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相约星期二|Tuesdays with Morrie

The Eleventh Tuesday We Talk About Our Culture

属类： 双语小说 【分类】世界名著 -[作者: 米奇-艾尔邦] 阅读：[11590]
The Tenth Tuesday We Talk About Marriage
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"拍得重些。"

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我拍打着莫里的背。

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"再用力些。"

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我又拍打下去。

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"靠近肩部……往下一点。"

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莫里穿着睡裤侧卧在床上，他的头陷在枕头里，嘴巴张开着。理疗师在教我怎样把他肺部的毒物拍打出来--莫里现在需要按时做这种理疗，不然他的肺就会硬化，从而丧失呼吸的功能。

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"我……早就知道……你想……打我……"莫里喘着气说。

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没错，我一边用拳头叩击他雪白的后背，一边开玩笑他说。谁叫你在大学二年级时给了我一个B！再来一下重的！

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我们都笑了，这是面对魔鬼的临近而发出的惴惴不安的笑，如果没人知道这是莫里临死前的健身操，这场面或许会挺有趣的。莫里的病现在已经危险地逼近了他的最后一道防线--肺部。他已经预见到他最终会窒息而死，这是我所无法想象的。有时他会闭上眼睛，用力把一口气吸到嘴巴和鼻孔处，就像在做起锚前的准备工作。

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刚进十月，外面的气候开始转凉，吹落的树叶铺满了西纽顿周围的绿化地。莫里的理疗师比平时来得更早了。通常，当护士和专家在他身边忙碌时，我总是找借口避开的。但几个星期下来，随着我们的时间在不断缩短，我不再对人体的种种窘态那么敏感了。我想呆在那儿。我想看见发生的一切。这不是我平常的性格。但最后几个月发生在莫里家中的一切也是不平常的。

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于是我看着理疗师对躺在床上的莫里进行治疗，她叩击莫里背部的肋骨，问他是否感觉到胸口的郁闷有所缓解。她停下来休息时，问我想不想试试。我说行。莫里埋在枕头里的脸上浮现出一丝笑容。

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"别太狠，"他说，"我是个老头了。"

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我在她的指导下，来来回回敲打着他的背部和侧部。我不愿去想莫里躺在床上的情形（他最新的格言"当你在床上时，你就是个死人"又回响在我的耳边），蜷缩着身子侧卧在床上的莫里显得那么瘦小，那么枯槁，简直就跟一个孩子的身材差不多大。我看见了他白皙的皮肤，零散的白色汗毛，看见了他疲软下垂的双臂。我想起了我们曾热衷于健身：举杠铃，练仰卧起坐；然而最终自然又将我们的肌肉夺了回去。我的手指触摸在莫里松弛的肌肉上，我按着理疗师的指导拍打着他。而实际上，当我在捶打他的背部时，我真正想捶打的却是墙壁。

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"米奇？"莫里喘着气说，他的声音在我的捶打下像风钻一样振动着。

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"我……什么时候……给过你……B？"

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莫里相信人之初性本善。但他也看到了事物的可变性。

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"人只有在受到威胁时才变坏，"他那天对我说，"而这一威胁正是来自我们的文明社会，来自我们的经济制度。即使有工作的人也会受到威胁，因为他会担心失去它。当你受到威胁时，你就会只为自己的利益考虑，你就会视金钱为上帝。这就是我们文化的一部分。"

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他呼出一口气。"这就是为什么我不能接受它。"

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我点点头，握紧他的手。我们现在常常握手，这是发生在我身上的又一个变化。从前使我感到窘迫和拘谨的事情现在则成了家常便饭，通过一根管子连接到他体内，里面装满了黄色尿液的导管袋就放在我的脚边。早几个月它会使我感到恶心，现在我一点也无所谓。莫里，"厕后留在房间里的气味同样对我没有影响。他没有条件更换居住的房间，也无法关上厕所的门往屋里喷洒空气清新剂。这是他的床，这是他的椅子，这是他的生活。如果我的生活也被圈在这样一个弹丸之地，我想我留下的气味也好不到哪儿去。

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"这就是我说的你应该建立一个自己的小文化，"莫里说，"我并不是让你去忽视这个社会的每一条准则。比方说，我不会光着身子去外面转悠；我也不会去闯红灯。在这类小事情上我能遵纪守法。但在大问题上--如何思想，如何评判--你必须自己选择。你不能让任何一个人--或任何一个社会--来替你作出决定。

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"就拿我来说吧。我似乎该为许多事而感到害臊--不能行走，不能擦洗屁股，有时早上醒来想哭--其实生来就没有理由要为这些事情感到羞耻。

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"女人拼命想苗条，男人拼命想富有，也是同样的道理。这都是我们的文化要你相信的。别去相信它。"

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我问莫里他年轻时为何不移居他国。

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"去哪儿？"

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我不知道。南美。新几内亚。一个不像美国那么私欲膨胀的地方。

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"每个社会都有它自己的问题，"莫里说，他扬了扬眉毛，这是他最接近耸肩的表示。"我认为逃避并不是解决的方法。你应该为建立自己的文化而努力。

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"不管你生活在哪儿，人类最大的弱点就是缺乏远见。我们看不到自己的将来。其实，我们应该看到自己的潜能，让自己尽量去适应各种发展和变化。但如果你的周围尽是那些利欲熏心的人，那么结局便是一小部分的人暴富起来，军队的任务是防止贫穷的人起来造反，抢夺他们的财富。"

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莫里的目光越过我的肩头落在远处的窗户上。迎面偶尔传来卡车的隆隆声和风的呼啸声。他对着邻居的房子凝视了一会儿，继续说道，

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"问题是，米奇，我们不相信我们都是同样的人。白人和黑人。天主教徒和新教徒。男人和女人。如果我们彼此不觉得有差异，我们就会乐意加入人类的大家庭，就会像照顾自己的小家一样去关心那个大家庭。

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"相信我，当你快要死的时候，你会认识到这是对的。我们都有同样的开始--诞生--我们也有同样的结局--死亡。因此，我们怎么会有大的区别呢？

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"投入到人类的大家庭里去。投入到人的感情世界里去。建立一个由你爱的人和爱你的人组成的小社会。"

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他轻轻地握握我的手，我也用力地握握他的。就像在卡尼伐竞赛①中，你敲下锤子，看着圆球升向上面的洞口那样，我此刻似乎也看见了我的体热正从莫里的手传向他的胸口，又从胸口升向他的脸颊和眼睛。他笑了。

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①一种游艺场里的游戏。

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"在生命的起点，当我们还是婴几时，我们需要别人活着，对不对？在生命的终点，当你像我现在这样时，你也需要别人活着，是吗？"

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他压低了声音。"可还有个秘密：在生命的中途，我们同样需要别人活着。"

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那天下午晚些时候，康尼和我去卧室收看法庭对0•J•辛普森的裁决。当原告和被告都面向陪审团时，场面顿时紧张起来。辛普森身穿蓝色西服，被一群律师团团围着。离他几英尺的地方便是那些要他蹲大牢的检查官们。陪审团团长宣读了裁决--"无罪"--康尼尖叫起来。

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"哦，我的天！"

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我们看着辛普森拥抱他的律师，听着评论员的评述，成群的黑人在法庭外的街道上庆贺，而白人则目瞪口呆地呆坐在饭店里。人们称这一判决具有历史性的意义，尽管每天都有谋杀发生。康尼去了客厅。她看腻了。

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我听见莫里书房的门关上了。我盯着电视机。世界上每一个人都在看，我对自己说。然而就在这时，我听见有人把莫里从椅子上拖了起来。我笑了：就在"世纪审判"戏剧性地收场时，我的老教授正坐在抽水马桶上。

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1979年，布兰代斯的体育馆里有一场篮球赛。我们的球队打得不错，学生席上响起了叫喊声："我们第一！我们第一！"莫里就坐在旁边，喊声让他感到困惑。终于，他在一片"我们第一"的叫喊中站起来大吼一声，"第二又怎么样？"

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学生们望着他，停止了叫喊。他坐了下来，得意地笑了。

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I brought a visitor to meet Morrie. My wife.

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He had been asking me since the first day I came. "When do I meet Janine?" "When are you bringing her?" I’d always had excuses until a few days earlier, when I called his house to see how he was doing.

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It took a while for Morrie to get to the receiver. And when he did, I could hear the fumbling as someone held it to his ear. He could no longer lift a phone by himself. "Hiiiiii," he gasped.

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You doing okay, Coach?

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I heard him exhale. "Mitch . . . your coach . . . isn’t having such a great day . . .

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His sleeping time was getting worse. He needed oxygen almost nightly now, and his coughing spells had become frightening. One cough could last an hour, and he never knew if he’d be able to stop. He always said he would die when the disease got his lungs. I shuddered when I thought how close death was.

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I’ll see you on Tuesday, I said. You’ll have a better day then.

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"Mitch."

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Yeah?

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"Is your wife there with you?" She was sitting next to me.

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"Put her on. I want to hear her voice."

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Now, I am married to a woman blessed with far more intuitive kindness than 1. Although she had never met Morrie, she took the phone -I would have shaken my head and whispered, "I’m not here! I’m not here!"-and in a minute, she was connecting with my old professor as if they’d known each other since college. I sensed this, even though all I heard on my end was "Uh-huh . . . Mitch told me . . . oh, thank you . . .

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When she hung up, she said, "I’m coming next trip." And that was that.

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Now we sat in his office, surrounding him in his recliner. Morrie, by his own admission, was a harmless flirt, and while he often had to stop for coughing, or to use the commode, he seemed to find new reserves of energy with Janine in the room. He looked at photos from our wedding, which Janine had brought along.

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"You are from Detroit?" Morrie said. Yes, Janine said.

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"I taught in Detroit for one year, in the late forties. I remember a funny story about that."

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He stopped to blow his nose. When he fumbled with the tissue, I held it in place and he blew weakly into it. I squeezed it lightly against his nostrils, then pulled it off, like a mother does to a child in a car seat.

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"Thank you, Mitch." He looked at Janine. "My helper, this one is."

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Janine smiled.

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"Anyhow. My story. There were a bunch of sociologists at the university, and we used to play poker with other staff members, including this guy who was a surgeon. One night, after the game, he said, ’Morrie, I want to come see you work.’ I said fine. So he came to one of my classes and watched me teach.

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"After the class was over he said, `All right, now, how would you like to see me work? I have an operation tonight.’ I wanted to return the favor, so I said okay.

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"He took me up to the hospital. He said, `Scrub down, put on a mask, and get into a gown.’ And next thing I knew, I was right next to him at the operating table. There was this woman, the patient, on the table, naked from the waist down. And he took a knife and went zip just like that! Well . . .

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Morrie lifted a finger and spun it around.

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" . . . I started to go like this. I’m about to faint. All the blood. Yech. The nurse next to me said, `What’s the matter, Doctor?’ and I said, `I’m no damn doctor! Get me out of here!’ "

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We laughed, and Morrie laughed, too, as hard as he could, with his limited breathing. It was the first time in weeks that I could recall him telling a story like this. How strange, I thought, that he nearly fainted once from watching someone else’s illness, and now he was so able to endure his own.

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Connie knocked on the door and said that Morrie’s lunch was ready. It was not the carrot soup and vegetable cakes and Greek pasta I had brought that morning from Bread and Circus. Although I tried to buy the softest of foods now, they were still beyond Morrie’s limited strength to chew and swallow. He was eating mostly liquid supplements, with perhaps a bran muffin tossed in until it was mushy and easily digested. Charlotte would puree almost everything in a blender now. He was taking food through a straw. I still shopped every week and walked in with bags to show him, but it was more for the look on his face than anything else. When I opened the refrigerator, I would see an overflow of containers. I guess I was hoping that one day we would go back to eating a real lunch together and I could watch the sloppy way in which he talked while chewing, the food spilling happily out of his mouth. This was a foolish hope.

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"So . . . Janine," Morrie said. She smiled.

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"You are lovely. Give me your hand."

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She did.

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"Mitch says that you’re a professional singer." Yes, Janine said.

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"He says you’re great."

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Oh, she laughed. N0. He just says that.

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Morrie raised his eyebrows. "Will you sing something for me?"

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Now, I have heard people ask this of Janine for almost as long as I have known her. When people find out you sing for a living, they always say, "Sing something for us." Shy about her talent, and a perfectionist about conditions, Janine never did. She would politely decline. Which is what I expected now.

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Which is when she began t0 sing:

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"The very thought of you and I forget to do the little ordinary things that everyone ought to do . . . "

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It was a 1930s standard, written by Ray Noble, and Janine sang it sweetly, looking straight at Morrie. I was amazed, once again, at his ability t0 draw emotion from people who otherwise kept it locked away. Morrie closed his eyes to absorb the notes. As my wife’s loving voice filled the room, a crescent smile appeared 0n his face. And while his body was stiff as a sandbag, you could almost see him dancing inside it.

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"I see your face in every flower,

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your eyes in stars above,

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it’s just the thought of you,

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Marriage. Almost everyone I knew had a problem with it. Some had problems getting into it, some had problems getting out. My generation seemed t0 struggle with the commitment, as if it were an alligator from some murky swamp. I had gotten used to attending weddings, congratulating the couple, and feeling only mild surprise when I saw the groom a few years later sitting in a restaurant with a younger woman whom he introduced as a friend. "You know, I’m separated from so-and-so . . ." he would say.

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Why do we have such problems? I asked Morrie about this. Having waited seven years before I proposed t0 Janine, I wondered if people my age were being more careful than those who came before us, 0r simply more selfish?

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