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记忆传授人|The Giver

第十二章 看见颜色|Chapter 12

属类： 双语小说 【分类】魔幻小说 阅读：[9928]
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“你睡得好熟，是不是，乔纳思？”第二天吃早餐的时候，妈妈问，“没有做梦吗？”

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乔纳思微微一笑，点点头，他还没准备好该怎样说谎，又不想说出真相。“我睡得很熟。”他说。

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“真希望他也可以。”爸爸坐在椅子上，弯下腰逗弄加波挥动的小拳头。婴儿篮就放在他脚边的地板上。加波头旁边的角落放着的填充河马，睁着空洞无神的眼睛看着这一幕。

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“我也希望妈妈看了加波一眼，“他晚上好吵喔。”

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乔纳思整晚都没有听到小宝宝的哭声，因为他真的睡得很沉。不过他说没做梦，却不是真的。

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在梦中，他一次又一次地驾着雪橇滑过冰雪覆盖的山丘。在梦里，好像都有目的地，只不过他弄不清到底要去哪里，只知道雪橇被强烈的风雪挡在某处。

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醒来后，他内心仍然充满渴望，希望到达远处，找到那个正在等待他的东西。那种感觉很美妙，很让人欢喜，回味无穷。

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但是他不知道怎样抵达那个地方。

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他努力摆脱残存的梦境，收拾好功课，准备上学。

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学校今天看起来有点儿不一样。课程没变：语言与沟通、贸易与工业、科学技术、民事法则和管理。但在休息时间和午餐时，刚晋升为十二岁的孩子们，叽叽喳喳地谈论着自己第一天的受训情形。大家同时开口，抢着说话，再迟疑地为自己的插嘴道歉；接着在描绘新体验的兴奋中，又忘情地再度插嘴。

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乔纳思只是聆听。他牢记着不能跟别人谈论他的训练内容的规则。反正也无从谈起，因为在安尼斯的经历根本无法描述。谈到雪橇，就不能不提到山丘和雪，但是对于从没有经历过高度、风或如羽毛般雪花的人，又从何体会山丘和雪呢？

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即使已经受过那么多年的精确语言训练,他也实在不知道要用什么字眼来形容阳光。

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所以乔纳思的最佳选择就是安静、聆听。

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下课后，他依然和费欧娜一起骑车到养老院。

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“昨天本来想跟你一起回家的。”她告诉他，“你的自行车还在，我等了好一会儿，后来时间不早了，我就自己回家了。”

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“很抱歉让你久等。”乔纳思说。

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“我接受你的道歉。”她公式化地回答。

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“我多留了一会儿。”乔纳思解释。

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她默默地蹬着自行车。他知道她正在等他告诉她原因，并告诉她第一天受训的情形。她不能主动发问，不然就显得莽撞无礼了。

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“你在养老院当过那么久的义工，”乔纳思试着转移话题，“不懂的事应该不多了吧？”

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“哦，要学的还多着呢！”费欧娜回答，“有行政管理、饮食规则、违规处分……你知道吗？老年人也有戒尺呢，就跟幼儿一样。还有职业伤害治疗、娱乐活动、药剂学……”

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目的地到了，他们停下自行车。

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“比起学校，我更喜欢这儿。”费欧娜坦言道。

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“我也是。”乔纳思附和，把自行车推进车位。

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她停下来站立一会儿，好像是希望他再往下说。接着她看看表，挥挥手，朝入口处走去。

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乔纳思在自行车旁站了一会儿，突然愣住了。“超眼界”的现象再度出现。这次是发生在费欧娜身上。刚才他看着她的背影，发现她发生了变化。乔纳思努力在心中重现刚才那一幕，发现费欧娜不是整个人，而是只有头发起变化，而且只一瞬间。

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他快速想了一下，现在这种现象越来越常发生了。第一次是发生在几周前的一个苹果上；第二次是发生在大礼堂观众的脸上，这不过是两天前的事；然后就是今天，现在，费欧娜的头发上。

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乔纳思皱皱眉头，走向安尼斯。zei8.com他决定去问传授人。

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乔纳思一进门，老人就抬起头来，微微一笑。他已经坐在床边，看起来有活力多了，好像刚充过电。

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“欢迎光临。”他说，“我们得开始了，你迟到一分钟。”

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“很抱歉……”乔纳思立即住口，一张脸涨得通红，他想起在这里是不用说抱歉的。

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他脱掉上衣，走到床边：“因为发生了一件事，所以我迟到了。”

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有什么问题你就问。

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乔纳思先在心中想清楚，以便说个明白：“我想那就是您所谓的‘超眼界’。”他说。

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传授人点点头：“你说说看。”

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乔纳思向他报告苹果事件，以及看到观众的脸瞬间起变化的情形。

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“然后就是今天，刚刚在外面，发生在我朋友费欧娜的身上。准确地说，她本人没有变化，但是她身上有样东西起了一秒钟的变化。她的头发看起来不一样，不过跟形状、长度无关，怎么说1……”乔纳思犹豫了半晌，觉得很沮丧，自己竟然形容不出到底发生了什么事。

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最后，他只能说：“我不知道它是怎么发生的，又为什么会变化。这就是我迟到一分钟的原因。”说完，他一脸茫然地看着传授人。

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出乎意料的，老人问他一个好像跟“超眼界”无关的问题：“昨天，当我将驾雪橇的记忆传送给你的时候，你有没有四处张望？”

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乔纳思点点头，“有啊！但是因为半空中有飘落的雪花，所以不太容易看见其他东西。”

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“你有没有仔细瞧瞧雪橇？”

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乔纳思回想了一下，“没有，我只知道它在我身体下面。

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昨晚我也梦见了。不过，只感觉到它的存在，不记得是否看见了。”

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传授人陷入沉思。

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“遴选之前，我观察过你，察觉到你可能具有这项能力，而你的描述也证实了这一点。只不过，你的情况跟我不同。”

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传授人告诉他：“当我像你这么大——即将成为新的记忆传承人时——我开始经历这些现象，不过形式跟你有点不同。

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对我来说……算了，现在先不提，因为你还无法了解。

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不过，我可以想象你所看见的变化。让我来做个小实验，证实我的猜测。躺下来吧！”

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乔纳思再度趴在床上，双手放在身体两侧。现在他已经觉得很自在了。他闭上眼睛，等着传授人那双熟悉的手放到他背上。

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但是，这回传授人改用语言引导他：“回想一下你坐在雪橇上的情形，就在开始，你坐在山丘顶端，准备滑行之前。

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就是这个时刻，低头看看雪橇。”

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乔纳思困惑地睁开眼睛：“对不起，”他很有礼貌地问，您不给我这段记忆吗?

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“现在它是你的记忆了，再也不属于我了。我已经把它传送出去了。”

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“那我怎样唤起这段记忆？”

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“你可以回想去年或者是你七岁、五岁的时候吧，对不对？”

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“当然可以。”

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“方法一样。社区里的每个人都有他自己这一代的记忆，但是现在你可以回到更久远的过去。试试看，集中精力。”

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乔纳思重新闭上眼睛，并深深地吸一口气，在意识底层搜寻雪橇、山丘和雪的记忆。

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他一下子就找到了，根本没费多少力气。他再度坐在山丘的顶端，置身大雪纷飞的世界。

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乔纳思笑得合不拢嘴，吐出像蒸气般的呼吸。他想起先前接受的引导，便低头往下看。他看见自己握着绳索的一双手飘满了雪花。接着他看见腿，便把腿移向旁边，好看看下头的雪橇。

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他怔住了，眼睛瞪得好大。这次不再是匆匆一瞥的印象，而是持续的画面。他眨眨眼，再度瞪视着雪橇——它跟苹果、费欧娜的头发在一瞬间所产生的幻象，具有相同的神秘的特质。可是雪橇没有起变化，它从头到尾都是那个样子。

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乔纳思张开眼睛，他还是躺在床上。传授人好奇地望着他。

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“没错，”乔纳思慢慢地说，“就是我在雪橇上看见的东西。”

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“让我再做个试验。看书柜那边。你有没有看见桌子后面，柜子顶端最上面那一排书？”

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乔纳思用眼睛搜寻，他望着那些书，书果然起了变化。

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但变化一闪而过，在下一秒钟又恢复正常了。

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“又发生了，”乔纳思说，“书也起变化了，但是稍纵即逝“我的猜测没错，”传授人说，“你开始看见红色。”

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“那是什么？”

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传授人叹了一口气：“怎么解释呢？曾经，在大家都拥有记忆的年代，每个东西除了现在保留的形状和大小，另外还有一项叫做‘颜色’的特质。

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颜色的种类非常多样，红色就是其中的一种。那也就是你现在开始看见的色彩。你的朋友费欧娜拥有一头红发，这很罕见，以前我就注意到了。所以你提到费欧娜的头发时，提供给我一个线索，推测你可能开始看见红色了。”

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“那我在大礼堂看见的那些脸呢？”

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传授人摇摇头：“不，肌肉不是红色的，但含有红色调。

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事实上，从前有段时间，人们的肌肤有很多种颜色，这点以后你在记忆中会发现。后来我们走向同化，所有的肌肤就只有一个颜色了。你看见的就是红色调。苹果或你朋友的发色应该比较深或鲜明，至于人的脸色应该比较淡。”

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传授人突然低声轻笑：“我们还无法完全掌控‘同化’，遗传专家一直在努力解开这个结。我想象费欧娜这样的红头发一定会把他们搞疯。”

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乔纳思专心聆听，努力消化、理解。“那雪橇呢？”他问：“它同样是红色的，却不会起变化。传授人，它自始至终都是红色的。”

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“因为它是来自过去的一段记忆，那时候颜色是存在的。”

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“它好……噢，真希望有更贴切的词来形容！红色好漂亮！”

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传授人点点头：“是很漂亮。

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“你看得见颜色吗？”

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“什么颜色都看得见，所有的颜色。”

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“以后我也可以吗？”

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“当然，在你接收了记忆以后。你已经拥有超眼界的能力，接着你就会获得智能，了解颜色以及其他更多的事情。”

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乔纳思现在对智能还不感兴趣。现在吸引他的是颜色。

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“为什么其他人看不见？为什么颜色会消失呢？”

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传授人耸耸肩：“是我们的人做了这样的选择，选择同化。这已经是我之前很久、很久、很久以前的事了。我们放弃阳光的同时，也放弃了颜色和差异性。”他想了一下，“我们因此控制了很多事物，但也放弃了很多事物。”

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“我们不应该这么做！”乔纳思愤怒地说。

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传授人很惊讶乔纳思的反应这样激烈，他苦笑了一下：“你的推论下得很快。我花了好几年才想通这一点，也许你会比我早开窍。”

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他瞄了一眼墙上的时钟：“现在躺下来吧，我们还有很多事要做。”

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“传授人，”乔纳思一边问，一边挪动身体，“在您成为记忆传承人的过程中，您的情况是怎样呢？您说您也有超眼界的现象，只是方式跟我不同。”

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那双手来到他的背部：“改天吧，”传授人温和的说，“改天再告诉你。现在我们得工作了。我已经想到帮你建立色彩概念的方法了。现在闭上眼睛，不要动，我要给你彩虹的记忆。”

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"You slept soundly, Jonas?" his mother asked at the morning meal. "No dreams?"

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Jonas simply smiled and nodded, not ready to lie, not willing to tell the truth. "I slept very soundly," he said.

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"I wish this one would," his father said, leaning down from his chair to touch Gabriel’s waving fist. The basket was on the floor beside him; in its corner, beside Gabriel’s head, the stuffed hippo sat staring with its blank eyes.

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"So do I," Mother said, rolling her eyes. "He’s so fretful at night."

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Jonas had not heard the new child during the night because as always, he had slept soundly. But it was not true that he had no dreams.

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Again and again, as he slept, he had slid down that snow-covered hill. Always, in the dream, it seemed as if there were a destination: a something — he could not grasp what — that lay beyond the place where the thickness of snow brought the sled to a stop.

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He was left, upon awakening , with the feeling that he wanted, even somehow needed, to reach the something that waited in the distance. The feeling that it was good. That it was welcoming. That it was significant.

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But he did not know how to get there.

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He tried to shed the leftover dream, gathering his schoolwork and preparing for the day.

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School seemed a little different today. The classes were the same: language and communications; commerce and industry; science and technology; civil procedures and government. But during the breaks for recreation periods and the midday meal, the other new Twelves were abuzz with descriptions of their first day of training. All of them talked at once, interrupting each other, hastily making the required apology for interrupting, then forgetting again in the excitement of describing the new experiences.

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Jonas listened. He was very aware of his own admonition not to discuss his training. But it would have been impossible, anyway. There was no way to describe to his friends what he had experienced there in the Annex room. How could you describe a sled without describing a hill and snow; and how could you describe a hill and snow to someone who had never felt height or wind or that feathery, magical cold?

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Even trained for years as they all had been in precision of language, what words could you use which would give another the experience of sunshine?

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So it was easy for Jonas to be still and to listen.

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After school hours he rode again beside Fiona to the House of the Old.

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"I looked for you yesterday," she told him, "so we could ride home together. Your bike was still there, and I waited for a little while. But it was getting late, so I went on home."

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"I apologize for making you wait," Jonas said.

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"I accept your apology," she replied automatically.

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"I stayed a little longer than I expected," Jonas explained.

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She pedaled forward silently, and he knew that she expected him to tell her why. She expected him to describe his first day of training. But to ask would have fallen into the category of rudeness.

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"You’ve been doing so many volunteer hours with the Old," Jonas said, changing the subject. "There won’t be much that you don’t already know."

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"Oh, there’s lots to learn," Fiona replied. "There’s administrative work, and the dietary rules, and punishment for disobedience — did you know that they use a discipline wand on the Old, the same as for small children? And there’s occupational therapy, and recreational activities, and medications, and — "

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They reached the building and braked their bikes.

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"I really think I’ll like it better than school," Fiona confessed.

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"Me too," Jonas agreed, wheeling his bike into its place.

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She waited for a second, as if, again, she expected him to go on. Then she looked at her watch, waved, and hurried toward the entrance.

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Jonas stood for a moment beside his bike, startled. It had happened again: the thing that he thought of now as "seeing beyond." This time it had been Fiona who had undergone that fleeting indescribable change. As he looked up and toward her going through the door, it happened; she changed. Actually, Jonas thought, trying to recreate it in his mind, it wasn’t Fiona in her entirety. It seemed to be just her hair. And just for that flickering instant.

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He ran through it in his mind. It was clearly beginning to happen more often. First, the apple a few weeks before. The next time had been the faces in the audience at the Auditorium , just two days ago. Now, today, Fiona’s hair.

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Frowning, Jonas walked toward the Annex. I will ask the Giver, he decided .

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The old man looked up, smiling, when Jonas entered the room. He was already seated beside the bed, and he seemed more energetic today, slightly renewed, and glad to see Jonas.

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"Welcome," he said. "We must get started. You’re one minute late."

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"I apologi — " Jonas began, and then stopped, flustered , remembering there were to be no apologies.

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He removed his tunic and went to the bed. "I’m one minute late because something happened," he explained. "And I’d like to ask you about it, if you don’t mind."

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"You may ask me anything."

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Jonas tried to sort it out in his mind so that he could explain it clearly. "I think it’s what you call seeing-beyond," he said.

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The Giver nodded. "Describe it," he said.

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Jonas told him about the experience with the apple. Then the moment on the stage, when he had looked out and seen the same phenomenon in the faces of the crowd.

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"Then today, just now, outside, it happened with my friend Fiona. She herself didn’t change, exactly. But something about her changed for a second. Her hair looked different; but not in its shape, not in its length. I can’t quite — " Jonas paused, frustrated by his inability to grasp and describe exactly what had occurred.

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Finally he simply said, "It changed. I don’t know how, or why.

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"That’s why I was one minute late," he concluded, and looked questioningly at The Giver.

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To his surprise, the old man asked him a question which seemed unrelated to the seeing-beyond. "When I gave you the memory yesterday, the first one, the ride on the sled, did you look around?"

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Jonas nodded. "Yes," he said, "but the stuff — I mean the snow — in the air made it hard to see anything."

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"Did you look at the sled?"

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Jonas thought back. "No. I only felt it under me. I dreamed of it last night, too. But I don’t remember seeing the sled in my dream, either. Just feeling it."

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The Giver seemed to be thinking.

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"When I was observing you, before the selection, I perceived that you probably had the capacity, and what you describe confirms that. It happened somewhat differently to me," The Giver told him. "When I was just your age — about to become the new Receiver — I began to experience it, though it took a different form. With me it was...well, I won’t describe that now; you wouldn’t understand it yet.

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"But I think I can guess how it’s happening with you. Let me just make a little test, to confirm my guess. Lie down."

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Jonas lay on the bed again with his hands at his sides. He felt comfortable here now. He closed his eyes and waited for the familiar feel of The Giver’s hands on his back.

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But it didn’t come. Instead, The Giver instructed him, "Call back the memory of the ride on the sled. Just the beginning of it, where you’re at the top of the hill, before the slide starts. And this time, look down at the sled."

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Jonas was puzzled. He opened his eyes. "Excuse me," he asked politely, "but don’t you have to give me the memory?"

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"It’s your memory, now. It’s not mine to experience any longer. I gave it away."

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"But how can I call it back?"

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"You can remember last year, or the year that you were a Seven, or a Five, can’t you?"

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"Of course."

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"It’s much the same. Everyone in the community has one-generation memories like those. But now you will be able to go back farther. Try. Just concentrate."

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Jonas closed his eyes again. He took a deep breath and sought the sled and the hill and the snow in his consciousness.

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There they were, with no effort. He was again sitting in that whirling world of snowflakes, atop the hill.

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Jonas grinned with delight, and blew his own steamy breath into view. Then, as he had been instructed, he looked down. He saw his own hands, furred again with snow, holding the rope. He saw his legs, and moved them aside for a glimpse of the sled beneath.

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Dumbfounded, he stared at it. This time it was not a fleeting impression. This time the sled had — and continued to have, as he blinked, and stared at it again — that same mysterious quality that the apple had had so briefly . And Fiona’s hair. The sled did not change. It simply was — whatever the thing was.

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Jonas opened his eyes and was still on the bed. The Giver was watching him curiously .

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"Yes," Jonas said slowly. "I saw it, in the sled."

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"Let me try one more thing. Look over there, to the bookcase. Do you see the very top row of books, the ones behind the table, on the top shelf?"

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Jonas sought them with his eyes. He stared at them, and they changed. But the change was fleeting. It slipped away the next instant.

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"It happened," Jones said. "It happened to the books, but it went away again."

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"I’m right, then," The Giver said. "You’re beginning to see the color red."

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"The what?"

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The Giver sighed. "How to explain this? Once, back in the time of the memories, everything had a shape and size, the way things still do, but they also had a quality called color.

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"There were a lot of colors, and one of them was called red. That’s the one you are starting to see. Your friend Fiona has red hair — quite distinctive , actually; I’ve noticed it before. When you mentioned Fiona’s hair, it was the clue that told me you were probably beginning to see the color red."

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"And the faces of people? The ones I saw at the Ceremony?"

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The Giver shook his head. "No, flesh isn’t red. But it has red tones in it. There was a time, actually — you’ll see this in the memories later — when flesh was many different colors. That was before we went to Sameness. Today flesh is all the same, and what you saw was the red tones. Probably when you saw the faces take on color it wasn’t as deep or vibrant as the apple, or your friend’s hair."

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The Giver chuckled , suddenly. "We’ve never completely mastered Sameness. I suppose the genetic scientists are still hard at work trying to work the kinks out. Hair like Fiona’s must drive them crazy."

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Jonas listened, trying hard to comprehend. "And the sled?" he said. "It had that same thing: the color red. But it didn’t change, Giver. It just was."

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"Because it’s a memory from the time when color was."

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"It was so — oh, I wish language were more precise! The red was so beautiful!"

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The Giver nodded. "It is."

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"Do you see it all the time?"

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"I see all of them. All the colors."

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"Will I?"

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"Of course. When you receive the memories. You have the capacity to see beyond. You’ll gain wisdom, then, along with colors. And lots more."

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Jonas wasn’t interested, just then, in wisdom. It was the colors that fascinated him. "Why can’t everyone see them? Why did colors disappear?"

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The Giver shrugged . "Our people made that choice, the choice to go to Sameness. Before my time, before the previous time, back and back and back. We relinquished color when we relinquished sunshine and did away with differences." He thought for a moment. "We gained control of many things. But we had to let go of others."

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"We shouldn’t have!" Jonas said fiercely.

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The Giver looked startled at the certainty of Jonas’s reaction. Then he smiled wryly . "You’ve come very quickly to that conclusion," he said. "It took me many years. Maybe your wisdom will come much more quickly than mine."

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He glanced at the wall clock. "Lie back down, now. We have so much to do."

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"Giver," Jonas asked as he arranged himself again on the bed, "how did it happen to you when you were becoming The Receiver? You said that the seeing-beyond happened to you, but not the same way."

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The hands came to his back. "Another day," The Giver said gently. "I’ll tell you another day. Now we must work. And I’ve thought of a way to help you with the concept of color.

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"Close your eyes and be still, now. I’m going to give you a memory of a rainbow."

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