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属类: 双语小说 【分类】双语小说 -[作者: 茨威格] 阅读:[40992]
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“她怎么变得这样?”在滚动着的马车上孩子坐在他们对面沉思起来。为什么他们不像以前那样关心我了?为什么当我注视妈妈的时候,她总是避开我的目光?为什么他老是在我面前开玩笑,装疯卖傻?他们两人不再像昨天和前天那样跟我说话了,我仿佛觉得他们已经换了一副面孔。妈妈今天的嘴唇那么红,她准擦了口红。我从来没有见她这么打扮过。而他呢,老是蹙着眉头,好像我侮辱了他似的。我确实没有做过对不起他们的事啊,没说过一句让他们生气的话呀!不,不会是因为我的缘故,因为他们两人之间的关系和在这之前不一样了。他们两人好像干了什么事而又不敢说出来似的。他们不再像昨天那样谈笑风生、兴致勃勃了。他们很拘束、发窘,他们一定瞒着什么事。他们两人之间准有个什么秘密,不想让我知道。可我无论如何要把这个秘密弄个水落石出,不惜任何代价。我看出来了,就是那种不让我知道的秘密,这种秘密就是演戏时男人和女人伸开胳膊唱歌、互相拥抱又推开的那种秘密。这一定是同我的法语女教师的秘密一样的,爸爸同她相处得很不好,后来就把她辞掉了。所有这些事情都有关联,这我感觉到了,可就是不知道是怎么回事。噢,一定要知道这个秘密,彻底知道这个秘密,要抓住这把钥匙,抓住这把能打开所有大门的钥匙,那我就不再是孩子,不让他们再来搪塞和欺骗我了!不只现在,就是永远也不让人搪塞和欺骗!他们总把什么事都对孩子隐瞒起来。我要揭穿他们的这件事,揭穿这个可怕的秘密。他的额头上起了一道深深的皱纹,他在严肃地苦思冥想,车厢外的景色他连望都不望。这个瘦弱的十二岁的孩子看起来几乎老了。窗外,四周色彩绚丽,山上的针叶林染着一片明净的绿色,山谷沐浴在暮春的柔和光泽里。他只是不住地盯着坐在他对面马车后座上的两个人,他灼热的目光好似一根钓竿要从他们眼睛深处把这个秘密钓出来似的。再没有什么比一条模糊不清的踪迹更能使未成熟的智力大显身手的了,有时候只有一扇很薄的门,就把孩子同我们称之为现实的世界隔开,而凑巧一阵风却会把这扇门给孩子们吹开。

1
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埃德加蓦地感到他从来没有像现在这样挨近这个未知的巨大秘密,好像可以抓得着似的,他觉得这个秘密就在面前,虽然现在还是锁着的,谜底尚未揭开,但是很近,非常之近了。这种感觉鼓舞着他,使他显出突然郑重其事的严肃神情。因为他下意识地感到自己已经处在童年时代的边沿。

2
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对面的两个人心里感到某种隐隐约约的障碍,但并没想到这障碍是来自孩子。三人同车使他俩感到处处受碍,很不自在,他们对面那双森然闪着火焰的眼睛打扰着他们。他们几乎不敢说,也不敢看。现在他们之间再也无法回到以前那种轻松的、社交场合的谈话了,而是很深地陷入语调亲昵、用词挑逗的阶段,常为轻佻的、偷偷的触摸而颤抖不已。他们的谈话常常接不下去。谈话中断了,想继续下去,但又不断地在孩子执拗的沉默影响下绊跤子。

3
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他那固执的缄口不语,特别对于母亲来说是一大负担。她从侧面小心翼翼地打量着他,当她第一次突然发现这孩子咬着嘴唇的神情和她丈夫激怒或生气时的神情完全一样时,她大吃一惊。恰恰是现在,她有外遇时,想起她丈夫来,心里很不是滋味。她觉得,这孩子像是鬼怪,像是良心的卫士,在这马车里的一点点地方,在她对面只有十英寸的距离,滴溜溜滚动着的黑黝黝的眼睛在苍白的额下窥视着。这使她加倍地忍受不了。埃德加忽然抬头凝视有一秒钟之久。两人立即垂下了目光:他们感到生平第一次受到了窥伺。在此之前,母子两人亲密无间,但是现在两人之间,她和他之间,忽然有了什么东西,关系完全变了样。生平第一次,他们开始察觉到,他们两人的命运彼此分开了,两人已经相互暗暗地仇恨起来了,由于这种仇恨还刚产生,彼此都不敢承认。

4
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当马匹又在旅馆前面停下的时候,三个人都舒了口气。这是一次不愉快的远游,这一点大家都感觉到了,可是谁都不敢说。埃德加第一个跳下马车。她母亲告罪说头痛,急忙上楼去了。她极为疲倦,想独自一人待会儿。埃德加和男爵留了下来。男爵给马车夫付了钱,看了看表,径往前厅走去,毫不理睬孩子。孩子望着男爵那优雅、修长的背影,正迈着有节奏的、轻快飘逸的步履。这步履曾经使这孩子着迷,昨天他还悄悄对着镜子模仿哩。他走了,径直走了。显然他把这孩子忘了,让他在马车夫旁边,在马旁边站着,仿佛这孩子与他毫不相干。

5
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埃德加看着他这样走掉,心里像有什么东西被撕成了两片。他,不管怎么他还始终狂热地爱着男爵。男爵就这样走开了,没有用大衣触他一下,没有向他这个知道自己确实毫无过错的孩子说一句话,他心里绝望了。费尽气力保持的镇静崩溃了,人为地加重了尊严的担子从他过于狭窄的肩头滑了下来,他又成了一个孩子,和昨天及以前一样渺小、恭顺。这违反他的本愿,催促他快步向前,他迈着哆嗦的步子,迅速跟着男爵,在男爵正要上楼梯的时候,他在前面拦住了他,带着难以忍住的眼泪,压低了声音说:

6
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“我做了什么对不起您的事?您不理我了!为什么您现在老是对我那么疏远?为什么您总想把我支开?是您觉得我碍事,还是我做错了什么事?”

7
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男爵吃了一惊。这声音里有一种东西扰乱了他的方寸,使他的情绪缓和下来。他对这个毫无恶意的孩子产生了同情心。“埃狄,你是个傻瓜!我只是今天情绪不好。你是个可爱的孩子,我真的很喜欢你。”说着他使劲地来回抚弄着他的头发,但却只是半转过脸来,以免看到孩子这双湿润的、恳求的大眼睛。他演的这出喜剧开始使他有点痛心。本来他对自己如此厚颜无耻地玩弄这个孩子的爱已经感到羞愧了,而这软弱无力的、颤动的、如泣如诉的声音更使他感到痛苦。“现在上楼去吧,埃狄,今天晚上我们又会处得很好的,你看吧!”他抚慰地说。

8
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“但您别让我妈妈早早叫我上楼,好吗?”

9
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“行,行,埃狄,我不让她叫你上楼。”男爵笑着说,“现在上楼去吧,我得去换吃晚餐的衣服。”

10
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埃德加走了,此刻感到十分高兴。但不久心里的槌子又开始敲动起来。昨天以来他好像大了好几岁,猜疑,这位不速之客业已牢牢地盘踞在他的心里了。

11
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他等待着。这是关键性的考验。他们一起围桌而坐。九点钟了,母亲还没叫他去睡觉。他已经感到有些不安了。为什么恰恰今天她让他在这里待那么长时间,而以往她是一到时间就打发他走的呀?难道男爵把他的愿望和谈话告诉给她了?突然间他感到难以名状的后悔,今天真不该以完全信赖的心情去追他啊。到十点钟他母亲忽然站了起来,同男爵告别。奇怪的是,男爵对她过早告辞看来一点也没有感到惊奇,也没有像往常那样挽留她。孩子心里的槌子敲得越来越厉害了。

12
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这是个尖锐的考验,他也装出一无所知的样子,二话没说就跟他母亲朝门口走去。但是走到那里时他突然用眼睛一扫,真的,在这瞬间他截获了一道含笑的目光,它越过他的头顶从她眼里正巧朝男爵送去,这是一道默契的目光,某种秘密的目光。这么说男爵把他出卖了,因此今天的早走是为了要他安静下来,好让他明天不再妨碍他们。

13
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“坏蛋!”他咕哝了一句。

14
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“你说什么?”母亲问道。

15
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“没什么。”他从牙缝里迸出这几个字。现在他有了自己的秘密,它的名字叫作恨,对他们两人无边无际的恨。

16
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“How account for the change?” mused Edgar, as the three of them rolled along in a hired landau. “Why are they no longer the same to me as they were? Mother avoids my eves. I wonder why. Why is the baron always up to some foolery as if he wanted to amuse me? But I don’t want to be amused, I want him to treat me as he did man to man. They both seem to have got quite other faces. They don’t speak to me as they did yesterday and the day before. Mother’s lips are so red she must have painted them. She’s never done that. And he’s always frowning as though he were put out. But I can’t remember saying a single word that could have been taken amiss. Can’t think of any reason why...Besides, they’re not behaving to one another in the old way. One could think they were up to some game they were ashamed of. They’re hiding something. I feel sure. They’re not talking naturally as they did, they don’t laugh any more. There’s a secret they don’t want me to know about. I must, at any cost, find out what this secret is. Perhaps I know what it is already. It must be the one people are always trying to hide from me; the same as is hidden in books they forbid me to read, the same as when we go to the opera and a man and a woman hold out their arms to one another, hug one another. Then there was that French governess who did not hit it off with Dad and was given notice and sent away. All these things seem to hang together; but why, I wonder? Oh, if I could only know, just get hold of the key to the secret. Then I should no longer be a child, and have interesting things hidden from me. It’s a case of now or never. I’m going to snatch their secret from them....”

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His brow puckered, giving his juvenile visage a quaintly old appearance. The beautiful landscape might just as well not have existed so far as he was concerned, for his whole mental energy was absorbed in trying to unravel the enigma. And yet the scene was an enchanting one. Mountains encircled with a ring of emerald trees, tender with their early spring foliage; valleys filled with wisps of iridescent mists dappled with golden sunshine. Edgar could only see his two companions opposite him, lolling on the comfortable seat of the carriage. He glared at them as though by the very force of his concentrated stare he could extract the secret from their eyes and hearts. Nothing is guaranteed to sharpen the intelligence quicker than a passion-laden suspicion; nothing is better calculated to ripen the infantile mind prematurely than the feeling that one is on the right scent without knowing what one is hunting. Children are often separated from what adults call “The real world” by a tenuous partition which a zephyr may blow down.

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Edgar was convinced that he was nearer elucidating the mystery than he had ever been before; the solution seemed to be just under his hand. He was excited at the approach of discovery, and the solemnity of the occasion made him grave beyond his years. In his unconscious, he was aware that he had reached the frontiers of his childhood.

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The couple ensconced in the back seat sensed opposition in the air without realizing that it emanated from Edgar. The roomy vehicle had suddenly grown too small for the three passengers. The intense scrutiny of the boy’s dark eyes made the two elders uncomfortable. They hardly ventured to utter a word, to exchange a glance. They could not get back to the gossamer-light tone of their previous discourse. No matter what topic they started, the conversation soon flagged.

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The woman was more sensitive to the child’s mutism than Baron von Sternfeldt. She was alarmed at Edgar’s morose expression and started back in disgust when she detected upon the callow visage of her son the self-same grimace as that which her husband made when he was put out. Never before had Edgar shown any resemblance to his father. Particularly at such a moment as this was she loathed to be reminded of her husband. The child sitting there huddled upon the tiny seat seemed like a ghost, a reproachful guardian of her ways. She felt conscience-stricken. Suddenly Edgar glanced up, and looked her full in the eyes. Mother and son instantaneously lowered their lids. For the first time in their life together they were watching one another. This they both realized with anguish squeezing their hearts. Up till now they had blindly trusted each other; now a hedge of doubt and suspicion rose up between them. A latent hatred invaded them, a sensation so novel that neither admitted as yet that it existed.

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All three were genuinely relieved when the horses drew up in front of the hotel. The drive had been wretched from start to finish, but none of them was frank enough to say so. Edgar was the first to jump out of the landau. Frau Blumental, saying she had a headache, made straight for her room. The boy and Otto were thus left alone. After paying the driver, Baron von Sternfeldt strode off towards the lounge, passing close to Edgar without so much as noticing the child’s presence. He had forgotten his little friend’s existence, and left the poor lad behind as if such an insignificant creature was of no more concern to him any more than the coachman on the box or the horses harnessed to the carriage.

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Something broke inside Edgar’s head as that beloved and slender figure receded. Despair filled his heart at the thought that this wonderful friend had brushed past without a glance or a word. What could he have done to cause displeasure? The mantle of his newly acquired dignity slipped from his frail shoulders; he was no more than a small and helpless boy, as childlike and immature as he had been yesterday and during all the years that went before. With hesitating footsteps, his legs quailing beneath him, he followed in the baron’s wake, caught up the older man who was about to engage in the revolving door, and stuttered:

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“What have I done? Please tell me. Why don’t you look at me any more? And Mother, too? Why are you and she always trying to get rid of me now? Am I a nuisance? Have I been naughty?”

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Otto was alarmed at the tone of the child’s voice; it troubled him strangely, and he felt moved.

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“Eddie, you silly old fool, don’t worry. I’m out of temper to-day, that’s all. You’ve not done anything. You’re a jolly little fellow, and I’m very fond of you.”

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He rumpled the boy’s hair affectionately, but at the same time he averted his head so as not to look into those huge, imploring eyes which were now brimming over with tears. The game he was playing seemed to him paltry and unworthy. He was ashamed of having wrought havoc with a child’s innocent adoration. That was a mean thing to have done.

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“Run along now, Eddie. We’ll meet again this evening on the old terms, and this misunderstanding will be forgotten.”

12

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“And you won’t allow Mother to send me to bed so early, will you? Promise.”

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“No, Eddie, trust me. But you’d better be getting to your room now. The dinner gong will be sounding soon, and we shan’t have washed and changed.”

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For the time being, Edgar was comforted. He felt quite happy as he went upstairs. But soon his heart misgave him. He had grown years older since yesterday, and an unknown guest had taken up quarters in his mind: mistrust.

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He waited. This was to be the ultimate test. The three of them sat together at the little dining-table. Nine o’clock struck, but Mother did not send him to bed. He became uneasy. Why to-day in particular was she allowing him to sit up beyond his wonted hour? Had the baron betrayed him? Bitterly did he now repent having run after his sometime friend and put in so urgent a plea. At ten his mother got up, and took leave of the baron. Strange, but the man, too, seemed in nowise taken aback by her breaking up the party thus early, and made no endeavour to keep her as he had done before. The child’s heart beat to suffocation.

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Now for the test, thought Edgar. He made as if he had noticed nothing, and docilely followed his mother to the door. Arrived there, he suddenly raised his eyes and caught his mother in the act. She was smiling at the baron, an enigmatical smile, a smile of mutual understanding. So this was the explanation of her early withdrawal from the dining-room. The baron had cheated him. He was to be cajoled into obedience so that they might enjoy one another’s company unmolested.

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“Cad,” muttered Edgar.

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“What was that you said?” inquired his mother.

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“Nothing,” he replied, between clenched teeth.

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He too held a secret within his heart. Its name? Hatred, unbounded hatred for the two of them.

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序号 英文/音标 中文解释 更多操作

Muse

[mjuːz]

v.沉思;冥想

Eve

[iːv]

n.(重大节日的)前夜;前夕

baron

[’bærən]

n.【C】男爵(英国世袭的最低级的贵族爵位);巨头(尤指商界)

snatch

[snætʃ]

n.抢夺;一阵;一点点

brow

[braʊ]

n.前额;眉毛;山脊;表情

pucker

[’pʌkə(r)]

v.使折叠;起皱

juvenile

[’dʒuːvənaɪl]

adj.青少年的

enchant

[ɪn’tʃɑːnt]

v.施魔法;使迷惑;使喜悦;使陶醉

encircle

[ɪn’sɜːkl]

v.包围;环绕

wisp

[wɪsp]

n.小束;一缕;瘦小的人

loll

[lɒl]

v.懒洋洋地呆着、坐或站着(常指倚着某物);懒散地闲逛;伸出舌头

carriage

[’kærɪdʒ]

n.四轮马车

glare

[ɡleə(r)]

n.闪耀光;刺眼

extract

[’ekstrækt]

vt.摘录;提取

sharpen

[’ʃɑːpən]

vt.使尖锐;磨快;加剧

infantile

[’ɪnfəntaɪl]

adj.婴儿的;幼稚的;孩子气的

premature

[’premətʃə(r)]

adj.提前的;过早的;早产的

hunting

[’hʌntɪŋ]

n.打猎;搜寻【电子学】速度偏差.

partition

[pɑː’tɪʃn]

n.划分;隔离物

elucidate

[i’luːsɪdeɪt]

v.阐明;说明

excite

[ɪk’saɪt]

vt.使兴奋;使激动;刺激;激起

emanate

[’eməneɪt]

v.散发;发出

scrutiny

[’skruːtəni]

n.监视;细看;周密的调查

utter

[’ʌtə(r)]

adj.完全的;全然的;绝对的

conversation

[ˌkɒnvə’seɪʃn]

n.谈话;会话

Baron

[’bærən]

n.【C】男爵(英国世袭的最低级的贵族爵位);巨头(尤指商界)

loathe

[ləʊð]

v.厌恶;憎恶

huddle

[’hʌdl]

n.杂乱一团;混乱;拥挤

guardian

[’ɡɑːdiən]

n.保护人;监护人

felted

[’feltɪd]

v. 把 ... 制成毡(使 ... 粘结)

instantaneous

[ˌɪnstən’teɪniəs]

adj.瞬间的;即刻的

latent

[’leɪtnt]

adj.潜伏的;潜在的

hatred

[’heɪtrɪd]

n.仇恨;憎恨;敌意;怨恨

frank

[fræŋk]

a. 坦白;率直;

lounge

[laʊndʒ]

n.休息室;候机室;起居室

insignificant

[ˌɪnsɪɡ’nɪfɪkənt]

adj.无关紧要的;可忽略的;不重要的;无用的

coachman

[’kəʊtʃmən]

n.赶马车人

beloved

[bɪ’lʌvd]

adj.心爱的

recede

[rɪ’siːd]

vi.后退;减弱

Despair

[dɪ’speə(r)]

n.绝望;失望

past

[pɑːst]

a. 过去的;

displeasure

[dɪs’pleʒə(r)]

n.不愉快;不高兴;不满意

mantle

[’mæntl]

n.斗篷;覆盖物;墙的外皮;(汽灯的)纱罩;【地】地幔

helpless

[’helpləs]

adj.无助的;无依靠的

immature

[ˌɪmə’tjʊə(r)]

adj.不成熟的

footstep

[’fʊtstep]

n.脚步;脚步声;足迹

quail

[kweɪl]

n.鹌鹑

stutter

[’stʌtə(r)]

v.口吃;结巴着说话

nuisance

[’njuːsns]

n.讨厌的人;讨厌的东西;伤害

affectionate

[ə’fekʃənət]

adj.充满感情的;示爱的

avert

[ə’vɜːt]

vt.转开;避免;防止

implore

[ɪm’plɔː(r)]

v.恳求;哀求

brim

[brɪm]

n.边;边缘

unworthy

[ʌn’wɜːði]

adj.无价值的;没有优点的;不值得的;不应得的

gong

[ɡɒŋ]

n.锣; 奖章

misgive

[mɪs’gɪv]

v.(使)担心;(使)怀疑

uneasy

[ʌn’iːzi]

adj.不自在的 ;心神不安的 ;不稳定的;不舒服的

endeavor

[ɪn’devə]

n.尽力;努力

enigmatic

[ˌenɪɡ’mætɪk]

adj.谜的;莫明其妙的;不可思议的

cajole

[kə’dʒəʊl]

v.(以甜言蜜语)哄骗

clench

[klentʃ]

v.紧握;紧咬;牢牢地抓住;确定

Hatred

[’heɪtrɪd]

n.仇恨;憎恨;敌意;怨恨

unbounded

[ʌn’baʊndɪd]

adj.无限的;无节制的

简典