活模式。”

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“它们的确不错。”传授人肯定地说。

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乔纳思迟疑了一会儿:“我确实很喜欢这段记忆,我也了解为什么它会是你的最爱。但我就是找不到恰当的字眼来形容我对这段记忆的感受,那弥漫在整个房间的气氛是那样强烈。”

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“那气氛就是爱!”传授人告诉他。

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乔纳思喃喃念了一次:“爱。”这对他来说是一个新概念。

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两人沉默了一分钟,接着乔纳思问:“传授人?”

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“什么事?”

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“我知道这样说很愚蠢,非常非常愚蠢。”

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“在这里没有什么话是愚蠢的,信任一切记忆,以及它给你的感受。”

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“好吧!”乔纳思低头看着地板说:“我知道你已经不再拥有这些记忆了,所以也许您不了解……”

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“我当然了解,我还残留了一点模糊的印象。而且,我还有很多关于家庭、假日、幸福等爱的记忆。”

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乔纳思吞吞吐吐地说出自己的感受:“我在想……虽然这可能不切实际,但是如果可以跟老人住在一起,即使没有办法像现在那么完善地照顾,一切都安排得妥妥当当,但是,我觉得那种住在一起的感受,实在非常美好。我好希望我们仍旧维持以前的家庭方式,好希望您就是我的祖父母,那样的家庭感觉比较……”他找不到恰当的字眼。

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“比较完整。”传授人补充。

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乔纳思点点头:“我喜欢爱的感觉。”他紧张兮兮地瞄一眼墙上的扩音器,确定没有被任何人听到,"我希望我们仍拥有那些。”他喃喃地说,“当然啦,那样的组织不见得比现在好,我清楚地知道那样的生活方式比较危险。”

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“你是指什么?”

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乔纳思迟疑了一下,他也不确定自己指的是什么。他只感觉到那种生活方式有点冒险,却又说不出个所以然来。

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“比方说,”他终于找到一个解释,“他们在房间里生火,壁炉里有熊熊大火,桌子上有蜡烛。火那么危险,怪不得会被禁止。”

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“不过他慢慢地说,好像在自言自语,“我真的很喜欢他们点亮的火光,还有那股温暖的感觉。”

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“爸爸妈妈。”晚餐过后,乔纳思说,“我有个问题想问您们。”

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“什么问题,乔纳思?”爸爸问。

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在从安尼斯回家的路上,他已不知道在心里默念过多少次这个字了,可是当他勉强说出来时,还是觉得很难为情。

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“你们爱我吗?”

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一阵难堪的沉默立刻弥漫开来……爸爸轻声一笑:“乔纳思,请你说准确一点!”

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“什么意思?”乔纳思问。他不知道这有什么好笑的。

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“爸爸是说你用了一个非常笼统的字,那个字没什么意义,几乎已经废弃不用了。”妈妈小心地解释。

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乔纳思瞪大了眼睛,没有意义?但这是他记忆中最有意义的一件事。

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“如果大家用语不准确,我们的社区就没办法好好运作。

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你可以问:‘跟我相处愉快吗?’答案是:‘是的。’”妈妈说。

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“或者,”爸爸建议,“‘你以我为荣吗?’答案绝对是:‘是的,我们以你为荣。’”

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“现在你了解为什么用‘爱’这个字不恰当了吗?”妈妈问。

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乔纳思点点头,“是的,我懂,谢谢您。”他慢慢地回答。

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这是他第一次对父母说谎。

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“加波!”乔纳思轻声呼唤小宝宝。

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今晚小床又放到他的房间来了。加波在乔纳思的房间安稳地睡了四个晚上后,爸爸妈妈宣称实验成功,乔纳思实在了不起。现在加波成长得很快,在房间里到处爬,咯咯笑,并试图抓着东西站起来。爸爸高兴地说,只要他睡得安稳,他就可以通过育儿中心的测试,获得升级。等到十二月,他就可以被正式命名,拥有属于他自己的家庭。现在离十二月只剩两个月的时间了。

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但是,一旦离开乔纳思的房间,他又不肯睡了,整夜啼哭,只好再送他回乔纳思的房间。

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他们决定再多给他一点时间来适应。既然加波喜欢睡在乔纳思的房间,就让他多睡一阵子,直到他养成夜里熟睡的习惯。养育师们对加波的未来非常乐观。

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加波对乔纳思的呼唤没有响应,他已经睡着了。

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“事情会改变的,加波。”乔纳思继续说,“一定会和现在有所不同。我不知道会怎么变,但是一定有办法让事情变记忆传授人得不一样。以后会有颜色,还会有祖父母。”屋里一片昏暗,他抬头望着天花板,“每个人都会拥有记忆。”

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“你知道什么是记忆吗?”他一边呢喃,一边转头注视着小床。

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加波的呼吸既均匀又深沉。乔纳思很喜欢他留在这里,只是对自己暗中进行的事有点儿罪恶感。每天晚上,他都转移一些记忆给加波,有阳光下驾船或野餐的记忆;有小雨打在玻璃窗上的记忆;有光着脚丫在潮湿草地上跳舞的记忆。

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“加波!”

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小宝宝在睡眠中轻轻地挪动一下身子,乔纳思低头凝视着他。

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“未来还会有爱。”乔纳思轻声低语。

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第二天早上,头一回,乔纳思没有吃药。通过记忆的洗礼,他的认知逐渐提高,他知道该把药丸给扔了。

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Jonas did not want to go back. He didn’t want the memories, didn’t want the honor, didn’t want the wisdom, didn’t want the pain. He wanted his childhood again, his scraped knees and ball games. He sat in his dwelling alone, watching through the window, seeing children at play, citizens bicycling home from uneventful days at work, ordinary lives free of anguish because he had been selected, as others before him had, to bear their burden.

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But the choice was not his. He returned each day to the Annex room.

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The Giver was gentle with him for many days following the terrible shared memory of war.

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"There are so many good memories," The Giver reminded Jonas. And it was true. By now Jonas had experienced countless bits of happiness, things he had never known of before.

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He had seen a birthday party, with one child singled out and celebrated on his day, so that now he understood the joy of being an individual, special and unique and proud.

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He had visited museums and seen paintings filled with all the colors he could now recognize and name.

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In one ecstatic memory he had ridden a gleaming brown horse across a field that smelled of damp grass, and had dismounted beside a small stream from which both he and the horse drank cold, clear water. Now he understood about animals; and in the moment that the horse turned from the stream and nudged Jonas’s shoulder affectionately with its head, he perceived the bonds between animal and human.

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He had walked through woods, and sat at night beside a campfire. Although he had through the memories learned about the pain of loss and loneliness, now he gained, too, an understanding of solitude and its joy.

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"What is your favorite?" Jonas asked The Giver. "You don’t have to give it away yet," he added quickly. "Just tell me about it, so I can look forward to it, because I’ll have to receive it when your job is done."

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The Giver smiled. "Lie down," he said. "I’m happy to give it to you."

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Jonas felt the joy of it as soon as the memory began. Sometimes it took a while for him to get his bearings, to find his place. But this time he fit right in and felt the happiness that pervaded the memory.

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He was in a room filled with people, and it was warm, with firelight glowing on a hearth . He could see through a window that outside it was night, and snowing. There were colored lights: red and green and yellow, twinkling from a tree which was, oddly, inside the room. On a table, lighted candles stood in a polished golden holder and cast a soft, flickering glow. He could smell things cooking, and he heard soft laughter. A golden-haired dog lay sleeping on the floor.

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On the floor there were packages wrapped in brightly colored paper and tied with gleaming ribbons. As Jonas watched, a small child began to pick up the packages and pass them around the room: to other children, to adults who were obviously parents, and to an older, quiet couple, man and woman, who sat smiling together on a couch.

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While Jonas watched, the people began one by one to untie the ribbons on the packages, to unwrap the bright papers, open the boxes and reveal toys and clothing and books. There were cries of delight. They hugged one another.

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The small child went and sat on the lap of the old woman, and she rocked him and rubbed her cheek against his.

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Jonas opened his eyes and lay contentedly on the bed, still luxuriating in the warm and comforting memory. It had all been there, all the things he had learned to treasure.

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"What did you perceive?" The Giver asked.

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"Warmth," Jonas replied, "and happiness. And — let me think. Family. That it was a celebration of some sort, a holiday. And something else — I can’t quite get the word for it."

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"It will come to you."

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"Who were the old people? Why were they there?" It had puzzled Jonas, seeing them in the room. The Old of the community did not ever leave their special place, the House of the Old, where they were so well cared for and respected.

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"They were called Grandparents."

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"Grand parents?"

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"Grandparents. It meant parents-of-the-parents, long ago."

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"Back and back and back?" Jonas began to laugh. "So actually, there could be parents-of-the-parents-of-the-parents-of-the parents?"

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The Giver laughed, too. "That’s right. It’s a little like looking at yourself looking in a mirror looking at yourself looking in a mirror."

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Jonas frowned. "But my parents must have had parents! I never thought about it before. Who are my parents-of-the-parents? Where are they?"

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"You could go look in the Hall of Open Records. You’d find the names. But think, son. If you apply for children, then who will be their parents-of-the-parents? Who will be their grandparents?"

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"My mother and father, of course."

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"And where will they be?"

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Jonas thought. "Oh," he said slowly. "When I finish my training and become a full adult, I’ll be given my own dwelling. And then when Lily does, a few years later, she’ll get her own dwelling, and maybe a spouse , and children if she applies for them, and then Mother and Father — "

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"That’s right."

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"As long as they’re still working and contributing to the community, they’ll go and live with the other Childless Adults. And they won’t be part of my life anymore.

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"And after that, when the time comes, they’ll go to the House of the Old," Jonas went on. He was thinking aloud. "And they’ll be well cared for, and respected, and when they’re released, there will be a celebration."

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"Which you won’t attend," The Giver pointed out.

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"No, of course not, because I won’t even know about it. By then I’ll be so busy with my own life. And Lily will, too. So our children, if we have them, won’t know who their parents-of-parents are, either.

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"It seems to work pretty well that way, doesn’t it? The way we do it in our community?" Jonas asked. "I just didn’t realize there was any other way, until I received that memory."

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"It works," The Giver agreed.

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Jonas hesitated. "I certainly liked the memory, though. I can see why it’s your favorite. I couldn’t quite get the word for the whole feeling of it, the feeling that was so strong in the room."

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"Love," The Giver told him.

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Jonas repeated it. "Love." It was a word and concept new to him.

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Please sign in to unlock the rest

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"No need. Nothing is foolish here. Trust the memories and how they make you feel."

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"Well," Jonas said, looking at the floor, "I know you don’t have the memory anymore, because you gave it to me, so maybe you won’t understand this — "

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