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相约星期二|Tuesdays with Morrie

The Fourteenth Tuesday We Say Good-bye

属类： 双语小说 【分类】世界名著 -[作者: 米奇-艾尔邦] 阅读：[11580]
The Thirteenth Tuesday We Talk About the Perfect Day
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气候又冷又湿，我踏上了莫里家的台阶。我注意到一些细小的东西，那是我以前从未留意的。山体的形状。房子的石墙。富贵草属长青地被植物。低矮的灌木丛。我慢慢地走着，踩着潮湿的枯叶朝上面走去。

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夏洛特前一天给我打了电话，告诉我说莫里"不太好"。这是她的表达方式，意思他快不行了。莫里已经取消了所有的约会，大部分时间是睡觉。这对他来说是很不寻常的。他从来不喜欢睡觉，尤其是当有人能跟他说话时。

2
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"他要你来，"夏洛特在电话里说，"可是米奇……"

3
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"他非常的虚弱。"

4
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门廊的台阶。大门上的玻璃。我慢慢地、仔细地打量着这一切，似乎我是第一次看见它们。我感觉到了背包里的录音机，我拉开包的拉链想证实一下磁带是否也在包里。我不知道为什么要这么做。我总是磁带不离身的。

5
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是康尼来开的门。她平时很欢快的脸此时显得有些憔悴。她轻轻地问了一声好。

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"他怎么样？"我问。

7
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"不太好，"她咬着嘴唇说。"我可不愿去想，他是那么的可爱，你知道。"

8
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我知道。

9
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"真是太叫人难过了。"

10
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夏洛特来到客厅和我拥抱了一下。她说莫里还睡着，虽然已经是上午十点了。我们来到厨房。我帮她收拾了一下，桌上放着一长排的药瓶，犹如一排戴白帽的褐色塑料士兵。我的老教授现在靠服用咖啡来缓气了。

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我把带来的食品放进冰箱--汤，蔬菜饼，金枪鱼色拉。我向夏洛特表示了歉意。这样的食品莫里已经有几个月没碰了。尽管我们都知道，但这已经成了一个小小的传统。有时，当你即将失去某个人时，你就尽量想保持这份传统。

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我等在起居室里，莫里和特德•科佩尔就是在这间屋子里进行第一次采访的。我拿起了放在桌上的报纸。在明尼苏达，两个儿童在玩他们父亲的枪时被打死。在洛杉矶，一条街上的垃圾箱里发现了一个死婴。

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我放下报纸，望着空荡荡的壁炉。我的脚轻轻敲打着硬木地板。终于，我听见了开门和关门的声音，接着夏洛特走了过来。

14
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"行了，"她轻声说。"他在等你。"

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我起身朝我熟悉的地方走去。这时我看见有个陌生的女人坐在客厅另一头的一张折椅上，她交叉着双腿在看一本书。这是值二十四小时班的专门护理晚期病人的护士。

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莫里的书房空无一人。我有些困惑。随后我犹犹豫豫地转身来到卧室，他在那里，躺在床上，身上盖着毯子。我以前只有一次看见他是躺在床上的--他在接受按摩--我立刻想到了他的那句格言："当你躺在床上时，你就是死人。"

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我走了进去，脸上硬挤出一丝笑容。他穿一件黄色的睡衣，胸口以下盖着毯子。他的身体萎缩得这般厉害，我一时觉得他好像缺少了哪个部位。他小得如同一个孩子。

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莫里的嘴巴张开着，脸上的皮紧贴在颧骨上，没一点血色，当他的眼睛转向我时，他想说什么，但我只听见他的喉咙动了一下。

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你在这儿，我鼓起身上所有的劲说。

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他呼了口气，闭上眼睛，然后笑了，这点努力看来也使他疲惫不堪了。

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"我……亲爱的朋友……"他最后说。

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我是你的朋友，我说。

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"我今天……不太好……"

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明天会好些的。

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他又吐出一口气，使劲地点点头。他在毯子下面费劲地动弹，我意识到他是想把手伸出来。

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"握住……"他说。

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我移开毯子，握住了他的手指。他的手握进了我的手掌里。我尽量靠近他，离他的脸只有几英寸的距离。这是我第一次看见他没有刮胡子，细小的白胡须显眼地扎在外面，好像有人在他的脸颊和下巴上均匀地洒了一层盐似的。当他身体的各个部位都在衰竭时，他的胡子却依然有着生命力。

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莫里，我轻声叫道。

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"叫教练，"他纠正了我。

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教练，我说。我打了个寒颤。他的说话非常短促：吸进氧气，呼出词语。他的声音既尖细又刺耳。他身上有一股药膏味。

31
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"你……是个好人。"

32
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好人。

33
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"摸摸我……"他低语道。他把我的手移向胸口。"这儿。"

34
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我觉得喉咙里被什么东西卡住了。

35
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教练？

36
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我不知道怎么说再见。

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他无力地拍拍我的手，仍把它按在胸口上。

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"这……就是在说……再见……"

39
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他的呼吸很微弱，吸进，呼出，我能感觉到他的胸腔在上下起伏。他这时正眼望着我。

40
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"爱……你，"他说。

41
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我也爱你，教练。

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"知道你……还……"

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知道什么？

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"你总是……"

45
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他的眼睛眯缝起来，然后他哭了。他的脸就像一个泪腺还没有发育的婴儿一样扭曲着。我紧紧地拥抱了他几分钟。我抚摸着他松弛的肌肤，揉着他的头发。我把手掌贴在他的脸上，感觉到了绷紧的肌肤和像是从滴管里挤出来的晶莹的泪水。

46
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等他的呼吸趋于平稳后，我清了清嗓子说，我知道他累了，我下个星期二再来，到时希望他有好的状态。谢谢，他轻轻地哼了一声，很像是笑的声音，但听来仍让人觉得悲伤。

47
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我拎起了装有录音机的包。为什么还要带这玩意？我知道我们再也不会使用它了。我凑过去吻他，脸贴着脸，胡子贴着胡子，肌肤贴着肌肤，久久没有松开，比平时都要长，我只希望能多给他哪怕是一秒钟的快乐。

48
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行了？我缩回身子说。

49
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我眨眨眼睛忍住了泪水，他看见后咂了咂嘴唇，扬起了眉毛。我希望这是老教授心满意足的开心一刻：他最终还是叫我哭了。

50
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"行了，"他低声说。

51
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Morrie wanted to be cremated. He had discussed it with Charlotte, and they decided it was the best way. The rabbi from Brandeis, Al Axelrad-a longtime friend whom they chose to conduct the funeral service-had come to visit Morrie, and Morrie told him of his cremation plans.

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"And Al?"

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"Yes?"

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"Make sure they don’t overcook me."

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The rabbi was stunned. But Morrie was able to joke about his body now. The closer he got to the end, the more he saw it as a mere shell, a container of the soul. It was withering to useless skin and bones anyhow, which made it easier to let go.

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"We are so afraid of the sight of death," Morrie told me when I sat down. I adjusted the microphone on his collar, but it kept flopping over. Morrie coughed. He was coughing all the time now.

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"I read a book the other day. It said as soon as someone dies in a hospital, they pull the sheets up over their head, and they wheel the body to some chute and push it down. They can’t wait to get it out of their sight. People act as if death is contagious."

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I fumbled with the microphone. Morrie glanced at my hands.

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"It’s not contagious, you know. Death is as natural as life. It’s part of the deal we made."

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He coughed again, and I moved back and waited, always braced for something serious. Morrie had been having bad nights lately. Frightening nights. He could sleep only a few hours at a time before violent hacking spells woke him. The nurses would come into the bedroom, pound him on the back, try to bring up the poison. Even if they got him breathing normally again-"normally" meaning with the help of the oxygen machine--the fight left him fatigued the whole next day.

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The oxygen tube was up his nose now. I hated the sight of it. To me, it symbolized helplessness. I wanted to pull it out.

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"Last night . . ." Morrie said softly. Yes? Last night?

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". . . I had a terrible spell. It went on for hours. And I really wasn’t sure I was going to make it. No breath. No end to the choking. At one point, I started to get dizzy

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. . . and then I felt a certain peace, I felt that I was ready to go."

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His eyes widened. "Mitch, it was a most incredible feeling. The sensation of accepting what was happening, being at peace. I was thinking about a dream I had last week, where I was crossing a bridge into something unknown. Being ready to move on to whatever is next."

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But you didn’t.

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Morrie waited a moment. He shook his head slightly. "No, I didn’t. But I felt that I could. Do you understand?

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"That’s what we’re all looking for. A certain peace with the idea of dying. If we know, in the end, that we can ultimately have that peace with dying, then we can finally do the really hard thing."

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Which is?

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"Make peace with living."

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He asked to see the hibiscus plant on the ledge behind him. I cupped it in my hand and held it up near his eyes. He smiled.

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"It’s natural to die," he said again. "The fact that we make such a big hullabaloo over it is all because we don’t see ourselves as part of nature. We think because we’re human we’re something above nature."

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He smiled at the plant.

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"We’re not. Everything that gets born, dies." He looked at me.

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"Do you accept that?" Yes.

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"All right," he whispered, "now here’s the payoff. Here is how we are different from these wonderful plants and animals.

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"As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on-in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here."

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His voice was raspy, which usually meant he needed to stop for a while. I placed the plant back on the ledge and went to shut off the tape recorder. This is the last sentence Morrie got out before I did:

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"Death ends a life, not a relationship."

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There had been a development in the treatment of ALS: an experimental drug that was just gaining passage. It was not a cure, but a delay, a slowing of the decay for perhaps a few months. Morrie had heard about it, but he was too far gone. Besides, the medicine wouldn’t be available for several months.

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"Not for me," Morrie said, dismissing it.

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In all the time he was sick, Morrie never held out hope he would be cured. He was realistic to a fault. One time, I asked if someone were to wave a magic wand and make him all better, would he become, in time, the man he had been before?

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He shook his head. "No way I could go back. I am a different self now. I’m different in my attitudes. I’m different appreciating my body, which I didn’t do fully before. I’m different in terms of trying to grapple with the big questions, the ultimate questions, the ones that won’t go away.

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"That’s the thing, you see. Once you get your fingers on the important questions, you can’t turn away from them."

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And which are the important questions?

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"As I see it, they have to do with love, responsibility, spirituality, awareness. And if I were healthy today, those would still be my issues. They should have been all along."

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I tried to imagine Morrie healthy. I tried to imagine him pulling the covers from his body, stepping from that chair, the two of us going for a walk around the neighborhood, the way we used to walk around campus. I suddenly realized it had been sixteen years since I’d seen him standing up. Sixteen years?

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What if you had one day perfectly healthy, I asked? What would you do?

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"Twenty-four hours?" Twenty-four hours.

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"Let’s see . . . I’d get up in the morning, do my exercises, have a lovely breakfast of sweet rolls and tea, go for a swim, then have my friends come over for a nice lunch. I’d have them come one or two at a time so we could talk about their families, their issues, talk about how much we mean to each other.

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Please sign in to unlock the rest

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"That’s it."

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It was so simple. So average. I was actually a little disappointed. I figured he’d fly to Italy or have lunch with the President or romp on the seashore or try every exotic thing he could think of. After all these months, lying there, unable to move a leg or a foot-how could he find perfection in such an average day?

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