通译双语文库:钟形罩第15章|Fifteen

1

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费罗米娜·吉尼亚夫人的凯迪拉克像一辆迎宾车，缓缓驶过下午五点的拥挤车流，很快就要通过横跨查尔斯河的那些短桥中的一座。一上桥，我就会不假思索地打开车门，穿越车流，奔向桥栏。只需纵身一跃，河水就会没过我的头顶。

1

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Philomena Guinea’s black Cadillac eased through the tight, five o’clock traffic like a ceremonial car. Soon it would cross one of the brief bridges that arched the Charles, and I would, without thinking, open the door and plunge out through the stream of traffic to the rail of the bridge. One jump and the water would be over my head.

2

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我心不在焉地将舒洁纸巾在指尖揉成药丸大小的纸团，准备伺机而动。我坐在凯迪拉克后排的中间，母亲坐在我一侧，弟弟在我另一侧，他们两人都微微前倾，像两条斜杆，挡住了两侧的车门。

2

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Idly I twisted a Kleenex to small, pill-sized pellets between my fingers and watched my chance. I sat in the middle of the back seat of the Cadillac, my mother on one side of me, and my brother on the other, both leaning slightly forward, like diagonal bars, one across each car door.

3

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前方是司机，他斯帕姆午餐肉颜色的宽阔后颈夹在蓝色帽子和蓝色夹克的肩膀之间，像块三明治。他旁边，是知名小说家费罗米娜·吉尼亚的银发和饰有绿宝石色羽毛的帽子，看起来像是一只柔弱的异国珍禽。

3

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In front of me I could see the Spam-colored expanse of the chauffeur’s neck, sandwiched between a blue cap and the shoulders of a blue jacket and, next to him, like a frail, exotic bird, the silver hair and emerald-feathered hat of Philomena Guinea, the famous novelist.

4

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我不确定吉尼亚夫人怎么会出现，我只知道她很关注我的病情，而且据说当年事业如日中天时，她也曾进过精神病院。

4

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I wasn’t quite sure why Mrs. Guinea had turned up. All I knew was that she had interested herself in my case and that at one time, at the peak of her career, she had been in an asylum as well.

5

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母亲说，吉尼亚夫人从巴哈马群岛发来一封电报，说她在当地的一张波士顿报纸上看到了我的消息。她在电报里问：“此病是否跟男孩有关？”

5

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My mother said that Mrs. Guinea had sent her a telegram from the Bahamas, where she read about me in a Boston paper. Mrs. Guinea had telegrammed, “Is there a boy in the case?”

6

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如果这事牵涉到某个男孩，那吉尼亚夫人自然不会再介入。

6

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If there was a boy in the case, Mrs. Guinea couldn’t, of course, have anything to do with it.

7

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可母亲回电报说：“无关，是写作上出了问题。埃斯特觉得她再也没办法提笔写作了。”

7

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But my mother had telegrammed back, “No, it is Esther’s writing. She thinks she will never write again.”

8

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因此，吉尼亚夫人飞回波士顿，把我从那间拥挤压抑的市立疗养院带出来，现在正要送我到一家私人医院，那里有庭院、高尔夫球场和花园，像乡村俱乐部一样。她会支付一切费用，就当给我的奖学金，直至她认识的医生把我治好。

8

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So Mrs. Guinea had flown back to Boston and taken me out of the cramped city hospital ward, and now she was driving me to a private hospital that had grounds and golf courses and gardens, like a country club, where she would pay for me, as if I had a scholarship, until the doctors she knew of there had made me well.

9

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母亲说，我应该感恩戴德，家里的钱几乎被我的病耗尽了，要不是吉尼亚夫人，她不知道我会沦落到什么地方。其实我知道自己会沦落到哪里，一定是乡下的州立大医院，就在那家私人疗养院旁边。

9

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My mother told me I should be grateful. She said I had used up almost all her money, and if it weren’t for Mrs. Guinea she didn’t know where I’d be. I knew where I’d be though. I’d be in the big state hospital in the country, cheek by jowl to this private place.

10

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我知道，但凡我有一丁点儿感觉，我都应该感激吉尼亚夫人。可就算她给我一张票，送我去欧洲，或者登上环游世界的邮轮，对我来说都毫无差别。因为不论我坐在哪里——轮船甲板上，巴黎街头的咖啡厅，或者是曼谷——我都好像坐在同一只玻璃钟形罩里，闷在自己散发出来的酸臭之气中。

10

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I knew I should be grateful to Mrs. Guinea, only I couldn’t feel a thing. If Mrs. Guinea had given me a ticket to Europe, or a round-the-world cruise, it wouldn’t have made one scrap of difference to me, because wherever I sat—on the deck of a ship or at a street cafe in Paris or Bangkok—I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.

11

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蔚蓝的天穹罩在河面上方，河中帆影点点。我已做好随时跳车的准备，但母亲和弟弟立刻将手放在门把手上。车轮在烤肉架一样的桥梁上哧哧作响。河水、帆影、蓝天和凌空的海鸥一闪而过，画面像一张荒谬的明信片。就这样，我们到达了桥对岸。

11

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Blue sky opened its dome above the river, and the river was dotted with sails. I readied myself, but immediately my mother and my brother each laid one hand on a door handle. The tires hummed briefly over the grill of the bridge. Water, sails, blue sky and suspended gulls flashed by like an improbable postcard, and we were across.

12

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我瘫倒在灰色的长毛绒椅里，闭上了眼睛。钟形罩里的空气团团包围了我，叫我动弹不得。

12

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I sank back in the gray, plush seat and closed my eyes. The air of the bell jar wadded round me and I couldn’t stir.

13

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我又有了专属房间。

13

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I had my own room again.

14

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它让我想起戈登大夫诊所里的房间——一张床、一个五斗柜、一个衣橱、一张桌子和一把椅子。这里的窗户有纱网，没有铁栅栏。我的房间位于一楼，凭窗可以看到红砖墙环绕的绿树庭院，窗户离落满松针的地面很近，就算跳出去，膝盖也不会撞得瘀青。高墙内侧的砖面光滑如玻璃，恐怕爬不上去。

14

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It reminded me of the room in Doctor Gordon’s hospital—a bed, a bureau, a closet, a table and chair. A window with a screen, but no bars. My room was on the first floor, and the window, a short distance above the pine-needle-padded ground, overlooked a wooded yard ringed by a red brick wall. If I jumped I wouldn’t even bruise my knees. The inner surface of the tall wall seemed smooth as glass.

15

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桥上那段行程的挣扎让我气馁。

15

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The journey over the bridge had unnerved me.

16

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我已错失良机。河水像一杯无人触碰的饮料，一去不回。我怀疑当时即使没有母亲和弟弟在场，我也不会跳下去。

16

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I had missed a perfectly good chance. The river water passed me by like an untouched drink. I suspected that even if my mother and brother had not been there I would have made no move to jump.

17

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在医院主楼登记时，有个身材纤细的女人上前自我介绍：“我是诺兰医生。今后埃斯特就由我来照顾。”

17

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When I enrolled in the main building of the hospital, a slim young woman had come and introduced herself. “My name is Doctor Nolan. I am to be Esther’s doctor.”

18

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我很惊讶我的主治大夫是名女医生，我以为精神科医生都是男的。她的长相兼有演员玛娜·洛伊和我母亲的特色，白色衬衫和宽摆裙在腰间用宽皮带束住，戴着一副新月形的时髦眼镜。

18

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I was surprised to have a woman. I didn’t think they had woman psychiatrists. This woman was a cross between Myrna Loy and my mother. She wore a white blouse and a full skirt gathered at the waist by a wide leather belt, and stylish, crescent-shaped spectacles.

19

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护士领我穿过草坪，进入一栋名为卡普兰的阴暗的砖造建筑物中，我即将住在这个地方。诺兰医生并未前来，反而来了一群陌生男子。

19

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But after a nurse had led me across the lawn to the gloomy brick building called Caplan,where I would live, Doctor Nolan didn’t come to see me, a whole lot of strange men came instead.

20

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我躺在床上，身上盖着厚厚的白毯子，他们一个接一个走进房间做自我介绍。我不明白为什么要来这么多人，他们又为什么要自我介绍。难道这是个测验，看我是否注意到他们人数众多？看来我得提高警惕。

20

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I lay on my bed under the thick white blanket, and they entered my room, one by one, and introduced themselves. I couldn’t understand why there should be so many of them, or why they would want to introduce themselves, and I began to think they were testing me, to see if I noticed there were too many of them, and I grew wary.

21

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最后，来了个帅气的白发医生，说他是疗养院的院长，然后开始谈起早期乘坐“五月花号”从欧洲来的清教徒移民和印第安人，以及在他们之后是哪些人占据了土地，又说起附近的河流，谁盖了第一家医院，那医院是如何烧毁，接着谁又盖了第二家医院，等等。我猜想，他一定在等着看我何时会打断他，告诉他之前他所说的什么河流、什么清教徒移民都是胡扯。

21

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Finally, a handsome, white-haired doctor came in and said he was the director of the hospital. Then he started talking about the Pilgrims and Indians and who had the land after them, and what rivers ran nearby, and who had built the first hospital, and how it had burned down, and who had built the next hospital, until I thought he must be waiting to see when I would interrupt him and tell him I knew all that about rivers and Pilgrims was a lot of nonsense.

22

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可是转念一想，也许其中有些是事实，所以我开始思索哪些是确有其事，哪些是胡说八道。没等我想明白，他就跟我道别了。

22

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But then I thought some of it might be true, so I tried to sort out what was likely to be true and what wasn’t, only before I could do that, he had said good-bye.

23

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我等到所有医生的声音都渐渐消失，才掀开白毯子，起身穿上鞋子，走出房间。没人拦我，所以我沿着走廊，绕过我住的这一侧的转角，来到建筑物的另一侧，然后沿着一条更长的走廊继续走，途中经过一间大门敞开的餐厅。

23

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I waited till I heard the voices of all the doctors die away. Then I threw back the white blanket and put on my shoes and walked out into the hall. Nobody stopped me, so I walked round the corner of my wing of the hall and down another, longer hall, past an open dining room.

24

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一个穿着绿色制服的女工正在为晚餐摆放餐桌，桌上有白色的亚麻桌布，还有玻璃杯和餐巾纸。我把这里有真的玻璃杯的事偷偷藏进我记忆的角落，就像松鼠储存坚果一样。之前在市立医院，我们喝水用的是纸杯，也没有刀子可以切肉。为此，肉事先已经煮得很烂，用叉子就能切开。

24

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A maid in a green uniform was setting the tables for supper. There were white linen tablecloths and glasses and paper napkins. I stored the fact that they were real glasses in the corner of my mind the way a squirrel stores a nut. At the city hospital we had drunk out of paper cups and had no knives to cut our meat. The meat had always been so overcooked we could cut it with a fork.

25

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终于，我走到一个大休息厅，里面的家具和地毯都已陈旧不堪。一个面色苍白、黑色短发的圆脸女孩坐在扶手椅上看杂志，她让我想起以前的一个女童子军队长。我朝她的脚望去，她果然穿的是褐色平底皮鞋，鞋面上的穗子改变了鞋头原本的运动风，鞋带的末端还缀着类似橡子的小饰物。

25

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Finally I arrived at a big lounge with shabby furniture and a threadbare rug. A girl with a round pasty face and short black hair was sitting in an armchair, reading a magazine. She reminded me of a Girl Scout leader I’d had once. I glanced at her feet, and sure enough, she wore those flat brown leather shoes with fringed tongues lapping down over the front that are supposed to be so sporty, and the ends of the laces were knobbed with little imitation acorns.

26

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女孩抬起眼，笑着问我：“我是瓦莱丽，你叫什么名字？”

26

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The girl raised her eyes and smiled. “I’m Valerie. Who are you?”

27

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我假装没听见，离开休息厅，走向这一侧走廊的尽头。中间经过一扇及腰高的门，门后有几位护士。

27

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I pretended I hadn’t heard and walked out of the lounge to the end of the next wing. On the way, I passed a waist-high door behind which I saw some nurses.

28

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“其他人上哪儿去了？”

28

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“Where is everybody?”

29

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“出去了。”回答我的护士在一片片小胶带上写字。我把身子探入门内，想看看她在写什么，发现她写的都是埃·格林伍德、埃·格林伍德、埃·格林伍德、埃·格林伍德。

29

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“Out.” The nurse was writing something over and over on little pieces of adhesive tape. I leaned across the gate of the door to see what she was writing, and it was E. Greenwood, E. Greenwood, E. Greenwood, E. Greenwood.

30

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“去哪儿了？”

30

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“Out where?”

31

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“哦，去专业治疗啦，打高尔夫啦，打羽毛球啦。”

31

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“Oh, OT, the golf course, playing badminton.”

32

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我注意到她身旁的椅子上有一堆衣服，正是我在之前那家医院打破镜子时，那里的护士正在为我打包装进漆皮手提箱的那些。护士开始把写有我名字的标签一一贴到衣服上。

32

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I noticed a pile of clothes on a chair beside the nurse. They were the same clothes the nurse in the first hospital had been packing into the patent leather case when I broke the mirror. The nurses began sticking the labels onto the clothes.

33

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我走回休息厅。我不明白这里的人到底在干些什么，居然可以打羽毛球和高尔夫。能做这些事情，他们一定不是真的有病。

33

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I walked back to the lounge. I couldn’t understand what these people were doing, playing badminton and golf. They mustn’t be really sick at all, to do that.

34

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我在瓦莱丽不远处坐下，仔细打量她。真的，我心想，她跟在女童子军营里没两样，正兴味盎然地看着手里那本破破烂烂的《时尚》杂志。

34

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I sat down near Valerie and observed her carefully. Yes, I thought, she might just as well be in a Girl Scout camp. She was reading her tatty copy of Vogue with intense interest.

35

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“她到底在这里做什么？”我纳闷，“她根本没毛病啊。”

35

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“What the hell is she doing here?” I wondered. “There’s nothing the matter with her.”

36

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“我可以抽烟吗？”诺兰医生往我床边的扶手椅里一靠。

36

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“Do you mind if I smoke?” Doctor Nolan leaned back in the armchair next to my bed.

37

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我说抽吧，我喜欢烟味。我想，如果她抽上烟，或许会待得久一些。这是她第一次来找我谈话，等她一走，我就只能重新陷入一片茫然之中。

37

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I said no, I liked the smell of smoke. I thought if Doctor Nolan smoked, she might stay longer. This was the first time she had come to talk with me.When she left I would simply lapse into the old blankness.

38

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“跟我说说戈登大夫吧。”诺兰医生突然开口，“你喜欢他吗？”

38

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“Tell me about Doctor Gordon,” Doctor Nolan said suddenly. “Did you like him?”

39

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我警惕地看了诺兰医生一眼。我想，医生都是一伙的，在这家医院的某个隐秘角落也会有一台机器，和戈登大夫诊所里的一模一样，随时可以把我电得魂飞魄散。

39

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I gave Doctor Nolan a wary look. I thought the doctors must all be in it together, and that somewhere in this hospital, in a hidden corner, there reposed a machine exactly like Doctor Gordon’s, ready to jolt me out of my skin.

40

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“不。”我说，“我一点儿也不喜欢他。”

40

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“No,” I said. “I didn’t like him at all.”

41

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“有意思。为什么呢？”

41

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“That’s interesting. Why?”

42

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“我不喜欢他对我做的事。”

42

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“I didn’t like what he did to me.”

43

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“他做了什么？”

43

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“Did to you?”

44

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我向诺兰医生描述了那台机器，那些蓝色的闪光、震动和巨响。我说这些的时候，她静静地听着。

44

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I told Doctor Nolan about the machine, and the blue flashes, and the jolting and the noise. While I was telling her she went very still.

45

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“那样做不对。”她说，“不该是那样。”

45

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“That was a mistake,” she said then. “It’s not supposed to be like that.”

46

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我望着她。

46

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I stared at her.

47

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“如果处理得好，就像睡着了一样。”她说。

47

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“If it’s done properly,” Doctor Nolan said, “it’s like going to sleep.”

48

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“如果还有人对我这么做，我就自杀。”

48

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“If anyone does that to me again I’ll kill myself.”

49

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诺兰医生坚定地说：“我们不会给你做电击治疗。”又补充解释道，“即使要做，我也会事先跟你说清楚，我保证绝对和你之前做的不一样。”最后她总结了一句：“你知道吗？有人甚至喜欢做呢。”

49

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Doctor Nolan said firmly, “You won’t have any shock treatments here. Or if you do,” she amended, “I’ll tell you about it beforehand, and I promise you it won’t be anything like what you had before. Why,” she finished, “some people even like them.”

50

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诺兰医生走后，我在窗台上发现一盒火柴。火柴盒不是一般的大小，非常迷你。我打开，拿出一排粉红头的白色火柴，试着点燃一根，却一划就断。

50

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After Doctor Nolan had gone I found a box of matches on the windowsill. It wasn’t an ordinary-size box, but an extremely tiny box. I opened it and exposed a row of little white sticks with pink tips. I tried to light one, and it crumpled in my hand.

51

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我想不出诺兰医生为什么要把这种愚蠢的玩意儿留给我。大概是想看看我会不会主动归还吧。我小心地把这盒玩具火柴藏在新羊毛浴袍的折边里。要是诺兰医生跟我要，我就说，我以为那是糖果做的，所以吃掉了。

51

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I couldn’t think why Doctor Nolan would have left me such a stupid thing. Perhaps she wanted to see if I would give it back. Carefully I stored the toy matches in the hem of my new wool bathrobe. If Doctor Nolan asked me for the matches, I would say I’d thought they were made of candy and had eaten them.

52

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隔壁房间刚住进一个女人。

52

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A new woman had moved into the room next to mine.

53

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我想，整个医院就数她来得比我还晚了，所以她不会像其他人那样了解我的斑斑劣迹。既如此，我应该去拜访一趟，同她交个朋友。

53

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I thought she must be the only person in the building who was newer than I was, so she wouldn’t know how really bad I was, the way the rest did. I thought I might go in and make friends.

54

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她躺在床上，身穿紫色裙子，领口别着一个浮雕宝石的胸针，裙子的长度介于膝盖和鞋子之间。红褐色的头发绾成女教师式的小圆髻，细边银框眼镜用黑色松紧带系在胸前的口袋上。

54

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The woman was lying on her bed in a purple dress that fastened at the neck with a cameo brooch and reached midway between her knees and her shoes. She had rusty hair knotted in a schoolmarmish bun, and thin, silver-rimmed spectacles attached to her breast pocket with a black elastic.

55

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“你好，”我在床边坐下，像是跟她闲话家常，“我是埃斯特，你叫什么名字？”

55

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“Hello,” I said conversationally, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “My name’s Esther, what’s your name?”

56

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她毫无反应，兀自望着天花板。我觉得很受伤，猜想是不是她前脚刚来，瓦莱丽或谁后脚就告诉她我这个人有多蠢。

56

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The woman didn’t stir, just stared up at the ceiling. I felt hurt. I thought maybe Valerie or somebody had told her when she first came in how stupid I was.

57

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有个护士探头进来。

57

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A nurse popped her head in at the door.

58

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“哦，你在这儿啊。”她对我说，“来拜访诺里斯小姐呀。你真好！”说完人就不见了。

58

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“Oh, there you are,” she said to me. “Visiting Miss Norris. How nice!” And she disappeared again.

59

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我不知道自己坐了多久，就这么看着这个穿紫衣的女人，一直在想她噘起的粉唇会不会张开，如果张开了，又会说些什么。

59

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I don’t know how long I sat there, watching the woman in purple and wondering if her pursed pink lips would open, and if they did open, what they would say.

60

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终于，诺里斯小姐那穿着黑色扣式高筒靴的双脚一抬，从另一侧翻身下床，走出了房间，从头到尾没有跟我说一个字，连看也不看我一眼。我想，她可能试图不露痕迹地摆脱我。于是我隔着一小段距离，静静地跟着她穿过走廊。

60

-

Finally, without speaking or looking at me, Miss Norris swung her feet in their high, black, buttoned boots over the other side of the bed and walked out of the room. I thought she might be trying to get rid of me in a subtle way. Quietly, at a little distance, I followed her down the hall.

61

-

诺里斯小姐到了餐厅门口，停住了。这一路上，她的每一步都精准无误地落在地毯表面编织的西洋蔷薇图案的正中央。她踌躇了一会儿，然后依次高抬两腿，迈过门槛，走进餐厅，那样子仿佛要越过的是一道高及小腿的隐形阶梯。

61

-

Miss Norris reached the door of the dining room and paused. All the way to the dining room she had walked precisely, placing her feet in the very center of the cabbage roses that twined through the pattern of the carpet. She waited a moment and then, one by one, lifted her feet over the doorsill and into the dining room as though stepping over an invisible shin-high stile.

62

-

她坐在一张铺了亚麻桌布的圆桌旁，展开一块餐巾摊在腿上。

62

-

She sat down at one of the round, linen-covered tables and unfolded a napkin in her lap.

63

-

“一小时后才吃晚餐。”厨子在厨房里喊道。

63

-

“It’s not supper for an hour yet,” the cook called out of the kitchen.

64

-

诺里斯小姐没搭腔，只是斯文有礼地直视前方。

64

-

But Miss Norris didn’t answer. She just stared straight ahead of her in a polite way.

65

-

我拖出一张椅子在她对面坐下，也铺开一张餐巾。我们没有交谈，只这么坐着，沉浸在一种亲如姐妹的静默之中，直到走廊响起晚餐的铃声。

65

-

I pulled up a chair opposite her at the table and unfolded a napkin. We didn’t speak, but sat there, in a close, sisterly silence, until the gong for supper sounded down the hall.

66

-

“躺好。”护士说，“还有一针要打。”

66

-

“Lie down,” the nurse said. “I’m going to give you another injection.”

67

-

我翻身趴好，撩起裙子，拉下丝质睡裤。

67

-

I rolled over on my stomach on the bed and hitched up my skirt. Then I pulled down the trousers of my silk pajamas.

68

-

“天哪。你的裙子下面还穿了什么呀？”

68

-

“My word, what all have you got under there?”

69

-

“睡裤。这样就不用成天穿穿脱脱了。”

69

-

“Pajamas. So I won’t have to bother getting in and out of them all the time.”

70

-

护士轻笑了一声，然后说：“打哪边？”这对我是个老笑话了。

70

-

The nurse made a little clucking noise. Then she said, “Which side?” It was an old joke.

71

-

我抬头瞥了眼自己的光屁股，两边都因为一直打针而瘀青一片，不过左边的颜色看起来比右边的深一些。

71

-

I raised my head and glanced back at my bare buttocks. They were bruised purple and green and blue from past injections. The left side looked darker than the right.

72

-

“打右边。”

72

-

“The right.”

73

-

“听你的。”护士一针刺入，我缩了一下，感受到那轻微的刺痛。我一天打三次针，每次打完后一个小时，护士会给我端来一杯甜甜的果汁，站在旁边看我喝完。

73

-

“You name it.” The nurse jabbed the needle in, and I winced, savoring the tiny hurt. Three times each day the nurses injected me, and about an hour after each injection they gave me a cup of sugary fruit juice and stood by, watching me drink it.

74

-

“你运气好。”瓦莱丽说，“她们给你打胰岛素。”

74

-

“Lucky you,” Valerie said. “You’re on insulin.”

75

-

“没什么感觉。”

75

-

“Nothing happens.”

76

-

“会有的。我就有过。等你有反应的时候告诉我。”

76

-

“Oh, it will. I’ve had it. Tell me when you get a reaction.”

77

-

可是我一直都没反应，只是越来越胖，母亲买的新衣原本过大，现在已经完全被塞满。我低头看着自己的凸肚肥臀，就像快要生产的孕妇，心说，幸好吉尼亚夫人没看见我这副鬼样子。

77

-

But I never seemed to get any reaction. I just grew fatter and fatter. Already I filled the new, too-big clothes my mother had bought, and when I peered down at my plump stomach and my broad hips I thought it was a good thing Mrs. Guinea hadn’t seen me like this, because I looked just as if I were going to have a baby.

78

-

“你见过我的疤吗？”

78

-

“Have you seen my scars?”

79

-

瓦莱丽拨开黑色刘海，指着前额两边的浅色疤痕，看起来像之前长了角，后来锯掉了。

79

-

Valerie pushed aside her black bangs and indicated two pale marks, one on either side of her forehead, as if at some time she had started to sprout horns, but cut them off.

80

-

我们两个由运动治疗师陪着，在疗养院的花园里散步。最近，我越来越经常获准到户外散步，但他们从来不让诺里斯小姐出来。

80

-

We were walking, just the two of us, with the Sports Therapist in the asylum gardens. Nowadays I was let out on walk privileges more and more often. They never let Miss Norris out at all.

81

-

瓦莱丽说诺里斯小姐不该住在卡普兰楼，应该住到病症更严重的人住的威玛克楼。

81

-

Valerie said Miss Norris shouldn’t be in Caplan, but in a building for worse people called Wymark.

82

-

“你知道这疤怎么来的吗？”瓦莱丽坚持聊她的疤。

82

-

“Do you know what these scars are?” Valerie persisted.

83

-

“不知道。怎么来的？”

83

-

“No. What are they?”

84

-

“我动了脑额叶切除术。”

84

-

“I’ve had a lobotomy.”

85

-

我敬畏地看着瓦莱丽，第一次欣赏她始终如一的冷静沉着。“感觉如何？”

85

-

I looked at Valerie in awe, appreciating for the first time her perpetual marble calm. “How do you feel?”

86

-

“很好。我再也不会生气了。以前我老是怒气冲冲，所以要住在威玛克楼里。现在我住卡普兰楼，而且可以由护士陪同，进城逛街看电影呢。”

86

-

“Fine. I’m not angry any more. Before, I was always angry. I was in Wymark before, and now I’m in Caplan. I can go to town, now, or shopping or to a movie, along with a nurse.”

87

-

“你出院之后要做什么？”

87

-

“What will you do when you get out?”

88

-

“哦，我不会走的。”瓦莱丽笑道，“我喜欢这儿。”

88

-

“Oh, I’m not leaving,” Valerie laughed. “I like it here.”

89

-

“搬家咯！”

89

-

“Moving day!”

90

-

“为什么我要搬家？”

90

-

“Why should I be moving?”

91

-

护士开心地把抽屉和衣橱打开，清空，再关上，将我的东西都放进黑色的手提箱中。

91

-

The nurse went on blithely opening and shutting my drawers, emptying the closet and folding my belongings into the black overnight case.

92

-

我以为她们最终下了决定，要把我移到威玛克楼。“哦，你只是搬到这栋楼前面一点的房间。”护士欢快地说道，“你会喜欢的，那里阳光更充足。”

92

-

I thought they must at last be moving me to Wymark. “Oh, you’re only moving to the front of the house,” the nurse said cheerfully. “You’ll like it. There’s lots more sun.”

93

-

我们走出房间，在走廊上看见诺里斯小姐也在搬迁。一个看起来跟我的护士一样年轻开朗的护士站在她的房门口，正帮她穿上一件领口有细松鼠毛的紫色外套。

93

-

When we came out into the hall, I saw that Miss Norris was moving too. A nurse, young and cheerful as my own, stood in the doorway of Miss Norris’s room, helping Miss Norris into a purple coat with a scrawny squirrel-fur collar.

94

-

我曾须臾不离地守在诺里斯小姐的床前，放弃专业治疗、散步、羽毛球比赛，甚至是我喜爱而她却从来不去的每周一次的观影，只因挂念她那苍白无语的双唇。

94

-

Hour after hour I had been keeping watch by Miss Norris’s bedside, refusing the diversion of OT and walks and badminton matches and even the weekly movies, which I enjoyed, and which Miss Norris never went to, simply to brood over the pale, speechless circlet of her lips.

95

-

我曾幻想，如果她开口说话将会是多么激动人心，我会冲上走廊向护士们宣告这大好消息，于是她们会表扬我鼓舞了诺里斯小姐，很有可能准许我以后进城逛街看电影，这样我就更有把握逃跑了。

95

-

I thought how exciting it would be if she opened her mouth and spoke, and I rushed out into the hall and announced this to the nurses. They would praise me for encouraging Miss Norris, and I would probably be allowed shopping privileges and movie privileges downtown, and my escape would be assured.

96

-

可是我守候了这么久，诺里斯小姐却一字未吐。

96

-

But in all my hours of vigil Miss Norris hadn’t said a word.

97

-

“你要搬去哪里？”我问她。

97

-

“Where are you moving to?” I asked her now.

98

-

护士碰碰诺里斯小姐的手肘，她猛地一动，就像脚下安了轮轴的洋娃娃。

98

-

The nurse touched Miss Norris’s elbow, and Miss Norris jerked into motion like a doll on wheels.

99

-

“她要搬到威玛克楼去。”我的护士低声告诉我，“恐怕诺里斯小姐不像你那么有进展。”

99

-

“She’s going to Wymark,” my nurse told me in a low voice. “I’m afraid Miss Norris isn’t moving up like you.”

100

-

我看着诺里斯小姐抬起一只脚，然后又抬起另一只脚，跨过门槛前那道看不见的阶梯。

100

-

I watched Miss Norris lift one foot, and then the other, over the invisible stile that barred the front doorsill.

101

-

“我有个惊喜给你。”护士把我带到这栋楼前侧的一间屋里，那里阳光充沛，还能俯视碧绿的高尔夫球场。安顿好我之后，她说：“有个你认识的人今天刚住进来。”

101

-

“I’ve a surprise for you,” the nurse said as she installed me in a sunny room in the front wing overlooking the green golf links. “Somebody you know’s just come today.”

102

-

“我认识的人？”

102

-

“Somebody I know?”

103

-

护士笑了。“别这样看着我。放心，不是警察。”见我没说话，她继续说道，“她说是你的老朋友，就住在隔壁，你何不去看看她？”

103

-

The nurse laughed. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s not a policeman.” Then, as I didn’t say anything, she added, “She says she’s an old friend of yours. She lives next door. Why don’t you pay her a visit?”

104

-

我想护士一定是在开玩笑。如果我去敲隔壁的房间，肯定不会有人来开门。如果我直接进去，就会看见诺里斯小姐穿着松鼠毛领的紫色大衣躺在床上，嘴巴微张，像一朵玫瑰花苞在静如花瓶的身体里绽放。

104

-

I thought the nurse must be joking, and that if I knocked on the door next to mine I would hear no answer, but go in and find Miss Norris, buttoned into her purple, squirrel-collared coat and lying on the bed, her mouth blooming out of the quiet vase of her body like the bud of a rose.

105

-

不过，我还是走到隔壁敲了门。

105

-

Still, I went out and knocked on the neighboring door.

106

-

“请进。”一个欢快的声音回应道。

106

-

“Come in!” called a gay voice.

107

-

我把门打开一条缝，往里面窥探。有个穿着马裤、人高马大的女孩坐在窗边，咧着嘴看向我。

107

-

I opened the door a crack and peered into the room. The big, horsey girl in jodhpurs sitting by the window glanced up with a broad smile.

108

-

“埃斯特！”她说话时带着气音，好像跑过了一段好长好长的路程才刚停下来。“好高兴看见你。他们说你也在这里。”

108

-

“Esther!” She sounded out of breath, as if she had been running a long, long distance and only just come to a halt. “How nice to see you. They told me you were here.”

109

-

“琼？”我试探地唤她的名字，然后又一头雾水，难以置信地又唤了一声，“琼！”

109

-

“Joan?” I said tentatively, then “Joan!” in confusion and disbelief.

110

-

琼笑容满面，露出闪闪发光的大牙。错不了，就是她。

110

-

Joan beamed, revealing her large, gleaming, unmistakable teeth.

111

-

“真的是我。我就知道你一定会大吃一惊。”

111

-

	arch [ɑːtʃ]	n.拱;拱门;拱状物
	diagonal [daɪ’æɡənl]	adj.对角线的;斜的;斜纹的
	novelist [’nɒvəlɪst]	n.小说家
	asylum [ə’saɪləm]	n.收容所;避难所;(政治)庇护;精神病院
	Bahamas [bəˈhɑːməz]	n.巴哈马群岛(拉丁美洲国家)
	ward [wɔːd]	n.病房;行政区;监护;守卫;受监护人
	jowl [dʒaʊl]	n.颌;颚骨;面颊
	stew [stjuː]	n.炖汤;焖;烦恼
	improbable [ɪm’prɒbəbl]	adj.不大可能的;不像会发生的;似不可信的
	wad [wɒd]	n.填料;大量;一叠(钞票)
	bruise [bruːz]	n.瘀青;擦伤;挫伤
	untouched [ʌn’tʌtʃt]	adj.未触及的;未受影响的;未开发的
	spectacle [’spektəkl]	n.景象;场面;奇观;壮观;公开展示;表相，假相
	gloomy [’ɡluːmi]	adj.阴暗的;忧闷的;前景黯淡的
	wary [’weəri]	adj.小心的;机警的
	pilgrim [’pɪlɡrɪm]	n.朝圣者
	good-bye [’gʊd’baɪ]	int.再见
	dine [daɪn]	v.用正餐;进餐
	squirrel [’skwɪrəl]	n.松鼠;松鼠皮毛
	acorn [’eɪkɔːn]	n.橡树果实;橡子
	Greenwood [’griːnwʊd]	n.绿林
	badminton [’bædmɪntən]	n.羽毛球
	Vogue [vəʊɡ]	n.时尚;流行
	armchair [’ɑːmtʃeə(r)]	n.扶手椅;单人沙发;安乐椅
	blankness [’blæŋknəs]	n.空白;空虚;单调
	Gordon [ˈgɔːdn]	n.戈登(男子名)
	jolt [dʒəʊlt]	n.震摇;摇动;震惊;少量
	beforehand [bɪ’fɔːhænd]	adv.预先;事先;提前
	crumple [’krʌmpl]	v.(使)起皱;(使)崩溃;压垮
	bathrobe [’bɑːθrəʊb]	n.浴衣;睡衣=dressing gown(美).
	elastic [ɪ’læstɪk]	adj.灵活的;有弹性的
	felted [’feltɪd]	v. 把 ... 制成毡(使 ... 粘结)
	stile [staɪl]	n.横蹬;横路栅栏;门梃;窗梃
	napkin [’næpkɪn]	n.餐巾;一小块布或毛巾;卫生巾
	supper [’sʌpə(r)]	n.晚饭
	pajamas [pə’dʒɑːməz]	n.睡衣;(穆斯林穿的)宽松裤.
	Pajamas [pə’dʒɑːməz]	n.睡衣;(穆斯林穿的)宽松裤.
	past [pɑːst]	a. 过去的;
	sugary [’ʃʊɡəri]	adj.含糖的;甜的;甜言蜜语的
	insulin [’ɪnsjəlɪn]	n.胰岛素
	plump [plʌmp]	a. 丰满的；又嫩又胖的，圆呼呼的;
	sprout [spraʊt]	v.长芽;萌芽;迅速成长
	lobotomy [ləʊ’bɒtəmi]	n.前脑叶白质切除术
	perpetual [pə’petʃuəl]	adj.永久的;永恒的;一再往复的
	blithe [blaɪð]	adj.快乐的;无忧无虑的;轻率的
	scrawny [’skrɔːni]	adj.瘦的;骨瘦如柴的
	circlet [’sɜːklət]	n.小环;小圈
	excite [ɪk’saɪt]	vt.使兴奋;使激动;刺激;激起
	vigil [’vɪdʒɪl]	n.守夜;值夜;监视(复)
	jerk [dʒɜːk]	v.急动;猛拉
	doorsill [’dɔːsɪl]	n.门槛
	vase [vɑːz]	n.花瓶
	jodhpurs [’dʒɒdpəz]	n.骑马裤;短马靴
	disbelief [ˌdɪsbɪ’liːf]	n.不相信;怀疑
	unmistakable [ˌʌnmɪ’steɪkəbl]	adj.错不了的;明显的