PUTTING Miss Havisham’s note in my pocket, that it might serve as my credentials for so soon reappearing at Satis House, in case her waywardness should lead her to express any surprise at seeing me, I went down again by the coach next day. But I alighted at the Halfway House, and breakfasted there, and walked the rest of the distance; for, I sought to get into the town quietly by the unfrequented ways, and to leave it in the same manner.
The best light of the day was gone when I passed along the quiet echoing courts behind the High-street. The nooks of ruin where the old monks had once had their refectories and gardens, and where the strong walls were now pressed into the service of humble sheds and stables, were almost as silent as the old monks in their graves. The cathedral chimes had at once a sadder and a more remote sound to me, as I hurried on avoiding observation, than they had ever had before; so, the swell of the old organ was borne to my ears like funeral music; and the rooks, as they hovered about the grey tower and swung in the bare high trees of the priory-garden, seemed to call to me that the place was changed, and that Estella was gone out of it for ever.
An elderly woman whom I had seen before as one of the servants who lived in the supplementary house across the back court-yard, opened the gate. The lighted candle stood in the dark passage within, as of old, and I took it up and ascended the staircase alone. Miss Havisham was not in her own room, but was in the larger room across the landing. Looking in at the door, after knocking in vain, I saw her sitting on the hearth in a ragged chair, close before, and lost in the contemplation of, the ashy fire.
Doing as I had often done, I went in, and stood, touching the old chimney-piece, where she could see me when she raised her eyes. There was an air or utter loneliness upon her, that would have moved me to pity though she had wilfully done me a deeper injury than I could charge her with. As I stood compassionating her, and thinking how in the progress of time I too had come to be a part of the wrecked fortunes of that house, her eyes rested on me. She stared, and said in a low voice, `Is it real?’
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5
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“是我皮普。昨天贾格斯先生把你的信转交给我,我抓紧时间赶到了这里。”
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5
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`It is I, Pip. Mr Jaggers gave me your note yesterday, and I have lost no time.’
`I want,’ she said, `to pursue that subject you mentioned to me when you were last here, and to show you that I am not all stone. But perhaps you can never believe, now, that there is anything human in my heart?’
When I said some reassuring words, she stretched out her tremulous right hand, as though she was going to touch me; but she recalled it again before I understood the action, or knew how to receive it.
I began explaining to her that secret history of the partnership. I had not got far into it, when I judged from her looks that she was thinking in a discursive way of me, rather than of what I said. It seemed to be so, for, when I stopped speaking, many moments passed before she showed that she was conscious of the fact.
She set her hand upon her stick, in the resolute way that sometimes was habitual to her, and looked at the fire with a strong expression of forcing herself to attend. I went on with my explanation, and told her how I had hoped to complete the transaction out of my means, but how in this I was disappointed. That part of the subject (I reminded her) involved matters which could form no part of my explanation, for they were the weighty secrets of another.
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18
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“是这么回事!”她动了一下头,表示同意,但是并没有望着我。“你要把这件事办成究竟需要多少钱?”
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18
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`So!’ said she, assenting with her head, but not looking at me. `And how much money is wanting to complete the purchase?’
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19
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我真不敢说出这个数字,因为听起来这数字是一大笔钱。“九百镑。”
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19
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I was rather afraid of stating it, for it sounded a large sum. `Nine hundred pounds.’
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20
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“要是我拿出这笔钱使你达到目的,你能够像保守你自己的秘密一样而保守我的秘密吗?”
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20
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`If I give you the money for this purpose, will you keep my secret as you have kept your own?’
She asked this question, still without looking at me, but in an unwonted tone of sympathy. I could not reply at the moment, for my voice failed me. She put her left arm across the head of her stick, and softly laid her forehead on it.
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26
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“郝维仙小姐,我无法愉快;但我不得安宁、不愉快还有你所不知的原因。这也是我向你提到过的秘密。”
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26
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`I am far from happy, Miss Havisham; but I have other causes of disquiet than any you know of. They are the secrets I have mentioned.’
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27
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过了一会儿她抬起头,又对着火炉呆呆地望起来。
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27
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After a little while, she raised her head and looked at the fire again.
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28
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“你告诉我你尚有别的不愉快的原由,这表现出你高尚的气质。我还想问一下,你所说的是真的吗?”
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28
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`It is noble in you to tell me that you have other causes of unhappiness, Is it true?’
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29
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“的确是真的。”
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29
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`Too true.’
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30
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“皮普,难道我给你帮忙只是帮你朋友的忙吗?给你的朋友帮忙已经定了,难道我就不能帮帮你本人的忙吗?”
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30
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`Can I only serve you, Pip, by serving your friend? Regarding that as done, is there nothing I can do for you yourself?’
She presently rose from her seat, and looked about the blighted room for the means of writing. There were non there, and she took from her pocket a yellow set of ivory tablets, mounted in tarnished gold, and wrote upon them with a pencil in a case of tarnished gold that hung from her neck.
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33
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“你和贾格斯先生之间的友谊现在仍然很好吗?”
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33
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`You are still on friendly terms with Mr Jaggers?’
`This is an authority to him to pay you that money, to lay out at your irresponsible discretion for your friend. I keep no money here; but if you would rather Mr Jaggers knew nothing of the matter, I will send it to you.’
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36
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“谢谢你,郝维仙小姐;我愿意到他那里去取这笔钱。”
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36
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`Thank you, Miss Havisham; I have not the least objection to receiving it from him.’
She read me what she had written, and it was direct and clear, and evidently intended to absolve me from any suspicion of profiting by the receipt of the money. I took the tablets from her hand, and it trembled again, and it trembled more as she took off the chain to which the pencil was attached, and put it in mine. All this she did, without looking at me.
`O Miss Havisham,’ said I, `I can do it now. There have been sore mistakes; and my life has been a blind and thankless one; and I want forgiveness and direction far too much, to be bitter with you.’
She turned her face to me for the first time since she had averted it, and, to my amazement, I may even add to my terror, dropped on her knees at my feet; with her folded hands raised to me in the manner in which, when her poor heart was young and fresh and whole, they must often have been raised to heaven from her mother’s side.