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钟形罩|The Bell Jar

第18章|Eighteen

属类： 双语小说 【分类】世界名著 -[作者: 西尔维娅-普拉斯] 阅读：[12781]
这本小说以作者早年生活经历为蓝本，叙述了19岁的大二女生埃斯特· 格林伍德经历了充当某知名杂志社的客座编辑、参加写作班被拒、自杀未遂、接受心理治疗、重树自信期待返回社会，展开新生活的一系列过程。本文从“榜样缺失”的角度出发，结合当时美国的实际，探讨埃斯特作为女性，在其成长过程中男性社会压抑下所产生的孤独、绝望与挣扎的心灵历程以及反抗的必然性。
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1
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“埃斯特。”

1
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“Esther.”

2
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我从沉睡中醒来，浑身湿透，首先映入眼帘的是诺兰医生晃来晃去的脸。她不停地唤我：“埃斯特，埃斯特。”

2
-

I woke out of a deep, drenched sleep, and the first thing I saw was Doctor Nolan’s face swimming in front of me and saying, “Esther, Esther.”

3
-

我用尚不灵便的双手揉了揉眼睛。

3
-

I rubbed my eyes with an awkward hand.

4
-

我看到诺兰医生身后有个穿着皱巴巴的黑白格纹长袍的女人，像从高处坠落一样正被抛到床上。没来得及细瞧，诺兰医生就把我带出了门。外面空气清爽，天空蔚蓝。

4
-

Behind Doctor Nolan I could see the body of a woman wearing a rumpled black-and-white checked robe and flung out on a cot as if dropped from a great height. But before I could take in any more, Doctor Nolan led me through a door into fresh, blue-skied air.

5
-

所有的燥热和恐惧都一扫而光，我感到一种出奇的平静。钟形罩悬在头顶上方几英尺处，我置身于开放流动的空气中。

5
-

All the heat and fear purged itself. I felt surprisingly at peace. The bell jar hung, suspended, a few feet above my head. I was open to the circulating air.

6
-

“就像我跟你说的一样，对吧？”我们一路踩着窸窣作响的落叶回到贝尔赛思楼时，诺兰医生这么问我。

6
-

“It was like I told you it would be, wasn’t it?” said Doctor Nolan, as we walked back to Belsize together through the crunch of brown leaves.

7
-

“对。”

7
-

“Yes.”

8
-

“好，以后做起来也都是这种感觉。”她笃定地说，“你每周做三次——周二、周四和周六。”

8
-

“Well, it will always be like that,” she said firmly. “You will be having shock treatments three times a week—Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.”

9
-

我倒抽了一口长长的冷气。

9
-

I gulped in a long draught of air.

10
-

“要做多久？”

10
-

“For how long?”

11
-

“看情况。”诺兰医生说，“由你、我共同决定。”

11
-

“That depends,” Doctor Nolan said, “on you and me.”

12
-

我拿起银质餐刀，敲掉水煮蛋顶上的壳。放下刀，我怔怔地看着它。我努力回想为什么以前我那么喜欢刀子，但思绪却如出笼的鸟儿，在空虚中飞舞。

12
-

I took up the silver knife and cracked off the cap of my egg. Then I put down the knife and looked at it. I tried to think what I had loved knives for, but my mind slipped from the noose of the thought and swung, like a bird, in the center of empty air.

13
-

琼和蒂蒂肩并肩坐在琴凳上，蒂蒂在教琼弹奏《筷子曲》的低音部，她自己弹高音部。

13
-

Joan and DeeDee were sitting side by side on the piano bench, and DeeDee was teaching Joan to play the bottom half of “Chopsticks” while she played the top.

14
-

我觉得琼真可悲，长得壮如牛，牙齿巨大，眼睛凸如灰色的鹅卵石。唉，她连巴迪·威拉德这样的男人都拴不住。蒂蒂的老公肯定跟某个情妇同居了，把她气得像只乖戾凶狠的老猫。

14
-

I thought how sad it was Joan looked so horsey, with such big teeth and eyes like two gray, goggly pebbles. Why, she couldn’t even keep a boy like Buddy Willard. And DeeDee’s husband was obviously living with some mistress or other and turning her sour as an old fusty cat.

15
-

“我收到一封——信。”琼像吟诵歌曲一样，蓬乱的头探进我的房间。

15
-

“I’ve got a let-ter,” Joan chanted, poking her tousled head inside my door.

16
-

“恭喜。”我的眼睛没有离开书本。连续做了五次电击治疗后，我有了进城的自由。打那时起，琼就像只大果蝇，成天气喘吁吁地绕着我转——仿佛只要靠近我，就能汲取康复的甜美滋味。他们拿走了她原本堆在房间里的物理书和落满灰尘的线圈笔记本，里面都是上课笔记。此外，她又被禁足在疗养院里了。

16
-

“Good for you.” I kept my eyes on my book. Ever since the shock treatments had ended, after a brief series of five, and I had town privileges, Joan hung about me like a large and breathless fruitfly—as if the sweetness of recovery were something she could suck up by mere nearness. They had taken away her physics books and the piles of dusty spiral pads full of lecture notes that had ringed her room, and she was confined to grounds again.

17
-

“你不想知道是谁寄来的吗？”

17
-

“Don’t you want to know who it’s from ?”

18
-

琼慢慢蹭进屋里，坐在我的床上。我想让她滚出去，她让我不舒服，但我说不出口。

18
-

Joan edged into the room and sat down on my bed. I wanted to tell her to get the hell out, she gave me the creeps, only I couldn’t do it.

19
-

“好吧。”我把手指夹入正在读的那一页，合上书，“谁寄来的？”

19
-

“All right.” I stuck my finger in my place and shut the book. “Who from?”

20
-

琼从裙子口袋里掏出一个浅蓝色的信封，调皮地挥了挥。

20
-

Joan slipped out a pale blue envelope from her skirt pocket and waved it teasingly.

21
-

“哈，真是巧了。”我说。

21
-

“Well, isn’t that a coincidence!” I said.

22
-

“你说什么，巧？”

22
-

“What do you mean, a coincidence?”

23
-

我起身走到五斗柜前，拿起一个浅蓝色的信封，像挥动告别时的手帕一样，对琼挥了挥。“我也收到一封信，不知道是不是一样的。”

23
-

I went over to my bureau, picked up a pale blue envelope and waved it at Joan like aparting handkerchief. “I got a letter too. I wonder if they’re the same.”

24
-

“他好多了。”琼说，“已经出院了。”

24
-

“He’s better,” Joan said. “He’s out of the hospital.”

25
-

一阵沉默。

25
-

There was a little pause.

26
-

“你会嫁给他吗？”

26
-

“Are you going to marry him?”

27
-

“不。”我说。“你呢？”

27
-

“No,” I said. “Are you?”

28
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琼逃避地笑笑。“反正我也不是很喜欢他。”

28
-

Joan grinned evasively. “I didn’t like him much, anyway.”

29
-

“哦？”

29
-

“Oh?”

30
-

“对，我喜欢的是他的家人。”

30
-

“No, it was his family I liked.”

31
-

“你是说威拉德先生和太太？”

31
-

“You mean Mr. and Mrs. Willard?”

32
-

“是的。”琼的声音像一股气流，飕飕滑下我的脊背。“我喜欢他们。他们人很好，生活很开心，跟我的父母一点也不一样。我经常去看他们。”她停顿了一下，“直到你出现。”

32
-

“Yes.” Joan’s voice slid down my spine like a draft. “I loved them. They were so nice, so happy, nothing like my parents. I went over to see them all the time,” she paused, “until you came.”

33
-

“很抱歉。”我说，“既然你那么喜欢他们，为什么不保持来往呢？”

33
-

“I’m sorry.” Then I added, “Why didn’t you go on seeing them, if you liked them so much?”

34
-

“唉，我做不到。”琼说，“因为你和巴迪在交往。如果我去了，好像……我也不知道怎么说，反正怪怪的。”

34
-

“Oh, I couldn’t,” Joan said. “Not with you dating Buddy. It would have looked…I don’t know, funny.”

35
-

我想了想，道：“应该是。”

35
-

I considered. “I suppose so.”

36
-

“那——”琼欲言又止，“你会让他来看你吗？”

36
-

“Are you,” Joan hesitated, “going to let him come?”

37
-

“我不知道。”

37
-

“I don’t know.”

38
-

一开始我觉得让巴迪来疗养院看我是一件很可怕的事——他很可能只会幸灾乐祸，或与其他医生相谈甚欢。不过随后又想，这或许可以是一记妙招，先评判他，再抛弃他，就算我身边没有其他男人——直接告诉他根本没有什么同声传译官，谁都没有，但他不是我想要的，我就是不想再跟他纠缠下去了。“你会让他来吗？”

38
-

At first I had thought it would be awful having Buddy come and visit me at the asylum— he would probably only come to gloat and hobnob with the other doctors. But then it seemed to me it would be a step, placing him, renouncing him, in spite of the fact that I had nobody—telling him there was no simultaneous interpreter, nobody, but that he was the wrong one, that I had stopped hanging on. “Are you?”

39
-

“我会。”琼带着气音说，“他可能会带他妈来。我会叫他带妈妈一起来……”

39
-

“Yes,” Joan breathed. “Maybe he’ll bring his mother. I’m going to ask him to bring his mother…”

40
-

“他妈妈？”

40
-

“His mother?”

41
-

琼噘起嘴。“我喜欢威拉德太太啊。威拉德太太是个很棒很棒的女人。对我来说，她就像亲妈一样。”

41
-

Joan pouted. “I like Mrs. Willard. Mrs. Willard’s a wonderful, wonderful woman. She’s been a real mother to me.”

42
-

我可以想见威拉德太太穿着杂色花呢大衣，穿着结实的鞋，说着充满母性光辉的智慧格言。威拉德先生是她的小宝贝，声音也如小男孩一样高亢可爱。琼和威拉德太太。琼……和威拉德太太……

42
-

I had a picture of Mrs. Willard, with her heather-mixture tweeds and her sensible shoes and her wise, maternal maxims. Mr. Willard was her little boy, and his voice was high and dear, like a little boy’s. Joan and Mrs. Willard. Joan…and Mrs.Willard…

43
-

那天早上我去敲蒂蒂的门，想借几张两个声部的乐谱。等了一会儿，见没有人来开门，我心想蒂蒂一定出门去了，我可以直接从她的柜子里拿。于是我推门而入。

43
-

I had knocked on DeeDee’s door that morning, wanting to borrow some two-part sheet music. I waited a few minutes and then, hearing no answer and thinking DeeDee must be out, and I could pick up the music from her bureau, I pushed the door open and stepped into the room.

44
-

在贝尔赛思楼，即便在病人情况最好的贝尔赛思楼，房间也有锁，只是病人没有钥匙。关门等同于上锁，代表病人的隐私权，这一点大家都会尊重。敲敲门，再敲敲，没人应门，就会主动离去。我从明亮的长廊猛地进入弥漫着麝香味的昏暗房间，眼睛一时无法适应，在原地呆站的时候才想起这规矩。

44
-

At Belsize, even at Belsize, the doors had locks, but the patients had no keys. A shut door meant privacy, and was respected, like a locked door. One knocked, and knocked again, then went away. I remembered this as I stood, my eyes half-useless after the brilliance of the hall, in the room’s deep, musky dark.

45
-

视力逐渐恢复，只见有个身影从床上坐起，接着发出咯咯轻笑。这身影拨弄了一下头发，两颗灰石色的眼睛在幽暗中盯着我。蒂蒂躺回床上，绿色的羊毛晨袍底下露出赤裸的双腿，她带着嘲讽的微笑望向我，右手指间闪着烟头的火光。

45
-

As my vision cleared, I saw a shape rise from the bed. Then somebody gave a low giggle. The shape adjusted its hair, and two pale, pebble eyes regarded me through the gloom. DeeDee lay back on the pillows, bare-legged under her green wool dressing gown, and watched me with a little mocking smile. A cigarette glowed between the fingers of her right hand.

46
-

“我只是想……”我说。

46
-

“I just wanted…” I said.

47
-

“我知道。”蒂蒂说，“拿乐谱。”

47
-

“I know,” said DeeDee. “The music.”

48
-

“嗨，埃斯特。”琼开口了，她那粗嘎如剥玉米皮的声音让人作呕。“等一下，埃斯特，我来弹低音部，跟你合奏。”

48
-

“Hello, Esther,” Joan said then, and her cornhusk voice made me want to puke. “Wait for me, Esther, I’ll come play the bottom part with you.”

49
-

现在，琼口吻坚决地说：“我从没真正喜欢过巴迪·威拉德。他自以为无所不知，以为自己完全了解女人……”

49
-

Now Joan said stoutly, “I never really liked Buddy Willard. He thought he knew everything. He thought he knew everything about women…”

50
-

我看着琼。虽然她总让我寒毛倒竖，对她的反感由来已久且根深蒂固，但这会儿她真令我着迷，那感觉就像观察一个火星人或者一只特别丑陋多疣的癞蛤蟆。她的想法和我的想法不同，她的感觉和我的感觉不同，但我们又如此相近，她的想法和感受简直就是我的想法和感受的扭曲、黑暗版。

50
-

I looked at Joan. In spite of the creepy feeling, and in spite of my old, ingrained dislike, Joan fascinated me. It was like observing a Martian, or a particularly warty toad. Her thoughts were not my thoughts, nor her feelings my feelings, but we were close enough so that her thoughts and feelings seemed a wry, black image of my own.

51
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有时我怀疑，琼是不是我捏造出来的人物。有时则会想，是否在我生命的每一个关键时刻，她都会冒出来提醒我，过去的我是什么样的，又经历过什么，然后她就在我眼前度过她自己的危机，那些与我无关却又相似的危机。

51
-

Sometimes I wondered if I had made Joan up. Other times I wondered if she would continue to pop in at every crisis of my life to remind me of what I had been, and what I had been through, and carry on her own separate but similar crisis under my nose.

52
-

“我不明白女人在其他女人身上可以得到什么。”那天中午跟诺兰医生会面时，我告诉她，“在女人身上，女人可以得到什么是男人所没有的？”

52
-

“I don’t see what women see in other women,” I’d told Doctor Nolan in my interview that noon. “What does a woman see in a woman that she can’t see in a man?”

53
-

诺兰医生沉默了片刻，然后说：“温柔。”

53
-

Doctor Nokn paused. Then she said, “Tenderness.”

54
-

我无言以对。

54
-

That shut me up.

55
-

“我喜欢你。”琼说，“我喜欢你，胜于喜欢巴迪。”

55
-

“I like you,” Joan was saying. “I like you better than Buddy.”

56
-

她整个人呈大字躺在我的床上，一脸傻笑。我想起大学宿舍里的一件小丑闻：有个大四女生和一个大一女生，大四女生胖胖的，胸部丰满，平日里朴实得像老祖母一般，主修宗教，信仰虔诚；而大一女生高大笨拙，每次和对象约会，总是刚刚开始就被对方用尽各种方法甩掉。两人开始过从甚密，形影不离，据说后来有人撞见她们在大四女生的房间里拥抱。

56
-

And as she stretched out on my bed with a silly smile, I remembered a minor scandal at our college dormitory when a fat, matronly-breasted senior, homely as a grandmother and a pious Religion major, and a tall, gawky freshman with a history of being deserted at an early hour in all sorts of ingenious ways by her blind dates, started seeing too much of each other. They were always together, and once somebody had come upon them embracing, the story went, in the fat girl’s room.

57
-

“可她们做了什么？”我曾追问。每当我想到男人和男人，女人和女人在一起，我都无法想象出他们或她们到底会做些什么。

57
-

“But what were they doing?” I had asked. Whenever I thought about men and men, and women and women, I could never really imagine what they would be actually doing.

58
-

“哦。”探子说，“米莉坐在椅子上，西奥朵拉躺在床上，米莉轻抚着西奥朵拉的头发。”

58
-

“Oh,” the spy had said, “Milly was sitting on the chair and Theodora was lying on the bed, and Milly was stroking Theodora’s hair.”

59
-

我好生失望，还以为会听到什么天理不容的行径。莫非女人和女人在一起做的，只是躺着抱抱而已？

59
-

I was disappointed. I had thought I would have some revelation of specific evil. I wondered if all women did with other women was lie and hug.

60
-

当然，我们学校就有这种事情，一个著名女诗人跟另一个女人同居——她的女伴是研究古典文学的老学者，身材矮胖，留着齐耳短发。当我告诉女诗人，我很可能有一天会找人嫁了，生一堆孩子时，她大惊失色地看着我，喊道：“那你的事业怎么办？”

60
-

Of course, the famous woman poet at my college lived with another woman—a stumpy old Classical scholar with a cropped Dutch cut. And when I had told the poet I might well get married and have a pack of children someday, she stared at me in horror. “But what about your career?” she had cried.

61
-

我的头好痛。为什么我总是吸引这些怪里怪气的老女人？那个著名诗人、费罗米娜·吉尼亚、杰·茜和那个信奉基督教科学派的女老板，天知道还有谁。她们都想以某种方式领养我，要我跟她们看齐，以回报她们对我的关心和熏陶。

61
-

My head ached. Why did I attract these weird old women? There was the famous poet, and Philomena Guinea, and Jay Cee, and the Christian Scientist lady and lord knows who, and they all wanted to adopt me in some way, and, for the price of their care and influence, have me resemble them.

62
-

“我喜欢你。”

62
-

“I like you.”

63
-

“这可难办了，琼。”我说着拿起书，“因为我不喜欢你。你让我作呕，如果你想知道的话。”

63
-

“That’s tough, Joan,” I said, picking up my book. “Because I don’t like you. You make me puke, if you want to know.”

64
-

我离开房间，听任琼躺在我的床上，像匹粗笨的老马。

64
-

And I walked out of the room, leaving Joan lying, lumpy as an old horse, across my bed.

65
-

我一边等医生，一边想着是否要临阵脱逃。我知道我要做的事是违法的——至少在马萨诸塞州是如此，因为这个州全是天主教徒——但诺兰医生说这个医生是她的老友，是个很明理的人。

65
-

I waited for the doctor, wondering if I should bolt. I knew what I was doing was illegal—in Massachusetts, anyway, because the state was cram-jam full of Catholics—but Doctor Nolan said this doctor was an old friend of hers, and a wise man.

66
-

“你预约看的是什么病？”穿着白制服的接待员问话干脆利落，同时在笔记本的名单中勾出我的名字。

66
-

“What’s your appointment for?” the brisk, white-uniformed receptionist wanted to know, ticking my name off on a notebook list.

67
-

“什么意思？”除了医生之外，我没想过别人会问我这个问题。公共候诊室里满满都是其他医生的病人，她们多半身怀有孕或带着宝宝，我感到她们的目光都落在我尚是处女的平坦小腹上。

67
-

“What do you mean, for?” I hadn’t thought anybody but the doctor himself would ask me that, and the communal waiting room was full of other patients waiting for other doctors,most of them pregnant or with babies, and I felt their eyes on my flat, virgin stomach.

68
-

接待员抬头看着我，我的脸红了。

68
-

The receptionist glanced up at me, and I blushed.

69
-

“是装避孕器的吧？”她和气地说，“我只是确认一下，才知道该收多少钱。你是学生吗？”

69
-

“A fitting, isn’t it?” she said kindly. “I only wanted to make sure so I’d know what to charge you. Are you a student?”

70
-

“是——是的。”

70
-

“Ye-es.”

71
-

“那就是半价。原价十美元，只收你五美元。要寄账单给你吗？”

71
-

“That will only be half-price then. Five dollars, instead of ten. Shall I bill you?”

72
-

我正打算说出家庭住址，因为账单寄到时我也应该回家了，但就在这时，我想到万一母亲拆开账单，就会知道这钱花在什么事情上。除了家里，我只有一个邮政信箱号码是安全的，住在疗养院的人不想被人知道自己的状况时，都用这个信箱。可我又担心接待员认得这个信箱号码，所以我说：“我现在就付吧。”说着，从皮包里的一卷纸钞中抽出一张五美元的钞票来。

72
-

I was about to give my home address, where I would probably be by the time the bill arrived, but then I thought of my mother opening the bill and seeing what it was for. The only other address I had was the innocuous box number which people used who didn’t want to advertise the fact they lived in an asylum. But I thought the receptionist might recognize the box number, so I said, “I better pay now,” and peeled five dollar notes off the roll in my pocketbook.

73
-

这五美元是费罗米娜·吉尼亚送我的康复贺礼中的一部分。我真好奇，要是她知道自己的钱派作了这个用途，不晓得会做何感想。

73
-

The five dollars was part of what Philomena Guinea had sent me as a sort of get-well present. I wondered what she would think if she knew to what use her money was being put.

74
-

不管她知道与否，费罗米娜·吉尼亚替我买来了自由。

74
-

Whether she knew it or not, Philomena Guinea was buying my freedom.

75
-

“一想到要受男人的摆布，我就心生恨意。”我告诉诺兰医生，“男人完全不必担心这种事，而会怀孕的阴影就像根大棒悬在我头顶，提醒我不可越界。”

75
-

“What I hate is the thought of being under a man’s thumb,” I had told Doctor Nolan. “A man doesn’t have a worry in the world, while I’ve got a baby hanging over my head like a big stick, to keep me in line.”

76
-

“如果不必担心怀孕，你的做法会不一样吗？”

76
-

“Would you act differently if you didn’t have to worry about a baby?”

77
-

“会。”我说，“但是……”我向诺兰医生说起那位已婚的女律师和她那篇大作《捍卫贞操》。

77
-

“Yes,” I said, “but…” and I told Doctor Nolan about the married woman lawyer and her Defense of Chastity.

78
-

诺兰医生耐心等我讲完，然后哈哈大笑。“纯属说教！”然后她在处方笺上草草写下我今天求诊的这位医生的名字和地址。

78
-

Doctor Nolan waited until I was finished. Then she burst out laughing. “Propaganda!” she said, and scribbled the name and address of this doctor on a prescription pad.

79
-

我魂不守舍地翻阅一本叫《宝宝经》的杂志。每一页都有胖嘟嘟的宝宝对我露出灿烂的笑脸——光头的宝宝，巧克力色的宝宝，艾森豪威尔长相的宝宝，第一次翻身的宝宝，伸手抓拨浪鼓的宝宝，吃下第一勺固体食物的宝宝，做各种小动作的宝宝。这些是他们成长的必经之路，然后一步一步，他们将走进一个令人躁郁不安的世界。

79
-

I leafed nervously through an issue of Baby Talk. The fat, bright faces of babies beamed up at me, page after page—bald babies, chocolate-colored babies, Eisenhower-faced babies, babies rolling over for the first time, babies reaching for rattles, babies eating their first spoonful of solid food, babies doing all the little tricky things it takes to grow up, step by step, into an anxious and unsettling world.

80
-

宝宝乐牌婴儿食品、发酸的牛奶和臭咸鱼一样的尿布混合在一起的气味触动了我，令我心生一种悲哀和温柔。怀孕对我身边的这些女人是多么轻松的一件事啊！我为什么如此缺乏母性，如此与世疏离？为什么我不能像朵朵·康威一样，梦想身边有一个又一个胖嘟嘟又爱哭的孩子？如果我必须整天围着孩子团团转，我会发疯的。我看着对面那个女人腿上坐着的宝宝。我猜不出宝宝的年龄，向来如此——我只知道他们会叽里咕噜地说话，噘起的粉嫩小嘴后面藏着二十颗牙。这个宝宝的脑袋摇摇晃晃地架在肩膀上——好像没脖子一样——带着柏拉图式的、充满智慧的表情望着我。

80
-

I smelt a mingling of Pablum and sour milk and salt-cod-stinky diapers and felt sorrowful and tender. How easy having babies seemed to the women around me! Why was I so unmaternal and apart? Why couldn’t I dream of devoting myself to baby after fat puling baby like Dodo Conway? If I had to wait on a baby all day, I would go mad. I looked at the baby in the lap of the woman opposite. I had no idea how old it was, I never did, with babies—for all I knew it could talk a blue streak and had twenty teeth behind its pursed, pink lips. It held its little wobby head up on its shoulders—it didn’t seem to have a neck—and observed me with a wise, Platonic expression.

81
-

宝宝的妈妈笑个不停，抱着孩子的模样好似捧着天下至宝。我看着妈妈和宝宝，想弄明白是什么让他们彼此这么满足，可是没等我寻到蛛丝马迹，就被医生叫了进去。

81
-

The baby’s mother smiled and smiled, holding that baby as if it were the first wonder of the world. I watched the mother and the baby for some clue to their mutual satisfaction, but before I had discovered anything, the doctor called me in.

82
-

“你要装避孕器。”轻快的声音让我松了口气，还好他不是那种问起话来让人尴尬的医生。我曾突发奇想，跟医生说我要嫁给一个水兵，只等他的船停靠在查尔斯镇的军港就举行婚礼，而我之所以没戴订婚戒指，是因为我们太穷。但是在最后一秒，我将这个动人的故事抛于脑后，只回答他：“对。”

82
-

“You’d like a fitting,” he said cheerfully, and I thought with relief that he wasn’t the sort of doctor to ask awkward questions. I had toyed with the idea of telling him I planned to be married to a sailor as soon as his ship docked at the Charlestown Navy Yard, and the reason I didn’t have an engagement ring was because we were too poor, but at the last moment I rejected that appealing story and simply said “Yes.”

83
-

我边爬上检查台，边想：“我正爬向自由，不再恐惧的自由，不会只因为上过床而要错嫁给像巴迪·威拉德那种人的自由，不必沦落到那些穷苦女孩去的未婚妈妈之家的自由。那些姑娘真该像我一样装避孕器，因为她们之前做过的事，反正以后还会再做，无论……”

83
-

I climbed up on the examination table, thinking: “I am climbing to freedom, freedom from fear, freedom from marrying the wrong person, like Buddy Willard, just because of sex, freedom from the Florence Crittenden Homes where all the poor girls go who should have been fitted out like me, because what they did, they would do anyway, regardless…”

84
-

完事后，我坐车回疗养院，腿上放着一个用素面褐色纸张包装的盒子。我就像是任何一个在城里待了一整天的某太太，回家时顺手买了施拉夫家的一块蛋糕或飞琳地下商场的一顶帽子，准备送给家里嫁不出去的老姨妈。慢慢地，我已不再怀疑天主教徒有一双锐利如X光的眼睛，而我也越来越自如。我想，今天外出购物的特权可真是物尽其用。

84
-

As I rode back to the asylum with my box in the plain brown paper wrapper on my lap. I might have been Mrs. Anybody coming back from a day in town with a Schrafft’s cake for her maiden aunt or a Filene’s Basement hat. Gradually the suspicion that Catholics had X-ray eyes diminished, and I grew easy. I had done well by my shopping privileges, I thought.

85
-

我是个自主的女性了。

85
-

I was my own woman.

86
-

下一步就是找个合适的男人。

86
-

The next step was to find the proper sort of man.

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序号 英文/音标 中文解释 更多操作

drench

[drentʃ]

v.灌药;使湿透;过分沉溺

fling

[flɪŋ]

vt. 投，抛，扔，掷;

felted

[’feltɪd]

v. 把 ... 制成毡(使 ... 粘结)

crunch

[krʌntʃ]

v.发出碎裂声;嘎吱嘎吱地咀嚼;嘎喳嘎喳地碾过

noose

[nuːs]

n.套索;陷阱

Joan

[dʒəʊn]

n.琼(女子名)

fusty

[’fʌsti]

adj.旧式的;陈腐的;发霉的

chant

[tʃɑːnt]

n.圣歌;赞美诗;旋律;喊叫

spiral

[’spaɪrəl]

n.螺旋;螺旋形之物

creep

[kriːp]

vi.蹑手蹑脚地走;爬

teasingly

[’tiːzɪŋli]

adv.烦恼地;受嘲弄地

coincidence

[kəʊ’ɪnsɪdəns]

n.巧合;一致;同时发生

handkerchief

[’hæŋkətʃɪf]

n.手帕;方巾;围巾

evasive

[ɪ’veɪsɪv]

adj.逃避的;难以捉摸的;闪烁其词的

interpreter

[ɪn’tɜːprɪtə(r)]

n.口译员;演绎的人;【计算机】解释程序

pout

[paʊt]

n. 撅嘴;

pick

[pɪkt]

采摘，挑选；

mock

[mɒk]

v.嘲弄;嘲笑;模仿

puke

[pjuːk]

v. 呕吐

stout

[staʊt]

adj.强壮的;肥胖的;牢固的;坚定的

toad

[təʊd]

n.蟾蜍;癞蛤蟆

Tenderness

[’tendənɪs]

n.温柔;娇嫩;柔软

embraceable

[ɪm’breɪsəbl]

v.拥抱;包含;包围;接受;信奉

stumpy

[’stʌmpi]

adj.多残株的;短粗的;矮胖的

lumpy

[’lʌmpi]

adj.多瘤的;凹凸不平的;波浪起伏的;粗笨的

Massachusetts

[ˌmæsə’tʃuːsɪts]

n.马萨诸塞(美国州名)

tick

[tɪk]

n. 【口语】片刻；刹那间;

blush

[blʌʃ]

n.脸红;羞愧

kindly

[’kaɪndli]

adj.和蔼的;温和的;爽快的

bill

[bɪl]

①帐单；清单;

pocketbook

[’pɒkɪtbʊk]

n.财力;皮夹子;袖珍本; 必须花费的钱

Chastity

[’tʃæstəti]

n.贞节;纯洁

scribble

[’skrɪbl]

v.潦草地书写;乱写

unsettle

[ˌʌn’setl]

v.使(某人)不安或担忧;使动摇

Platonic

[plə’tɒnɪk]

adj.柏拉图哲学的;柏拉图主义的;理想的;不切实际的

appeal

[ə’piːl]

①[U][C]呼吁，要求;

Florence

[’flɔːrəns,’flɒr-]

n.弗洛伦斯(女子名)

X-ray

[’eksreɪ]

n.X射线;X光

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