Next day, in the afternoon, Philip sat in his room and wondered whether Mildred would come. He had slept badly. He had spent the morning in the club of the Medical School, reading one newspaper after another. It was the vacation and few students he knew were in London, but he found one or two people to talk to, he played a game of chess, and so wore out the tedious hours.
After luncheon he felt so tired, his head was aching so, that he went back to his lodgings and lay down; he tried to read a novel. He had not seen Griffiths. He was not in when Philip returned the night before; he heard him come back, but he did not as usual look into Philip’s room to see if he was asleep; and in the morning Philip heard him go out early. It was clear that he wanted to avoid him. Suddenly there was a light tap at his door. Philip sprang to his feet and opened it. Mildred stood on the threshold. She did not move.
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3
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"进来呀,"菲利普说。
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3
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‘Come in,’ said Philip.
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4
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他在她身后把门闭上。米尔德丽德一屁股坐了下来。她迟疑了一下才开腔说话。
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He closed the door after her. She sat down. She hesitated to begin.
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5
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"谢谢你昨晚给了我两个先令,"她说。
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5
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‘Thank you for giving me that two shillings last night,’ she said.
She gave him a faint smile. It reminded Philip of the timid, ingratiating look of a puppy that has been beaten for naughtiness and wants to reconcile himself with his master.
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8
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"我和哈利在一起吃中饭来着,"她说。
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8
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‘I’ve been lunching with Harry ,’ she said.
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9
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"是吗?"
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9
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‘Have you?’
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10
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"菲利普,如果你还要我星期六陪你一起去巴黎的话,我准备陪你去。"
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‘If you still want me to go away with you on Saturday, Philip, I’ll come.’
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11
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一种胜利的狂喜似闪电般地向他心口袭来,不过这种情感瞬息即逝,随后心中升起了一团疑云。
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11
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A quick thrill of triumph shot through his heart, but it was a sensation that only lasted an instant; it was followed by a suspicion.
‘Partly,’ she answered simply. ‘Harry can’t do anything. He owes five weeks here, and he owes you seven pounds, and his tailor’s pressing him for money. He’d pawn anything he could, but he’s pawned everything already. I had a job to put the woman off about my new dress, and on Saturday there’s the book at my lodgings, and I can’t get work in five minutes. It always means waiting some little time till there’s a vacancy .’
She said all this in an even, querulous tone, as though she were recounting the injustices of fate, which had to be borne as part of the natural order of things. Philip did not answer. He knew what she told him well enough.
‘Well, Harry says you’ve been a brick to both of us. You’ve been a real good friend to him, he says, and you’ve done for me what p’raps no other man would have done. We must do the straight thing, he says. And he said what you said about him, that he’s fickle by nature, he’s not like you, and I should be a fool to throw you away for him. He won’t last and you will, he says so himself.’
He looked at her, and the corners of his mouth turned down in an expression of misery . He had triumphed indeed, and he was going to have his way. He gave a little laugh of derision at his own humiliation . She looked at him quickly, but did not speak.
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20
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"我殷切地期待着咱俩一块儿去巴黎一游,我曾想过,经过了那么多的痛苦的折磨,我终于得到了幸福……"
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20
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‘I’ve looked forward with all my soul to going away with you, and I thought at last, after all that wretchedness, I was going to be happy...’
He did not finish what he was going to say. And then on a sudden, without warning, Mildred broke into a storm of tears. She was sitting in the chair in which Norah had sat and wept, and like her she hid her face on the back of it, towards the side where there was a little bump formed by the sagging in the middle, where the head had rested.
Her thin body was shaken with sobs . Philip had never seen a woman cry with such an utter abandonment. It was horribly painful, and his heart was torn. Without realising what he did, he went up to her and put his arms round her; she did not resist, but in her wretchedness surrendered herself to his comforting. He whispered to her little words of solace . He scarcely knew what he was saying, he bent over her and kissed her repeatedly.
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"你很难过吗?"他最后问了这么一句。
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‘Are you awfully unhappy?’ he said at last.
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"我巴不得自己死去,"她神情凄怆地叹道,"但愿我分娩时死了就好了。"
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25
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‘I wish I was dead,’ she moaned. ‘I wish I’d died when the baby come.’
Her hat was in her way, and Philip took it off for her. He placed her head more comfortably in the chair, and then he went and sat down at the table and looked at her.
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27
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"亲爱的,事情糟透了,是不?"菲利普说,"真想不到任何人都需要爱呀!"
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‘It is awful, love, isn’t it?’ he said. ‘Fancy anyone wanting to be in love.’
Presently the violence of her sobbing diminished and she sat in the chair, exhausted , with her head thrown back and her arms hanging by her side. She had the grotesque look of one of those painters’ dummies used to hang draperies on.
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"我可不知道你爱他爱得这么深啊,"菲利普又说。
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‘I didn’t know you loved him so much as all that,’ said Philip.
He understood Griffiths’ love well enough, for he put himself in Griffiths’ place and saw with his eyes, touched with his hands; he was able to think himself in Griffiths’ body, and he kissed her with his lips, smiled at her with his smiling blue eyes. It was her emotion that surprised him. He had never thought her capable of passion, and this was passion: there was no mistaking it. Something seemed to give way in his heart; it really felt to him as though something were breaking, and he felt strangely weak.
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31
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"我并不想使你伤心。如果你不想跟我一块去,那就别去了。不管去还是不去,我都给你钱。"
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‘I don’t want to make you unhappy. You needn’t come away with me if you don’t want to. I’ll give you the money all the same.’
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她摇摇头说:
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She shook her head.
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"不能这样。我说过我要跟你去,那我就一定去。"
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33
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‘No, I said I’d come, and I’ll come.’
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34
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"假如你一心依恋着他,就是去了又有什么好处?"
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34
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‘What’s the good, if you’re sick with love for him?’
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"是的,你说得很对。我确实是一心依恋着他。同格里菲思一样,我也知道这种感情长久不了,不过眼下……"
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‘Yes, that’s the word. I’m sick with love. I know it won’t last, just as well as he does, but just now...’
She paused and shut her eyes as though she were going to faint. A strange idea came to Philip, and he spoke it as it came, without stopping to think it out.