The autumn passed into winter. Philip had left his address with Mrs. Foster, his uncle’s housekeeper , so that she might communicate with him, but still went once a week to the hospital on the chance of there being a letter. One evening he saw his name on an envelope in a handwriting he had hoped never to see again. It gave him a queer feeling. For a little while he could not bring himself to take it. It brought back a host of hateful memories. But at length, impatient with himself, he ripped open the envelope.
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亲爱的菲尔:
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Dear Phil,
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是否可以尽快和您见一面。我的境遇很不妙,不知怎么办才好。不是钱的事儿。
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Can I see you for a minute or two as soon as possible. I am in awful trouble and don’t know what to do. It’s not money.
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您的忠实的 米尔德丽德
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Yours truly, Mildred.
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他将信撕得粉碎,走到街上,随手把碎片撒向茫茫的暮曛之中。
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He tore the letter into little bits and going out into the street scattered them in the darkness.
A feeling of disgust surged up in him at the thought of seeing her again. He did not care if she was in distress , it served her right whatever it was, he thought of her with hatred , and the love he had had for her aroused his loathing . His recollections filled him with nausea , and as he walked across the Thames he drew himself aside in an instinctive withdrawal from his thought of her.
He went to bed, but he could not sleep; he wondered what was the matter with her, and he could not get out of his head the fear that she was ill and hungry; she would not have written to him unless she were desperate. He was angry with himself for his weakness, but he knew that he would have no peace unless he saw her. Next morning he wrote a letter-card and posted it on his way to the shop. He made it as stiff as he could and said merely that he was sorry she was in difficulties and would come to the address she had given at seven o’clock that evening.
It was that of a shabby lodging-house in a sordid street; and when, sick at the thought of seeing her, he asked whether she was in, a wild hope seized him that she had left. It looked the sort of place people moved in and out of frequently. He had not thought of looking at the postmark on her letter and did not know how many days it had lain in the rack. The woman who answered the bell did not reply to his inquiry , but silently preceded him along the passage and knocked on a door at the back.
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"米勒太太,有位先生来看你,"她朝屋内招呼了一声。
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‘Mrs. Miller , a gentleman to see you,’ she called.
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房门开了一线,米尔德丽德心环猜疑地打缝隙里朝外瞟了一眼。
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The door was slightly opened, and Mildred looked out suspiciously.
He walked in and she closed the door. It was a very small bed-room, untidy as was every place she lived in; there was a pair of shoes on the floor, lying apart from one another and uncleaned; a hat was on the chest of drawers, with false curls beside it; and there was a blouse on the table. Philip looked for somewhere to put his hat. The hooks behind the door were laden with skirts, and he noticed that they were muddy at the hem .
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"坐下好吗?"她说着,尴尬地笑了一声。"我想,这回你又收到我的信,你觉得有些意外,是吗?"
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‘Sit down, won’t you?’ she said. Then she gave a little awkward laugh. ‘I suppose you were surprised to hear from me again.’
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"你嗓子哑得很哪,"他回答说,"喉咙痛吗?"
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‘You’re awfully hoarse ,’ he answered. ‘Have you got a sore throat?’
He did not say anything. He waited for her to explain why she wanted to see him. The look of the room told him clearly enough that she had gone back to the life from which he had taken her. He wondered what had happened to the baby; there was a photograph of it on the chimney-piece, but no sign in the room that a child was ever there.
Mildred was holding her handkerchief. She made it into a little ball, and passed it from hand to hand. He saw that she was very nervous. She was staring at the fire, and he could look at her without meeting her eyes. She was much thinner than when she had left him; and the skin, yellow and dryish, was drawn more tightly over her cheekbones. She had dyed her hair and it was now flaxen: it altered her a good deal, and made her look more vulgar.
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"说实在的,一接到你的回信,我的心就定下来了,"她终于开腔了,"我怕你说不定已经离开医院了。"
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‘I was relieved to get your letter, I can tell you,’ she said at last. ‘I thought p’raps you weren’t at the ‘ospital any more.’
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菲利普没有吱声。
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Philip did not speak.
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"我想你已经正式取得医生资格了,是吗?"
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‘I suppose you’re qualified by now, aren’t you?’
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"没有。"
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‘No.’
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"怎么会呢?"
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‘How’s that?’
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"我已经不在医院了。一年半以前,我不得不改行,另谋生汁。"
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‘I’m no longer at the hospital. I had to give it up eighteen months ago.’
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"你就是好见异思迁,似乎干什么事都干不长。"
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‘You are changeable. You don’t seem as if you could stick to anything.’
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菲利普又沉默了半晌。接着,他冷冷地说:
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Philip was silent for another moment, and when he went on it was with coldness.