WHY should I pause to ask how much of my shrinking from Provis might be traced to Estella? Why should I loiter on my road, to compare the state of mind in which I had tried to rid myself of the stain of the prison before meeting her at the coach-office, with the state of mind in which I now reflected on the abyss between Estella in her pride and beauty, and the returned transport whom I harboured? The road would be none the smoother for it, the end would be none the better for it, he would not be helped, nor I extenuated.
A new fear had been engendered in my mind by his narrative; or rather, his narrative had given form and purpose to the fear that was already there. If Compeyson were alive and should discover his return, I could hardly doubt the consequence. That, Compeyson stood in mortal fear of him, neither of the two could know much better than I; and that, any such man as that man had been described to be, would hesitate to release himself for good from a dreaded enemy by the safe means of becoming an informer, was scarcely to be imagined.
Never had I breathed, and never would I breathe - or so I resolved - a word of Estella to Provis. But, I said to Herbert that before I could go abroad, I must see both Estella and Miss Havisham. This was when we were left alone on the night of the day when Provis told us his story. I resolved to go out to Richmond next day, and I went.
On my presenting myself at Mrs Brandley’s, Estella’s maid was called to tell that Estella had gone into the country. Where? To Satis House, as usual. Not as usual, I said, for she had never yet gone there without me; when was she coming back? There was an air of reservation in the answer which increased my perplexity, and the answer was, that her maid believed she was only coming back at all for a little while. I could make nothing of this, except that it was meant that I should make nothing of it, and I went home again in complete discomfiture.
Another night-consultation with Herbert after Provis was gone home (I always took him home, and always looked well about me), led us to the conclusion that nothing should be said about going abroad until I came back from Miss Havisham’s. In the meantime, Herbert and I were to consider separately what it would be best to say; whether we should devise any pretence of being afraid that he was under suspicious observation; or whether I, who had never yet been abroad, should propose an expedition. We both knew that I had but to propose anything, and he would consent. We agreed that his remaining many days in his present hazard was not to be thought of.
Next day, I had the meanness to feign that I was under a binding promise to go down to Joe; but I was capable of almost any meanness towards Joe or his name. Provis was to be strictly careful while I was gone, and Herbert was to take the charge of him that I had taken. I was to be absent only one night, and, on my return, the gratification of his impatience for my starting as a gentleman on a greater scale, was to be begun. It occurred to me then, and as I afterwards found to Herbert also, that he might be best got away across the water, on that pretence - as, to make purchases, or the like.
Having thus cleared the way for my expedition to Miss Havisham’s, I set off by the early morning coach before it was yet light, and was out on the open country-road when the day came creeping on, halting and whimpering and shivering, and wrapped in patches of clouds and rags of mist, like a beggar. When we drove up to the Blue Boar after a drizzly ride, whom should I see come out under the gateway, toothpick in hand, to look at the coach, but Bentley Drummle!
As he pretended not to see me, I pretended not to see him. It was a very lame pretence on both sides; the lamer, because we both went into the coffee-room, where he had just finished his breakfast, and where I ordered mine. It was poisonous to me to see him in the town, for I very well knew why he had come there.
Pretending to read a smeary newspaper long out of date, which had nothing half so legible in its local news, as the foreign matter of coffee, pickles, fish-sauces, gravy, melted butter, and wine, with which it was sprinkled all over, as if it had taken the measles in a highly irregular form, I sat at my table while he stood before the fire. By degrees it became an enormous injury to me that he stood before the fire, and I got up, determined to have my share of it. I had to put my hands behind his legs for the poker when I went up to the fire-place to stir the fire, but still pretended not to know him.
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10
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“怎么不打一个招呼?”德鲁莫尔先生却说道。
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10
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`Is this a cut?’ said Mr Drummle.
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11
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“噢!”我手中拿着火钳说道,“原来是你,可不是吗?好吗?我正在想着这是谁呢?谁在挡住火炉呢?”
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11
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`Oh!’ said I, poker in hand; `it’s you, is it? How do you do? I was wondering who it was, who kept the fire off.’
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12
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我拿着火钳,费很大气力投着火,火拨好后,便和德鲁莫尔先生并排站着,展开两侧肩膀背靠着火炉。
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With that, I poked tremendously, and having done so, planted myself side by side with Mr Dummle, my shoulders squared and my back to the fire.
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13
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“你刚来到这里?”德鲁莫尔用他的肩头撞我一下,使我们两人的肩分开,说道。
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13
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`You have just come down?’ said Mr Drummle, edging me a little away with his shoulder.
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14
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“刚来。”我也用我的肩头撞他一下,也不让他的肩靠上我的肩。
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14
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`Yes,’ said I, edging him a little away with my shoulder.
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15
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“这真是鬼地方,”德鲁莫尔说道,“我猜这是你的家乡吧。”
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15
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`Beastly place,’ said Drummle. - `Your part of the country, I think?’
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16
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“是我的家乡,”我附和地说道,“我听说这儿和你的家乡西洛普郡很相像。”
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16
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`Yes,’ I assented. `I am told it’s very like your Shropshire.’
I felt here, through a tingling in my blood, that if Mr Drummle’s shoulder had claimed another hair’s breadth of room, I should have jerked him into the window; equally, that if my own shoulder had urged a similar claim, Mr Drummle would have jerked me into the nearest box. He whistled a little. So did I.
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25
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“我知道离这里不远有一大片沼泽地,对吧?”德鲁莫尔说道。
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`Large tract of marshes about here, I believe?’ said Drummle.
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“是有一大片沼泽地,怎么样?”我答道。
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26
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`Yes. What of that?’ said I.
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27
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德鲁莫尔先生望着我,然后他又望着我的靴子,又然后才说道:“噢!”说着他又大笑起来。
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Mr Drummle looked at me, and then at my boots, and then said, `Oh!’ and laughed.
`No,’ said he, `not particularly. I am going out for a ride in the saddle. I mean to explore those marshes for amusement. Out-of-the-way villages there, they tell me. Curious little public-houses - and smithies - and that. Waiter!’
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30
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“来了,先生。”
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30
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`Yes, sir.’
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31
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“我的马准备好了吗?”
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31
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`Is that horse of mine ready?’
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32
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“已经牵到门口了,先生。”
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32
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`Brought round to the door, sir.’
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33
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“喂,你听我说,小姐今天不想骑马了,天气看来不好。”
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33
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`I say. Look here, you sir. The lady won’t ride to-day; the weather won’t do.’
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34
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“好的,先生。”
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34
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`Very good, sir.’
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35
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“今天我不吃午饭了,因为我准备到小姐家中去吃。”
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35
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`And I don’t dine, because I’m going to dine at the lady’s.’
Then, Drummle glanced at me, with an insolent triumph on his great-jowled face that cut me to the heart, dull as he was, and so exasperated me, that I felt inclined to take him in my arms (as the robber in the story-book is said to have taken the old lady), and seat him on the fire.
One thing was manifest to both of us, and that was, that until relief came, neither of us could relinquish the fire. There was stood, well squared up before it, shoulder to shoulder and foot to foot, with our hands behind us, not budging an inch. The horse was visible outside in the drizzle at the door, my breakfast was put on table, Drummle’s was cleared away, the waiter invited me to begin, I nodded, we both stood our ground.
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39
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“自那以后你去过林中鸟类俱乐部吗?”德鲁莫尔说道。
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39
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`Have you been to the Grove since?’ said Drummle.
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40
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“没有,”我说道,“上次我在俱乐部里对那些鸟儿们了解得已够清楚了。”
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40
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`No,’ said I, `I had quite enough of the Finches the last time I was there.’
`Mr Drummle,’ said I, `you are not competent to give advice on that subject. When I lose my temper (not that I admit having done so on that occasion), I don’t throw glasses.’