Philip, in return for Griffiths’ confidences, had told him the details of his own complicated amours, and on Sunday morning, after breakfast when they sat by the fire in their dressing-gowns and smoked, he recounted the scene of the previous day. Griffiths congratulated him because he had got out of his difficulties so easily.
Philip felt a little inclined to pat himself on the back for his skill in managing the business. At all events he was immensely relieved. He thought of Mildred enjoying herself in Tulse Hill, and he found in himself a real satisfaction because she was happy. It was an act of self-sacrifice on his part that he did not grudge her pleasure even though paid for by his own disappointment, and it filled his heart with a comfortable glow.
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但在星期一早晨,菲利普发觉桌子上赫然躺着一封来自诺拉的信,信上写着:
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But on Monday morning he found on his table a letter from Norah. She wrote:
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最亲爱的:
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Dearest,
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星期六那天,我大发脾气,实感抱歉,望能谅察。请同往常一样于下午来用茶点。我爱你。
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I’m sorry I was cross on Saturday. Forgive me and come to tea in the afternoon as usual. I love you.
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你的诺拉
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Your Norah.
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菲利普神情沮丧,茫然不知所措。他走到格里菲思的跟前,把这封信递了过去。
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His heart sank, and he did not know what to do. He took the note to Griffiths and showed it to him.
‘Oh, I can’t,’ cried Philip. ‘I should be miserable if I thought of her waiting and waiting. You don’t know what it is to be sick for the postman’s knock. I do, and I can’t expose anybody else to that torture.’
‘My dear fellow, one can’t break that sort of affair off without somebody suffering. You must just set your teeth to that. One thing is, it doesn’t last very long.’
I am sorry to make you unhappy, but I think we had better let things remain where we left them on Saturday. I don’t think there’s any use in letting these things drag on when they’ve ceased to be amusing. You told me to go and I went. I do not propose to come back. Good-bye.
He showed the letter to Griffiths and asked him what he thought of it. Griffiths read it and looked at Philip with twinkling eyes. He did not say what he felt.
Philip went out and posted it. He passed an uncomfortable morning, for he imagined with great detail what Norah would feel when she received his letter. He tortured himself with the thought of her tears. But at the same time he was relieved. Imagined grief was more easy to bear than grief seen, and he was free now to love Mildred with all his soul. His heart leaped at the thought of going to see her that afternoon, when his day’s work at the hospital was over.
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跟往常一样,他回到自己房间梳理一下。他刚把钥匙塞进门上的锁眼,突然从身后传来一个人的说话声。
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When as usual he went back to his rooms to tidy himself, he had no sooner put the latch-key in his door than he heard a voice behind him.
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"我可以进来吗?我已经等了你半个小时了。"
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‘May I come in? I’ve been waiting for you for half an hour.’
It was Norah. He felt himself blush to the roots of his hair. She spoke gaily . There was no trace of resentment in her voice and nothing to indicate that there was a rupture between them. He felt himself cornered. He was sick with fear, but he did his best to smile.
He opened the door, and she preceded him into his sitting-room . He was nervous and, to give himself countenance , offered her a cigarette and lit one for himself. She looked at him brightly.
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"你这个淘气鬼,为什么要给我写来这么一封可怕的信?我要是拿它当真的话,它足以使我感到痛心疾首。"
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‘Why did you write me such a horrid letter, you naughty boy? If I’d taken it seriously it would have made me perfectly wretched.’
‘Don’t be so silly. I lost my temper the other day, and I wrote and apologised. You weren’t satisfied, so I’ve come here to apologise again. After all, you’re your own master and I have no claims upon you. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.’
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她从椅子里站起来,两手张着,感情冲动地朝菲利普走来。
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She got up from the chair in which she was sitting and went towards him impulsively , with outstretched hands.
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"让我们言归于好吧,菲利普。要是我触犯了你,我感到难过。"
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‘Let’s make friends again, Philip. I’m so sorry if I offended you.’
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他不能不让她握住自己的双手,但是他不敢正视她。
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He could not prevent her from taking his hands, but he could not look at her.
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"恐怕现在太迟了。"他说。
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‘I’m afraid it’s too late,’ he said.
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她一屁股坐在他腿旁的地板上,抱住了他的双腿。
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She let herself down on the floor by his side and clasped his knees.
‘Philip, don’t be silly. I’m quick-tempered too and I can understand that I hurt you, but it’s so stupid to sulk over it. What’s the good of making us both unhappy? It’s been so jolly, our friendship.’ She passed her fingers slowly over his hand. ‘I love you, Philip.’
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他站起身子,躲开她,走到房间的另一端。
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He got up, disengaging himself from her, and went to the other side of the room.
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"实在抱歉,我无能为力。整个事情就此完结。"
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‘I’m awfully sorry, I can’t do anything. The whole thing’s over.’
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"你的意思是说你不再爱我了?"
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‘D’you mean to say you don’t love me any more?’
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"恐怕是的。"
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‘I’m afraid so.’
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"你是在找个机会把我抛弃掉,而你就抓住了那件事,是不是?"
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‘You were just looking for an opportunity to throw me over and you took that one?’
He did not answer. She looked at him steadily for a time which seemed intolerable. She was sitting on the floor where he had left her, leaning against the arm-chair. She began to cry quite silently, without trying to hide her face, and the large tears rolled down her cheeks one after the other. She did not sob . It was horribly painful to see her. Philip turned away.
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"我伤了你的心,实在对不起。就是我不爱你,这也不是我的过错。"
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‘I’m awfully sorry to hurt you. It’s not my fault if I don’t love you.’
She did not answer. She merely sat there, as though she were overwhelmed, and the tears flowed down her cheeks. It would have been easier to bear if she had reproached him. He had thought her temper would get the better of her, and he was prepared for that. At the back of his mind was a feeling that a real quarrel, in which each said to the other cruel things, would in some way be a justification of his behaviour. The time passed. At last he grew frightened by her silent crying; he went into his bed-room and got a glass of water; he leaned over her.
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"你不喝点儿水吗?喝了,心里要好受些。"
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‘Won’t you drink a little? It’ll relieve you.’
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她嘴唇设精打采地伸向杯子,喝了两三口水。然后她精神倦怠地、轻声地向菲利普讨了块手帕。她擦干了眼泪。
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Please sign in to unlock the rest
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"自然,我早就知道你从来就没有像我爱你那样爱过我,"她呻吟地一说。
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"恐怕事情往往就是如此,"他说,"总是有人去爱别人,也总是有人被别人爱。"
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他想起了米尔德丽德,一阵剧痛袭上心头。诺拉沉默了好一会儿。
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He thought of Mildred, and a bitter pain traversed his heart. Norah did not answer for a long time.
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"我总是那么悲惨不幸,我的一生又是那么的可恨,"她最后说。
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‘I’d been so miserably unhappy, and my life was so hateful,’ she said at last.